First off I have to say, that I have not watched the Suzumiya-Series. Mostly because I tried and noted after the first few minutes, that I really don't like Haruhi. I just love Itsuki and Kyon though, so I have read fanfictions, doujinshi about them. So basically the way I see them is based on these things, and I apologize if they are too much OOC.

Also English is not my first language, so I apologize for mistakes! Be nice please^^

Anyway I did my best and I hope you enjoy the story^^

[Squeeze Back]

Kyon felt horrible as he walked up the path towards his meeting point with Itsuki. It was cold with a few snowflakes falling from the white, cloudy sky and the weather didn't help his mood at all. Remembering the way the lighter brunette boy had been practically running out of his house, away from him, yesterday made him sigh in booth aggravation and desperation. He heaved his shoulders and looked down, hiding half of his face behind his scarf and pushed his hands into his coat pockets to prevent them from freezing off. Due to this his fingers brushed against his cell. This made him recall the previous phone call which gave him a sick feeling in his stomach when he thought about it.

The moment his phone started to ring he knew that something was wrong. Pointing out the obvious his sister told him that his phone was ringing, as always, as if he couldn't hear it himself and this time he really had a hard time refraining from shouting at her or throwing the damned thing itself at her head. Instead he just ignored her completely and hurried into his room, closing the door behind him.

The caller ID showed him that it was indeed Itsuki and when he picked up he wasn't greeted by his usual cheery voice, but a settled, almost somber tone. It also wasn't one of his prank calls, where he phoned Kyon just to scream "I raaab you" down the line and had Kyons ears ringing hours afterwards and cursing him to hell. But by the way Itsukis voice sounded now he was almost wishing for such a call.

"Good afternoon, Kyon-kun" Kyon groaned inwardly at his words. There it was again, the brunettes phony politeness he resented so much. Adding the –kun at a time like this was almost as horrible as if Itsuki had cursed at him or had given him a foul name. At some point Itsuki had stopped using the suffix when addressing Kyon, after countless complaints and a lot of, not so nice, namecalling from his part. Unless he wanted to tease him, but Kyon knew that right now Itsuki had no intention of teasing.

"I just called to inform you that I would deem it best if we could stop our interacting as it is now and"

"Don't gimme this crap!" Kyon interrupted him and was just about to give him a piece of his mind when Itsuki continued talking, not fazed by Kyons outburst at all.

"and therefore I would like to break all contact off, aside from the meetings with the SOS Brigade."

This was exactly what Kyon had been expecting, but even despite that it still hurt like a punch in the face. He listened dumbfolded until the mention of the SOS Brigade. Immediately anger welled up in him. He couldn't let Itsuki end this before it had even really started, without giving him the chance to do or say anything. Even more than that he would not allow Haruhi to ruin one of the rare good things in his life.

"Have a nice weeke-" he was snapped out of his stupor when he noticed that Itsuki was about to hang up. Before said boy was able to finish his sentence, Kyon chimed in.

"Stop fucking around with me, you stupid idiot! Calling me, what kind of damned coward are you? Don't you even have the balls to talk to me face to face!?" of course Kyon knew why the other was calling him. Breaking this thing they had off, whatever it was, was much easier this way. Kyon was well aware that Itsuki didn't sound all that convincing and he assumed, or hoped, that his resolve would crumble if he had to talk directly to him. Any way right now Kyon didn't give a shit about how Itsuki felt and how he could make this smoother for him, since he had no intention of breaking up at all.

"You can't just-"

"Kyon-kun, I believe we are done talking."

"Wha- No, no we're not! Don't you dare hanging up on me" the chocolate haired boy pressed the phone tighter to his ear as if that would prevent the other from hanging up. Well Itsuki didn't hang up, or said anything for that matter, so Kyon continued.

"Let's meet. Please! We'll talk this through, okay? You can't just brush me off like that, give me, us, a chance. You owe this to me" Kyon could have gagged. The way he sounded, so sappy and desperate. Pathetic. He shouldn't be begging. He shouldn't even care. This was just Itsuki after all. For all he cared the guy could just die… but whom was he fooling?

The time when these thoughts were true was long gone and even if he felt embarrassed about it he had to admit that he had fallen head over heels for Itsuki. The other brunette loved him too, he knew that, it was just Haruhi in the way.

Through all his musings Itsuki hadn't said a word.

"Seven o'clock by the benches, okay?" He was met with silence. "Please Itsuki!"

Again there was no answer and he thought scared that his friend hadn't even been listening. Maybe he had just laid down the phone and went somewhere else while Kyon ranted on and on without anyone giving a shit. Somehow that thought hurt and although Itsuki wasn't the type of person who would do something like that Kyon had always thought that Itsuki was the type to just call and literally say "Screw you" neither. Kyon was just about to throw his phone against the wall when he got his answer.

"Fine, see you then. I guess" he didn't know if it was a good sign or not that Itsukis voice hadn't sound as steady as before.

Pulling his coat tighter around him, he sighed deeply. The cold wind around him made the few falling snowflakes twirl in circles around him and his breath was forming white puffs in the air. The bare branches of the sakura trees made everything look dead and dull. When he dragged his feet around a corner he could see the person he was looking for.

The moment Kyon saw him he wanted to punch him in the gut. HARD. This unbelievable idiot dared to stand there with this stupid grin on his face. Fists pushed tightly into his coat pockets he straightened up and concentrated on making a neutral face while taking his place in front of his somewhat boyfriend.

Itsuki was grinning at him with his fox eyes perfectly in place and Kyon wondered shortly if the guy had any idea of how huge the chances were that he was going to acquaint his face with Kyons fist. That his grin looked as if he was in serious pain apparently went unnoticed by both boys.

"Hello there" he greeted, not cheerful at all. 'Well hello to yourself' Kyon thought but kept his mouth shut for the moment.

"Kyon-kun" Kyon cringed slightly "I cannot really tell you anything different than what I said on the phone to you. We just cannot stay together. This will lead to problems with the Agency and more important with Suzumiya-san and I'm not willing to-"

"You knew this before, didn't you?"

"Huh?"

"That it wouldn't be all rainbows and butterflies. You knew that before, before you started to, well, come around and kiss me and stuff and damn it, doing all these, these things to top it off. What'd you do this for if not-"

"Kyon-kun please-"

"Don't call me 'Kyon-kun' as if I'm some fucking stranger, will you?" He glared up at Itsuki, successfully shutting him up "You really gave me the feeling that we could be together, and for fucks sake, I was happy because I love you, you fucking bastard" noticing that Itsuki was about to retort something he shot him a glare again "So why did you make me think that you'd love me too, when in fact you were apparently just killing off time and never had any real intentions of being with me because of your idiotic fear of Haruhi? Did you want to make fun of me, trying to find out how far you could go, or what? Were you just acting as if you'd have the hots for me and when you remembered that things could get ugly you made a mad dash for the exit?" Kyon had raised his voice and only the fact that they were in a public place kept him from yelling his head off when Itsuki held up his arms in defense.

„No Kyon, you got this wrong, I love you" his eyes had a desperate look in them while his face was still a plastic smile „I really do and you know that. I never wanted to give you the feeling that I was just toying with you, you're really important to me, but I can't act on that. My job is to make Suzumiya-san happy and to keep everything intact, I can't go about being selfish. Nothing good would come out of that. You see, if I do not separate myself from you, my agency would surely take this mission away from me and that wouldn't even be the worst thing. If Suzumiya-san finds out, she'll throw a tantrum and this would affect the whole world, maybe even destroy it. You would get hurt, Kyon, and I cannot let that happen, never" Itsuki reached out to touch Kyons cheek when he suddenly realized what he was about to do and stopped his hand. He curled his fingers into a fist and his hands shook as he forced his arms to stay at the sides of his body.

Even now he had his annoying, idiotic grin on his face and Kyon wanted nothing more than to rip it off, but he saw that Itsuki was fighting so desperately to keep that smile on his face, although it was so obviously faked it hurt. He knew that Itsuki used it as a sort of mask to shield his emotions off from everyone else. While Kyon usually pouted or glared Itsuki smiled to distance himself from others and right now he was using it as a defense mechanism.

But since it was Kyon standing in front of him he could grin his ass off and it would be in vain, because the other boy could read him like an open book anyway and Itsukis eyes where giving him away completely. They were shining from the unshed tears that had started to gather in the corners.

"It'll be the best for us all. Suzumiya-san needs to be kept happy and it's our job to do that. Suzumiya-sans happiness is important." Closing his eyes he tilted his head to the side, looking like he was handing out candies to children.

But the tone in his voice sounded as if Itsuki was more trying to convince himself than anything else. Kyon wouldn't have any of this. He was fed up with this constant crap about Haruhi. Why was it always only about her? And why the hell was it always his fucking job to keep her satisfied? It wasn't as if he wanted to have this position anyway. She had forced herself upon him and had dictated his life from that moment on. He had been going along with it, because if he was honest with himself it wasn't as if he had so much more important things to do than to attend to the SOS Brigade meetings, he even had fun…sometimes… although he wouldn't be caught dead saying that aloud.

Anyway right now it was getting important. Haruhi had selected him to be her 'special person' but he didn't want to be that for the life of him. Why the fuck was everything decided over his head, did he have no say in this matter at all!? He had his own 'special person', right in front of him, and he was not going to let Haruhi destroy this because of her selfish schemes. He didn't understand why it was only ever about Haruhis' happiness. He deserved to be happy as well for all the shit he had to put up with everyday and Itsuki was making him happy. So Haruhi could go to hell for all he cared.

He grabbed Itsukis scarf and yanked him down forcefully to be closer to his face. Itsuki gasped in surprise, not having expected the sudden force his mask slipping for a moment. Kyon was so desperate, he could see that Itsuki had somehow managed to decide this thing on his own and he could see him slipping away. Even as they stood there, with Kyon holding on to his scarf he could feel that Itsuki was somehow distanced. And he didn't like that .bit.

"What about your happiness? What about mine? Is that not important, you stupid idiot? Why is it always only her?!" His voice was unsteady and on the verge of screaming again. He know it wasn't fair, to be yelling like that, because the boy in front of him was most likely just doing what he was taught to do and trying to cause as less trouble as possible for everybody. The look he received made his heart clench. Itsukis eyes were showing hurt and guilt and the way one rebellious tear was rolling down his cheek was setting Kyon off.

Kyon leaned forward and rested his forehead against Itsukis chest, still holding his scarf as if he was afraid that his friend would run away if he let go of that. He willed himself to calm down, he needed to be convincing, not a nervous screaming wreck.

Itsuki in the meanwhile didn't know what he should do. He stood still, not moving at all, even when he felt Kyon leaning against him, his arms still strictly hanging by his sides. He had known that this wouldn't be easy but he had never thought that Kyon would react like that. He would have expected him to get angry, yes, but further he had thought he would just blow up, yell at him, call him names and stomp off, telling him he didn't want to see his stupid face ever again. But here he was, clinging to him like he was his lifeline and trying to make him change his mind. And for heaven's sake, all Itsuki wanted to do was changing his mind and be with Kyon, but he just couldn't. Kyon was only making this so much harder for the both of them.

Kyon then pulled back and looked Itsuki in the eyes, looking much more settled than moments before.

"God, I hate you so much Itsuki!" he forced a small smile on his face, so that Itsuki wouldn't get this the wrong way, although that wasn't a real danger. "You're just such a damned goody two shoes. Anyway I kind of understand you, I mean you are Haruhis Yes-man you can't just go and snatch me away from her, right?" Itsuki didn't say anything. Thinking it was probably saver to just listen to Kyon for a while. "Thing is, this is about you and me, not Haruhi. You have to get through your thick skull that it was my decision to kiss you, not yours and especially not hers and she has go get through her hollow meatball of head that I will never be with her that way" He cast his eyes downwards a bit and rearranged Itsukis scarf since he had crumpled it while holding onto it. That he didn't have to look Itsuki in the eyes while doing so was a benefit he was happy to accept. "The fact that I like boys won't change even when you leave me right now. Someday maybe there would come another one around and I'll have this trouble with her then. Being honest I'd rather have to talk this through with her when you're at my side. And I want you to be next to me more than anyone, more than anything."

His cheeks were dusted pink and he was still not meeting Itsukis eyes until the forced them to lock with them. The conflict and love he was met with make his heart flutter, not sure if it should soar or clench, and he blushed harder.

"Haruhi may not like this and she's most likely also going to go nuts and throw tantrums around, but she's going to understand. I am her special person so she has to wish for my happiness also, don't you think?" Itsuki didn't look convinced and in this matter Kyon also couldn't blame him because Haruhi was selfish beyond help. He refrained from making a face at this though.

"I know for sure that she won't hurt me. And I promise you, Itsuki that I will protect you. She is not going to hurt you or do anything else with you. I promise you that… So please. Give me a chance, give us a chance! I can show you this, that it is worth a try."

He stepped forward again and wrapped his arms around the taller boy grabbing the fabric of his coat at his back and breathing in his scent. Hugging himself close to Itsuki Kyon waited. He waited for something, anything. A word, a nod, any sign from the boy he was holding. He was starting to panic slightly when nothing of the sort came around, but then suddenly Itsukis arms were flying around him, pressing the two bodies flush together. Kyon felt relief washing over himself as he felt the other burying his head against the side of his neck.

Letting himself relax completely Itsuki literally slumped against Kyon and heaved a sigh as if the weight of the world was resting on his shoulders. 'Well, practically it did' thought Kyon bitterly and pressed the ESPer tighter, trying to show him that he would do everything is his might to lift a bit of that weight off his back, knowing that it was mostly his fault that the other felt that way in the first place. After all it had been him who had convinced the light brunette go give their relationship a try.

Thinking about Haruhis wrath, still hoping that he could pacify her somewhat, he got a nauseous feeling in his stomach again. Kyon dreaded the increasing appearances of Closed Spaces, which would surely break the scale and soar into the sky, even if he was able to convince her that this whole Kyon-being-with-Koizumi thing wasn't all that bad. Haruhi would be angry and upset for sure, it was just Kyon's job to keep her as controlled as possible and therefore keep the number of Closed Spaces low.

Every Closed Space meant danger for Itsuki, he was well aware of that and he would never be able to forgive himself if said ESPer was hurt, because he had sweet talked him into something risky. If they kept their relationship going there was a lot more at stake for Itsuki than for himself and now that he really realized that he felt bad for having lashed out at the other like that before.

They stood there, quite a time, not saying anything, just nuzzling the other. Giving him another quick squeeze Kyon pushed himself slowly away from Itsuki, gazing up into his face. He didn't really like what he saw there. Devoid of the plastic smile Itsuki looked so awfully vulnerable and raw, a few tears were running down his slightly red cheeks and his eyes were a bit brighter. But despite that Kyon also saw the love, the other felt for him, in his face, mixed with something, that looked suspiciously like fear, making him look utterly lost.

To Kyon he looked like a child who didn't know where it was, or what it was supposed to do. His dark grey winter coat seemed too big, too bulky, fully swallowing his suddenly fragile body. Although normally taller than Kyon he seemed to shrink a bit. The white scarf, formerly complementing his eyes and bringing out the vibrating brown of them, was now all of a sudden dull like something out of a haunting memory.

"Those better be melted snow flakes runnin' down your cheeks" he said gently before stepping away, giving the other some space and trying to get rid of these images.

"Sure they are" smiling slightly, a bit lopsided and weak, not the way Itsuki should smile at all, but at least genuine. He used his sleeve to wipe square over his face. He let his arm linger a moment where it was, successfully hiding his face from Kyons gaze. The chocolate haired boy didn't say anything, granting his friend the time he needed instead of pushing him.

When the arm was removed, kind of reluctantly Kyon noted, the tears were gone and his hazel eyes looked clearer, more alive.

Alive and determined enough to make Kyon push his luck a bit.

"I.. uhm… Itsuki would you like to come home with me? I'd hate to just go home like that" 'and give you the opportunity to think this over again' Kyon mentally added. He knew he must have looked pleadingly and refrained from kicking himself for it.

Holding his hand out for Itsuki to grab it, he found it empty for the longest time. His heart was doing a downwards spin until he saw it crash and burn on the ground. He hated Itsuki for making him act this overdramatic and idiotic. To be honest he wanted to cry, if just to make Itsuki move. Wherever he would move then. Again he didn't say anything, not wanting to push Itsuki, but preparing himself to run should the other fly from him and tackle him to the ground. If push came to shove he was willing to pull the ESPer to his house by the hair.

Itsuki didn't run, to be precise not the tiniest movement went through his body. He was just looking at Kyons outstretched hand and for a moment there, to Kyon, he looked like a lost kid again. Wanting to grab something so bad it hurt but afraid that the moment he did, his mother would stand there and whack him over the head for trying.

Fighting the thousands of thoughts, 'ifs', 'buts', that must have surely run through his head that agonizingly slow moments, he suddenly locked eyes with Kyon. Never once in his life had Kyon seen him determined like this. His eyes were huge and dark, but so fucking alive and burning. Kyon wondered if Itsuki knew that he looked almost ready to kill and was just about to ask himself if that was a good thing or not when the ESPer's hand reached forward to grab his own.

Not once did he leave Kyons eyes as he took hold of it and immediately intertwined their fingers. He strode towards Kyon, all but twirling him around into the direction of Kyons house and dragged him so fast that the other stumbled a bit.

"I'd love to." He settled into a slower pace, stepping closer to the boy so that their sides were touching. Only then he stopped looking at Kyon and looked downwards. "Don't let me be such an idiot again" because it was mumbled into his scarf Kyon almost couldn't catch it.

He smiled and squeezed Itsukis hand. "You're my idiot, but don't worry, I got that one covered." At the look he received he couldn't help but laugh. The taller was disapprovingly glaring down at him and failing miserably, apparently needing to stifle a smile himself and without hesitation he squeezed Kyon's hand back.