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Lancer, Saber, Gilgamesh, Caster, Assassin, Rider, Archer created a chatroom called: Servants.

Lancer: Huh, never thought I'd be getting into something like this.

Archer: Rin forced me to do this. I had no choice.

Saber: Shirou insisted that I socialize. I do not see the point.

Gilgamesh: My lovely king of knights, there is no need for you to socialize with the other mongrels. They will only manage to bring you down to their level. Come with me and I will promise you the best. I shall have you for myself and relish in snuffing out that fierce fire in your eyes.

Lancer: Wow, way to sound like some creepy stalker.

Caster: Indeed. It is most unsightly to see someone gush over another in such a way. It is sickening.

Rider: You don't have much room to talk, servant Caster.

Assassin: That is true. During my time guarding the entrance, I have witnessed many cases of Caster chasing after Kuzuki in the most love-sick way possible. I believe she also has a shrine built to obsess over Saber.

Caster: You do not see the different between being in love and being obsessed. My feelings can only be described as love and Gilgamesh's feeling can only be categorized as stalker syndrome.

Gilgamesh: You filth! How dare you insult the mighty king of heroes? You dare to accuse me of being a stalker? And what is this about a shrine for Saber? Why was I not informed beforehand? I demand that I get to visit. I have a rather large, extensive collection of Saber merchandise myself.

Saber: …Lord, why me?

Lancer: Heh, everyone wants a piece of the hot, powerful chick.

Saber: Lancer, say no more else I will promise you a very painful demise.

Lancer: …I make no promise. But don't fret your pretty blonde hair off. I am interested in my master only.

Rider: Oh? I did not realize your preference lies with the male sex, Lancer. It seems that even as an ancient heroic spirit, you learn new things every day. So tell me, how is the experience? In my days, a relationship consisting of the same gender was something that was frowned upon but I realize that things have changed. I am rather curious.

Lancer: I have no idea what your spouting…OH.

Rider: I do not understand your confusion. We are talking about the priest, are we not?

Lancer: NO! Hell no! Urgh! That is disgusting. HIM?! He is the slimiest, creepiest, sick bastard I've ever seen in my life and trust me, I have seen a lot.

Rider: Then who were you referring to?

Saber: I believe it is a girl named Bazette. I have heard her name on few occasions, all of them from Lancer.

Lancer: Yup. Her. She's so cute to tease and way hotter than Kotomine.

Archer: You sound like some paedophile.

Saber: What is a paedophile? I am not well versed with modern terminologies.

Rider: It's… something.

Saber: Thank you for being so helpful.

Archer: Was that sarcasm? Who would have thought the day Saber uses sarcasm would ever come?

Gilgamesh, Assassin and Caster have left the chat room.


Shirou hummed as he prepared dinner. Cooking was a relaxing affair for him and he enjoyed doing it immensely, especially for Saber who always conveyed just how much she appreciated his cooking. As a chef, there was nothing more satisfying than to watch people enjoy the food he makes. Tonight, the house would be full with Sakura, Rin and Ilya coming over and Taiga tagging along, claiming to make sure that nothing inappropriate takes place but Shirou knew that she just wanted free food.

Sunlight streamed through the window and everything was peaceful. It was then that he heard noises from outside. It sounded like two people arguing and being the aspiring hero he was, he quickly turned off the stove and hurried outside to break up the fight, clad in his apron. Once outside, he blinked at the sight that greeted his eyes.

Gilgamesh and Caster. Arguing. About Saber.

He faintly spotted a stuffed toy being used as the metaphoric rope in the game of tug of war. The toy was a depiction of a girl. A blonde girl that strangely resembled Saber. Shirou decided, as he silently retreated back instead his house, that it was best not to know. After all ignorance is bliss.


Shirou joined the chat room.

Lancer: What are you doing here, brat? This is a chat room for servants, not for snotty hero wannabes.

Shirou: I'm going to ignore that and just to warn you Saber, I found Gilgamesh and Caster fighting over a stuffed toy of a girl outside our house.

Saber: Is there a problem in that? Although I must question their taste because everyone knows that lion toys are by far the best.

Shirou: Err… yeah. Well, anyway, I thought I'd just warn you because the stuffed toy was a girl that looked just like you.

Rider: I told you they were stalkers. Besides, I must also question their taste. Sakura is a much better option to make a toy out of. Imagine the purple hair and the innocent eyes.

Saber: Imagine the fluffy mane and fierce fangs.

Rider: The wonderful skin tone.

Saber: The lovely tail.

Archer: Saber, Rider, stop. I think both of you have obsessions so neither of you have room to condemn Gil or Caster for stalking Saber.

Shirou: Well, neither do you, Archer.

Archer: What?

Shirou: Think about it, you always paid so much attention to me in the grail war. How do I know you don't have a creepy narcissistic obsession with me?

Archer: For the love of Zelretch, I WAS TRYING TO KILL YOU, in case you didn't notice. What about your obsession with cooking? Or your fascination with Ilya's hair?

Shirou: DON'T YOU DARE BRING MY COOKING INTO THIS.

Saber: Shirou… I think that we need to discuss about your interest in Ilyasviel's hair. It is not a healthy thing to brood over. As your servant, I need to make sure you are safe physically and mentally.

Shirou: Saber…I'm fine. AND I DON'T HAVE A FASCINATION WITH ILYA'S HAIR.

Shirou has left the chat room.

Saber: I will go and talk to him.

Saber has left the chat room.

Lancer and Rider have left the chat room.

Archer: Shirou is an idiot. He's a snotty wannabe.

Shirou has joined the chat room.

Shriou: I CAN STILL READ YOUR TEXTS.

Shirou has left the chat room.

Archer: Whatever. Your cooking sucks. I'm way better.

Archer has left the chat room.


"AAARRRGGGHH! YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT COMMENT, ARCHER!"

And thus, the peace was shattered. Saber, Rin, Ilya, Sakura and Taiga simply ingored Shirou's angry screams and continued eating.


Well, this is long overdue but I hope you liked this nonetheless. When I write the chapters for this story, I usually just go with the flow without any planning. It's basically just where the typing takes me. Sometimes, even I'm surprised at what gets types. I recommend you all to try it. It's a lot of fun. Anyway, hope you leave a review.

Until next time,

-Cereal Ciller