Started: December 2012

Finished: January 2013

::Prologue

"So that was moving. I guess I'm kinda wondering why that was."

"Well, you know I uh I really missed you."

"Missed you too. I'm really glad that you're here. But you've been so emotional and weirdly sad. Please stop pretending that there's nothing wrong."

"I was with someone."

"It was Sebastian wasn't it?"

"No it wasn't Sebastian but it doesn't, it didn't mean anything. It was just a hook up ok?"

"Who was it?"

"It doesn't matter who it was with Kurt. What matters is that I was by myself. I needed you. I needed you around and you weren't there. And I was lonely and I'm sorry."

"You don't think that I haven't been lonely? You think that I haven't had temptations but I didn't act on it because I knew what it meant."

"I'm so sorry Kurt I really am."

Kurt ran off. He didn't come back to the apartment till late.

::End Prologue

Blaine sat against the headboard and watched Kurt ready himself for bed. He was almost too scared to say anything for fear Kurt would throw him out right then and there. He decided he could not longer take it and had to find out. "Do you want me to leave tonight?" Not a yes or a no came out. Kurt was silent. He lay down and put off the light on his side of the bed. Blaine laid down but left his light on. Moments passed and he said, "I don't want us to go to bed angry. We've never let the sun set on an argument." Kurt reached over hastily and switched Blaine's lamp off and rolled over with his back to him.

"Ok, you don't have to talk but I need to. I was with some one else because I was afraid you were leaving me." He swallowed. Kurt didn't say anything. "I just felt so far away not just physically but emotionally. I felt like you we're moving on with your life with out me. That all I could do at that time was try to accept that and move on."

"I gave you all of me," Kurt said in disbelief, "and you think I wanted to leave you?"

"It was stupid I know."

"Why? How could you think I was going to leave you?"

Blaine hesitated not wanting to play the blame game, but then thought telling him what was in his heart was the only thing he could do. "You accepted my phone calls less and less and when I would get to talk to you you'd be short with me."

Kurt remembered that and instantly felt bad. "Just because of a few missed phone calls?" He said annoyed. He bravely put his hand on Kurt's shoulder and reminded him.

"Those calls are all we have right now."

"Is that all?" he asked clearly still upset.

"When we'd SKYPE you, I felt like you didn't care about my questions or concerns. I mean I love hearing about you but I felt you didn't want to hear me."

"I have so much going on right now," Kurt said forcefully making the other boy recoil his hand from his shoulder. "I'm sorry if I can't be there for everything."

"I, I'm sorry," was all Blaine could come up with.

"I cannot believe you where that insecure. Why didn't you talk to me?"

"I did-"

"You didn't tell me that you felt insecure."

"I thought I shouldn't feel that way-"

"You're damn right you shouldn't have," Kurt interrupted.

"But I did!" Blaine raised his voice. "I didn't feel like I was in a relationship anymore!" He took a deep breath. "Look at me Kurt, come on," he came close to the other boy and tried to turn him to face him. "Understand," He turned onto his back but still didn't look him in the eye. "I didn't do it because I love someone else. I didn't do it because I'm a pig who can't keep it in his pants or out of jealously spite or revenge."

Kurt tried to get up but Blaine put an arm over him, not allowing him to. Kurt let out an exasperated sigh. "I know, you did it because you didn't trust my love for you, you didn't trust me.

"You gave me less and less to trust in," reasoned Blaine.

What do we have if we don't trust each other?" Kurt asked trying to again to get up. "Let me up," he said but his lover just held him down harder and looked in his eyes intensely.

"Remember when I stupidly pulled away from you because I thought I had to get used to being without you when you would leave for New York and you found yourself enjoying the company of someone else?" His face was barely an inch away from Kurt's. "You should understand insecurity."

"That doesn't make it ok to cheat," Kurt said.

"I'm not saying that makes the cheating ok," he said frustrated. "I'm asking you to understand and relate to that feeling."

Kurt suddenly became very uncomfortable with the argument at hand and his lovers weight holding him down. He regulated his breathing and countered; "That's no comparison. I wasn't ignoring you on purpose."

"That point is moot Kurt and you know it."

"Get off me," he said firmly. Blaine didn't move. Kurt swiftly maneuvered himself to get up but Blaine still pinned him catching him by surprise. "Get…off me," he warned shakily. A moment passed and he violently twisted out of his lovers grip. Blaine rose and grabbed his wrist before the other boy could walk away.

I made a mistake. I never wanted you to stop being my soul mate. Kurt's face softened only a glimmer before he tore his hand away, determined to sleep on the couch.

Kurt leaned back on the couch. He closed his eyes sliding his hand down his body cursing the affect Blaine had on him. He had not expected him to be so aggressive. He laid down and successfully pushed his arousal out of his mind but thoughts of Blaine still lingered and would not leave him be. Tears leaked from his eyes. He lied there struggling with how he felt, how he should feel and what he should do about it.

Blaine laid there and couldn't sleep. He couldn't stand the thought of Kurt alone crying some where even if it was because of him. He had to go and look for him. He found him on the couch sleeping and knelt down quietly so he wouldn't wake him. He looked down at the face of his beautiful lover and hated that he had doubted his love.

"I love you Kurt. You were right, I should've told you how I felt." He kissed the boy on the forehead. "Next time, if there is a next time I will, I promise." Then he headed back to the bedroom.

Little did Blaine know Kurt wasn't really asleep, how could he be? He was having just as much trouble sleeping as his lover. When Blaine had told him he loved him and kissed his forehead it took all he had not to grab the boy, pull him down into his arms and just hold him. But he felt like he couldn't do that, that he shouldn't do that, that he should be mad, that he had every right to be mad. Sure it angered and frustrated him that his lover had doubted him, but it wasn't in his nature to hold a grudge. It was in his nature to have compassion and understand and forgive.

::

Early that morning Blaine tiptoed out before Kurt woke up thoroughly convinced that he didn't want him there in the morning.

Later, Finn came into the living area and was surprised to see Kurt sitting there silently.

"You spooked me," he said.

"It feels like I'm dying, Finn. I love him. Did you ever doubt my love for him?"

"No absolutely not. I've seen the way you are together."

"He doubted it, he doubted me. I gave him all of me. I gave him as much of me as I could, didn't I? Kurt asked him sadly."

"I'm sure you did, he said not being able to comment because he hadn't been around the past 4 months but he was sure his friend had. You guys where always tight you know? No bullshit, like all the other couples, like breaking up 6 times like me and Rachel."

"I want someone constant, "Kurt mused. "Just one person."

"I've known Blaine almost as long as you have," said Finn thoughtfully. "It seems so out of character for him to cheat. I'm sure you never gave him a reason to. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I mean I just stayed away from Rachel for four months and then I come here and she's with another dude. I'm sorry. You've been there for Blaine." Kurt stared off to the side. "Well, here's my new number if you need to talk. Come on, give me a hug before I leave." Kurt got up and let Finn embrace him. "You're my brother and a great friend. I love you." Tears fell down the others boys cheeks and he decided to return the hug.

"I love you too," he said.

Finn pulled away and put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm serious dude, if you need to talk, call me, ok?"

"Ok," he sniffled. "Thank you."

::

Two weeks passed and Kurt wouldn't answer his messages and sent Blaine's packages back unopened. He was still unsure how to deal with all of it. It was easier for him not to deal with it at the moment.

::

Back at McKinley, Tina looked for Blaine in the lunchroom cafeteria but he was no where to be found. She sat down eating quickly and went to look for him. After 15 minutes she went looking outside and into the parking lot. She found him in his car. She tapped on the window and gave him a scare. He looked up and she waved. He lowered his window. "Can I come in?" she asked. He unlocked the door wordlessly. He looked like had been crying. Not knowing what to say, she put her hand on his.

He pulled his hand away saying, "Every touch reminds me of his. I'm sorry." Feeling him pull away from her when she was at a loss of what to say to comfort him, caused a few tears to fall down her cheeks. He looked to her. "I'm sorry," he whispered again. "I came out here to be alone."

"I don't want to be alone," she said.

"I am alone…" he said distantly. She put her hand hesitantly on the door lever to respect his whishes and leave and then he said; "I don't want to push you away. I know you're trying to help. I don't even want to come to school," he said. They both sat there in silence. He turned to her and asked; "What can I do? What can I do to ease this pain, and all of this guilt?" He asked her desperately. "Tell me something because I'm running out of options."

"Have you considered going to the school counselor or maybe professional counseling?"

"No," he said tearfully.

"Let me take you to Emma."

"I was wrong in what I did. What can Emma tell me? Only Kurt can absolve me. What can she do?"

"I don't know, I'm not a counselor but she can be insightful. Come with me ok? Right now." He just looked down. She got out of the car and went to his side and opened his door. "Come on. Let me take you to see Emma, please." He begrudgingly got out of his car and went with her.

::

Tina approached Blaine at his locker. "I was wondering if you'd like to come over after school today. We can watch movies, a comedy, whatever you want."

"When I get home, at the end of every day, it's still the same."

"I'm trying to help fill this gap, till you and Kurt talk again. I'm trying to make it easier."

"Maybe I'll see that one day but now, it's so hard," he said sadly.

"You will see. It will be easier. Let me listen to you. We can talk about it."

"I can't."

"Ok."

"But I'd like to watch movies." She was so happy he took her up on her offer that tears welled in her eyes. She wanted to give him a hug but then she remembered how he said every touch reminded him of Kurt so she restrained. "Good I'm glad. I look forward to it." She gave him a small smile, nodded and walked away.

::

At her house, in her room they sat on her bed. He sat and watched calmly but after a while he started to get restless and changed his position a lot as if he couldn't get comfortable.

"He won't take my calls…" he said suddenly. She muted the movie.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"I'm glad I told him why I did it because he's not listening anymore. At least he knows but it doesn't make me any less of a monster."

"You're not a monster Blaine Warbler," she smiled a little.

"Who would do that to someone who loves them so much? He's so delicate I mean he puts on a strong front but…"

"He loves you. I'm sure he will forgive you."

"I, he's so far away, emotionally, just gone…from me, he said somberly."

"Kurt's a very passionate person. I doubt he is as removed from his feeling for you as you think he is.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

He sniffled. "Maybe I should go," he said. "I don't think I'll watch the rest of the movie." She didn't want him to leave. She was concerned about his mental stability and his ability to drive with the stress he was under. She was worried he might do something terrible, so terrible she couldn't even say it.

"I know you aren't like Kurt in terms of sleepovers but…you can stay. I really don't think you should drive alone or be alone. I don't want you to get hurt." He looked down sadly. He could think of no reason why he had to go home anyway. He turned over on his back, rubbed his face and sighed.

She got up and went to her closet and came back with soft white pajama pants and matching white long sleeved shirt. "Here, she said as she put them on his stomach."

"Thank you," he whispered and changed his clothes. He relaxed on his back again and she lay propped up on her elbow.

"I can go, you can have my bed," she offered.

"You don't have to go."

"I wish I could help you more."

"You are…I'm not alone tonight." He proceeded to explaining to her the reasons surrounding their break up. "We were supposed to have a strong bond. I felt his bond with me was breaking…and I was breaking. All I wanted was to heal. A part of me whishes I hadn't told him. But it was the right thing to do. I wanted to do right by him, always."

"Telling him was the right thing to do. Not telling him would've been dishonest and would've been worse in the end. And you're not a dishonest person Blaine Warbler. I'd forgive you," she said honestly.

"But you hardly know me."

"He loves you for many reasons right? You made one mistake. It doesn't make all your good deeds undone."

"It did, I saw them all unravel when I looked into his eyes."

"That's not true, she whispered. I saw you two together. You don't just connect like that with anyone."

"You make him very happy."

"I did…"

"Give it time."

"He's so far away. He won't forgive me, he'll forget me."

"Remember last year at prom?" She reminisced. "We sang Take My Breath Away. You danced, everyone danced. He'll never forget you." At that thought he started to cry. He remembered Kurt had said, you take my breath away when they met in the auditorium when he relieved Kurt's jealously concerning Sebastian. "I'm sorry," she said seeing what she had said had triggered more tears.

"I don't just want to be forgiven. I want, need to be with him. He has my spark, he has my heart. He has what made me…me."

She reached over and squeezed his shoulder. "Could I try something?"

"What?"

"I don't want you to be up all night sad. Can I try giving you a back massage?"

"A message? Really? I didn't know you could do that," he said sadly. "Sure, getting some sleep instead of being like this all night sounds good." He rolled onto his stomach and she sat on his butt and rubbed his back through the thin soft shirt he wore. She truly felt bad for him and contemplated how easy it was to loose someone's trust when you've done a number of things to nurture it and preserve it, in any relationship, to make sure it stays strong. Then she thought about how relationships would last with out forgiveness. They wouldn't. Not just romantic ones but, friendships and family relationships. She sighed and leant down slightly. Blaine had fallen asleep. She was relieved and happy. She turned off the light climbed under the covers beside him.

::

She woke at 4 A.M. finding an arm around her and Blaine sobbing into her back. He had quite a grip, almost as if he'd die if he let go. Feeling that almost made her cry again. He had to know she was awake or maybe he wished she weren't. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know if she should move or say anything. Maybe he just needed to hold someone and be sad for now.