Long time no update, my lovelies!

So, I know this is a long time coming but I just didn't know where I was going with his story. But I had it all come to me and I'm gonna write it down before I forget.

I'll try to get the next one up as soon as possible but I work two jobs and go to school so bear with me.

Without further ado, the next chapter.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, please don't make me say it again.

What was she doing?

She kissed Jace Lightwood.

The same Lightwood who laughed at Magnus when they stole his clothes and made him run down the hallway in nothing but boxer briefs (Clary had seen him coming from a mile away since he'd bejeweled them). She was pretty sure Jace had hid them himself in an open stall in the boy's bathroom.

The same guy who spread flyers of Simon's face all over the school with drool dripping from his open mouth (when he had fallen asleep in Biology) and saying he had an undiagnosed version of mono. Everyone had cleared a path for him for weeks after that, not daring to even breathe in his direction.

Jace Lightwood had beaten down their character, crushed their spirits, and made them hate themselves. Made them wish they could be anyone else for just a moment of their lives. He'd taken away their shine and the thought of them so down on themselves and dulled was what made Clary do this in the first place.

And she kissed him.

But that wasn't even the worst of it. The worst part was she had liked it.

Really, really liked it.

So much so, she wanted to do it again.

And again.

She rolled over in her bed and groaned out loud. Her pillow swallowed most of the noise but it still seemed too loud in the quiet room. She sighed and ran a hand down her face, black inking onto her fingertips from last nights make-up. Her skirt was so far up her body it looked like a halter top and her shirt was gone; from what she could tell in the darkened room it wasn't anywhere on the floor. One heel was hanging on the tip of her toe from the edge of the bed and her other one was thrown on to the chair in the corner, under Van Goe's Starry Night sky she had painted in her 5th grade art class.

It just looked like she had made a lot of mistakes last night.

And she had.

She so had.

Ignoring his calls were easy, his questioning texts were even easier to ignore. It was not so simple to ignore him when he was rushing her down the hallway. Clary had barely passed through the front doors before Jace had spotted her. She was at least hoping for a few extra minutes of peace before he had seen her, maybe snuck into the teachers lounge to steal some of the freshly made coffee there.

But no, Jace Lightwood was already rushing towards her and she did not feel the least bit ready.

What would she say? Just tell him it was all a mistake and risk him ostracizing her from the group? She was their only shot after all and Jace was her only in besides Izzy and Alec and they could only do so much. Why did she have to kiss him? Why did she have to be so dumb?

Why did she have to like it so much?

Why did her heart start racing at the sight of him?

My God, was he beautiful, Clary thought, as he hesitatingly smiled at her while walking through the parting crowd. Why did he even like her? Because she was a different type of challenge? She wasn't as it would appear. She was like every other girl out there, swooning at the sight of him and his sultry gaze. And his white smile. And God he had great hair. He was also a great kisser-

"What are you doing?" Izzy said in confusion, her pretty face scrunched up as she pushed her face close to Clary's getting knocked from behind in the bustling crowd. Her hair blew around her cheeks from the cold breeze caused by the opening door as students rushed to their lockers. "Besides looking like a human traffic cone."

As if the spirits had heard her quiet pleas, Izzy grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the direction of her locker. The crowd swallowed them quickly as Jace called her name. She simply let Isabelle pull her through the crowd, not having feeling in her legs at all. Her back was freezing from standing in the opening doorway for such a long time making her shake from the chill.

"God, Clary, why don't you just turn right into a limp pile of noodles. That would make my job a little less-"

"I kissed Jace."

Isabelle stopped talking first before her body seemed to catch up with her as she stopped completely. She turned and stared at Clary for a moment before pushing her through the open door of a darkened classroom and throwing the door shut. She paced for a moment as Clary staring with wide nervous eyes.

"I didn't expect him to do it so soon." Izzy said with her hand to her chin in a mumble as if she wasn't even talking to Clary but rather herself. "But we all saw this coming. . ."

"Excuse me?" Clary said leaping off the desk she had been sitting on. "'Didn't expect him to do it so soon'? What are you talking about?" She glared at the dark haired beauty while trying and failing to pull her sweater up her shoulder but it simply slipped back down. "And who exactly is 'we'?"

Izzy snorted before raising her hand up in the air as if shaking off Clary's bombardment of questions. "Everyone. Magnus, Simon, Alec, Maia-"

"I get who everyone is!" Clary said throwing her arms up.

"Then why did you ask?"

Clary ignored Isabelle, taking her turn at pacing around the empty room. Her hair was a cascade of curls down her back, a tumbleweed of red that moved around her head like an open flame. She groaned before dropped her head into her hands. "How was this "expected"?"

Izzy let out a soft laugh before placing a calm hand on Clary's bent shoulder. "You really are blind aren't you?"

"You know," Clary lifted her head with a fumbling grace, glaring at Izzy with crisp green eyes. "Insulting me doesn't really help the situation."

Her too beautiful friend threw her head back and for a moment Clary thought she was in the middle of some sort of romantic comedy. Isabelle was almost too pretty, it kind of made her sick. "Clary, Jace won't stop talking about you."

She blinked for a moment. Swallowing solidly, she was sure someone outside of the closed door probably heard. "He-He does?"

Izzy was wearing that smile on her face, the one that said that she knew something she wasn't telling Clary. Clary hated that smile. "Uh huh."

"But-but this wasn't suppose to happen! I'm just supposed to get the intel and get out. This is getting too complicated, Isabelle, and I don't know if I can-"

"How do you feel around him?"

Clary was caught completely off guard by the comment. She sucked in a breath too quickly and the result sent her into a coughing fit. "Ex-" She choked again as she managed to wheeze out. "Excuse me?"

Izzy rose an eyebrow which Clary couldn't help but be distractedly jealous of. "You heard me."

"I don't think I quite understand the question."

"Clary."

"Fine!" Clary threw her arms up. How did Jace make her feel? Confusion, shame, giddiness, confusion, breathless, confusion. He made her feel all too much, that was the problem. She could remember that night. How she should have felt cold but every part of her had been warm. In a bubble of heat all her own as Jace had wrapped his arms around her waist. She could remember how he had crushed her to his chest as she snaked her arms around his heck, fingers tangled in each golden strand. She had been surprised at how soft it had felt, like the dowry snow falling around them. His mouth had been strong and hot and everything she had imagined it would be. It had also been so much better all at once.

To say she was confused was an understatement. Nothing, as of late, made sense anymore.

"He. . ." She struggled with the right words as she twisted her fingers together with nerves. Her bottom lip would be chewed completely through when her teeth were done with it, "He makes me feel. . ." She paused again before taking a breath. "Well. . . honestly. . . I don't really know." She answered with too much honesty, her emotion raw in her voice. "Good. I feel good."

She had said nothing and everything all at once and she felt exposed as she turned toward Izzy who was smiling too largely to not have something up her sleeve. She reminded Clary of the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland and that thought did not comfort her at all. That cat had been very tricky. The last thing she needed was anymore tricks, it felt like she was drowning in them at this point.

"That's all you need to feel."

Clary stood at her locker for a moment too long as the lunch bell rang. She thought back to the conversation she had with Isabelle only a few hours before she had been late to Chemistry. To all the things she had said and didn't say, to all the emotions she let out and kept in all at once. Students chatted loudly and rushed toward the cafeteria completely unaware of Clary's inner turmoil. But why would they? She was still nothing.

Jace Lightwood made her something.

Clary didn't want to be defined by the image of one golden boy.

And yet Clary remembered the moment on New Years as if staring at it through separate eyes. She could remember the way she had smiled the rest of the night and how Jace had kept a hand on her throughout the remainder of the party. The kiss had been memorable but so had the few he had placed on her forehead and on the top of her hair. The way he had whispered in her ear and kept his fingers twined through hers well into the morning. She vaguely remembered the car ride home, she wanted to say he had carried her to her room and laid her on her bed trying desperately to get her shoes off as she wiggled and complained that it tickled.

Her cheeks grew red at the thought of Jace Lightwood having been in her room.

She didn't feel so much like nothing when he was around. He made her feel special and interesting and fun.

He made her feel wanted.

He made her feel seen.

She closed her locker sharply, shouldering her messenger bag up higher on her narrow shoulder. It dug into her skin because of the way her sweater hung off her arm. Jace Lightwood shouldn't be the reason she felt brave or beautiful. She should feel those things all by herself. She was an independent and strong woman. Her mother had raised her to be such and Izzy was a prime example as to how independence could look sexy. Clary had friends that loved her and a family that adored her.

But that wasn't enough.

She needed to feel brave in her own skin, make a decision on her own. Not because her friends had asked or because she felt she owed it to them or needed to help.

Before she could talk herself out of it Clary stormed down the hallway, pushing people as she passed. She bumped shoulders with more than one student as they called out to her, some with vulgarity, as she slipped by. She pushed through the doors to the cafeteria with a rush and perhaps a bit too much of a dramatic flare as she stomped toward her destination. He sat high, a king amongst peasants, as he laughed at something Alec said. His eyes locked on her for a brief moment before pulling back.

He stood and walked forward, coming to meet her halfway.

"Hey-"

And right there in front of most, if not all, of the students (at least in her grade) she kissed Jace Lightwood. She certainly didn't do it for him or the people watching. Or any of her friends with their mouths wide open. She smiled as she slipped her hands into his hair, his rested on her cheeks as he kissed her back. She did it for herself. She would have to think of the consequences later because she was sure their would be some, she had done to prove to herself that she could be brave.

And man did it feel good.

Review!