Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

'Everything is clearer when you're in love' ~ John Lennon.

It used to be when the world was too much to handle. Spencer could find relief in sleep. To have hours when he was blessedly unconcious. Sleep was restorative, it was healing. Except now he forced himself to stay awake just so he would not have that same dream, that nightmare.

Before he had actually met Maeve, the dream had a rather disturbing surreal quality. In it he was getting married and when he lifted the veil of his bride, she was literally faceless. That was usually the part where he would wake up.

The dream had changed. Now when he lifted the veil he saw Maeve's beautiful face. He would feel this brief surge of joy as he drank in her beauty. She would smile sweetly at him, her light blue eyes would gaze into his and as her lips parted he would lean forward to kiss her, a thin trickle of dark red blood would run down her cheek and then another until one side of her face was completely covered in blood. He would see the gaping hole in her temple. He opened his mouth to scream and no sound would come out. Spencer would wake up either sobbing and shaking or having to run to the bathroom to vomit.

He felt like he was in his own personal hell. There was no escape. He had taken time off from work in fact they ordered him to. That was fine with him. He couldn't stand being around people. He did not want their sympathetic looks and the awkwardness of them not knowing what to say to him. He wanted to be left alone.

It had been days since he had showered or dressed or even made himself a meal. He would answer his phone only because he knew if he didn't they would come rushing over and he couldn't bear that. He rejected their offers of company or dinner at their homes. They mean't well, but he didn't feel real anymore. He was a shadow. He felt a brief twinge in his arm where he had been shot. It was healing and he was going to miss the pain. It was at least a reminder that he was still here.

The phone rang, he looked at the clock, It was 9 pm. He knew it was Morgan; he called every night at the same time. He took a deep breath and answered.

"Hello," Reid said.

"Hey kid, feel like some company tonight?" Morgan asked.

"No, ... I mean I'm going to bed early," Spencer answered, his own voice sounded hollow to him.

"Oh ok, you sure? I could pick up some Indian food, we could hang out,"

Spencer knew Morgan mean't well. "I'm going to bed early," he repeated. To think of phrasing the sentence another way just seemed like too much effort.

He heard Morgan sigh. "Ok Reid, talk to you tomorrow," they said goodnight to one another and hung up

Spencer stared at the phone. The next well meaning call would come in exactly 18 minutes. It would be JJ then Garcia and so on.

For the next half hour he satisfied everyones need that he was still alive at least in body.

He closed his eyes and laid back down on the leather sofa. For the last ten months he had never seen Maeve's face, now he couldn't stop seeing it. Eventually he fell asleep and the dream would come again as it did the next night and the night after that.

TBC.

AN: A little depressing huh? That was the saddest episode I have ever seen please read and review.