When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

-Coldplay-

Sirius let out an aggravated sigh, his eyes filling with tears; his hands shook against the railings of the bridge. He was wearing a coat, but it wasn't buttoned, it was hanging off his shoulders as the frigid winter wind came and froze his bones in place.

"Mate," James began, sticking his gloved his hands in his pockets. "What are you doing out here?"

"Just…thinking."

James jumped up on the railing next to Sirius. "What about? I haven't seen you so upset since we told you we didn't get you anything for your birthday last year."

"It's nothing."

"Come on, are you still upset about Marlene? You guys break up all the time and you broke up months ago. What's new now?" James paused giving him a hard look. "So she's dating someone new. You've dated dozens of girls what does Marlene matter?"

Sirius bit his bottom lip, his sleek black hair falling into his eyes. "Never mind."

"No mate, I honestly want to know."

"You don't get it do you?" Sirius exclaimed, his face half-mad. "I love her…and I don't…I don't DO THAT. She doesn't give me a choice! No matter how many girls I fool around with or how far I try to get away from her, she pulls me back in."

James curled his lip thoughtfully. "Well maybe-"

"No, you don't get it." Sirius cut him off harshly, "She's the same way with me. She wants to hate me. She wants to not feel the way she does. That's why she fights with me so much. Neither of us can stand the fact that out of all the people in the world, we are stuck for one another. But it's there and I'm tired of ignoring it."

"Well then what are you going to do?" James asked, "I mean yeah maybe they broke up after what happened…but that doesn't mean you have an in with her."

"I know that."

James frowned sympathetically. "Look mate, I like Marlene, I always have, but maybe it's time you let her go. I mean what else can you really do?"

Sirius thought about it. James was right; they had tried to do nearly everything else. It would probably healthy to just see her and say everything. To tell her that it would never work and they needed to stop messing with each other, but as he tried to think of how he would say that the words fell flat even in his head. Sirius knew he had to do something, but he didn't know what to do.

James clapped him on the back supportively as snowflakes began to build in his hair. "Well Lily and I will be at the house. Come back when you want alright?"

Sirius nodded.

For twenty minutes more Sirius stayed perfectly still in the same position. By the time he moved, his hands had been partially stuck to the metal bar, but he managed to pull them off, leap down off the railing and apparating away. Once he arrived at Marlene's flat he paused before knocking on the door. Shaking slightly from the cold, Sirius shifted around, crushing his lips together as he waited for her to open the door.

When she did all the anxiety that had been building in his trembling body rose to his chest and he couldn't take his eyes off of her. Her blue eyes were dazed but not from sleep, he could tell be the red rims around them that she had not been sleeping. The light from the snow made her already pale face look hollow as her light blond hair cradled her rounded face.

She didn't smile when she saw it was him, but she didn't look upset either. Marlene looked more like she was preparing herself for whatever he could possibly say.

"Hi," He began clearing his dry throat.

"What do you want Sirius?" She asked softly, leaning against the door as she pulled her sweater closer to her throat.

He bit the side of his lip. "I needed to talk to you…but I don't know what to say."

"Well I'm not dating Jack anymore." She stated with a small amount of resentment. "So if that's what this is about I'm really not in the mood."

"It's about…" Sirius felt so incredibly stupid. He didn't want to say it, looking at her now he wanted to just crawl into an alcohol induced stupor and pretend he never thought or felt any of this, but he couldn't. "It's about us."

Marlene's eyes watered and her face grew tight. "What are you talking about? You've made it perfectly clear that you don't want to be in a relationship with me or anyone else, and I've never said anything about it. I let you go."

"Did you?" Sirius asked taking a bold step forward. His eyes bore into hers.

She wavered under his gaze and looked anywhere but at him. "We've tried this a million times Sirius and it always ends the same way."

"I didn't come her to ask you to take me back. I actually came here to end things for good."

"Then why are you saying this?!" She demanded.

"Because," He said bluntly, "As soon as I saw you I knew I couldn't do it."

"Then what are you suggesting?" Marlene laughed humorlessly. "What can we do that we haven't before-?"

Sirius took another step so he was inches away from her. His voice was hoarse as he said, "We can give this a real shot."

"What do you mean?"

"We both," He started firmly, "Have been holding back, because we assume that this can't work, because we refuse to believe we deserve each other. What if, for once, we just throw all that aside and just put it all on the line."

Marlene frowned, "How?"

"Move in with me."

It wasn't a step, it was a large nearly impossible hurtle of death for Sirius. He never let women stay the night at his place let alone be there for the breakfast, but he couldn't lie to himself anymore. Sirius wanted her there and on some level he needed her there. It was just finally the time that he admitted it.

Tears glided down her cheeks as she glanced up at him unsurely. "Sirius, you aren't thinking about what you're saying-"

"I know what you're going to say," He whispered. "I've thought this through. It's not because it's Christmas or because I'm lonely. It's because…" Sirius took a minute, struggling with his pride. "It's because…I love you…okay? There, I've said. I love you. I always have and now I'm the idiot that said it first…Merlin…Um-"

Marlene was relatively sure Sirius would have rambled all night. So she put her hand on his mouth to stop him. Her eyes traveled down to his chest. "Why isn't your coat buttoned up?! It's below zero out there!"

He laughed, his breath visible in the air, his face stark white against his red cheeks and nose. "Mar, I just told you I love you!"

"Yes," She blushed, moving forward to button his coat, "I heard that."

"Any thoughts?" He laughed again. "Anything?"

Marlene fixed his coat, and starring at the black fabric she said, "..Are you going to take all this back tomorrow?...Everything you've said?"

Sirius's heart sank. He had given her every reason to believe that. Every time they dated he let her get close, but not too close. The relationship always ended when she got to close and he couldn't take it. He was always terrified that if he let her all the way in she'd leave anyway. He'd been incredibly stupid, no girl was worth losing everything for, but Marlene was and he was willing to prove it to her. Before he wasn't ready to and he wasn't ready to marry her, but he was ready to give her everything he had.

So he cupped her face, her skin burned into his iced up hands. He starred down at her, feeling the electricity building between them. Her dark eyelashes clung together as she glanced back apprehensively. Sirius said, "I'm not taking it back Mar. I love you and…and I'm not going anywhere."

"Sirius," She mumbled, "I don't…Why now? I just…"

"Mar," He told her, "Look at me. Just, look at me."

She did her eyes studied his face longingly.

"I love you." He breathed earnestly.

And in the smallest voice she said, "I love you too."

Sirius's face broke out into the largest smiles as small snowflakes began to creep down from the siding of her flat into her hair. Only James's family had ever said that to him before. His family was too old and traditional to ever say it even before Sirius was disowned. He'd heard Marlene say that phrase to several people, but not like this, not to him.

Marlene placed her arms around his neck and shifted up onto her tiptoes, her slippers shuffling into the snow. She pressed her lips against his. It was a soft, gentle kiss, but soon Sirius wrapped his arms around the back of her waist and hugged her body into his. He grinned against her lips as he made the kiss deeper and held her tightly. When they broke a part she let out a wet laugh.

"I've wanted to tell you that for years," She admitted sheepishly, "But I always thought it was just me."

"You still haven't answered my question." He declared cockily.

Marlene gave him a look, her arms still around him. "You expect me to say if I'm going to live with you at 2'clock in the morning?"

He shrugged, "I'll just keep asking until you say yes. According to James it's an affective method."

She laughed, wiping her face. "You're an idiot."

"Yes, but you love me." He informed her arrogantly.

Marlene let out a drawled out sigh separating from him. "I knew I shouldn't have said it!"

"You can't take it back." Sirius beamed taking her in his arms. "Now you're stuck with me."

"Well if that's the case can we go inside? You're freezing and I'm wearing just my nighty and slippers here." She gestured to her clothes.

He picked her up bridal style in less than a second. "Not a problem Ms. McKinnon. Why don't you show me how you can warm me up?"

"You are such a wanker!" She laughed smacking his arm as he carried her back into her flat.

"Yes," He shut her door and put her down. "But I'm yours."

Marlene rolled her eyes at him, unable to hide her smile. "I don't remember putting you on Christmas list."

"Well you did put, 'I'd like a man, tall, dark, devastatingly handsome, with a wit and charisma that can't be denied.' So that's pretty much the same thing."

Marlene shook her head, locked the door and crawled into her bed. He followed chuckling to himself as he did. By the time he got under the covers, she wasn't laughing anymore. Her head was settled in between two pillows, her body curled up as the subtle glow from the moon gave them just enough light to see each others face.

She took his hand, her eyes locked on his she said, "I really do love you…I didn't just say it…I …I meant it."

Sirius gripped her hand tightly; he took his other hand and pushed her hair out of her face. "Would you mind saying it again?"

With a completely serious expression, in the quiet darkness of her room she said, "I love you Sirius Orion Black."

Grinning, he reached forward and pulled her into his chest. Her arms and legs wrapped around him, he kissed her forehead fiercely. In the back of his mind he knew Lily and James were probably worried about him, but he also knew he could just as well owl them in the morning. Right then he didn't want to be anywhere else.