Freedom & Choice

There are no chains. There is no Justice. There is Transfigurations 1 & 12. There is Freedom. And there is Choice.

O Maker, hear my cry:
Guide me through the blackest nights
Steel my heart against the temptations of the wicked
Make me to rest in the warmest places.

O Creator, see me kneel:
For I walk only where You would bid me
Stand only in places You have blessed
Sing only the words You place in my throat

My Maker, know my heart
Take from me a life of sorrow
Lift me from a world of pain
Judge me worthy of Your endless pride

My Creator, judge me whole:
Find me well within Your grace
Touch me with fire that I be cleansed
Tell me I have sung to Your approval

O Maker, hear my cry:
Seat me by Your side in death
Make me one within Your glory
And let the world once more see Your favor

For You are the fire at the heart of the world
And comfort is only Yours to give.

-Transfigurations 12:1-12:6

Thus were the prayers of Sebastian while the ship sailed from Kirkwall around the coast of the Free Marches and then along the meandering Minanter River. Anders fevered and did not seem to be recovering. His wounds too terrible. The small boy too had trouble with swelling in the bones of his crippled legs. They stopped over in Ansburg where news was exchanged with the Wardens and their mage healer came to tend Anders and the boy. While the boy healed well under her skilled magic, he would remain crippled as they suspected. His father, the Templar did not care. His boy was safe and alive and would be given a place to grow up free yet with guidance and protection. The boy's behavior brought a smile to almost everyone. "I want to be a mage and a healer and a archer and a knight!"

The healer laughed, "All that? Why not start with mage first. Study hard, and learn good control, then maybe your father could teach you to use a sword." The healer then met with the boy's father. "He'll not walk again, not properly. Maybe with crutches, or braces, but I would wait till he is full grown before spending the funds to make leg braces for him, or you'll be shelling out every time he grows a few inches."

She came to treat Anders next. "I will inform the First Warden of his state. If he ever becomes coherent, let him know that the First Warden understands what happened at Ameranthine and holds him at no fault. If he recovers, perhaps he could train Wardens in healing both physical and magical as his way to serve as a Warden. We have kept tabs on him as best we could. But we lost all contact when Kirkwall fell to flames with the destruction of the Chantry." Fenris agreed to pass the word along when Anders recovered. He refused to accept the term IF. The healer mended the wounds, and healed the fever. She tisked at the knee. Anders too would need a brace for that knee. "That is twice those blasted Templars have done this to him, now." She explained after that he was definitely not made Tranquil and yes, the magebane was clear of his system. However, due to the trauma he has suffered, it might be a long time before he would engage with the outside world, if ever. "You could leave him here and we could-"

"No!" Fenris stated firmly. "I am taking him to Starkhaven. He stays with me." He stepped between her and Anders like a fiercely protective dog ready to bite.

She stepped back recognizing the danger she could be in if she tried to take Anders. "Alright. He will need constant care and great patience. I wish you luck. If at any time you need our help, just send word."

The ship continued along the Minanter River to Starkhaven. There were no more chains, but Anders seemed still locked away. Fenris rubbed healing salve into the places he had been advised to. Anders was like a damaged doll, indifferent to the elf moving him or touching him. He merely stared with his face turned towards the wall of their cabin, tracing the wood grain with a finger. At least he ate and drank and relieved himself with little prompting.

One evening, while he traced the wood grain again, Fenris gently turned him to face him. Anders dropped his head to stare down at his hands. Fenris undid the tangled tie in Anders hair and combed his fingers through the strands to untangle them. As he tied a neater tail, Anders formed a bit of lightening in his hands. "I would appreciate if you did not electrocute me for tying back your hair," Fenris said without being remotely concerned of any danger the mage might pose. He knew he could resist most magic thrown at him at will due to the lyrium within him. Anders closed his hands and the lightening vanished. Fenris lifted Anders' chin and looked into his eyes. They remained blank and expressionless. "I found you, and yet I feel like I am still searching for you." When he let go of Anders' chin, the mage looked back down again.

There was no Justice. He was certain now, more than ever before that the spirit was truly gone. There were no traces of the spirit. And seeing Anders like this was no justice either. "I owe you my life… and my freedom. I will help you find yours." He had never forgotten that kiss they shared. And it had been shared with unexpected and pleasantly surprising equal ferocity. He wondered if they will ever get to that point again. To that point of freedom… and of choice.

At Sebastian's palace, Fenris had been granted a guest suite in exchange for helping train the palace guards. In that suite, Anders could stay as well, under Fenris' watchful eye and near constant care.

All men are the Work of our Maker's Hands,
From the lowest slaves
To the highest kings.
Those who bring harm
Without provocation to the least of His children
Are hated and accursed by the Maker.

-Transfigurations 1: 8-9

This was the new motto of Starkhaven. It is from this verse of the Chant that Sebastian made his laws of equality for all, mageborn or not. Knight-Commander Cullen became the leader of the Brotherhood Templar Guardians, free of the control of the Chantry.

The suite was comfortable and Fenris was grateful for it. It provided privacy, peace and quiet, and no interference, allowing him as much time as he could have to give Anders what he might need to recover. They shared a bedroom. There was a large bed that Fenris gave to Anders and a smaller one that he took for himself. They had a private bathroom with dwarven plumbing. They had a decent sized lounge room with a breakfast table, several plush chairs, a desk and set of bookshelves and access to a wide balcony overlooking the gardens. In these rooms, Fenris did everything he could to care for and reach through to Anders. He practiced his reading and writing, reading such things as Varric's tales out loud. The most he had achieved with Anders was relative self-care. Anders would eat, bathe, tend to personal needs, dress… when told.

So it surprised the Void out of Fenris to encounter Anders in the hallway when Fenris was returning from a morning training session with the guards. Anders had dressed himself without Fenris having set things out for him. And yet he stood barefoot on the chilly stone floor before Fenris, eyes downcast as usual. "Anders, you forgot your socks. Your feet will get cold," Fenris indicated. Anders frowns and pointed down at Fenris' own bare feet. "Hrm… point taken. I suppose I should not chastise you for something I myself do. Why are you out here?"

In the very barest whisper, Anders asked, "Can I have some tea?"

For a moment Fenris could not believe he heard what he heard. He thought after almost two months that he would never hear Anders speak. Two months. It was hardly a whisper. He needed to hear it again. "Anders, look at me and ask me again louder, I don't think I heard you."

Anders hand to shift his weight to his good leg. Looking up into someone's face distressed him greatly. Fenris surmised that the Templars beat him every time he did. The minute dragged as Anders struggled internally till his eyes met Fenris' and held them for maybe three whole seconds. Then he bolted back to their room as best as his limp could carry him. Fenris rolled his eyes and sighed. Still, this was a great breakthrough.

There were more similar breakthrough with each day following. Fenris undressed from an especially challenging training session. He hissed as he removed his shirt. Pale hands reached over and helped. Fenris turned to find still downcast eyes. But those pale hands glowed a gentle green and healed his aches for the first time. Fenris held very still. When he was done, Anders traced the lyrium lines of Fenris' arm as he had traced wood grains and other things over the months. Fenris held his breath as Anders raised his hand and traced the lyrium lines on his chin.

Amber eyes met moss green. "Fenris."

Fenris slowly smiled, "Mage… Anders." Recognition… The first step to freedom from the chains of Anders' mind.

"Thank you for waiting for me, for… believing in me…. For… not leaving me." Whispers grew stronger with the reassurance of reality and safety. Anders smiled.

"We're both free now. It was my choice to stay. And if you choose, you will never be alone. I will stay with you to the end," promised Fenris. "Freedom… and choice, my friend."

"Only if I can have a cat."

Fenris laughed deep and loud.