I DO NOT OWN NARUTO

Chapter 1: Welcome to Akatsuki

.-.

"This sucks." Naruto pouted, rattling the chains that bound him to the wall.

"Nh."

"I'm going to die a virgin." Sakura muttered with a sigh.

"You're sixteen." Naruto pointed out.

"So?" Sakura blinked.

Sasuke snickered while Naruto hid a grin. Sakura just looked confused.

"You must be the only virgin out of the rookie nine." Naruto giggled.

Sakura blinked again.

"You aren't?" She asked.

"Nope. What did you think would happen when I went off with Ero-sennin?"

"You mean…" Sasuke started, suddenly looked shocked.

"Yeah." Naruto blinked.

"Oh god, you had sex with Jiraya!" Sakura gaped.

"Huh?!"

"You said-"

"I meant that he led me to all the brothels where his spies were and thought it was his goal to make sure I got laid with a pretty lady!"

"Oh." Sakura sighed, yaoi fantasy popping like a bubble.

"What about you Sasuke?" Naruto asked.

Sakura firmly pressed his lips in a line.

"Ah, come on!" Naruto begged. "Tell us how!"

"…The… fangirls in Oto are much more forwards then those in Konoha." Sasuke admitted.

"…Aren't the fangirls in Konoha the ones who tied you up and tried to have their way with you in your own room but Kakashi saved you… at age twelve?" Naruto blinked.

"More forward then that." Sasuke shuddered.

Naruto and Sakura gave him pitying glances that were soon interrupted by an awkward cough.

"Not that listening to you talk about your sex lives isn't fun and all but can we get back on topic."

All three looked at Hoshigaki Kisame who stood awkwardly to the side.

"What was the topic again?" Naruto blinked.

"I don't think there was one." Sakura said.

"We were talking about how pitiful we are being captured by Akatsuki and all." Sasuke said monotone.

"Oh, yeah." Naruto said thoughtfully, then he made a pouting face. "This sucks."

"You already said that." Sakura sighed.

"Oh. Well then… I'm too pretty to have the Kyuubi sucked out of my gut into a giant statue over a three day period of immense pain that will leave me dead." He sniffled.

"That's actually fairly detailed." Sakura blinked.

"Nh."

Kisame sighed in annoyance.

"Did we say we were going to do that?" He asked.

All three turned their eyes back to him.

"Well, no." Naruto frowned. "But you implied it with all the trying to capture me and stuff."

"Would we have taken the time to capture those two if we were just focusing on you though?" Kisame asked with a raised brow.

All three looked at one another. Naruto was still in his jumpsuit, a scroll on his day's technique from Jiraya in his pocket. Sakura still had her Konoha hospital uniform on, bloody rubber gloves to go with it. And Sasuke still had his Oto uniform on, hair slightly singed from his earlier training.

"You know, this is fairly well planned." Sakura noted. "And you put a lot of effort into getting Naruto from Jiraya and Sasuke from Orochimaru and me from Tsunade."

"Well it wouldn't have been so hard if someone hadn't turned traitor and ran off." Naruto said with a pointed glare.

"Oh, not this again." Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I told you, I needed power."

"And you couldn't get it in Konoha?"

"Not really, no."

Naruto glared.

"Back on topic." Kisame snapped.

"Topic?" Naruto frowned. "What was the topic again?"

"I think the topic is that we were all captured for a reason other than watching you die painfully." Sakura said helpfully.

"Nh." Sasuke voiced.

Kisame twitched. Then he took a deep calming breath.

"We caught you," He started, gaining their attention, "Because we had an offer for you."

"Offer?" Naruto asked suspiciously. "Don't you want to have Kyuubi sucked out of my gut into a giant statue over a three day period of immense pain that will leave me dead?"

"They could be negotiating over that." Sakura offered. "I mean we could be leverage."

"Why would they need leverage though? There are ten S-rank criminals that could hold me down to suck Kyuubi out of my gut into a giant statue over a three day period of immense pain that will leave me dead."

"Can't you drop that?" Sasuke sneered. "They just want to kill you."

"I know, but I don't think it's fair to Kyuubi. I mean would you want to live in a giant statue?"

"Well no." Sakura admitted. "But Kyuubi is also a being of mass destruction and evil."

"Kyuubi takes offence to that." Naruto sniffed. "He prefers the term God of Chaos, not being of mass destruction and evil."

"Same thing." Sasuke shrugged.

Kisame gave a shuddering sigh.

"Can't I just give you my offer?" He pleaded.

They all looked at him once again.

"Offer?" Naruto asked suspiciously. "Don't you want to have Kyuubi-"

"You already said that." Sasuke pointed out.

"Oh. What offer then?" Naruto asked.

"We wanted you three to join Akatsuki." Kisame said bluntly.

There was a long moment of silence.

"You know." Sakura said after a long moment. "When I wake up I really have to get myself checked at the medical center. Dreams like this aren't normal."

"Nh." Sasuke agreed.

"I don't know." Naruto said sheepishly. "This seems pretty normal for my dreams."

They both raised brows at him.

"You dream about people out to kill you asking you to join them?" Sakura asked.

"Well sometimes." Naruto said.

"And how does that make you feel?" Sakura asked kindly.

"Well sometimes," Naruto started relaxing into his chains, "I'm honoured. I mean S-class criminals asking you to join them? That's great praise for your skills coming from them. Sometimes I'm insulted though. I mean they're asking me to throw my morals away for them as if I was the type of person that would do so."

"And why do you think you have these dreams?" Sakura asked.

"Well-"

"Enough!" Kisame yelped. "This isn't a therapy session!"

"How would you know what one sounds like?" Naruto asked suspiciously.

Kisame stayed oddly silent.

"Anyways." Sasuke said gaining attention. "What's the real offer?"

"Offer, what offer?" Naruto asked.

"The one Hoshigaki-san wanted to give us." Sakura said.

"Offer?" Naruto asked suspiciously. "Don't you want to have Kyuubi-"

"Shut-up! Shut-up! Shut-up!" Kisame screamed.

Then he turned and strode from the room. Slamming the door behind him the three stayed silent in their grey cell.

"I wonder what the actual offer was." Sakura mused.

Sasuke snorted.

.-.

Ten minutes later a much calmer Kisame returned.

"The offer." He said firmly.

They all looked at him.

"Offer?" Naruto asked suspiciously. "Don't you want to have Kyuubi-"

Kisame slapped a piece of duck-tape over his mouth.

"Good job." Sasuke grunted.

"It won't last long though." Sakura shook her head. "He's already trying to lick the glue away. If that doesn't work he'll just eat it."

Kisame shuddered but took a deep breath.

"The offer we wished to make was to have you join us as I said before."

"Well if this is on the odd chance not a dream," Sakura started, "I would have to say hell no."

"Uchiha?"

"No."

Kisame sighed.

"We asked you because you're all strong in your own right. All of you have been trained by a Sannin. One of you has a bloodline, the other has the Kyuubi, and the last…"

He glanced at Sakura who waited patiently.

"Anyways, "He continued ignoring her glare, "We wanted you to join us. To sweeten the deal we would train you some and you would be your own team after you are accepted and trusted fully."

"Still a resounding no." Sakura shrugged.

"As an extra positive," He sighed, "We would sign a neutral treaty with Konoha. If you say no we'll target Konoha specifically."

Sakura winced. Say no and have Konoha targeted or take the deal that was now obviously a good deal. Naruto would probably say yes. She could already see him thinking on the offer.

"Those nitwits will now say yes." Sasuke shrugged, "But still a no for me. You employ my clan-murdering older brother who I've sworn to kill."

Kisame rubbed at his eyes, tired of dealing with the trio.

"Itachi will…apologize."

"I don't care."

"He will also make you some…ginger snaps as an apology."

Sasuke froze. Sakura and Naruto paused to raise brows at him. You could almost see his thoughts. Revenge or ginger snaps?

With a slurp Naruto ripped the duck tape away and idly chewed on it under Kisame's disgusted expression.

"I didn't know you had a weakness for ginger snaps." Naruto said aloud.

Sasuke winced.

"If I had I would have used them in all the traps I've made to try and get you to return."

"If we had known he probably wouldn't have left in the first place." Sakura pointed out.

"I bet Orochimaru knew. The bastard probably used that weakness." Naruto frowned.

They both ignored Sasuke's mutterings of 'Itachi's are the best' and 'Won't ever eat the ones Orochimaru made ever again' and 'Will make Kabuto the main cook for my clan once I restore it, his are good'.

"Itachi said he would also finish training you as he promised." Kisame added.

"Fine." Sasuke grumbled. "But tell him he has to make me four dozen gingersnaps."

Kisame rolled his eyes. Seeing Naruto's odd expression he quickly added something he knew would draw the orange boy in.

"One of our members, Tobi, is a world class ramen chief."

"I'm in! Oh God, I'm in!" Naruto salivated.

Sakura winced and gave a heartfelt sigh that Kisame almost sympathized with.

"Fine. I'm in."

Kisame gave a sigh of relief and left them in the cell to go tell Pein the good news.

.-.

.-.

"They said yes." Kisame announced as he stepped into the room.

"Who said yes, un?" Deidara blinked along with most of the other members.

Kisame ignored him to look to Pein.

"Good. Bring them in."

"Before I do that I would like to say I think this is a bad idea." Kisame sighed.

"Why?" Pein asked with a raised brow.

"They're all insane and they're teenagers."

"Aren't those two words synonyms?" Sasori snorted.

"I mean more insane than usual."

"What teens?" Hidan scowled.

"Kisame and Itachi have brought in three teens I wish to make members." Pein idly said. "Now please bring them in."

Kisame grumbled and hurried from the room. Five minutes later he stepped back in.

"So this is the main chambers of your secret lair of doom?" Came an interested voice from the hallway.

"I don't think it's that secret." Came a second voice that was obviously female. "I mean when I looked out the window I saw a bunch of people walking the streets below."

"I know but it could be even secret from them." The first pointed out.

"Nh." Was a third's reply.

Into the room stepped three teenagers all sixteen or so. One was glaringly familiar. Said glaringly familiar boy eyed them all.

"Wow, Akatsuki's a bunch-"

"Don't say that." Admonished the second.

"You're thinking it too though." He accused.

"But I'm polite enough not to voice it aloud." She said easily.

"Well I still think they're a bunch of freaks and I'm not going to hide it. I mean a half shark, a half plant, a bored red head sitting on something resembling a giant hunch back, a creepy orange haired man with hundreds of piercings, a girl with hair as blue as yours is pink, a blonde playing with clay using mouths on his hands, Uchiha Itachi, someone with a cool orange mask, someone with eyes that look extra creepy and looks to be held together by millions of stitches, and an albino with no shirt on."

"Isn't that the Kyuubi boy?" Kakuzu asked thoughtfully looking at the blonde in the glaring orange jumpsuit, and conveniently ignoring the boy's description of them. "He agreed to join?"

"Why yes, I hold the Kyuubi." Naruto said haughtily. "But I have a name you know. It's Naruto. And I'm mostly over the whole you want to have Kyuubi sucked out of my gut into a giant statue over a three day period of immense pain that will leave me dead."

"Mostly?" the second figure asked.

The second figure was a girl that looked to have been pulled straight from a hospital wearing a white nurse's outfit under a white lab coat and wearing a pair of bloody latex gloves. She had bright pink hair pulled back in a short low ponytail.

"Yes, mostly." The blonde sniffed. "I mean, they have ramen."

"Hail ramen!" Tobi said seriously.

"Hail Ramen." Naruto responded solemnly.

They both gave respectful nods that left everyone staring.

"Now Ramen's a cult." Came a sneering voice.

The third figure was wearing an outfit that was generally regarded as 'Oto's with spiky black hair and a familiar face.

"Oh Hidan's God." Deidara yelped. "An Itachi clone, un!"

Kisame snorted.

"Hello foolish little brother." Itachi stood calmly.

"Itachi." Sasuke hissed. "You'd better have those ginger snaps by tomorrow or I'll kill you in your sleep."

"You're far too predictable foolish little brother. I already have the ginger snaps made." Itachi said, a sight smirk upturning his lips.

Sasuke made a sound of outrage.

"Damn you for predicting me! You knew I would join!"

"Of course. Your weakness to Ginger Snaps is something I will always exploit."

Sasuke hissed at him.

"Wow, that was dramatic." The girl rolled her eyes.

"Let them keep going." Kyuubi boy grinned. "I want to see if they'll start fighting."

Pein cleared his throat and all attention honed in on him.

"Would you please introduce yourselves?"

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto!" Naruto leapt forwards declaring boldly. "I'm going to be Hokage and I love everything to do with ramen!"

"Hail Ramen!" Tobi responded.

"Hail Ramen." Naruto nodded in response.

"I'm Haruno Sakura. I specialize in medic-jutsus and chakra control." She smiled sweetly. "I hate morons. So I'm watching you Blondie."

She sent a glare at Deidara that made Sasori smirk and Hidan snicker.

"You too naked boy." She glared at Hidan.

He spluttered before Sasuke stepped up.

"Uchiha Sasuke. I'm here for the promised gingersnaps and to make my older brother's life a living hell."

"You're welcome to try." Itachi said monotone.

"Good, good." Pein announced. "Kisame show them to their room."

"Yes sir." Kisame sighed, trudging from the room.

"Wait a minute." Naruto yelped. "We share our room?"

"All partners do." Pein nodded. "There will be three spaces in your room divided by a wall with an open arch way. It's to bond."

"If we aren't out by morning." Sakura said seriously. "I've killed them both in their sleep and will be experimenting on their bodies."

"But Sakura!" Naruto whined. "That might let Kyuubi out!"

"We've already went over this." The girl sneered. "Jiraya has told you your death will not release him so that threat isn't going to work."

"The ginger snaps." Sasuke interrupted.

Itachi tossed him a Ziploc bag.

"There is the first dozen. You will have the rest tomorrow foolish little brother."

Sasuke muttered something as he hunched over the cookies and followed Kisame, the other bickering after him.

"Why do I get the feeling this was a mistake?" Pein muttered.

Konan patted his shoulder in reassurance.

.-.

END OF CHAPTER ONE

Hope you enjoyed the start of the new Naruto story I'm working on . Before I get a bunch of emails and questions about pairings, ideas, and such, I want to say I know exactly where this is going and how I'm getting it there. I have it all planned out (even the pairings) so even though it's nice to hear ideas, don't expect me to incorporate them.

Thanks.