A/N: So I know I should really be finishing my others but I'm all about the reunion at the moment, after that who could blame me?! For those who are really hoping for some more "What Love Is" I am half way through writing the next chapter.

It's a new leaf in Stendan they'll be ahem trying some new things ;) My smut has apparently become very kinkified – I blame the boys!

Hope y'all enjoy, please review I love to know what you all think :D

"Cheryl's not here," I say as I leave the door open.

You shouldn't be here but I can't close you out. Walking away from you grows harder each time I try; you must see that that is why I have to go.

"Where is she?"

I hear nerves in your voice that turn my heel. You smile at me with big blue unreadable eyes.

"Gone to Ireland for a week or two, I'll let her know you dropped by."

"No need." You say quickly, "didn't come to see her did I?" You clarify, as though your motives are nothing but simple.

But your eyes darken and I know that look.

"Steven-" I start to say, trying to find the words to explain this to you. You haven't removed your jacket - I could still send you out in the blink of an eye. I should tell you to go. My packed blue holdall is proof of that.

"Brendan." You interrupt me, this smile on your face that used to tell me you were confident, that you knew what you wanted and you were going to take it at all risks. Lord if words could describe what that smile used to do to me. But there's a darkness to your eyes now, a wisdom underlining their hue. I guess you grew up.

"Me and Doug," you provide me with the transcript of your maturity, and I remember the look of that ring on your finger like a soccer punch. It's the fact that I'm cowering from that that makes me almost miss the next phrase that passes your lips. "Weren't working, we broke up; I left him".

I almost miss those words but not quite.

"That was a mistake-" I start the old tired dialogue that has passed our lips so many times.

"No, no it wasn't," you say with such certitude that I lose my argument against and I turn away from you to find my words.

"What was a mistake was marrying him. See turns out there's a reason you're not supposed to marry someone you're not in love with, especially if… you're still in love with somebody else." I hear those words pour freely from your lips as if they weren't the captors of my heart's habitual rhythm.

"Steven you-" I start to form an argument to push you away, until I see you and with one look you turn my words to melted breaths.

Your fingers are starting to remove your jacket, slowly. Your head dipped shyly, because there's nothing underneath that jacket, nothing at all lying against your chest. You're topless underneath the dark grey. And all that's blocking my sights from your perfect body are jeans that you look so incredible in. But it's not the hard way my body reacts that hits me first, it's the way my mind responds as I note that your skin is glowing and the scars are healing. The visual conviction that you're healthy and safe, and God I could have lost you. I puff a breath to clear my vision of the tears that spark. Tears? That's certainly new. Maybe it's not my mind that's responding at all, maybe it's some other part of me that wasn't ever supposed to feel; that didn't know how to until there was you. You drop your jacket to the ground and I can't take my eyes away from you.

There's a moment of trapped heart beats as we stand captivated in each other's gaze.

"Fucking hell Brendan," you breathe your eyes riveted to my mouth and it's then I realise that my lips are parted and my tongue is wetting them, and Jesus you look like you could ravish me.

"God, I proper had this speech planned and I wore this," you clasp a hand around a metal object hanging around your neck and I realise you're wearing my cross like it belongs on you. "And I was just going to get you to talk to me, properly, not with stupid metaphors or cliches or what you think you should be telling me but with feeling, with proper feeling. I was going to see if maybe you could stay."

Your words have taken you toward me now and you stand so you're in my air and all I know is you - your aftershave; your quick little breaths; the memorised pattern of those little beats of your heart. You.

Instinct pulls my head down to sense you deeper.

"But God I just want you," you exhale and your hands grab the back of my neck, and you pull me toward you and how can I even begin to resist your caress?

Your kiss is hot and fast and tastes of months of desperation. My arms wrap your hips and your keen pulls you closer. I pull you tight to me so there's no inch between us and you moan so loudly it tears straight through all the loneliness, all the confusion, there's just us and there's just lust and fuck it's like we were never apart.

But we were and I made promises, and I will never ever be good enough for this.

"Steven you need to leave," I whisper pulling my mouth from yours though my eyes refuse to open and my arms stay wrapped around you. I can't let you go.

"No, no I don't."

Your kiss begs for mine again.

"Steven."

"Kiss me, I know when you do you know there's nothing else either of us need."

I open my eyes for you, and fuck you look incredible. Kiss-messed and open. I press my thumb against your bottom lip, release your sigh.

"Please Brendan, just one moment."

"Just one?"

You nod, and I relent.

We stay like this, just remembering, just tasting for what feels like hours, we break only so you can lift my grey top from me, and in the instant of our first skin touch I know it was only ever supposed to be like this. One moment will never ever be enough.

I push my hands into the pockets of your jeans, pulling you up into me, and fuck it's those jeans! The ones I told you I liked and so you wore them whenever you knew we'd get a moment alone. You never mentioned them, maybe you weren't confident enough, never able to take a compliment, but they became your little nod towards us and how much you want this.

You tear yourself away from this kiss with a beg for oxygen.

"The jeans - you remembered," I whisper.

I watch your rapid inhale. But you are the only thing I will ever need, so I press my lips to your chin, to your adams apple, to the cave of your neck. There's something about your throat, the contours of thin hot flesh stretched tightly over muscle, I could spend forever exploring you, reclaiming the treasure I lost.

"I remember everything," you pant.

I smile and I almost tell you that that right there is a cliché, that you can't blame me for talking with them if you're going to use them. But your fingers are in my hair and you're angling us for a kiss again and I just want to melt into your mouth because I too remember everything. There was never a single second that I forgot.

As our kiss reunites you back us into the banister as though the room is tipping and we need stability. You push further into me, so I can feel you against me, the little whimper that ignites your lips shows me how clearly you sense me.

I run my hands over denim, remembering you and it's then I notice the differences. You still taste the same, and sound the same, you still make my body respond with an intensity that's never ever there with anyone else. But you're different now, your arse is rounder but firmer, your skin slightly rougher. You're different because it's not how it was before. There's been so many changes, we've taken so many turns in the road, paused at so many red lights. I can't do this. We can't do this, not without talking.

I clasp your face between my hands, separating our kiss for the heat in our gaze.

"Steven, I-"

"Don't." You ask, "Please – don't. There's nothing to say, just please let me give you what you want."

Your hand presses into my cock, cupping and moulding me with perfect fingers. You have no idea how many times I thought of you as I did this, or had someone else do this. You have always been right here. Every time. It's not that you're the most talented I've ever had, you're one of the least experienced, it's that you know me. I taught you and you were such a determined scholar that you became the master. Now, when you touch me it feels meaningful, like I was only ever supposed to be touched by you. It's like you were made for me.

You beam as my eyes explore you, down your perfect golden skin, your muscles tighter, trembling slightly in the intensity of us. That bulge in your jeans, perfect and heart pounding. The cross nestled underneath your breast bone. The symbol of my faith clinging to the only thing in this world that's ever mattered – you.

I reach for you, wanting to know you but you pull back, your hand not relenting it's movements.

"No, let me give you what you want," you explain in heat.

I hear the release of my zipper and my eyes slip closed as your touch grows closer. My boxers are the only barrier against your fingers now and even they feel far too unnecessary. Your hand slips inside, tucking the material out of the way.

"God, yes!" You release from my lips easily.

Instinctively, with my eyes still closed my thumb finds its way to you, running over your member, needing to know this is doing as much to you as me. But I feel a cold object drift across my wrist and then I feel your free hand drag my arm up against the banister. I open my eyes to watch you, and you're fastening my wrist against the white balustrade with my cross, the chain looping in between the rails.

You're tying me up.

Fuck.

"Meaning let me touch you, Brendan," your sweet voice travels over me, there's so much cockiness underneath the heat, I can't help but beam at you - this confident you.

You stand back, smiling at me, as my arm lies secure.

For a moment I join the small laugh that falls from your lips.

But we both know I won't let you have the upper hand for long.

"Little flaw in your plan, Steven," I tease as my other hand comes to meet you.

You trap my movements by the wrist, biting your lip with this look of focus that fractures my mind. It's like I'm the only thing that exists in your world – God I missed that. Your fingers press over mine, closing over the rail.

"Trust you to stay like this?" You ask, but swiftly roll your eyes "No, no can't do that."

With my smirk I see your eyes map the room, but then as your fingers work fast over my belt my lungs burn. With determination you swiftly tie my free hand to the balustrade with the leather, the belt looped around on itself and fastened just a little too tight. Just with a little spark of pain as a permanent reminder of this.

"Fucking hell Steven, when did you get so dominant?" My words barely come as I wait impatiently to experience this new you.

Your head dips as a blush paints over your cheeks – you're still my boy after all.

But then as you see the wicked way you've left me, my cock hard and boxers rucked, this smile grows slow and wide on your lips like I'm your confidence.

"You saying you don't like it?!" You ask cockily, your eyes twinkling with a raise of disbelieve in your brow.

You push my jeans from hips, with one fast thrust.

"Hell no," I answer, "It's…Just… Kinda… Uh!…New-mmmmfffk!" Your wicked hand over my cock makes my words falter - that little smile on your lips tells me you know that.

The slow trail in your gaze lights passion through me.

"Just creating a fantasy, innit?" You say with that half laugh, before you're on your knees in front of me.

You bend toward me spreading your mouth, your nose, your chin over the damp, taut cotton boxers, like you want to consume me. Like you can't even wait to remove the fabric before you're reacquainted with me. Fuck you make me feel so hot.

I've never had anything that could be described as a body issue Steven, you know that, I've never had any doubt that I'm attractive. But with you I feel magnificent. I feel unstoppable.

My fingers tighten against the rails as I strengthen myself to look at you. You always looked so fucking incredible when you did this, this look of focused determination in your eye like all that matters in the world is my release. You will never know but it would only take the memory of that look to make me release on some cold lonely nights.

As I look down, your eyes meet mine and everything darkens and fades but you. Is this what it's like to know there's only one thing in the world you want?

You pull back with this cute smile that I would do anything for. As your gaze works down my body, your touch trails between my inner legs and up to the black cotton, the only barrier against the realm of your hunger. You steal the breath from my lips as your fingers dip beneath the shorts.

"Take them off!" I insist.

But all you do is smile at me.

"No," you say slowly. "I don't do what you tell me to anymore Brendan," your voice is deep and oozes this bedroom confidence that makes the room tip.

Fuck I thought you were the sexiest thing in this world, before.

"Oh I'll do what you want, just might not be what you say." You press your thumb against the head of my cock, just leaving it there, just a little pressure, just so you completely possess my every cell.

"And I don't think you want me to take these off, not really, not yet. You like it right now, this anticipation, before you get what you want. I remember, makes you crazy. Fuck I can feel how hard you are."

Your voice becomes a little too hard then, like a string of expletives fall from your lips, the way your words sound when I'm actually fucking you. Then your head dips and I know it's to hide your blush. God if I could show you how you are right now - you've claimed every inch of me Steven, nerves are redundant.

"I like it," I tell you to pull your gaze up to mine. "Just don't remember this from before, where did you get – oh." My words stop as I answer my own question and I can almost see that ring on your finger as your hand continues their slide over my legs. I can almost feel the grief that broke my heart that day - before then I never thought you could feel lost in your own home. I never knew how empty and redundant my life would feel.

But you're quickly on your feet and your sweet kiss pulls me back to you, to now, to this everything.

"Would you shut up?!" You say this small smile over your lips as I chase your kiss. "There's nothing but us now. For me… Brendan there's no-one here but you," your exhale and the look in your eyes promises me you mean that and I feel my heart jump the way it only has for you.

I want to say so much right now. For the first time I want to say "I love you" with such an urgency it's like my world might disappear if I don't. But I promised you no words so I use a simple request to tell you everything in my heart.

"Kiss me."

Your eyes darken, pupils opening, as you let the words drift between us like they can heal the cracks and fissures of us. In your gaze I can see that you hear my unsaid words, your response is the tilt of your smile.

You step up close to me, slowly dominating me. Your thumb presses an embrace against my bottom lip, holding us against me. Your actions are slow, leisurely, as it takes you forever to close the gap between us, but for once I have no desire to grab control or speed. I want you to take this; I want to be taken by you.

Your lips taste sweet as they brush against mine, slowly, once, twice, three times. Slightly parted but with no hint of tongue. So it's just a reconnection, so this is more than just a physical embrace. We're on a different plain.

You pull back leisurely, your eyes fluttering open slowly, like you can't quite get used to the world.

"Bren," your name falls from my lips like it's nothing but an impulse.

And that's it for me – I'm undone. I chase your kiss, demanding the thrust of a tongue, the sting of teeth and the sear of widened lips. You meet each step, push each progression and soon we're nothing but moans inside each other.

"Fuck," you say as you pull yourself away, take a few steps back from the fire we created. Causing physical separation as the palpable intensity grows too much. "God I proper forgot how hot you are at kissing, you're totally ridiculous."

Your eyes chase around the room like they need some object of stability. But as though all you can find are memories of us your eyelashes flutter closed. And I miss you, it's crazy because you're only here and I can taste you, and smell you and hear you. But I have been deprived of you for too long and I need all, now.

"Steven, look at me."

You shake your head, just once, in response.

"Please?" I ask.

As though your surprised at the word that passes my lips your eyes slam open and I'm once again in your spotlight. Your eyes glue to mine, testing my deep veined sincerity. Then they flash over my body, raising hairs in their wake, as your gaze douses me in flames. There's so much lust in your eyes, and there's that sound in the back of your throat, like a trapped gasp. I feel adored by you.

"You look so hot right now," your words fall quickly like an instinct but there's no blush now – you're trapped within us.

Your hands cup my breast bone, the hardened edge of your thumb coursing over my nipple, stretching the hair. You tease lust into the veil of my eyes but I refuse to look anywhere but you, the only one I've craved for so long.

Your hands push up, curving over my shoulders, leisurely like all you need to do forever is feel me. And I bite my nails to the palm of my hand as I yearn to explore you. God if I was free I would touch every inch of you, hear that moan you release as my palms map over your perfect chest; watch the way you buck and writhe as my thumb rose against your spine; and lower feel muscle flexing against tongue.

Your gaze flashes like you can read my thoughts, and I lunge forward for a kiss, needing some control of this mind splitting moment. But you pull back, demanding my kiss as soft, and I can feel in your smile that the power is your eroticism.

Take me always like this, if this is what you want, just don't stop. Don't let me stop.

Your hands travel the width of me. Your arms lying horizontal and flat against mine. Your shorter wingspan causing your fingers to play against the lines of my wrist, stroke from the cup of my palm to where each arm stays fastened for you.

"You kinda look like that bit in the bible," you whisper your teeth catching at your bottom lip.

My teasing laugh is instinctive, my heart gladdens when all you do is smile.

"Think you must have read a different bible from most people Steven!"

"No I mean like that bit on the cross!" You insist.

I catch my reflection in the mirror, my arms straight out by my sides, fastened by your hands, my legs straight beneath me. Funny – I can see the connection.

I look at you watching me, amazed. If there was one thing in this world that I would be happy to be crucified for Steven.

"God even your fucking smile Brendan, everything about you is proper hot." You say, your voice so breathy it's like you're not even aware of your words, "How the fuck am I supposed to get over this?!"

'You're not', I want to answer or, 'I haven't been able to', but before I can order my lips to honesty my boxers are pooled at my ankles and you're making sure I can't speak at all.

When your embrace comes it's consuming, my balls brushing against your chin, your nose buries into my hair as I feel your wet damp heat against all of me. You look incredible as you swallow me. You moan this sound that marks the edge of pleasure and pain and I know it's been a while since a man's filled you this completely but your lips are insistent like you'd take me all because like this I am made for you.

You gaze up at me, studying my expression like you don't know that you're fracturing my mind. You make me feel like I have never known another man's touch. You are all. I want to say something, I want to give you some truth in all the lies and mistruths we've told and read. I try to speak my lips but your tongue presses against the underside of my cock as you pull away, slowly, all the way, causing a long drawn out response from my lips that I'm not sure is a word in any language.

"I-uuurrrgaaaauuuuud."

You smirk slightly to yourself the air rushing against my cock, drawing my balls tighter. You hold the head in between your lips, sucking and tonguing in that way that no other man has ever known how to do. Your blue eyes are so intense as my cock pulls through your lips, shining and wet. You have no idea what that sight does to me, and I screw my eyes tight because this is all going to end far too soon. But I lose your mouth and I don't resist the whimper that emits through my clenched teeth.

"Look at me Brendan!" You say, your words clear and crisp like you're angry. "This is me, don't you dare think of anyone else."

What?

How could you even think that there is room for anyone else in my thoughts?

God you honestly have no idea what you do to me.

"And come for me."

"Steven I-" I start to explain to you but my cock disappears between your lips once again in one deep thrust and I lose all power of speech.

So I keep my gaze on yours, if you look deeply enough you'd know how much I love you.

Your hands grasp my balls, pulling and rubbing. Your tongue rubs over my cock, as your lips pull and push and pull and push and you use everything in your power to split my mind in two.

"Hmmm Steven."

There were times when you'd look in my eyes and I know you'd know exactly what I was thinking, make this true now. Know that this is only you Steven, it is only you can make me loose every inch of my mind like this.

I let you control and possess me, only you.

And every time I come with any other guy it's with a chocked groan because I'm tightening your name against my teeth.

"Oh God Steven."

So this time I let your name pour wide and free and as ablaze as it's always been.

"STEVEN."

And I can almost see the way the harsh syllables shine over your blue world like it's all the confidence you need.

"FuckYesSteven!"

And as I come you swallow every inch of me like you want to know me inside. Like my passion is the most important thing you'll ever own.

And even when I'm slack in your mouth, when I've given my world to you, you hold me like every moment is bliss. And I'm never letting your leave me, not even for a second, never again. This time your name is a purr.

"Steven."

But as my cock drops from your lips there's this deep sadness in them. And it's your gaze that fails first as your stare slides to the floor.

"OK," you sigh, and I watch your eyes close before you nod.

You stand up gracefully, pulling your jacket back over yourself, as you begin the walk towards my door.

"Steven, what? Where are you going?" I cough awkwardly. Fuck that was good but I didn't realise my voice would sound that strung out. "You can't seriously leave me like this!"

"You can let go quite easily Brendan," you say, this sweet smile on your lips as you look between my bound wrists.

But in the next instant your eyes drop serious like you have just realised the double entendre.

"I'm not the one who wants to leave," you say when your voice is small. The next words from your lips bring memories like arsenic, "this was goodbye."

"No it fucking wasn't! If it was you're bloody awful at them!"