A/N: Okay, so I wrote this whole thing in about an hour and a half, so it might not be my best, but it's okay. :) review my loves

SVU belong to Dick Wolf and friends

If there was one thing Olivia Benson knew about it was pain. It was something she had known about since the time she was a little girl when her mother told her how worthless, stupid, and ugly she was. She had felt the same stabbing sensation when Elliot had left, although then it was numbing, causing her to curl up in a ball under her blankets for days on end just crying begging a pleading to a god she didn't believe in to bring him back into her life.

It was three years after that. There was no constant reminder of him everyday to her fellow detectives, no painful memory that would pop up out of the blue and cause her to tear up and excuse herself from the conversation. No, life was easier for them. It should be easier for her too. Here she was, curled up under her favorite light blue blanket while the warm spring breeze of the city drifted soundly through her open window. Olivia would have given anything to be content with her life right then and there. But she wasn't. She was absolutely miserable with it. As if having Elliot walk out on her, not bothering to return any of her calls was enough, she was in love with him. If it wasn't obvious enough. Every night there would be that constant reminder in her head, wondering where he was, what he was doing. It was soothing at first, knowing that he was somewhere safe and sound probably enjoying life like he should, but after a while it became nerve wracking. If Olivia thought Elliot loved her back, she would have gone to find him. Just to see him and tell him how she felt, so that they might be able to start to mend their shattered relationship, but she knew he didn't love her. Not the way she loved him.

True to the fact that she thought about him constantly and what things would be like now if they were together, if he had never shot that god damn girl, it took her by surprise when she heard his knock. His knock. She recognized it immediately as the knock they had come up with themselves. It was almost like a tradition that never died since the first time she'd come over to his house. She had been shaking with nervousness, not out of how Kathy and the kids would like her, but as to how he would like her. It was one of the first times they were meeting out of work. Olivia remembered taking a deep breath and knocking in a catchy rhythm on his door. Elliot had immediately opened the door, laughing that made the lines around his blue eyes crinkle. After a while it eventually caught on and they would use it whenever visiting each other and by the third year in working together it had become almost involuntary. So, when Olivia heard the familiar loud tapping on her front door, she threw off the blanket that had been radiating with her warmth and grabbed her gun. She didn't exactly understand why she grabbed her gun. Most likely out of habit, not the fact that she wanted to shoot him in the balls for leaving her alone for nearly three years. Although she wasn't entirely sure it was him, due to the the fact that she would usually have to buzz someone up. Unless that son of a bitch kept her keys. Still it wouldn't be the first time some deranged stalker showed up at her front door.

She surprised herself when she completely neglected looking through the peephole as she knew the dangers of answering the door to a "stranger." A moment later as the dim lighting of the hall shone over the entrance to her apartment, she forgot all about the qualms she was having only a second before. Because he was there in front of her. Just standing there. If she had been anyone else besides herself who didn't know him better than anyone, she would've sworn he was a drug addict. Everything about him suggested he was. His clothes for starters. Those worn out jeans she had seen over a million times that she wanted to force him to get rid of, and that awful black tee-shirt; worn, old, and used to it's extent. As if his ragged clothing wasn't enough, his physical state was something that she never thought she would see from him. The first thing she noticed were the dark blue bags under his eyes that gave her the impression he was a walking skeleton. The other, smaller, yet slightly more disturbing things, made her shiver; the glassy eyed expression he was wearing, the bruises that she saw were forming on his chest, and the obvious exhaustion that had overcome him.

It only took her seconds to take in the complete once over of his battered appearance. After that the shock of seeing him for the first time in, god, three whole, endless years of torture and depression. Her first instinct was to slap him, to send him away sobbing, begging for her forgiveness. She wanted him to feel the pain that she constantly dealt with every single waking minute of her life. Even tonight while she was out drinking at a nice with Amanda, Munch, Fin, and Alex, who was home on a visit, she still had the image of his heartbroken face after he shot the girl plastered in her own mind. It was slowly driving her to insanity, and right now as she faced her worst nightmare and her favorite thing, she was almost certain he was some sort of illusion in her twisted, demented mind. It wouldn't be a long shot for her to have gone off the deep end. Detectives were known to go through things like this after seeing the mutilated bodies that they dealt with everyday and going through shooting people themselves. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew she was still holding on to that last bit of sanity, therefore she knew that the Elliot Stabler standing in front of her must be real. That made the anger, sadness, happiness, and excitement well up inside of her even more and she couldn't control herself when her hand flew out in front of her and swept across his stubbled face in one quick, swift, stinging movement. Elliot barely registered that she had hit him, she noticed and momentarily wondered if maybe he'd been the one to go insane. She gripped her gun tightly, even though she would still trust a mentally unstable Elliot with her whole life.

"I guess I deserved that." He spoke in a quite, gritting tone that shook Olivia down to the center of her bones. It wasn't harsh, nor was it understanding. It was almost as if he hated himself as much as he thought she did. But she didn't hate him. She had absolutely no idea what to say in that moment. Maybe some where along the lines of how are you would have done, but that wasn't going to fly. This moment wasn't where to lost souls reunited, no this was so much more than that. This was the part where all the countless amounts of emotions left unsaid swirling in the dust because of the ignorant one of them that chose to give up instead of toughing through it like a truly brave person would have.

"I-I," Olivia stuttered, not sure where to begin first. She kept reminding herself of the multiple amount of times she called him everyday, hoping to herself that he would call her back, jumping every time her phone would ring. Every time disappointment would flood through her. She heard a strange roaring in her ear, like the waves you hear at the shore, except she lept forward pounding her fists into his abdomen, hoping to god he was hurting like she was. Oh god, the pain that man had caused her...

Elliot felt her knuckles violently colliding with his muscular chest and had to hand it to Liv that all those days she went rock climbing had payed off. He didn't stop her. He felt the numbness spread over him as she continued to bruise his already damaged body, trying with every fiber of his being to pin her wrists by her side and soothe her. He had this coming and now he had to face the consequences which included Olivia hating his guts and pinning him up against the wall outside of her apartment beating the shit out of him. It was only when he realized that she was sobbing her heart out as her hands continued to slam into him and that her hits were getting weaker and weaker as she got more and more upset. The last thing he wanted was for her to break down, not in front of him. She didn't trust him enough for that and they both knew it. He'd broken that trust completely and he had no right to be there now watching her slowly open up to someone she now considered a "stranger."

"Olivia," He said, trying to sound calm only to have his voice crack like a twelve year old. "Liv, come on, go inside." Elliot ushered to her door that was wide open, waiting patiently for her to go curl up in a ball and sleep. She looked at him, tears now spilling down her cheeks, disbelief filled her as well and Elliot sensed that. Shit.

"How dare you?" Olivia asked, quietly looking down at her feet as now sadness overflowed her. "How fucking dare you, show up here and expect me to go back into my fucking apartment like nothing ever fucking happened!" Her voice had risen so now she was basically screaming. Elliot looked away from her fuming face that had turned two shades darker red than normal. Guilt was overwhelming his body and he wasn't sure he wanted to be here anymore in fear that he would vomit. His fears had been concluded. Olivia Benson was broken and it was his fault.

"Liv-" Elliot was about to merely suggest they go in a discuss it outside where the neighbors might have a slimmer chance of calling the police. Olivia slapped him across the face once more the stinging now beginning to hurt more and more as more anger boiled up inside of her.

Olivia wasn't sure she had ever felt this mad before in her life, not once. It was strange feeling out of control of your body like you were nothing more than a case for another person to take all of their rage out and have your ass get blamed. She wasn't sure why, but she liked being out of control for once. Because for once she could get every single thing she felt in the past three years out without regretting a minute of it.

"Elliot, why are you here?" Olivia asked in a small voice that reminded Elliot of that of a child that had recently been scolded. "You got what you wanted didn't you? I'm not your partner anymore, I don't have anyone anymore, I'm alone. You're out there with Kathy and the kids, I-I don't understand why you had to come back here a-and ruin it." She squeaked trying her hardest to supres the myriad amount of tears that were flowing over her cheeks. It was embarrassing to think that he caused all of them. Every single, wasted tear on him. Her insides ached as she saw his expression change to hurt as he realized what she was accusing him of. Except it wasn't an accusation anymore. It was the truth.

"Olivia, I never meant to hurt you." Elliot said in a stronger voice then he had earlier. "I did it because I'm a selfish bastard." Hurt and self hatred swirled around his voice. "I'm a complete asshole for leaving someone like you, here alone. I know I was your everything and I know I betrayed your trust and I know that you hate me now for it. I don't blame you, Liv." His voice was steady and his looked into her deep, bloodshot brown eyes. "Because I kinda hate me too."

This whole situation was like a puzzle for Olivia and Elliot both. A puzzle of emotions and actions that were a mystery to each other because neither one of them had themselves figured out either. Why they did something was for the sheer reason that it felt right.

"I came here to apologize," He said in a low voice, sadness encircling his lowered blue eyes, "Kathy left me four months ago." A pang of guilt shot through Olivia's veins, but was quickly replaced by the overwhelming anger and hurt once more. "I would have left her sooner, but I had no money and no where to go. She gave me some when she left, but I-I couldn't..." He trailed off burying his head in his hands, letting out a painful sob and he reminded himself of the complete idiot he was. "I-I can't be alone anymore, Olivia." Elliot whimpered. "I need you back in my life, but I can't let you."

Confusion overcame Liv in an instant. He was completely lost in his own world, wanting to be with her so badly, but the guilt of leaving her holding him back. She was almost certain that she had figured out his twisted reasoning, which proved how good of a detective she was. Now came for the hard part; deciding what to do. Elliot looked as broken as she felt, probably even more by the way he was obviously beating himself over something that happened three years ago.

"El," Olivia reminded herself she needed to be the strong one, "come inside." She reached to his face and gently smoothed her fingers over his trembling hand that was still holding his face.

It was almost if he had frozen when he felt her warmth on his fingers. It felt as if part of him grew right there. It felt like it did when he would drink a whole bunch of hot chocolate as a child after a particularly harsh snowball fight. Except this was the simple, soothing touch of Olivia on his hands that brought a new light to his eyes and a new form of energy to his body.

When his lips pressed against hers, he wasn't sure if she would pull away and slap him or pull away and punch him. Either one would work to completely shatter his self esteem again. Except when her perfect warm, pink lips melted into his own, he wasn't sure if he'd gone insane as he'd predicted. In fact if he had it might be somewhat of a relief because then he would wake up in that crappy motel he'd been staying at for the four months Kathy had been gone. He'd wake up with an extreme hard on, missing Olivia like he had for long, long time. This reminded him of how he'd barely been able to even look at Kathy without feeling the incredible guilt eat his insides out. They hadn't had sex since the three years Elliot quit, not because she didn't want to, but because he didn't. It wasn't Kathy he wanted under his sweaty, shuddering body, it was Olivia. He wanted her to moan his name over and over.

When her tongue slipped into his mouth and gently massaged his own causing his dick to become instantly hard, he knew somewhere deep in the bottom of his heart that no matter how strange and wrong it all may seem it was all for the better. Emotions were running as high as ever as they got to the breaking point of not being able to live without each other. It wasn't the dependence either considering they were both very independent people. It was the sheer love that radiating off their bodies at the sight of each other. And as Elliot scooped Olivia's body up in his arms, held her to his chest, and carried her to her bedroom, being extra careful to lock the door behind them, he kissed her; down her neck, her arms, and her perfect lips. Even when he laid her on the warm, soft bed and lifted off her clothing gently exposing her perfectly beautiful body, he couldn't stop kissing her. Her skin radiated a longing passio that you could only dream of. His lips traveled lower to her toned abdomen to lavish the tan skin there, then to sink lower to her center that radiated heat and desire.

"Elliot!" His name ripped from her throat as she screamed out his name in lust. Olivia moaned a writhed underneath him as his arms toyed with her perfectly round breasts that bounced every time a tremor shot through her body. It wasn't long before his tongue worked her to the extent and she came faster than she ever had with anyone. His kisses soon began to descende upward again to caress her breasts letting his tongue roll over her nipples as her head rolled back against the pillow groaning.

"Olivia," he moaned tugging down his own pants and boxers as he continued to suckle on her sensitive skin, everywhere. "Tell me you want me." He said as he released his stiff member which he was sure wouldn't last long at the rate they were going. Olivia looked up at him with her big, brown eyes and mouthed it slowly and wordlessly making his dick twitch in anticipation.

"Oh god, Liv." Elliot moaned letting the tip tease the opening to her center, holding back only wanting to hear the godess in front of him say it. Just three little words that would make him come instantly.

"I. Want. You." She whispered finally, her voice cracking slightly at the power those words had on both of them. He pushed into her without warning and felt himself loose it completely. Elliot slammed back and fourth into her relentlessly holding her hips and forming a protective cage around her and his tongue was inside of her mouth once more.

"Oh, god I want you so fucking badly, Elliot!" Olivia moaned from under him grabbing his ass pushing him as deep as he possibly could inside of her. He knew his nails were digging into her skin, as were hers, he also knew that this was something like a dream. It was real, yet it was so unbelievable that he was slamming into Olivia Benson's tight, hot body as she screamed his name in lust.

"Oh, Liv." He shuddered as he came continuing to move inside of her for a good five minutes after he had released all of his cum.

And when his exhausted body slumped over on top of her, letting his bruised chest rest on her, she finally felt it. The feeling of content. Right there and then, knowing that they had just mended a part of each other that would never had been fixed had he not come there that night, she knew it was a process. Yes, it would take a long time, but you know what? They had all the time in the world.