A/N: Okay, okay. I know. I should be working on What To Do About Blue...and I am, honestly. But the muse is being very bitchy right now so that's very difficult. (And it is sooo tempting to kill Kanonji...)

So, instead I wrote up a little b-day fic for Rin! (and kinda Yukio too, they are twins after all...but Yukio keeps pissing me off so...) The idea behind this starts with TVTropes. I was looking at the Blessed With Suck pages and on the Real Life one it mentioned that being the youngest in a big family can be a real pain...especially if you are the only girl. That was interesting (mostly because you know it's true), then somehow I ended up on the Amazon Chaser page – you know, the one about guys who's main reason for finding a love interest (or just someone they "crush" on) attractive is the fact she kicks ass?

Somehow these mixed together and combined into this one-shot here. Where Rin is a girl...and the biggest trial she goes through has nothing to do with being the half-demon Daughter of Satan or struggling to be an Exorcist. Nope. It has everything to do with all the overprotective guys – and how they keep stonewalling her attempts at getting a proper date.

Thus, this is an it-could-be-worse gift for Rin. I hope you guys enjoy it! Rather cracky at times and relies quite a bit on the Rule of Funny. Despite that, I think I like it.

Hope you guys had a great Christmas! Happy New Year! Did you get any interesting and/or weird presents. For myself I got...a toaster oven. A big one. From my mom. The hell?

Warnings: Some foul language, Gender Flip (always-a-girl), light OOC-ness, hinted sexual situations

Pairings: One-sided Various Male/Fem!Rin, hinted Ryūji/Fem!Rin and blink-and-you'll-miss-it Yukio/Shiemi

Oh, and for those who don't know Sekuhara is Japanese slang (or something) for Sexual Harassment.

-start-

"Sekuhara" Is Not A Good Reason For Murder

The only good thing, in Shirō's mind, about the elder twin being the one born with the Blue Flames, is the fact that, being a girl, she tended to drive people away with her oddities.

The last thing Shirō wanted to deal with was dating. And boys. Boys that wanted to get into his sweet little Rin's pants (or skirts on rare occasions). Guys who started drooling when they realized that, tough girl or not, she had a rather large rack for her age. Which was still growing. Shirō feared the day she started to resemble his other sorta-adopted daughter Shura in that regard.

Her strength and hot head worked in his favour though – most guys were freaked out by a girl who could bench press more than they could, no matter how fit they were. And her hot head made her keep showing it off when she got sufficiently pissed off.

However, there were always delinquents – of which Rin was an honorary member of thanks to her various issues and ridiculous strength – and those that Shirō considered "Amazon Chasers" and closet masochists.

However, he put the fear of God (or rather the scary, overprotective father) in them whenever he spotted them.

Rin didn't notice.

Until he chased off one of the nicer ones in front of her. He couldn't help it – there was no time to do it more subtly.

His teenaged daughter glared at him. "What. Was. That?"

Shirō explained calmly. "He was a pervert. I can't have that near my darling daughter."

Rin's eyes narrowed and a small twitch developed. "He was a pervert?"

Shirō gave a firm nod. "Yes. He was going all sekuhara on you. I must keep all such away from you."

Rin's twitch grew. "Oyaji. I know exactly what sekuhara means."

Shirō blinked innocently. "Really?" Damn, he was sure Rin wouldn't know the exact meaning...

As the young girl's glare sharpened, Shirō began to sweat and give a prayer of thanks that she couldn't use the Blue Flames due to them being sealed.

"Oyaji. The guy asked me if I wouldn't mind going to get some ramen before going home with him. That most certainly is not under sekuhara."

Shirō's prayer switched to one begging that he wouldn't get killed by his daughter who had just found out that he was keeping her from getting a date.

But, what else could he do? Rin was not allowed to date until he was six feet under...

...preferably for a decade at least.

After the fight with the goblins – and the argument/accusation with his sister – Yukio finally settled down into teaching his classes, doing his missions and watching over his sister. The latter was helped by the fact the higher ups let them room together; they were siblings, so a co-ed rooming was acceptable.

What wasn't acceptable was the amount of guys going after his sister.

You'd think they'd stay away because she odd compared to the rest of the student – having only been brought here because her (and by default Yukio's) new guardian was the headmaster of the school (though her desire to be an Exorcist played a part too) so was not here because she was either a) rich or b) a scholarship student – and because she kept proving her ridiculous strength. Which seemed to have gotten more ridiculous since her awakening.

But Rin had this weird luck with guys; while a good chunk were leery of her or even terrified, there were still a sizable amount that thought her toughness was hot.

That...was unacceptable.

And it was compounded by the jerks who somehow had the idea that being with Rin would put them on Yukio's good side – which would apparently get them cheats for tests and assignments – or even get them an "in" with the headmaster.

Yukio didn't waste anytime correcting those idiots on that perception.

However, the other kind drove him up the wall; mostly because Rin seemed to think they were "cute" for some deranged reason so let them get away with quite a bit.

Kittens were cute. Puppies were cute. Shiemi was cute. His sister when she was flustered or lost on some point was cute.

Guys who wanted to have sex with his sister were not cute.

And worse of all – two of said guys happened to be in the Exorcist Cram School.

If Yukio killed Shima Renzō, he suspected that it could be considered a favour to the female half of the world. Suguro Ryūji would be harder, but he was sure he could manage to get away with it somehow.

Except Rin realized what he was doing and didn't like it.

Looking at his twitching, pissed off sister in front of him – blue flames beginning to lick around her body – Yukio decided that he probably shouldn't kill Shima or Suguro.

However, everyone else was still fair game.

If there was one thing Izumo was certain of, it was that all the other cram students were crazy and were probably going to drive her crazy as well.

Except for Paku, but her best friend was now not in the cram school so that didn't count anymore.

First of all, Moriyama Shiemi. Izumo couldn't believe anyone like her could exist. So soft, so sweet...so freaking naïve. It was ridiculously easy to mislead her and even when she had told her she hated her...she didn't get it. At all. How sheltered was that girl?

Second...there was those two weirdos in the background. Takara and Yamato. Why they passed the Exwire Exam along with the rest of the students she didn't know. What she did know is that they creeped her out.

Then there was Suguro. Hot headed gorilla that he was. What was he on, thinking he could defeat Satan? It didn't matter he was the other top student with her – high marks in class weren't going to help him with that.

She didn't really know much about Miwa, but anyone who hanged with Suguro couldn't possibly be good for her remaining sanity.

But the kicker came from Shima.

Shima was such a PERVERT. He was always complimenting girls, all the fucking time. Worse of all, Izumo had the sneaking suspicion that he was...sincere. Which was arguably worse than just plain old compliments from a pervert.

He was always going on about how sweet Moriyama was, how spicy Izumo was and how kind Paku was.

And then there was Rin. And her older brother by default.

Rin was obviously, at least to Izumo, some kind of demonic offspring. However, Rin kept quiet about it and if she didn't want to admit to it or think too hard on it, Izumo was going to respect her decision. From what Izumo could tell, it would probably be a touchy subject, considering that Okumura-sensei was definitely human despite being Rin's twin brother.

Rin was also the subject of quite a few fantasies of the male students. Normal and otherwise. Mostly the ones who found a girl who can and would kick their ass hot. And she had this amazing "talent" to draw them out.

Not to mention make people scarily protective of her.

Okumura-sensei was the biggest offender. He personally drove off all the guys who had gone after her because she happened to be his (the ace student) sister and the current ward of the Headmaster.

(Izumo privately was somewhat sympathetic for Rin, and by default Okumura-sensei, for having that guy as a guardian.)

There were even rumours that there had been a Rin fanclub in the works but had been squashed by the Headmaster randomly showing up at the first meeting. What happened was unknown, but the guys who were there resisted all attempts to start it up again and freaked at the sight of clowns.

And then there were the "Amazon Chasers", which kept crawling out of the works no matter what Okumura-sensei did.

Not that he needed to do anything. Izumo knew very well that Rin could handle herself, like when she had stoutly rejected that Shira-whatever guy. And when he had persisted, she had smashed his nose in. She hadn't gotten in trouble for that; having the Headmaster, as crazy as he was, as your guardian had to have some perks. However, that had somehow made him more intent – until Rin had threatened him with...something to do with pigeons. Izumo wasn't certain as Rin had dragged him away and she had only picked up a word or two.

(Later she would find out all about it – and the fact that that guy had been possessed by the first demon Rin had encountered. Not exactly a great first impression.)

Of course, Okumura-sensei wouldn't listen to Rin on that matter, so why would he listen to Izumo?

Which brought her back to Shima. Who, despite all the glares and threats and whatnot from Okumura-sensei's end, kept flirting with Rin.

Worse, Rin seemed to be somewhat flattered by it (Though she seemed more flattered the few times Suguro had let out his softer side to her. Can't account for anyones taste.) and though she didn't encourage it, she certainly didn't really discourage it.

And so Shima flirted with Rin over and over, despite the fact it kept pissing off Okumura-sensei.

Until he finally apparently snapped and shot him.

Nothing lethal, of course, but the bullet grazed Shima's head and, in the manner of all head wounds, resulted in a lot of blood. And girly screaming from Shima.

After Shima's scratch had been fixed up – and Rin had dragged Okumura-sensei out of the classroom to yell obscenities at him – things settled back to normal.

As in, Shima still flirted with Rin.

This act landed Izumo firmly in the camp of thought that believed Shima had been dropped on his head as a baby. Multiple times.

The first time Rin had met Amaimon, he had proven that he was supremely talented at irritating her and even pissing her off.

Subsequent meetings further served to prove the point. It didn't help that he was her brother (on her hated father's side) which meant she was related to the deranged, candy crazy Demon King of Earth.

Rather horrifying to think about.

Of course, his idea of "play" didn't help matters much. Rin didn't mind fighting him – he tended to piss her off way too much – but the constant callings for a fight started getting on her nerves.

Not to mention his timing.

Amaimon had recently started showing up whenever a guy was trying to ask her out for a date. Rin was always flattered when it happened – more often now that the news of her kitchen skills had spread, which had increased her followers – as before hand it wasn't that common. Either because of her attitude, strength or even the old man. (The jerk.)

But Amaimon kept showing up, knocking the poor guy away or even out (though he luckily never killed them or seriously harmed them, possibly because Mephisto had threatened very painful things to him if he ever truly harmed a student) before demanding that she fight him.

Rin wouldn't have thought that much of it except...the recent time involved Rin overhearing something. That sounded a lot like "You are unworthy of my imouto" or somesuch.

Rin, of course, confronted Amaimon on that point.

If there was one flaw Amaimon had, it was that he was a terrible liar. Which meant he defaulted to honesty rather than be embarrassed at being caught at a very bad lie. Wrong move in this situation.

"Oh." He blinked his dull green eyes. "Right. It would be very bad if you went with someone like him, Rin. After all, someone like that is completely unworthy of my imouto. Not to mention Father's daughter..."

Rin twitched. "And I don't get a say in it at all? After all, he is my suitor."

Amaimon blinked. "No."

Rin narrowed her eyes.

Needless to say, Amaimon got the fight he was looking for and more.

At the beginning, he was pretty sure the cute, I-thought-I-was-Helping look would get him out of trouble.

The Twitch he could see in Rin's face quickly abused him of that notion.

"What was that, Kuro?" Rin glared down at the currently small form of the Cait Sith familiar of hers.

Kuro wilted. "But Riiiiinnnn...if he was that allergic to cats, he couldn'tpossibly be a suitable mate..."

Rin Twitched. "He. Is. Now. In. The. Hospital. Thanks to that...thing you pulled."

Kuro however remained proud of his actions despite his outward appearance of shame. After all, Rin didn't need a mate at this time. Oh no.

This stance changed after a week.

How could it not? There was only so much very cheap and very crappy catfood he could stand with no treats in between.

...maybe he shouldn't have joined the Anti-Rin-Dating Squad...

The scritch-scratch of pen on paper filled the room, Ryūji frowning deep in thought as he worked through the day's current assignment. The standard classes were relatively easy – it was the Cram School that made things difficult.

Thinking of the Cram School led to thinking of the recent events. The chaos in Kyōto to be precise. And Rin.

Ryūji growled as his brain was nicely side tracked by thoughts of one Okumura Rin. The girl who at times infuriated him as much as drew him in. The one who was, in the end, the worse student of the Cram School – unless it came to practicals, at which she was unmistakably the best at kicking ass and thinking on the fly – and also a half demon.

The half demon Daughter of Satan in particular.

That had thrown Ryūji for a loop. It wasn't like he was going suspect that thick headed, somewhat child-like, super strong and rather ignorant girl to have anything, especially a blood connection, to do with Satan; the demon everyone currently, including Ryūji, hated the most.

Aside from the fact her personality didn't match, there was the fact Ryūji actually kinda liked her. Kinda. Nothing serious, of course.

She wasn't his type. Really. He did not have a thing for cute, strong, friendly, protective and rather pretty half-demon girls.

Ryūji slammed his head into the desk.

Who was he kidding? Rin was actually pretty much his type. The idea of having a partner who could most certainly take care of themselves – not to mention her cooking, oh Buddha, don't get him started on that – was particularly appealing. He didn't mind rescuing people, but if he was going to be with someone in that regard, having them be at least somewhat capable of fighting and protecting themselves would be a great trait for them to have.

And Rin was more than capable of protecting herself. Her blue flames were ridiculously powerful, as that fight in the forest against fucking Amaimon and later her taking down the Impure King said. And, better yet, she hadn't unlocked her full potential yet. Which meant she was going to get even stronger.

Which meant her stated goal of kicking Satan's ass and reaching Paladin might actually have a good chance.

Which as rather irritating as it was awe inspiring.

(At times, this invoked...dreams. Ryūji didn't like to think about that, but he was a teenager. Cold showers in the morning were starting to be something of a daily ritual for him...)

So, Ryūji studied even harder so that he could keep up with Rin. If he was going even think of going after her in that regard, he had better be worthy of that. Rin was bound to get into trouble or even draw it to her by the nature of her bloodline. Being someone who could hold her back and even possibly put her at risk – she had a rather big protective streak – was not someone he wanted to be.

Of course, he would have to get past her younger (really?) twin brother first.

The very thought of Okumura Yukio in that situation was enough to send a deep chill down his spine. Okumura-sensei was scarily protective of his sister in that regard. As that time he actually shot Shima proved. The only good thing is that Rin would probably "forget" he was in anyway related to him if he ever pulled that off again and do her best to kill him. Which meant that Okumura-sensei wouldn't kill him.

Probably.

Yet another reason for Ryūji to study as hard as he could...

The first time it happened, Rin didn't really understand what was going on. It had happened rather fast after all and it had been rather chaotic at the time as well. So Rin had pretty much dismissed it from her mind.

The second time, it happened at a different time and things were calmer. Mostly. However, Rin had been knocked off balance by the...offer that had been made to her so she didn't really pay that much attention to the other events.

By the tenth, Rin had her Twitch back. Not helped by the fact she now knew who and what Mephisto was exactly nowadays.

(It was more horrifying than knowing that candy freak Amaimon was her older brother. Now she had Mephisto, or rather Samael, as an older brother. She was starting to think her father's side of the family was made up of freaks and dorks.)

This led to her confronting him on that matter.

"Are you...chasing off...demonic suitors?" Rin ignored the WTF?! looks from surrounding Exorcists and focused on her rather annoying guardian.

The clown blinked then beamed. "Why of course Rin-chan! (Rin Twitched at that) After all I am beholden by circumstances to drive them away!"

(In the background, quite a few Exorcists were shocked speechless and even a small amount hit the ground in a half-faint. At least one started raving about Satan's Spawn was trying to procreate – which prompted Yukio threatening to shoot them unless they shut. up. now!)

Rin stared at him. "You have anything to do with the sudden drop in human suitors?" Her voice was dry and flat, utterly expressionless. That should have been the first warning.

Mephisto nodded cheerfully. "Of course! Can't have a bunch of hormonal boys going after my little sister." His voice dropped to a whisper at the end.

"Did you not think I actually like the human suitors?" Rin's voice was deceptively cheerful. So cheerful in fact, that her classmates were starting to put distance between her and them. "The demonic ones, fine. They are creepy honestly and why are they doing that anyways?"

"You are the Daughter of Satan." Mephisto replied simply. "The only daughter, as well. Of course they would be drawn to you."

"And the human ones?"

"Completely unacceptable!" Mephisto waved his umbrella in the air. "You are most certainly not old enough for a mate and we are devoted to keeping it that way!"

Rin stared at him. "We?"

She glanced over at Yukio, who was starting to look rather worried. Thought of the amount of times Amaimon had popped up. That one time Kuro had gotten in the way.

Her eyes narrowed. "And how old would I have to be?"

Mephisto tapped a finger against his lips. "Hmmm...about fifty?"

A pause. A dead, silent pause. All the Exorcists who had not seen the warning signs before cleared a twenty foot area around the two of them instantly.

"FIFTY?!" Rin shrieked – and burst into flames.

Mephisto decided that discretion was the better part of valour and poofed away. Yukio had no such luck as Rin turned on her younger brother and demanded to know exactly what he and Mephisto were thinking and doing. All the while surrounded by her blue flames with Kurikara shuddering in its sheath under her rage.

Watching the half-demon twin go after the human one, Shura let out a low whistle. "Kinda wish I had popcorn..."

The others just wished they could leave. They had no desire to get caught in the literal crossfire.

Rin when truly enraged was as entrancing as it was terrifying. It was time like these that Mephisto was able to see something of the lure guys saw in her.

It was a different story for the two others with him.

Amaimon was starting to twitch in fear, probably because she was resembling their Father in a towering rage a little too much. It wasn't something Mephisto was ever going to tell Rin, she would consider it an insult after all, but if it was anything she had gained from Satan aside from his blue flames, it was his temper.

Yukio looked somewhat catatonic. Understandable, as he had just been informed of Mephisto's true identity (now that sounded a little too comic book for his tastes) in a rather awkward manner; something he normally wouldn't have found out until he was an Upper Class Exorcist. Or Mephisto wanted to tell him. Needless to say, the young Doctor/Dragoon looked like he didn't know how to handle a) the revelation of Mephisto's blood ties to him b) the two high class demons he was sandwiched between, and finally c) the fact that Rin looked very much like she was this close to ripping them all apart with her bare hands and flames.

"I can't BELIEVE the three of you!" She yelled at them, turning flaming eyes on them. "The hell do you think you guys are doing?! I am not some wimpy, easily misled damsel! I can HANDLE a bunch of soppy morons all by myself if I don't want them around." She growled and tugged at an errant lock of hair, slowing down her pacing until she finally stopped.

"Okay." She whirled and pointed at Mephisto. "The demons, fine. But the humans? I can take care of them MYSELF! If I don't like it, they don't stand the chance of a piece of paper caught in a tsunami. I've been handling it when you guys aren't stepping in, after all." At this point she gave a death glare over at Amaimon. "But when you go after guys I don't mind...that is a pain. I DO want a nice, normal date! It's the only normal I'm ever going to get nowadays!"

She shot Yukio a look made of pure poison, causing him to instinctively back up, falling out of his seat. "And if you guys keep interfering in that regard..."

"Yukio." She stood in front of them, her hands on her hips. "If you do anything like that incident with Shima or chase off Bon again, I WILL have all of the embarrassing incidents and all your childhood secrets posted all over the school. Understood? This goes for any other polite, nice guy asking me out or flirting. I can handle the rude ones. If you think they are going over the line, you can pull the brother card – but anything over the top..." Her look told her younger brother just how serious she was.

Yukio couldn't nod fast enough. He had forgotten about that – he really shouldn't have. Siblings, especially older ones, came packaged with a lot of blackmail material.

Rin then turned to Amaimon. "I know exactly where you are getting your candy, and I will destroy those places if you continue on the line you have been doing before." Amaimon looked like he had been slapped with a wet fish, he couldn't have been more surprised. Rin smirked. "However, if you behave, I can get you more sweets – even make them if you want. So behave."

Amaimon agreed, after a quick look at Mephisto who merely shrugged. The eldest in the room then actually flinched when Rin turned to him.

"As for you...A-ni-ki." Rin burst into flames. "If you interfere in any manner, unless it is TRULY, fucking needed, I will give you this one, single warning; I know where all of your 'precious' collection is now. And if you pull any of the crap you have before I. Will. BURN. It. All."

Mephisto sweated. Okay, now she definitely resembled his father. "Ah...understood?"

And thus ended the Anti-Rin-Dating Squad.

A few weeks later...

There was utter silence in the bar. The bar where a team of Exorcists had hit for a long time tradition after really shitty and dangerous missions – get utterly trashed.

Except for the underaged Daughter of Satan that was told to go with them by the Vatican. A test of a sort, apparently. She wasn't allowed to drink any alcohol. Particularly since she had such a low tolerance. The others secretly bet that Shura would accidentally get her drunk – again – despite that rule.

However, she was most certainly not drunk. Neither were the others anymore.

Amazing how sobering watching a fellow Exorcist go up in blue flames was.

And those flames weren't Rin's. Oh no. Shura and the rest of the Exorcists could attest to that. Rin definitely wasn't the cause of the flames. Though, honestly, some of the other Exorcists wouldn't have been surprised if she had been.

After all, getting hit on by an older, drunken Exorcist and then blatantly groped by said Exorcist would result in such a knee-jerk reaction.

(Shura knew better. She had trained Rin after all. And Rin was, courtesy of her training, more of the break-the-guy's-arms-kick-him-in-the-balls-and-then-send-him-flying-outside type.)

Rin was frozen, standing up and staring at the burnt out corpse in front of her. Her eyes were wide and shocked.

Then Shura noticed Rin's TwitchTM. It was back in full force.

Rin erupted into her blue flames and started cursing up a storm, rather shocking after the utter silence before hand.

(Shura and a few of the other Exorcists made mental notes, as she had quite a few swears even they didn't know before on her.)

No one blamed her. She had every reason to be upset.

After all, Shura thought, no expected Satan himself to pick up the slack after the Anti-Rin-Dating Squad was taken down.

"...and so the scheduling for the 'Kick Satan's Ass' Plan has been moved up."

Because Rin wanted a proper date and if she didn't get one there was going to be hell to pay.

Literally.

-end-

A/N: -grins manically- Yep. Funny. I looooove how I handled all the guys (and the girls) involved in this. Just too funny. I hope you thought the same. I'm rather happy to be able to write something just plain fluffy and funny – I'm normally not in the mood of such anymore...crappy stuff is crappy. Apparently not even Christmas is sacred anymore in my life.

FYI, the Satan scene popped out of freaking nowhere. I went with it because it seemed like the perfect finale. And it gave me this wonderful line for the end...

Characters were probably slightly OOC, but who cares? Not me – I needed to adjust them slightly for the fic. (Yukio acting like that doesn't seem farfetched for me though – he is certainly protective enough of his brother in canon...one can imagine how bad he would be if Rin was his sister...) And their personalities and reactions all seem to fit in this verse in the end.

And no, I didn't really go into detail about how fem!Rin looks. That because we pretty much all agree how he would look (cough Black Rock Shooter cough) if female, so I didn't see the point.

I hope you had and are having wonderful holidays! (Unlike mine..)

Magic cake for the reviewers!

~ Love Psycho

PS: This is the first story which I also posted on my new AO3 account. Under Love_Psycho of course. No real difference between them – except in A/N – just thought you'd like to know I now have an account up over there. NOTICE: I AM NOT LEAVING YET! I'll still be available on FFNet in the foreseeable future. I'm just thinking of putting my fics on back up over there.

PPS: THE BLUE EXORCIST MOVIE IS COMING OUT TOMORROW IN JAPANESE THEATRES! I CAN'T WAIT TILL I'LL BE ABLE TO WATCH IT MYSELF WITH SUBS! THE TRAILER MADE IT LOOK SO EFFEN GOOD!