Kate stared at the tiny pink plus in the window of the white plastic strip she held. She shook it as like it was an Etch-A-Sketch and she could make the vertical line disappear.

She placed the pregnancy test on the edge of the sink, sitting down on the closed toilet seat and ran one hand through her hair. The only person she'd told she suspected she was pregnant was Lanie, not wanting to tell Rick until she was sure. Lanie had offered to watch the door at the precinct while she took a test so no one walked in, but she couldn't risk taking it at work. She bought the test during a short lunch break and locked it in her bottom desk drawer.

She'd sent Rick home though he wanted to walk her out, possibly take her to spend the night at his house, but she told him that she had too much work to do and wanted him to get a good night's sleep. Then she'd left 15 minutes after she was sure he was gone.

They'd discussed the possibility of having kids, but it was a brief conversation late at night brought on by news from Ryan that he and Jenny were expecting a baby. They'd agreed that "someday" they might have children together. There was no doubt in Rick's mind that they would be together for the rest of their lives but she was constantly waiting, wondering when the other shoe would drop and she'd lose one of the few good things left in her life.

She did want to have kids and the only person she could see herself having children with was Rick but she had no idea how to be a mother and a cop. Her job was dangerous enough without the constant worry of if she'd go home to her son or daughter at the end of the day, that her kids would lose her the way she'd lost her mother too soon.

An image of a uniformed officer knocking on the door entered her mind. Rick would be sitting on the floor, playing with their young child before standing up to answer the door. The officer on the other side of the door would remove their hat, offer their condolences and finally tell him that she'd been shot, that she was dead.

She'd never imagined herself dying old and gray in a nursing home next to her husband. She knew it was morbid to think about her own death, but doing what she did she always figured she'd die young, as her mother did. She didn't want to die, she just knew it was inevitable that someday she would and odds were that her job would be the thing that kills her.

Ryan was doing it, he was now a father to a beautiful baby girl and he still did his job. He still put on his bulletproof vest day after day and kicked down doors and walked into danger and everyday he'd gone home safely to his wife and child. He had plans though, making Esposito promise to take care of Jenny and Amanda if anything ever happened to him.

She didn't want that to be her life. To turn to her partner before drawing her gun and rushing into a building and share the knowing nod that meant not only to watch her back but also to take care of her family if she didn't walk back out.

She didn't want a life filled with contingency plans. She knew she wouldn't be able to do her job if she was distracted by thoughts like that. Releasing a breath, she looked at the pregnancy test again.

"Ok," she told herself. "This is happening." She slowly stood and went to her bedroom to pick up her phone. She scrolled through her contacts and clicked on his number.

"Rick? I need you to come over. I'm fine I just… I need to talk to you."

AN: I intended this as a oneshot but now I kind of want to write a Caskett baby fic. Even though I already kind of have one with In A Flash... idk. Review, let me know what you guys think