So if you haven't ever read a fanfic like this before, you're probably not dead yet.

Once upon a time it was a sunny day in the Titans Tower. The Titans were, like, doing the things that they ALWAYS did. A cyborg and changeling were playing video games while fighting about meat and tofu. Their leader was blasting lyric-less music, like he always does. The alien bimbo was brewing some crepe-de-crap in the T-tub. The team's dark sorceress was inhaling the mold from her books.

After five paragraphs of introducing and describing the characters-we-apparently-don't-know-about, Robin says, "Star babe! I finally realizes that I LURVE U!"

So Star Fire said, " Friend Robin! I also share this 'lurve'!"

So they went to go do something indecent -BUT SUDDENLY- they were interrupted because the alarms started blaring and everything was blinking red! The two birds (A/N: Im the author who's ttly not breaking the fourth wall!) ran to the computer and started typing random things. Cinderblock was smashing a bunch of stuff in the city and robbing banks...for no reason.

"OH NOES!"sed BeastBoy.

"We must hurry before he goes to break into jail!", Raven said in a monotone, despite the exclamation mark.

"TITANS, GO"The Boy Wonder said!

Cyborg stopped staring out the window at the apparent chaos in the city and did his master's bidding. The Titans arrived at the scene of the crime that was still taking place. Robin began throwing Frisbees at him and beastboy turned into a dinosaur to do something else to him. Cyborg, StarFire and Raven were blasting stuff at him...but Raven was the coolest at it. Add another paragraph on how awesome and sexy Raven is. (A/N: Raven's my fave! I can lyk ttly relate to her!)

After an hour of fighting the brainless-monster-they-already-beat-before, the teens were losing because they kept tripping into plot holes. Unable to watch any longer, a mysterious and awesome figure stepped out from the shadows of the empty street, and beat up Cinderblock in three seconds.

"We should do this again sometime," Mystery-Awesome-Girl said, showing how tough she was. The Titans stared at her in shock as their jaws dropped (A/N: ANIME STYLE!). They were so amazed to see that she had powers - because this was apparently something NEW to the superhero team.

"How did you do that?" Beast boy spluttered.

"Just with my telekinesis, time manipulation, badass-hand-to-hand-combat, telepathy, shape-shifting, sparkle bolts, etc, etc, etc," she said smugly.

"Who are you?" Robin assed.

"Pocah - I mean - the name's Shadow," said Shadow. "But my real name is Talia Andromeda Muchukuchukami Petunia Opal Nelson," she said dully revealing her secret identity.

"Please FRIEND: Wheredidyoucomefromhowdidyou getherewhatisyourfavoritecol oranddoyouwishtobemyFRIEND?" inquired Starfire originally.

"Japan, teleported, purple, and sure," replied the white-girl-who-probably-never-spoke-a-word-of-Japanese-in-her-life.

Suddenly she fainted.

"Let's abduct her and take her to the tower," Robin sayed.

They took Totally-Original-Shadow to the medial wing, cus you know, there are no hospitals in the city. Ten days later, Tam- I mean Talia woke up with Robin staring obsessively at her.

"WANNA BE A TITAN?" the paranoid leader assed.

"KKs!" Andromeda replied.

"YAY!" cheered the Titans who entered through another plot hole.

"Now I need to go make everyone go train for 28 hours cus I'm apparently a bitch," said the bitchy-Robin.

"OMGZ, I'LL LYK, TTLY JOIN U GUYZ," said Shadow.

They all when to that obstacle course thing that we've only seen like three times in the show, and Shadow started freaking out -on the inside.

"Omfg, what if they all find out I can't control my powers and find out about my past?" Shadow thought. Then with her awesome powers she beat everyone's best time (A/N: Her record was -4 seconds).

"Talia! I finally realize that ur my soul mate! Let's go have sex!" Robin (A/N: The hottest guy on the team) said. Starfire looked indignant towards her ex-boyfriend whom she had just gotten together with 20 minutes ago. So then Shadow and Robin started making out on the couch (courtesy of plot-holes) while the guys rooted them on and Starfire went to go die in a corner.

"Oh Robin, I love you - but- we just can't be together" Shadow said after a graphic lemon had ensued.

"But Tals, why?"

"It's my past! DONT ASK ME ABOUT IT!"

"But what does that have to do with our shallow relationship?" Robin inquired.

"The author will think of that and tell you the next chapter," she sobbed. "Whoops, time to meditate and bond with Raven!"

"Oh, BTW, forgot to mention," Shadow continued, "I'm working for Slade - just FYI."

And then some wangst crap along with a poorly developed plot including Slade that was plagiarized from season two ensued, and everyone died.

DA END

So if you haven't already died yet, you can go on and tell me the ways you'll sue me for crimes against humanity.