Pairing: Harvey Specter/Mike Ross

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters.

Warning: a little bit of angst

Author's note: Merry Christmas to all the Suitors! :D May your loved ones know how much you love them :)

When Mike was a kid, he admired Santa like nobody else. The way that Santa worked with all the elves and reindeers with such efficiency had left him with a massive crush. So his ideal guy was naturally rather large in the middle and had a thunderous laugh.

His happy dreams were about him becoming Mr. Claus' assistant. He would ride next to his boss on the sleigh with the names of good kids and their addresses firmly inside his head. After a hard night of work, they would go out for a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows on top. His nightmares were all about Santa too. Santa would slip off his sleigh and end up in the hospital and wouldn't be better for days. On such nights, his mom would hold him tight and tell him that Santa had helpers who were good enough to finish the job. And, when he woke up in the morning, Santa would've sent him a plate of cookies with a reassuring letter. It said that he had suffered a small accident during his training but the hospital was treating him well, so there was nothing for him to worry about.

Mike waited for winter in all the other seasons and practically lived for Christmas. Nothing excited him more than the thought of one person bringing happiness to so many people in one night. He wished that he could catch a glimpse of the great man, but he could never stay awake that late into the night.

Then one Christmas Eve, he woke up in the middle of night to get a glass of water and there he was. Santa was putting a big present under the Christmas tree, thinking that nobody was looking. Much to his surprise, Santa looked pretty slim. Mike's heart broke at the thought of Santa losing so much weight because of the hard training. But if he cried, he wouldn't be a good boy and wouldn't get his present, so he put his hands on his mouth and tried to be brave. Santa was also taller than he had thought. He was as tall as his dad! The similarity made him giddy. His dad was a hero too. He liked to think that his dad was the house's hero while Santa was the world's hero. He was so lucky to have two heroes in his life and he couldn't have been any happier.

But the next Christmas Eve, he was left with only one hero. His parents had kissed him on the cheek and had never come home. He screamed at his granny, asking why they couldn't have been in the same hospital as Santa. Santa was always fine even when he fell off the sleigh all the time! That night, he had the usual nightmares but this time it wasn't Santa who fell off the sleigh; it was the two people who loved him the most.

Mike had always got the presents that he had wished for, so the next year, he asked Santa to give him his parents back. But he found a pair of boxing gloves lying under the tree instead. Thinking that Santa probably needed more time, he asked his hero to send one of them first if it was hard to bring back both at the same time. But no matter how much he begged in the letters that got longer and longer, he never saw his mom and dad again.

Then one frosty winter, he kicked the small Christmas tree out of the house and tore off all the Santa posters from his walls. Either Santa had hit his head too hard during the countless falls or he didn't love him anymore. Christmas had now become a painful day that reminded him of all the unanswered letters and unwanted presents. With no presents to look forward to, there was no more need for him to be a good boy. So he changed his dream to chasing down the guy who had taken away his parents and making him pay dearly. And, he didn't care if he fell off the sleigh himself along the dark and lonely road.

When Harvey was a kid, Christmas was nothing more than a day when his whole family wore ridiculously red sweaters and ate dangerous amounts of food. The house was loud and smelled like beer, so he wished that he could hold his nose with a third hand. Then there were relatives who kept pinching his cheeks, telling him how cute he was, and he had to sing a few carols for them with his younger brother and cousins.

Still, Christmas wasn't all that bad if he thought about the presents. It hadn't taken much to figure out that Santa wasn't real. It was scientifically impossible for one person to visit so many houses in one night. He didn't care if Rudolph was super fast or if Santa could climb down a chimney in the blink of an eye. It didn't make any sense. He had once thought that maybe there were many, many Santas, but everyone seemed to think that there was only one so it had left him with one belief: the old man was a fake.

But that didn't stop him from enjoying his presents. He and his brother never got what they had wished for, but somehow the presents were still things that they liked, just a little bit cheaper. And, the only people who knew them so well were their parents, so it was easy to realize that they were the Santa.

That finding made things more interesting. When Christmas was near, he would wait until his mom went out for groceries and sneak into his parents' room. With his brother keeping watch, he would grab his mom's housekeeping book and check the recent expenses. The challenge was to figure out which of the two presents was his. But then, it didn't really matter since his brother always wanted his present and then changed his mind again and again until they ended up sharing both.

Then one Christmas Eve, he caught his mom kissing the Santa from next door. He had only wanted to check if she was all right because it had been a while since she had left to take out the trash. He tried to shout and tell her to stop, but he had lost control over his body. All he could see was his mom giving her heart to another man and all he could hear was his dad's footsteps stop right behind him.

The next year, he only got to meet the relatives from his dad's side. There was less noise and singing in the house, but more beer in front of his dad. He and his brother finally got the presents that they had wished for, but it only made them sad. They realized that all they wanted for Christmas was their mom's special cookies.

Merry carols turned into heavy-hearted tunes coming out of his dad's saxophone and his brother stopped crying over the things that he could never have again. That was when he swore that he would never fall in love and risk drowning in sorrow like his family. So he practiced locking down his heart. Nobody could come in, but at least nobody could leave either. And, when he was sure that his heart was safe, he dragged the Christmas tree out of the garage and left it near the trash can. There was no point in keeping the tree when there were only the shadows of Christmas left in the house, just like his mom's.

Many forgotten Christmases later, Mike met Harvey and became his assistant. Harvey wasn't even remotely like Santa but who cared. Santa had left him out to dry while Harvey had caught him during the fall and had put him back on the sleigh. He had a new hero now and his name was Harvey Specter.

It was exciting to work with the city's hero and thrilling to learn everything that he taught him. But he hadn't forgotten about his goal. He still yearned to catch the one who had forced his parents to leave the world.

But then his grandmother passed away and the last star fell, leaving him in pitch darkness. Nothing mattered anymore. Avenging his parents' death or working hard as a lawyer didn't seem important anymore. He didn't even bother to stay on the sleigh or ask for help but Harvey kept coming to his rescue. Needless to say, his walls were soon plastered with pictures and articles of his new hero. He could only hope that this time, his hero would be strong and stay with him for the rest of his life.

Harvey laughed when Mike first called him 'My hero.' Didn't heroes have big hearts? How could he be anyone's hero when he had stopped using his heart ages ago? Didn't Mike know what a hero looked like? There were so many things to teach him and yet so little time. So it was only natural to invite him over on the weekends and share his collection of movies that featured great heroes.

Still, Mike didn't stop calling him a hero and refused to leave his side. So what choice did he have but to help him move in with him? A real hero would've patted the kid on the back and showed him the right path back home, but he wasn't a hero so he could allow himself to be selfish. He wanted the boy and he was going to keep him. His house worked just like his heart. After lockdown, nobody could leave.

Strangely enough, Mike never even tried to leave. He couldn't understand why but he didn't ask. He had learned over the years that some questions were best left unasked.

Then Christmas came close and Mike acted like the Grinch. He switched the channel whenever they mentioned Christmas and didn't ask him for a tree or present. He knew that Mike's parents had left him on a Christmas Eve, but he had hoped that the boy had started to put his past behind him. Mike was the strongest person that he had ever met. That was why he had been able to walk into his heart, neutralizing all the security measures. But all Mike did on Christmas Eve was hold him tight and sob into his chest, and for once, he wished that he could be a real hero to the kid.

It was only after two more years that Harvey and Mike found a place in their hearts to embrace Christmas again. It took them another year to get a big tree and put presents under it, but Mike thought that three years was much shorter than he had expected. He had felt like he would never start healing, but with Harvey, everything became a wonder and every day was a miracle.

Harvey didn't believe in miracles. But he figured that it would depend on how the term was defined. Mike coming back every time after taking out the trash could be a miracle. Perhaps it was also a miracle that he made it back home to Mike in his car every time after picking something up. The best miracle probably was how they were slowly but steadily getting over their worst fears. He knew that Mike meant it when he told him that he would be back, and he always promised Mike that he wouldn't leave him behind.

Now Mike was sitting by his side in an adorably red sweater, smelling like hot chocolate and marshmallows. He was singing carols like he had once done with his brother, but in a merrier voice. A plate of cookies was waiting on the coffee table and Mike's hand was firmly in his grip. That was when his rusty heart pounded inside his chest. It felt like someone else was in his body. He had no control over his limbs so it wasn't his fault that he had gathered the boy into his arms. Then Mike had to make things worse and smile, like a twinkling star guiding the path in the dark, black sky. "Merry Christmas, Harvey."

He got kisses all over his face. And, as his heartbeat grew stronger and stronger, he found himself saying the words that he had never thought that he would mean again. "Merry Christmas."