Look Me In The Stars

Disclaimer: Not mine. If it were, a few certain people would definitely still be alive.

Story Summary: AU from the fifth novel onwards, Sirius returns from the Veil almost two years after his death to a very different world. The war is over but peace is far from achieved. Remus and Tonks have married and Teddy Lupin is now six months old, but their marriage is crumbling under the weight of the war's after effects. Sirius's return brings back old memories and forgotten feelings, and promises to alter Remus's life once more.

Warning: This story is SLASH and will contain, at some point, explicit slash scenes. If this offends you then that's a pity, please kindly leave.

A/N: The thing is, I'm on holiday. I have ample amounts of spare time, and this is the result. This story has been nagging at me for weeks now, so I finally put pen to paper. This will probably be terrifyingly long (to me), and I do have a sketchy plan as to how to proceed... but can I have some feedback as to whether or not people are interested in this story, so I know whether it's a good idea to continue or not? Reviews really are encouraging and do help immensely.

Also, kudos to anyone who immediately spotted the title's reference to Robert Frost! He is one of my favorite poets.

A voice said, Look me in the stars
And tell me truly, men of earth,
If all the soul-and-body scars
Were not too much to pay for birth.

- Robert Frost, "A Question"

"I'm late!"

The source of the frustrated announcement came from somewhere beneath a pile of multicolored baby clothes and play toys. In the background, the demanding wail of a baby was quickly reaching a crescendo. A furry pale blue teddy bear came flying through the air and almost hit Remus Lupin in the face as he peered into the room. Ducking instinctively, he reached down to pick up the unfortunate stuffed animal, which only had one eye. He wondered where the other one had gone.

"Dora?" He leaned against the doorframe. "Did you… lose something?"

From beneath the pile, Tonks's head – today crowned in a sweeping updo with pink streaks – made an appearance. "Have you seen Teddy's toy broomstick?"

He wracked his brain. "Which toy broomstick is that again?"

"The one Harry gave him! The mini Firebolt X—aha!" This final exclamation was accompanied by a triumphant dive back into the pile. A moment later Tonks emerged, hair coming apart from its bun, wielding a struggling miniature model broomstick in her hands. She clambered out of the pile and leaned against the door opposite Remus to catch her breath. "You should really tell Harry to stop charming his collection of broomstick models to give to Teddy," she said, raising one hand to her hair. The updo immediately righted itself.

Remus didn't reply. It wasn't explicit, but the undertone of blame was there: subtle but ever-present, nagging at him day and night. Recently, it seemed to have grown stronger. He had yet to acknowledge it out loud, but he knew the moment he did, the row would start – and this time, it might end for good.

Tonks straightened up abruptly, one hand clenched around the tiny broomstick in a tight fist. "I have a meeting to go to," she said. "Give this to Teddy, all right? It'll keep him quiet."

He accepted the broomstick, their fingers brushing at the transaction. A year ago, the simple touch would have made heat flare inside him. Now, they barely touched each other at all.

How things could change in a year.

"Have a good—" He started to say, before realizing he was talking to an empty room. Tonks had already left.

Slowly, he pushed himself off the doorframe. Not for the first time, he felt older than his age. He had just turned 38 last March, but felt at least 50. His joints and muscles felt weary and overworked – the last few full moons had been harder than usual. Tired lines now mingled with the scars on his face. Grey was flecked throughout his sandy brown hair, which now hung just above his eyes. He reminded himself that he needed a haircut.

He wondered how he had come to feel so trapped in domestic life. The war was over, Voldemort defeated, Harry had lived, and most remarkably, so had he. If he was completely truthful with himself he had never expected to live through the second war. But he was alive, and he had a loving wife, a beautiful child – it was everything he'd always wanted, wasn't it?

Somewhere in the deep recesses of his brain that contained memories he had long ago locked and barricaded away, something stirred – a memory, an emotion. An image of a tall, lean man with long black hair and a crooked smile—

No. He shook his head to clear his mind, then opened the door to his son's room with more force than necessary.

Andromeda Tonks was sitting in a rocking chair, holding six-month-old baby Teddy Lupin in her arms, softly singing a lullaby. The cries had subsided slightly, but Remus sensed that this was just a momentary break, a pause for breath.

Andromeda looked up as Remus entered. "Do you have it?" she mouthed.

Remus held up his left fist, wrapped around the buzzing broomstick, in confirmation. Looking immensely relieved, Andromeda turned back to her grandson, a smile brightening her face. "Look, Teddy! Daddy's here – look what he has for you!"

Kneeling in front of his son, Remus hid his hands behind his back. Then with a teasing grin, he slowly withdrew his left hand and turned his palm up.

The broomstick immediately rocketed away from his hand and zoomed towards the ceiling before completing a full three-sixty and turning back around to start doing roundabouts around Teddy's head. Remus's son squealed and clapped his hands, eyes wide with delight, hair turning bright yellow.

There was no better sight in the world than seeing his baby son happy. Remus laughed, eyes moving between the pesky broomstick and his child. His face looked immediately ten years younger than it did five minutes ago. He knew that no matter what, he would do everything he could to keep his family together, if only for Teddy's sake.

###

Harry Potter was sitting at the kitchen table of 12 Grimmauld Place, leaning on the two back legs of his chair and impatiently drumming the cards in his hand while trying to ignore the increasingly shrill tones of Hermione's voice. On the table was a stack of board games which had been temporarily sidelined in favor of the packet of colorful cards being tossed on the table. They were playing Uno.

"Oh for God's sake, for the last time, Ron, the Draw-2 card means you take two cards, not put another two cards down. Could you even pretend to pay the tiniest bit of attention to me next time when I'm explaining the rules?"

"This game doesn't make sense!" Still freckly, red-headed and stubborn as a hippogriff, Ron Weasley hadn't changed much from the war. Harry watched as his two best friends snapped at each other across the table. He knew that in five minutes they would be climbing on each other's lap and clothes would be flying. Heated arguments always seemed to prelude particularly passionate moments between them – he had, unfortunately, found this out the hard way.

"Wait, what are you doing? It's my go now."

"But I'm after Harry and Harry just put down a card."

"Yes, it's the Reverse card, Ron, it means the order has just changed so it's my turn again."

Ron let out a stream of imaginative curses.

Hermione was pink in the face, her hair was starting to frizz around the edges. "Watch it, Ron! You know I don't like it when you swear. Especially when it doesn't make any sense."

"Since when does swearing have to make sense? I think I made a lot more sense just now than all these ridiculous Muggle games combined—"

"Oh, right, because Quidditch just makes absolute logical sense—"

Harry winced at that. He wished Hermione wouldn't drag Quidditch into every argument she and Ron had. It insulted both of them, really.

Ron's voice rose several octaves higher. "Don't start on Quidditch again, I told you, it's my career choice—"

"I'm your girlfriend! Does my opinion not matter to you at all, Ronald Weasley?"

At that moment, the doorbell rang. "I'll get that," Harry said automatically. Ron and Hermione carried on arguing, Uno cards lying forgotten on the table. Harry stood up. It was about to be his cue, anyway.

He closed the kitchen door firmly behind him as he left, just in time. He heard the kitchen table being knocked over and the sound of seven open boxes of board games spilling all over the floor. "You two better pick everything up after!" He yelled unceremoniously over his shoulder, then hurried towards the front door before he could hear anything else.

As he walked past the mantelpiece in the living room, he smiled at his collection of miniature broomstick models. He had started collecting just after the end of the war. It had given him something to do, searching and probing in dusty antique shops as he'd waited to start his Auror training. It helped to take his mind off the people he lost. He just about had every single model now – although admittedly his collection had depleted somewhat ever since he'd started charming them for his godson.

It struck him suddenly that he hadn't seen Remus for at least a month and a half. He knew that Remus and Tonks had been having trouble lately – anyone with eyes could see that – and so he'd thought he would give them some space to sort things out (it was Ginny's advice, really – and she was usually right). He really hadn't meant to be out of touch for so long. But training to be an Auror was tiring and tedious, and work was beginning to affect his relationship with Ginny. The time had passed without any warning, as time usually did. Come to think of it, he didn't think he'd seen Remus since the man's belated birthday party in early April. I'll call on him tomorrow.

It was with this thought in mind that he pulled open the front door of his inheritance and came face to face with his godfather, Sirius Black.

Just a couple of notes: for those sharp-eyed people out there, I did in fact use my writer's discretion and changed some dates around to suit my story. As I said, this is non canon-compliant from OotP onwards. So far, here's what's been changed:
- Teddy Lupin was born in early December of 1997 instead of April 1998. At the moment in this story's timeline it's around the middle of May 1998, which does make him (er...just about) six months old.
- The Second Wizarding War officially ended in November of 1997, rather than May 1998.

Reviews greatly appreciated!