Hello! Long time no see! This is the first fic I have written in ages, so sorry if it's a bit wobbly. I will update Blue Room when I get around to it, I just needed a bit of light-hearted fluff at the moment so I thought I'd continue this. It came out a bit more angsty than I'd wanted it so be, so the ending is a bit of a mess because I was trying to get the title to fit again. But anyway, hope you're all well and enjoy this new chapter :)

N xxx

-x-x-x-

The next morning Janet is surprised to see Rachel buzzing happily around the kitchen, humming some unrecognisable tune to herself as she went. After the row they'd had last night she'd been expecting the cold shoulder, or at least Rach's infamous "sulky face". But as Janet warily stepped through the doorway she received a bright smile, a 'good morning', and a cup of tea. Janet knew Rachel better than this. Something was happening.

"What are you doing?" Janet asks hesitantly.

"Making breakfast, Jan. You gone blind?"

Janet blinks. Puzzled didn't even begin to cover it.

"You alright with blackcurrant jam? We're out of strawberry." Rachel fusses with the lid and then sets off to find a knife.

"Yes," Janet says with an air of suspicion. Carefully, she sits down at the kitchen table, warming her hands on her mug. A couple of clatters later and Rachel takes the seat across from her, setting down two plates of toast.

They quietly begin eating, Rach still smirking like someone not right, until Janet can't stand it any longer.

"What's up with you?" She quizzes. Rachel doesn't crack. She meets Janet's gaze straight on.

"You know last night I was really fucking pissed with you," she starts with a mouth full of toast. She swallows. "Then I realised. You're just ignorant. I mean, you've led a pretty sheltered life Jan, and I know you've worked for the police God-knows-how-many years, but still." She takes another bite of her toast.

Janet frowns. "So what are you going to do?" She asks, confident that Rachel wouldn't just accept something like this if she believed so strongly about it.

Rachel grins triumphantly.

"Educate you."

-x-x-x-

"No. No, absolutely not."

"Why?"

"Because no!"

"Come on, Jan. Humour me here."

"No."

Rachel was sat on the sofa, looking like some sort of therapist, note pad and pen poised. "Please. Think of your daughter. You know I was up with her till three a.m. last night, crying her eyes out. Think how she's feeling right now. She thinks you don't love her."

"Don't be daft, of course I do," Janet says quickly, shame and hurt beginning to claw at her.

"Well then," Rachel says pointedly. "I'll ask again. What is it that makes you think homosexuality isn't right?"

Janet lets out a huge sigh and sinks into her seat. "I don't know. I just... It just doesn't work. You know, a socket doesn't work without a plug."

Rachel stifles a snort at her analogy. "You're ridiculous," she says fondly, despite herself, and her eyes meet Janet's for a fleeting moment. She coughs and moves on.

"Ok. So. Sex is on the list," Rachel scribbles. "That one should be fairly easy to... um... clear up." Of all the conversations she ever thought she'd have with her best friend and colleague, that was not one of them. Nor did she want it to be.

"Children?" Janet had given up resisting and was trying now.

"Well that ones easy. IVF. Moving on," Rachel gestures for her to continue.

"I don't want her to turn manly," Janet lists off.

"Janet not all lesbians are manly."

"Example?"

Rachel thinks. "... Sarah Warren from syndicate two."

Janet looks taken aback. "She's a lesbian?"

"Yep." Well, if last years Christmas party was anything to go by, thought Rachel.

"Oh." Janet stopped and contemplated for a moment. Rachel began to wonder if she was already getting through to her. She had had a whole night to think about this after all.

"So. Anything else?" Rachel says, wanting to get a move on with things.

"No. I don't know. It just doesn't feel right. I can't see her like that," Janet scrunches her face up in what could either be confusion or disgust. Or both.

"See her like what?" Rachel prodded, beginning to feel impatient as she realised she didn't have much to go on and wondered if all this was a wasted effort. She remembered Elise's gut-wrenching sobs and the thought spurred her on. "Jan?"

"Being with another girl," Janet spluttered out. She took a deep breath. "Kissing another girl... I understand it's probably as you said - ignorance - because I've never experienced anything like that but I can't even think about it. It makes me feel like gagging."

Rachel rolled her eyes and leaned across to place a soft kiss on Janet's lips. Janet freezes in surprise for a moment and Rachel pulls back, looking at her soft lips, her eyelids fluttering shut.

She moves in for another kiss, slower this time, wetter, deeper, relishing the taste of her best friend's lips. She nudges open her lips with the tip of her tongue, ignoring her own bodily reactions as Janet, who is trying to remain as still and neutral as possible, let's out a small sigh at this new presence. She feels her heart rate speed up, and she needs to pull away before she starts gasping.

"I didn't feel you gagging then," she breathes, her face still inches away from Janet's.

Janet is trying to keep herself composed. "No," she begins. "But only because..." She cuts herself off. Realising what she was about to say. How it would sound. What it meant. And suddenly she understands.

Because it was you.

She stands up quickly and walks from the room. "I'm going out," she yells. And she's gone before she's even got her scarf on.

-x-x-x-

When she had realised that Janet probably wasn't going to be back for a while, Rachel decided to go upstairs with Elise and spend some time with her. Make her feel loved again. She couldn't quite shake the feeling of Janet's lips on her's though, she could run her tongue over her lips and still taste her, and more than once Elise had frowned at her as she sat there with her tongue hanging out.

Taisie had already gone out to go shopping with some friends, so they went downstairs and watched Imagine Me and You on the 'On Demand' feature of Janet's TV. As the credits were rolling up, Elise looked up at her with tear-filled eyes.

"Oh, love," Rachel leaned across to wrap her arms around the young girl.

"Mum hates me," she sobbed into Rachel's jumper, her head bent impossibly deep into her own chest as if in shame. It broke Rachel's heart.

"Shh, no she doesn't, she doesn't," Rachel soothed, fighting the tears in her own eyes as she wondered whether Janet hated her too at this point. "She's coming round, she'll come round. I'm talking to her, she just needs time to get her head around it."

They sit there for a while, Elise trembling and Rachel rocking her back and forth. Then they get into a conversation about Elise's new girlfriend, and the mood lightens a little. Hours pass, and as the sun begins to go down and Janet has still not yet returned, Elise tells Rachel that she's going to stay with her dad for a couple of nights to give her mother some space. Rachel initially tries to get her to stay, thinking that if she went she would never come back, but eventually gave her a lift to Ade's place, not really blaming her for wanting to stay out of Janet's way. When Rachel got home Janet was still out. She grabbed a bottle of wine and sprawled out on the sofa.

-x-x-x-

She awoke to the sound of the front door slamming and jumped to her feet. She stepped out into the hallway, hanging up her coat. She looked fraught.

"Where's Elise?"

"Ade's."

"Oh," she blinked. "Taisie says she's stopping at Shannon Richmond's house."

The air was thick between them and Rachel felt like she couldn't breathe.

"Where have you been?" She asked tentatively.

"I needed some air," she replied simply.

"For eight hours?" Rachel looked at her and raised her eyebrows.

"Yes," Janet replied, meeting her eye as she walked past her into the kitchen and Rachel had felt her breath on her face. "Have you got a bottle open?"

"It's only half six," Rachel smirked, trying to lighten the mood. "Of course I have."

"I'll get a glass." Janet was having none of it and Rachel's stomach dropped. This wasn't looking good.

Rachel went back into the living room and sat down heavily on the sofa. What had she done. She began to think of what it would be like to lose Janet. It felt like an iron on her chest. She had overstepped the mark, but it had just felt like the right thing to do, in that moment, for Elise. And a little bit for her too.

Janet walked into the room with another glass and it was clear from her posture and pace that she was tense. She poured herself a glass of wine then turned to look at Rachel and Rachel meets her gaze, holding her breath for the bollocking she was certain to receive.

But then she felt a weight on top of her, and Janet's mouth hot on hers. She let out a confused grunt and before she knew what was happening she was biting back, her fingers wandering round Janet's back, reaching for skin, pulling her closer, and sucking hard on Janet's bottom lip. That gained her a not-very-quiet groan and she involuntarily lifted her hips. Janet flopped forward and she was now flush against her best friend, and both parties moaned this time. She felt like she was flying, soaring, and it dawned on her that a large part of the reason she had such a bee in her bonnet about Janet's reaction to her daughter is because she herself was harbouring these feelings herself. All this time. The close friendship she enjoyed with her colleague was somewhat clouded by her urge to be closer, to touch her, to be allowed to curl up on the sofa with her after a long day and not have the thought of going home to an empty bed, or any bed that wasn't Janet's, hanging over her. And suddenly all these suppressed feelings were coming out and she was hungry, starving, for more. Janet's fingers in her hair felt like the most important and perfect and right thing in the world. But as her friend's hands started to wander south and everything became more intense and desperate and primal she remembered the emotions of the day and worried that this would be something to forget in the morning.

As she broke away from Janet's lips she immediately regretted any principles she had and wanted her back, but still forced herself to gently grab Janet's wrists and link their fingers together to slow the pace a little.

When she looked up at Janet she couldn't help another peck on the lips. She looked so beautiful in this state. Hair mussed up, lips swollen, pupils dilated.

"What's gotten into you?" She meant it to sound jokey, but it came out low and breathy.

"I didn't want her to turn out like me."

Rachel blinked. Their sudden closeness had made her brain all fuzzy and it took her a while to formulate a response.

"What?"

Janet sat back on what would be her calfs, but there were currently occupied either side of Rachel's and so was sitting just above her knees, looking down into Rachel's dark and curious eyes.

"Elise. I didn't want her to end up like me. Alone. Frustrated after some straight girl she'd accidentally fallen head over heels for and clinging to the nearest possible human being just to make it all go away. To be so sure and comfortable with herself, only for it to all fall apart when the loneliness got too unbearable and then be stuck feeling more alone than ever."

Rachel blinked again, trying to process what was being said.

"You're gay?"

Janet winced inside. After all these years her internalised homophobia had become so ingrained that she couldn't even think about that aspect of herself in such blatant terms without wanting to go off the deep end. After a few seconds of getting her breath back and dark feelings in the pit of her stomach, she nodded.

Rachel let out a breath she didn't even realise she was holding. Of all the things she expected of Janet Scott, this wasn't one of them.

"There was this girl, Helena, when I was in uniform. I was completely lost to her. But, she had a boyfriend, fiancé in fact, and I was so alone. Nobody to talk to about it, get it out of my system. So eventually I went for the nearest person I could get my hands on, Ade. It felt so wrong but the loneliness was too much and I didn't know how I could continue with it and come out alive. We got married, I got pregnant, then there was no way out." She sighed at the sudden intense emotions that were rushing over her, seeping out of her every pore. "And then there was you of course. I had to bury it, to fight it, and the only way to do that was to feed my already raging homophobia inside me. In a way I hated her for being straight, but then it turned into me hating myself for being... You know. I think that's where the homophobia comes from, my hatred at myself for feeling that and it ruining the rest of my life. But I can't fight it any longer. It hurts so much, I just didn't want Elise to go through that."

"But she won't," Rachel whispered. "Because you, we, won't let her. She has that support that you didn't."

"I hate myself." There were tears in Janet's eyes now, and Rachel hugged her close. She understood that desperate loneliness that her friend had felt, it was the reason for most of her unhappy relationships and inappropriate sexual encounters. To feel that pain, to long for another human being to feel loved by, was in her opinion the worst kind of hurt because nothing could stop it. No matter how close she was with her partners and friends and colleagues, it was never enough. It was always a losing battle.

"Don't," Rachel whispered in Janet's ear. "I understand. I think you owe Elise an explanation though."

Janet laughed ashamedly. "I know. I'll go round Ade's first thing in the morning, drag her back here."

"Text her," Rachel said. "Don't let her lose another night's sleep over this. I imagine she's lost enough already, even without last night."

Janet nodded. Suddenly she came to the moment and she was sitting in Rachel's lap. Hormones rushing around her and want in her every breath. She placed another soft kiss on Rachel's lips.

"Thank you."

"What for?" Rachel looked puzzled.

"For not letting me ruin my relationship with my daughter ." She gave her a watery smile.

"No problem," she smiles back. "It was definitely worth it. Especially this part." She nodded towards Janet's legs, kneeled either side of her.

Janet blushed and chuckled. "Cheeky." She leant down for another kiss and Rachel could feel her smiling into it. She eagerly returned the kiss, hands once again assuming their position under Janet's blouse, fingers clutching at the skin of her back. Her feet were beginning to get pins and needles so she flipped her friend - or whatever they were - over so she was lying back on the sofa. Janet squealed in surprise and excitement and Rachel couldn't resist the urge to laugh out loud. She rested her forehead against Janet's, their breaths mingling and chests heaving together.

She gazed softly into Janet's eyes, letting all the fondness and admiration and love she had for this woman come out in just one breath. Her friend grinned at her, her own eyes conveying the same unguarded affection. Rachel's long brown hair had formed a curtain around both of their heads and Janet loved the feel of it tickling her ears. She turned her head to the side and took a deep breath of it. Coconut. Mmmm.

Rachel saw this and grinned wider. She began to kiss down Janet's jaw, taking care to make sure her hair was trailing over Janet's face in the process. As she began to suck on the skin just below Janet's jawline her friend let out a long, low moan and her hips bucked. She didn't know how much longer she could keep in control but she had to hear that noise again. She sucked a line of wet kisses down Janet's neck, then getting to the base and softly running her teeth over Janet's flushed skin as she sucked. Janet let out another long moan that was almost a scream and Rachel chuckled in satisfaction.

And from that point Rachel knew they'd be alright, Elise would be alright. Janet would apologise and Elise would bring her girlfriend round for Sunday dinner on a regular basis and Rachel would never move out. She was so happy. They all were. Taisie was ecstatic to have Rachel living with them. And Rachel had never laughed so much in her life. The days they spent together, the evenings, and especially the nights she felt like she was flying on a cloud of her contentment.

I suppose girls really do have all the fun, she thought, grinning as she swept Janet up into her arms and carried her across the threshold.