Author's Notes: Welcome to my first fanfiction (I hope it isn't complete shat)!

So this is pre/post Avengers, meaning the first part will be pre-Avengers and the second part post-Avengers. It will all make sense, I promise.

And sorry this is so short, the next chapters will be longer, I swear. This is just sort of a prologue.

Disclaimer: I own nothing; all credit goes to the rightful creators, which is not me.

Also, credit to the writers of Skyfall for the "Life clung to him like a disease" quote.

Part I

Before Letting Go

Life clung to him like a disease.

Falling into the abyss was the beginning of the end of Loki. He fell knowing that the disappointed face of the man he once called father was going to be the last thing he would ever see and the agonized cry of Thor the last thing he would ever hear.

It was no less than what he deserved after all the pain he had caused. Looking into the face of Odin, Loki realized how sorely he had miscalculated.

"You are unworthy of the loved ones you have betrayed…"

Those words might as well have been meant for him. He had been so wrong, and so angry and scared after he discovered what he truly was. Not of Asgard, the only home he had ever known filled with light and warmth, but of Jotun, that cold realm of darkness and desolation. Loki would have done anything to make that terrible truth become a magnificent lie. Loki had taken the opportunity of Thor's banishment to right the wrongs of his past, prove to Odin that he was worthy of his love, of Asgard, and destroy Jotunheim so there would be no doubt where his loyalties lied. But it had all gone wrong… Now what would people say after they find out the truth? He had been treated differently all his life as if they had already known. The only one that had never failed to love him was Thor…and what would he do if he found out? Thor had called the Frost Giants monsters, and even as a child he had sworn to slay them all. If Thor knew, would he think of him as a monster to be slain? Would he look at him with the rage of battle and scorn in his eyes? Loki would rather die than lose Thor's love that way…or have him die.

But he had been so scared and hatred, not hot like fire, but cold like ice burned in his heart. He had acted out of fear and desperation to wipe the shame of his true origins from the face of the universe. He never wanted Thor to discover the truth about him.

Loki could see that Thor had changed after his time on Midgard. He could already see him slipping though his fingers, could already see Thor hating him. He had been so wrong. How had things gotten so away from him, so out of control?

There could be no forgiveness for what he had done. How could there be?

Looking at Odin's face, Loki saw how tired he was, how much suffering he had brought upon all of Asgard. Such a mess he had made of everything…

Odin held onto Thor's bootstraps with all his weary strength. There was no way he would be able to pull both of them to safety himself or hold them there before help arrived. Loki then realized he could do one thing to amend for all he had done, to spare them the pain that would come with forgiving him.

Loki turned his gaze to Thor. He was so sorry his anger had been brought down upon the one person he loved more dearly than anyone else. He was so scared to lose his love that he had acted as if he already had…but he could save him now, he could save Thor from himself.

"Loki, NO."

"I am so sorry, brother," was the last thought before he let go of Gungnir, of Asgard, of being Odin's son, of hope, and of Thor…

Loki didn't want to live anymore, so he let go.

But life clung to him like a disease without a cure. He had called to death, but pain at the hands of Thanos was all that answered…