STEVE'S BALLAD. EDITED AND EXPANDED FROM "WHAT THEY COULD HAVE DONE IN HETAONI" CHAP. 4.

There once was a nice little alien called Steve,

who crash landed on Earth and couldn't leave.

(Much to his wife's dismay, as her hair needed beautifying).

Of course, he was rather shocked (he'd been flying).

But after a long moping period

and much indecipherable shouting,

He and his brood finally settled down.

(Though his wife never lost her frown.)

The place where they stayed

Was quite a wonderful place,

with a good amount of extra space.

The only complaint was that the bathroom doorway,

(O woe)

was much too low for anyone to fit in.

After a while, however, things got nasty.

For outside of their home was an unwelcome foursome

called Italy, Germany, Prussia and Japan.

This band of idiots would become rather bothersome,

As their incredible stupidity would shock even Anakin.

For a while they caused considerable havoc,

dropping tomato sauce everywhere

and running about in panicked circles.

"It seems to be locked."

Of course you dolt, to keep you out, said Steve.

They were so dim that they made the alien stare.

And if this weren't enough, six more idiots soon joined the band

Called America, China, Russia, (someone, but who?)

and those two, France and England.

This impossible group would cause quite a riot,

tearing off wallpaper and stealing Steve's diet,

randomly dumping laundry and corrupting his toilet.

They even had the pluck

to smash all his clocks.

At this Steve was very dismayed.

And no matter how many times,

(Goodness, I can't find any good rhymes)

the poor alien tried to help them,

They were all just too dim to notice him.

They all kept on moping and moping

and crying and crying,

and there was really no stopping them.

What's more, the vexatious group was soon again increased

when they were joined by Italy's cuss-machine brother (oh pain)

and that dull-minded tomato-addict Spain.

And so the number of idiots was raised up to twelve.

At this point Steve, his patience having dropped to negative twelve,

Was tempted to simply make the roof of their "safe room" collapse

and smash them all at once, like annoying gnats.

That's a nice idea, he thought to himself.

Ah... but first he had to go...

Oh crap.

The toilet was still a vending machine.

Then he snapped.

"AAHH...K!"

One down, eleven to go,

Perhaps he should cut them some slack

He thought.

This all was apparently,

beyond their intelligence.

...But no,

No, the toilet needed avenging.

"AAAAGH!"

Fanfiction somehow put every line into one giant chunk.

Yes, I had to use that as the cover image.

Comment?

(Or Steve'll eat you by the way).