"God, we're so lazy today," Luke happily mused from underneath his elbow; bent and elevated to shade his eyes from the blistering sun. His wet hair was dark, plastered in streaks down his face and behind his ears.

"We should move into the shade soon," Noah replied; enjoying the way his skin prickled as the pond water evaporated from his exposed skin. "Emma will whip our hides if we end up as sunburnt as we were last week."

"Yeah," Luke giggled at the thought.

Luke's tanned stomach muscles clenched mid-chuckle. Noah spread his fingers over them; fanning the ribs; letting the tips slip slightly under the band of Luke's shorts.

The long grass, flattened by their spread towels, felt soft and spongy under his back. The breeze rustled the trees, water gently lapped the shore and, in the distance, Noah could just make out the industrious hum of Emma's honey bees.

Instead of moving, as he'd just suggested, he lay back even further with a contented sigh. Luke's hand found his, and their fingers flattened together.

"I want to lie here with you forever," Luke whispered.

As always, Noah felt the sadness quickly. His eyes traced the outline of fluffy clouds above them. "Nothing lasts forever, Luke."

Because it didn't.

Luke sat up on one elbow, turning his body to look down at Noah.

"Isn't that what you want too?" Luke's eyes were glassy; like Noah had just punched him.

Noah stroked Luke's cheek in reassurance. "Course I do. I want us to last more than anything."

"But you don't think we will?"

Noah smiled up at Luke; at his beauty; at his character; at his seemingly endless optimism.

"You don't," Luke realised when Noah didn't answer. "Do you?" He sat up, hugging his knees and watching the horizon where his sisters could be seen bobbing up and down in a tiny rowboat.

Noah moved to hug him from behind; chin resting on Luke's shoulder.

"All I'm saying," he softly explained, "is that life is unpredictable, Luke. This, right here, is the most time I've spent with anybody who wasn't my father. That's why I intend on making the most out of absolutely every precious moment you choose to give me. Because these are the best moments I've ever had."

Luke twisted his head with a sideways glance and a tiny smirk that Noah wanted to kiss immediately.

"Sometimes, Mayer," he hummed. "I don't know whether your words are making me happy or sad."

Noah squeezed Luke tighter. "I'm going for happy."

Luke's lips were slightly chapped from the sun as Noah kissed him.

…

It was a strange memory to be thinking of, lying in a Branson hospital with Luke by this side as he asked, "How did you feel?"

"Like I wanted to kill you myself!" Luke appeared instantly stricken. He cupped his mouth like he couldn't believe what he'd just said.

Noah's heart went cold.

He hates me now.

The words, Noah suspected, had been sitting just behind Luke's closed lips; on the tip of his tongue. They had been gnawing for exit; building up pressure until Luke spat them out with a force that shocked them both; all fire and spittle.

For a moment, neither of them spoke. Noah simply watched Luke, waiting to see what the man would do next.

Luke shifted off the bed; standing with his back to Noah. He took a deep breath before turning.

"This is why…" he stopped as the words caught in his throat.

"You're angry with me," Noah stated.

Luke closed his eyes and nodded. "Yesterday when I saw you… I wanted to push you! I wanted to tell you I told you so… I wanted you to know what it's been like…"

"So that's why you left."

Again Luke nodded. "You don't need this from me right now. You have to concentrate on getting better. I don't want my feelings to bring you down."

"You're entitled to your feelings, Luke."

"Fuck you, Noah Mayer!" Luke glared down at Noah with disbelief before starting a fast pace of the room. "God!" He threw his arms in the air in frustration. "You don't even care, do you?" He stopped mid-stride and stared Noah in the eye. "You almost died!"

Noah swallowed hard, looking away from Luke's penetrating glare. "I know you want me to say I regret going; that I wish I hadn't?"

"Noah-"

"But I can't, Luke. I'm sorry. I can't regret it. I don't."

Luke wiped his mouth with his fingers; like he was clearing the filthy words that wanted to pour out.

"But I do regret hurting you." Noah braved, looking back up at him. "I never wanted to do that. Never…"

Luke's shoulders slumped and he nodded. "I know… Damn you, I hate it, but I do know…" He wiped his face in both hands; moving to stand and watch the scenery outside the balcony window.

"Why, Luke?" Noah softly asked, waiting for Luke to turn before continuing, "All this?" Noah indicated around the room.

Luke hugged his elbows. "You have to ask?"

"What about, Reg? Your letter said-"

"You never wrote back..."

Noah shook his head. "I didn't know how to. I…" Love you. "…I wanted you to be happy… and… you seemed that way. So…"

Luke puffed out a sardonic laugh, pressing his forehead into the palm of one hand. "Reg is a great guy…"

Noah was sure he felt the seams of his heart split open.

So it's true. They are together.

"…but," Luke continued, "We lasted about two weeks."

Noah frowned, sure he'd heard wrong. "But, you live together? Don't you?"

Luke smiled, "Yeah, live as in flatmates. Nothing more. We realised pretty quickly we were better off as friends."

Noah felt tears prick his eyes the relief was so strong, but he held them back. "Oh…"

"I regretted sending the letter. But when you didn't write back I thought..." He turned back to the window. "So I let it go. It was selfish, but… I don't know… It made things…"

"Easier?"

Luke nodded. "I was so scared, Noah. Every time the phone rang; every knock at the door. My heart would go cold. I couldn't take it anymore. And then-"

Noah closed his eyes with realisation, "Lily called."

"She said…" Luke wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "She said… Luke, it's Noah…"

"I'm so sorry…"

"All my nightmares… all rushing in on that point in time. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't imagine a world without you in it. I just hung up on her…"

When Luke turned again, they gazed so intently, Noah was sure he felt all of Luke's fear; like a cold trembling deep in his bones.

"Eventually," Luke continued, "I had to face it. I had to know. I called her back and she was in Germany already. God, the relief I felt!"

"But you never came…" Noah shifted in the bed, once again studying his fingernails.

"I did," Luke softly replied.

Noah's head shot up.

"Of course I did."

"What?" Noah was flabbergasted. "But… Lily never said…"

"They didn't know," Luke explained. "I arrived late in the night. I went straight to the hospital and bullied my way in. But, when I saw you-"

"Like this you mean," Noah despondently nodded toward the flat space under the covers where his leg should have been.

Luke was seated by his side before Noah could blink. He grabbed Noah's hand in both of his own.

"Noah," he asserted; holding Noah's gaze as only he could. "I want you to hear me, okay? I'm sorry you lost your friends…"

The tears pooled quickly and fell when Noah blinked.

Luke squeezed Noah's hand tighter, "I'm sorry you lost your leg. But, I am so fucking grateful you're alive that I can't even care about any of that."

A dark black cloud descended so quickly it swallowed everything; even Luke's presence and the touch of his skin. Noah wrenched his hand out of Luke's grasp.

"Noah?"

"I'm tired," he heard himself say.

"Yes… yes of course you are." Luke quickly stood. "I'm sorry. I've said… I've said too much and you're not in a place to… shit…"

Noah turned on his side away from Luke, drawing his body into a safe ball; pulling the drip line over his torso.

"I never could shut the fuck up…" Then, "Noah?"

Noah couldn't respond; his head was pounding. He closed his eyes tightly.

Luke seemed to wait for a moment; apparently unsure what to do. Eventually he whispered, "I'm not leaving. I'm staying here at the centre. Any time… I mean if you want to see me, just ask someone and I'll come… Okay?"

Noah kept his eyes closed but nodded. He heard Luke's feet shuffling toward the door and something inside him sprung to life.

"Luke?" he called.

"Yeah?" There was relief in Luke's voice.

"Why didn't you stay in Germany?"

There was a moment before Luke replied, "You were so sick and fragile… I didn't want to complicate things for you. I didn't think you'd want me there, because of the letter…"

Noah lifted his head slightly so he could stare at Luke across the room.

"You were wrong," he replied.

Luke acknowledged Noah's words with a gentle smile, before nodding his head and leaving Noah's room.

I don't deserve you.