A/N: Wrote this on a whim, not to be taken seriously, of course. Enjoy.

Note: You won't. I'd stop reading if I were you.

Ghetsis wasn't sure how he became pinned underneath a large, half-frozen dragon monstrosity, or why. All he knew is that his controlling cane had been knocked far out of his hand, and the half-growling, half-buzzing pokémon's toothy maw was uncomfortably close to his perfect face.

Black Kyurem's frozen face leaned ever closer, and a comparatively warm tongue flicked out and began to lap at the right hand side of his face.

Being a proud owner of a Hydreigon, Ghetsis did not like where this was going.

His scarlet eye darted around frantically, looking for any form of escape route he could find, cursing his partially broken body for not allowing him to attempt the most obvious ones.

Ghetsis then began to curse those stupid children as he spotted them backing away, then running from the cave. How dare they ignore his perfection and his currently less-than-perfect situation—

A low, buzzing growl brought him right back to that very situation, followed by icy claws closing around the collar of his black robes.

Ghetsis knew he was in the shit when the creature began to tear them. He could only glare up at the beast defiantly as more of his flesh was revealed to the frigid air of the cave, having had this sort of treatment from Hydreigon before. Ghetsis was admittedly bad at wrestling off dragon types, and Drayden was probably stuck in frozen Opelucid trying to stop the idiot locals from dying.

Black Kyurem straightened up and seemed to smile down at its work once the vast majority of the villain's black clothing had been shredded. The Pokémon let out a low buzz, grasped Ghetsis' bony hips, and flipped him onto his front. Ghetsis snorted.

"Do your worst, rogue pawn," he sneered, bracing himself for a world of dragon-induced pain. He found that if he taunted Hydreigon in similar situations, it tended to get the whole thing over with a lot faster.

Black Kyurem growled in response, and promptly shoved its unreasonably large cock into the tall ex-sage. Ghetsis bit his lip bloody withholding his screams as the dragon began to thrust, scraping his forearms and knees across the cave's cold, rocky floor.

The dragon's body began to hum with electricity as it thrust faster – a most unusual sensation for a man only accustomed to the element-free elements of a Hydreigon's lustful whims. Ghetsis could only grit his teeth and hope for two things – that the dragon tired of him fast, and at no point electrocuted him with Zekrom's signature Fusion Bolt attack.

After what felt like an eternity of mindless rutting Black Kyurem finally ceased its movements, loosed a roar from its frozen maw and came hard into the villain. Ghetsis fell limp as soon as the dragon pulled out, blood and come seeping from his hole, teeth grit and functional eye wide open from the pain of it all.

Plan #2, "Take over the world using Kyurem":

-Something of a failure.