Hold On

Why do I hold on while you walk away. Hold on, no matter what you tell me. I may believe, you may believe, I don't believe. Why do I hold on while you walk away? - Dope

He could've looked at it a thousand different ways, but it was still hard to believe. Any one of those pirates could've ended up adrift at sea where they were. Any one of them could've been calling for help, turning around and realizing it was only them that was there, willing to save from drowning. They'd only do that because they were a herd. Not pirates. Not assassins. Not killers.

They all had their own morals to live by, but none of that gave Diego the preparation to handle... this.

Of all the pirate crew, it was her. The silver saber. They helped her onto the floating ice. And it was there that Diego was convinced fate rolled the dice. It wasn't just chance she was there with them. It was... something else.

This is so uncomfortable.

An hour hand gone by since they were adrift. His heart raced a thousand and one words. His limbs were scrunched together, going numb in some areas. He couldn't move though. One, because he would fall into the water below if he did or two, bump into her and make the whole awkwardness... more awkward.

We're never getting off this damn thing.

And the ice, melting by the hour, only added to his paranoia.

For knowing nothing about her. Not even her name, he sure was intrigued by her. They were that close together, the edge of their pelts just hair lengths away. The moment got him to realize how interested he was. He wanted to feel everything he's never felt before.

She's changing me... and has barely talked to me.

Though he hardly looked at her, not wanting to make eye contact with her, he couldn't even remember the color of her eyes.

Probably beautiful, regardless.

He wanted to bite his thoughts out for thinking that. He was a lone saber. He didn't need anything he didn't already have. He didn't need love... right?

What is happening to me?

He ignored his instincts and instead cleared his throat, having her turn her head, a still unamused expression on her face. But it didn't cut away from the fact that his head went wild with thoughts about how amazing she looked. From the cute pink nose to the earring piece on her ear. He could go into great and lengthy detail on how much of a blessing it was to gaze into her eyes.

How about saying something, dummy?

He swallowed his fear and opened his lips, for a second thinking about risking everything and diving into her own. The feelings and emotions were too powerful to hold in. It was possible he would've done it too if only they were alone.

"Need something?" She said in an annoyed tone.

"Some space, if possible." He smarted back, though not entirely serious. His heart pleaded for her to lean against him and give him comfort like he's never felt before.

His eyes were practically begging for it, only now realizing how much he wanted to feel cared for by someone he could love immensely.

"Yeah? Well... you should've let me drown, then."

"Again, you're welcome."

She only moved an inch away, teeth beginning to show behind her lips as her irritation grew.

For Diego, though, it was a different kind of irritation. It was one where he was fighting his conscious on whether to go crazy with his feelings for her or not.

It felt so childish, though. A teenage fantasy at best. Likely because he hadn't gazed eyes on a female saber since... never. Plus he knew next to nothing about her, but he wanted everything to do with her. Release every feeling. Look into her eyes. Magnet his mouth to hers.

It seemed simple on paper. Just kiss her. That's it. Even if she seemed to dislike him. He was only playing the same game. Maybe. Pretending to dislike her.

What if she's doing the same thing?

Find out.

He figured now was as close as he was ever going to get with her. Pelts basically touching. Personal bubbles fading. He adored the smell of her breath as she spoke, hurtful as the words might entail.

Being on that pirate ship for so long, she's got to want something more. I mean, I would. I did. I... do.

If it was just the two of them, he truly believed he would've done it. Her eyes seemed to give him the need. The colors. They alone seemed to make his world better. Everything else was seen in black and white.

What I don't need is for the next couple of hours to be more awkward than they already-

The sound of ice cracking interrupted his thoughts. Ears perked as he looked below him, claws extended as he lifted himself up, a fearful look in his eyes.

She noticed his look of worry.

"What?" She asked with an expectedly annoyed tone. She nor anyone else had heard.

Before he knew it, the ice collapsed right below the silver saber, her entire body going under water.

Diego sprang up from his spot, but he never would've been quick enough to grab her before the ice around him split off from the rest.

He could see her splashing her paws above the surface as her head struggled even harder to keep above. Gasps of air plunged out of the water.

The rest of the herd had quickly drifted away with the current, though they had attempted to grab her before she got too far separated.

All the while, Diego had been standing afloat an ice piece that barely matched his size, watching fearfully, but not from the possibility of getting back to the herd. His only concern was about her.

He didn't need to contemplate anything as he dove right into the ocean, reaching her in no time and casting his arms around her as he pulled her to the surface.

Regardless of the situation, it was the best feeling of his life getting to hold her like that. Though the arctic ocean was likely the coldest place in the world, touching her pelt seemed to spark warmth inside him.

He would've held her there forever if it wasn't for the fact that he needed to eventually breath. He also felt her fighting to get away, showing him further that she wanted nothing to do with him.

And that hurt him, truthfully.

But the eagerness and wanting he felt was far stronger than anything she tried to do to get away as the two of them surfaced.

Diego swam in place and kept Shira afloat. She turned to him and growled.

"Let go of me!"

Diego ignored her request and instead dragged her to the small ice piece.

Shira clawed at the piece as she struggled to climb up. Once she did, Diego realized a problem.

*There's no room for me...*

Diego stood there in the water, paws on the ice, looking up at her, only thinking about the fact that she was safe. The fact that he cared so much still confused him.

What shocked him, though, was when she inched over, laying on her side with nearly half her body leaning off the edge.

She's letting me climb up too?

The ice nearly flipped from the weight as Diego held it down and climbed on.

The gold cat had to practically the same thing as his right half was dangled off the edge. They had no choice but to lean there backs against each other.

This barely works.

Fifteen minutes went by until their bodies started aching from the uncomfortable positions. Shoulders lunged overboard and necks cramped and bent.

"This isn't gonna work for long, you know?" She sighed.

"What do you want me to do about it?"

Logically, there was really only one solution. But saying it was the most nerve wrecking thought his mind had ever crossed.

We'd have to basically wrap ourselves around each other to make room.

He knew it would be more comfortable than having half his body cut off in circulation. Hell, it probably would be more comfortable than anything else imaginable. Just having her body rest in his. Though it resonated that way, his anxious thoughts kept him from suggesting it. But the more the ice platform rocked unsteadily from different weight, the more he really considered it.

As they tried to think, Shira just scoffed and turned her head back and away from him, ears down and shoulders drooped.

At that moment, Diego suddenly felt the urge to just jump on her, hug every portion of her body and kiss every square inch of her face.

I just want to love someone. I never realized til now.

His thoughts and instincts drove him mad, hating how shallow she was being.

"Something wrong?" He spoke, already scared of his decision to speak as her head turned back to him.

God, those eyes...

He was lost in fantasy over them, forgetting what it was he asked.

"You."

"What?" He snapped back to reality.

"You're what's wrong."

"Why?"

"You sunk our ship." She answered, as emotionless as it was hateful.

"You shouldn't have ambushed us." Diego responded back so quickly and witty.

Silence spread, isolation appearing even thought their pelts touched.

"Look..." Diego started, "I just lost everything too, you know? All my friends. I might never see them again."

She still didn't speak. She only listened with her head resting and her back turned away, still wanting nothing to do with him. And now he was starting to realize how pathetic he was by trying to get her to open up in the first place.

Figures.

His thoughts about that were shut off as he felt her start to shiver. The cold sea's wind blowing against their ice cold and sopping wet pelts weren't helping in the slightest.

The last thing I need is hypothermia.

The sabers could only take the cold for so long, bodies starting to go numb. Diego could barely feel his paws, let alone move them.

"It's s-so... c-cold." Fear appeared in her voice as she spoke so suddenly. Her attitude seemed to change so quickly and instantly as she scooted closer to his side, desperate for warmth at that point.

What's she doing?! Is she actually...

Regardless, he saw it as a chance to open up to her and have her open up to him. Because he certainly didn't want the next couple of hours... or days to go the way they've been going with her so far.

"There's a... better chance we'll survive if we... you know...

His mouth trembled both of cold and fear. And fear grew stronger as she turned and eyed him, an almost sickening look on her face. Almost as if his words switched her attitude back.

"Keep dreaming, buddy."

Though she was irritated, he couldn't help but smirk and scoff at her response.

"Fine. Freeze to death. That'll really show me."

He heard her take a deep breath, seeming to contemplate the idea. He was so eager. So much urged him to go through with it. So much distracted his reality.

"This just had to happen..." she groaned, scooting in even closer. Their bodies curled together, their faces nearly touched. But they kept their eyesights away. The warmth started to flow.

"Aren't you use to the cramped space?" Diego sassed.

"You know this is different." Oddly, their was a spark of amusement in her voice. Almost playful. Whether it was intentional or not, he went with the first.

"That ship couldn't have been much better."

"Well it was."

Winds began to pick up. Shoulders became numb and backs felt as though they had been turned to ice.

"The hell with this, I can't take it anymore." Shira exhaled out. Before Diego could respond, he felt something amazing. Much more than he could have ever imagined.

He had rolled over too as she nuzzled herself into his chest. His warmth. His whole embrace as he kept his legs around as much of her body as possible.

Whatever you do, don't purr. For the love of god.

It was certainly no easy task. Having, for the first time, a sense of protection. A feeling of... anything, really. The thought of cold weather also seemed to disappear from his mind as he embraced her. The numbness vanished as the heat from their bodies planted over each other.

"Don't think this means anything." She snarled.

It really didn't matter to Diego for what she thought. Sure, he was interested in knowing, but his own feelings seemed to stem brighter and more contrast.

Her pelt was so soft, her breath was so fluent. It really was a fantasy. Because of this, Diego was sure to treasure absolutely every moment of it, fearing it wasn't going to last for much longer.

Clanking perked his ears as he noticed the wind fussing through her earrings. And he couldn't help but smirk.

Cute.

Another word he had a hard time thinking. But it was the only one he could think of right then.

Shira began to loosen up, seemingly more comfortable as the minutes went by.

They only eyed each other. Diego swore, just the slightest bit, he could see a look of wanting in her eyes. This was it. This was his moment. Their moment. Lost in it.

The moment had to wait, though.

He had just considered diving into her lips and spark new life into him. But, before expectations furthered, the drifting ice hit something.

Shit!

Diego had tumbled off from the sudden force, expecting to plunge back into the dead zero warmth waters. But he was surprised to be wrong as he felt ground below him.

The two were so busy contemplating what was about to take place that neither of them noticed the large island they had been slowly drifting towards.

Sand, rough and irritating, coursed into Diego's pelt. Shira hopped off the platform and stretched her legs.

Realizing the freedom they now had, Diego got the idea to play around. And too test her, in a way, seeing as she didn't just immediately take off.

"See you then?" He smirked, Shira relaxing her limbs as the stretching came to an end.

"What?" She tilted her head, confused at how sudden it was.

"You said you didn't need help. Good luck getting back with the pirates and all. Bye." He waved a paw in departure, after which he turned straight around and walked off into the night.

"Are you kidding me?!" She yelled out, chasing after to catch up.

"No."

"What do *you* plan to do, then?"

"Why do you care? I'll figure it out."

Diego did his best to not slip his blank face away and tried to seem serious.

"You done following me?" Diego asked, noticing how close Shira had been walking beside him. And it was only after he said it that he realized how hurtful it sounded. Like he wanted no part of her.

And that couldn't have been further from the truth.

"But... I didn't mean..." she stood there as he walked a bit further before stopping and turning around, seeing her there. She looked sad. She seemed cold. Diego could see tears leaking down her. She had been acting so rugged and tough up until now. Up until the point where they might never find what they call home.

The cold rain started to pour as the skies turned to dusk. The day had drawn to an end.

She began to sob. Little did Diego actually know why as he kept his gaze on her, hating to see her this way.

Enough of this. It's not helping.

The gold cat walked up to her, sand squishing between steps.

"I'm... kidding, Shira."

The first time he ever spoke her name. He only knew it from the the other pirates giving her orders and whatnot. More importantly, it seemed to only pinpoint the exact moment he was taking the chance. To open up to her. To show her he cared. Nothing else.

"I just don't know anymore." Her mouth trembled the words out.

"Just stay with me for now. We'll figure it out, okay?"

She raised her head, glaring at him, eyes reflecting to the starlight above. The look she gave had Diego question if she had ever been cared for. Her scent, her breath, her very presence seemed too much for him to handle all at once. His heart pounded so fast. A warm feeling that he never wanted to stop.

"I don't know what to do. I don't know what I want!" She spoke up, collapsing her emotions and held up thoughts onto him.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm stuck. I'm tired. I'm... just...

She couldn't finish. All she could do was fall into his warmth, head rubbing against his neck, front legs intertwining as they stood there, comforting each other.

"Being here... you know, on land for the first time since I was a cub... the freedom. The space. I..."

I can show you so much, Shira...

As soon as the thought left his mind, her face had a look of annoyance.

"Look at me. Opening up to... you." Shira started, deeply breathing and smirking with her head down and eyes closed. She nodded as though in acceptance.

"Know what? I can take care of myself." Her words shot at him as she turned around and walked off, anywhere away from him.

"Maybe you shouldn't be kidding."

Her whole attitude snapped back, just seemingly trying to prove she was independent. And she was. Diego could see that. But that had nothing to do with the fact that he wanted to help her and stay with her. He didn't want anything bad to happen to her.

I've got to somehow show her what I feel about her. I'm alone with her on this island... maybe forever.

"I don't see why we have to pretend to hate each other." His words sort of slipped on his emotions there. And she caught the word he slipped.

Pretend.

She turned back around and walked up to him, hatred purely in her eyes.

"You think I'm pretending?! You think we're just gonna sit around and braid each other's fur or something?"

He smirked at the idea. She growled in response.

"It's not helping is all I'm saying." Diego quietly spoke and looked down with his ears drooped and his shoulders condensed inwards.

"But I'm not pretending!"

He had enough.

"You are!" He roared, making her lie down in fear.

"I see hate in your eyes. I see disgust!" He swallowed his anger as he calmly lied down in front of her.

"But I don't believe them. I can't believe them! Eyes that beautiful can't possibly-

Time stopped but hearts beat as he caught what he said. A thousand and one words sped through his mind. She heard. She knew. She knew what he thought. Maybe she always did.

He had to look away. He would've gotten up had he not been paralyzed of panic and fear.

Her face blushed as she looked away.

"You did not just say that." She bellowed, trying her best to cope with her own emotions and instincts.

"Tell me I'm wrong. Have you ever looked at your reflection?"

It felt like a half state of consciousness speaking words he never thought would slip through his mouth.

As she thought coursed, Diego almost considered pouncing onto her and let fate do the rest. To hug and feel every curve of her body and vice versa.

Shira's blush only deepened the more he spoke. Diego noticed the intensity of her body inhale. Despite everything, all he could think about was her figure. It was too perfect for him and got him to question just about everything up until this point. How on earth he deserved something like this must have been strictly coincidental. Like feeling life tangle him up inside and face down on the floor.

Both of them were controlled by the other. Sides of them that were otherwise impossible. Their eyes showed the feelings that they never felt inside and Diego never wanted anyone to know how soft he was going for her.

He felt himself subconsciously lie down in front of her. Eyes dwindled. Bodies caught heat and nervous energy.

Above all else, she smirked as she, for the first time, got a good look at him.

"What?" He asked and couldn't help but have his lips do the same.

Everything felt so eager. Everything felt so comfortable. Everything felt so vulnerable.

"You've got something on your ear."

"On my what?"

"Here."

She leaned up, her face never so close before. It was something else. Her soft face brushed against his as her lips were just millimeters away from his ear. Her warm breath caused his ear to twitch and have a warm sensation wave down his body.

*I just wanna turn my head. Her lips are right there. I want to know what it's like.*

He nearly lost it when he felt something he was in no way expecting. She gently nipped his ear. That alone started a lot of stuff inside him. It fueled his imagination and the possibility.

She pulled her body back, tilting her head and looking into him. Into everything he was.

Diego was frozen in shock and it did nothing but amuse Shira. Now she was just playing with him. As torturous as it was, it beat her hating his guts.

The warmest feeling sprang inside him. He wanted more of it. He moved closer to her. And she allowed it. She didn't growl or snarl at him like he half expected. She just eyed him. Her orbs seemed full of mystery. He wanted to solve everything. Her scent. Her breath. Her whole figure. These mixed with the possibility that they may never get off this island. And if they never did, why not take the chance?

Fuck it.

Lips dove to her. He pressed her up against the tree she sat behind. All he got in response was a muffled expression from her mouth. It was a bit frightening, though. He feared that she would snap back and bite his face in response. She could've very easily torn away at his lips.

But his whole body tightened in passion. Anger and frustration turned to wanting and needing. As strong as his fantasizing was, it got nowhere near to how much he felt inside from experiencing the real thing. As cliche as that was, it was the damn truth.

He felt her grab his shoulders, trying to push him away. And he honestly expected that after doing something so unexpected.

And there was no going back. He had to show her until she understood. The way she opened up, admitting she wasn't happy. The way she teased him with the nip on the ear. These had to mean something more.

He hugged her whole body. His paws reached around the tree and held her tight.

She's so soft. Oh my god...

But it felt so wrong. He was practically forcing her into this. Soon his common sense was able to send an impulse to his brain and stop. Lips popped off. Saliva hanging off the two. Breaths equally intense.

There... at least now I can know if...

There was very little time he got to think or catch his breath as she grabbed him and yanked him around to where he was leaning his back against the tree. Positions were switched as he muffled in his own way of expression like she did.

Diego loosened up and let her hold him. Their chests pressed in, breathing off one another in harmony. He could tell she wanted so much more. Everything Diego believed she should have always had.

Soon, he began wondering... when the hell she was going to stop. Not that he had the slightest of problems with it. She just kept breathing in between every lap around his lips. She wasn't stopping. After all the back lashing and hatred she showed, which, in reality wasn't really there. She was just scared. Irritated. Lost.

He knew words wouldn't do anything. Even if he didn't know, she kept his mouth from speaking anyway. He showed her care through comfort. Through understanding. Through the silent bliss of the night as they slept under the tree, purring as they fell into dreams, their thoughts of each other strong enough to stumble into their sleep.

Diego had been told since a cub that he was given nine lives, but just from that day, he discovered that he only needed one.

The End