disclaimer: disclaimed.
dedication: for fuck's sake, les.
notes: sorry not sorry but i'm hilarious

title: midnight run
summary: Five times that Jason had sex with Donna in Dick's bed, and the one time they were a little more respectable about it. — Jason/Donna, Dick.

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The first time Jason and Donna have sex in Dick's bed is… sort of an accident, actually. It goes like this:

"You—you—are you stupid?!"

"Stupid, yes, if course, darling!"

"Don't mock me, you could have died."

"Is that worry I hear? Gasp!"

"Did you seriously just say—ugh, forget it. It's not worry, Jason. It's frustration at your existence," Donna sighs. The twist to her mouth is a little south of sour—this isn't the first time they've had this conversation, and Donna calculates that the likelihood that they'll have it again is three trillion and twelve to one.

Jason is an idiot, but at least no one ever says differently.

He laughs, low-pitched and scratchy in the throat. Something flips in Donna's stomach; it's either simple annoyance or enraged fondness (which is… kind of the same thing, when applied to Jason Todd), and she eyes him warily through the dim light of the League hall.

"Don't laugh at me, Todd," she says.

"Not laughing," he says.

Except, yeah, he so is.

"You are so annoying," she retorts. "Seriously, what is it with you and crowbars? You need to give this whole Joker thing a break, it's actually going to—"

Jason sighs dramatically at her, throws his hand back against his forehead (what a diva, Donna thinks as she rolls her eyes), and goes "Sorry to interrupt, darling, but I need to sleep. This beauty doesn't come easily!"

Donna steams.

"I swear to every deity in the sky, if you walk out on me Jason Todd—!"

He walks out on her.

Or he tries to, at least.

Donna Troy is an Amazon princess. Donna Troy is best friends with Bruce Wayne's precious first prodigy and his Tamaranian princess-model-queen-of-the-sun girlfriend. Donna Troy does not like to be ignored.

Especially by Gotham street-thug boys, whether they are in spandex suits or not.

(The helmet is just overkill, as far as Donna is concerned.)

The gold of her whip is thin, unbreakable, glowing. It wraps around his wrist three times, a perfect golden collar, and she yanks it hard. Jason turns with it. He almost stumbles.

"You," Donna says with her eyes on fire. She presses up against him and hisses, "Don't you dare ignore me, Jason Todd. Don't you dare!"

Unfortunately, Jason Todd was never one to waste an opportunity.

"Donna, beautiful, if you wanted me, you just had to say!"

She punches him.

Jason goes down like a rock—or he would have, but she's got a hold of the lapels of his (ugly) leather jacket, holds him nose to nose with her eyes narrowed to slits. He's taking great gulps of air, nearly laughing, and she thinks what the fuck, are all Batman's ex-sidekicks nuts?

She thinks of Dick, and stops questioning this.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed, Todd?" she asks, sweet in his ear.

"For you? Anytime, babe."

"You are so stupid," she breathes, and then she slams her mouth against his just to shut him up. His hands close around her waist, Donna's fingers snarled through his hair, and she knows without a doubt that later she is going to shove his smirking face between her thighs.

They make it as far as Dick's bedroom.

Donna can only think vaguely that it is a good thing Dick isn't home that night.

—

The second time Jason and Donna have sex in Dick's bed is… also an accident.

This pattern would be worrying if Donna wasn't bleeding out of a hole in her stomach.

But she is bleeding out of a hole in her stomach, so that point is kind of moot. Jason's panicking. It would be cute, but, well, ow.

"Aww," Donna croons. "Is the great Red Hood worried about lil' ol' me?"

"Shut up," he says. His jaw is tight around the edges, but he holds her like she weighs nothing. Her blood is everywhere. Donna thinks idly that she's dying, and that it's a little uncomfortable. Also kind of funny, but that's another story entirely.

She giggles into his shoulder, hysteric and light-headed from the blood-loss. "You know," she says, "if I'm going to die, I'd at least like to die happy. Kiss me?"

"You're not going to die," Jason says out of the corner of his mouth. "Dick's gonna be pissed I got blood on his sheets."

"Ha! Like we haven't gotten grosser things on his sheets!"

Silence. Jason's hands tighter around her.

"You're supposed to laugh, idiot," Donna tells him without preamble, like this is clearly the most important thing at this point in time.

"I'll laugh when you're not bleeding out, darling."

"Oh, darling, that's nice," she says. "I bet you say that to all the girls."

"Only the ones I like. Don't move, I'll find Alfred," he says, and he turns for the door—then he seems to remember that Alfred doesn't live in this place, much as they'd like him to, and he's all alone with a dying Amazon princess.

This is not good.

"For the love of Athena—Jason, get back here!" Donna orders. "The bleeding's already stopped, see?"

The bleeding has not stopped at all.

(Or at least, Jason is pretty sure that it hasn't.)

All the blood's drained from his face, and his tan looks sallow and ridiculous without the colour to him. Donna sits up, winces once, reaches for the dresser, winces again. "There should be some thread around here—Dick's stupid, but, well, Kory's taught him a thing or two, I guess—"

Jason sits there and watches as Donna Troy literally sews herself together.

It is probably the hottest thing he has ever seen in his life.

The snip of scissors knocks him out of it, and he just kind of looks at her awkwardly.

"So, uh, about that there local sporting event," he says.

Donna rolls her eyes.

"You are so clueless," she says.

She wraps her hand around the back of his neck, and proceeds to kiss him senseless.

—

The third time Jason and Donna have sex in Dick's bed is not an accident at all. It is, however, the first time Dick catches them at it. It goes like this:

They're tipsy and beautiful and kissing each other because they can, hungry-eyed and wanting to sell their souls to have some time to themselves.

They crash into Dick's bedroom.

Sadly, Dick actually is there, this time.

"Oh my—oh my god, you—you two—you're—KORY," he scream-whisper-moans, and flees the room.

Neither Donna nor Jason pay him a single iota of attention.

They fuck against the wall three times.

They make it to the bed by sunrise.

—

The fourth time Donna and Jason have sex in Dick's bed is also not an accident. Dick finds them in the morning, and all he can say is:

"Seriously, you guys?! Again?!"

Donna buries under the covers. Jason just yawns.

Dick looks very pained.

"GET YOUR OWN FICKING BEDROOM AND STOP DEFILING MINE!"

—

The fifth time Jason and Donna have sex in Dick's bed, no one is very surprised.

Dick even brings them coffee, Kory at his side with her hip popped out.

He bursts into tears as he leaves the room, and Kory pats him sympathetically on the back. But she looks over her shoulder and winks at the pair of them, and Jason takes this as a blessing. Donna just thinks Kory's pleased she's finally getting some.

"We didn't even have sex this time," Donna muses.

This is true. They were both so exhausted the previous night from knocking the stuffing out of the Penguin (yet again) that they'd sort of just slumped into the nearest room and passed out without even taking their clothes off.

(Jason seems particularly offended by this fact.)

"We didn't," he says, but his eyes glitter wickedly. "Should we fix that?"

Donna laughs into his mouth.

"Of course, stupid!"

So they do.

They have sex in the sunlight with the windows wide open, the summer breeze against their bare skin. It is beautiful and warm and wonderful.

Dick never quite looks at his bed the same way, though.

—

The sixth time Donna and Jason have sex in Dick's bed is a thing that never happens.

It could have—the pair of them stumble in drunk and debauched and barely wearing clothes, mouths bruised puffy from teeth and too-long kisses.

"Bed?" Donna asks, huffing out her breath.

"Mine," Jason says.

"Not Dick's?" Donna asks again, this time against his mouth.

Jason stops against the wall to kiss her and kiss her, lips hot and searching for something that neither has quite found just yet. But they're getting there, they are, they're almost together and almost normal (or as normal as a pair of superheroes can be), and almost okay.

"Not Dick's," he says at last. "Fucker got a new lock."

Donna nearly laughs herself to tears.

But she wraps herself around him, his sweet far thing, and says "Take me to bed, Mister Todd. We'll talk about breaking the lock in the morning."

"I love you," Jason says fervently, and carries her the rest of the way.

And in the morning, Donna comes out of Jason's bedroom wearing one of his shirts, and yawns right in Dick's face.

He looks very proud of himself. "You didn't sleep with Jason in my bed. My bed is safe!"

Donna smiles. "And how long do you think that's going to last, hm?"

"Just—"

Jason ambles in.

"Shit, Dick, your new lock just broke. You better do something about that, bro. You never know when someone might need a bed—it's too bad yours is so easy to break in to."

Dick goes white as paste and wails "KORYYYYYYY."

Underneath the table, Donna and Jason quietly hi-five.

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fin.