Heaven and Hell

Rating: eventually M

Pairing: Gibbs/Abby

Spoilers: End of season 9, beginning of season 10

Disclaimer: NCIS, it characters and everything affiliated with it does not belong to me...not even a little bit, I just play around with the characters for fun.

A/N: Thanks and hugs to Gosgirl for her wonderful help and encouragement as always, and for threatening concussions when I needed that too :)

Chapter 1 - Falling To Pieces

It was the moment she'd dreaded.

The moment that her perfect world came crashing down.

And the moment that she felt like she lost everything that mattered...that she'd lost him.

Standing out the front of Gibbs' house, Abby's feet were frozen in place at the sight in front of her. As the darkness of night surrounded her, through the front window she could see Gibbs relaxed on his couch, only his shoulders and the back of his head visible from where she stood.

He looked comfortable, at ease, and that in itself didn't concern her. The cause of her anxiety, her panic, was due to the person sitting mere inches away from him on the arm of the couch...Dr Samantha Ryan.

Abby had seen the unknown car in the driveway blocking in Gibbs' truck but hadn't thought much of it until she actually saw Ryan. Her stomach churned, her breathing stopped and her legs began to lose the ability to hold her upright as the woman she'd been worried would appear for weeks had made that fear a reality.

She wanted to run in there and demand to know what Ryan was doing here and order her out of Gibbs' house, but every muscle in her body refused to take even a step closer to the front door. She was paralyzed, helpless...alone.

Abby and Gibbs had taken the steps to move their relationship beyond simple friendship just over a month ago and while they had been happy and content in beginning to share their lives with each other, Abby had been scared that one day Dr Ryan might return and try to get Gibbs back. He'd told her why the doctor and her son had been forced to leave, and although Gibbs was adamant he never had any real feelings for her, Abby suspected the same couldn't be said for Ryan.

It was a gut feeling, much like the ones Gibbs had on a regular basis; a niggling instinct that told her Ryan would one day return and try and reclaim what she thought was hers. Abby knew her being at Gibbs' house could be completely innocent, and she trusted Gibbs to never intentionally hurt her...but Abby also had some idea of how vindictive and manipulative Ryan could be.

Still unable to move she watched on as Dr Ryan reached out and took the beer from within Gibbs' hand. Abby staggered forward slightly and just before Ryan took a sip from the bottle, she noticed Abby standing outside, their gazes locking and Abby's heart dropping when a smug grin curved at the corners of Ryan's lips.

Not wanting the other woman to see the signs of hurt that were raging through her, Abby turned and hurried back to her car. She needed to get away, to catch her breath and figure out what to do. Even though she'd almost been expecting this day to come and she'd somewhat prepared for it, all the things she'd told herself she would say to Ryan vanished in an instant.

She gasped for air, and for the first time since she and Gibbs had been together Abby doubted her ability to be able to hold on to him. Why would he want her when he could have someone more sophisticated? She'd been a fool to think someone like him could ever love somebody like her.

Not looking back towards the house Abby got into her car, her hands shaking when she tried to put the key in to start it. Finally after several tries the engine roared to life and she sped away from the curb, her heart racing as her lungs protested against the lack of oxygen. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes as she drew in long deep breaths, her body beginning to tremble.

Abby knew she was being irrational and that she should confront Ryan and listen to an explanation from Gibbs, but she couldn't face either of them. She'd been through some painful and scary things in her life, but the prospect of losing the man she loved more than life itself, the man she'd waited so long to be with, crippled her. Something told her that if she ran away perhaps it wouldn't be true.

As she drove away Abby didn't see Gibbs running from the house after her, nor did she hear him yell at Ryan in anger and frustration as the older woman stood watching from his front door.

Where she was driving Abby didn't know, she just needed to be on her own, away from what she'd seen.

Unable to focus on what she was doing a car flashed it's headlights at her when she veered onto the wrong side of the road, her already frayed nerves pushing her towards breaking point as she fought against the urge to physically be sick.

A few seconds later she heard her phone ring and knew it would be Gibbs. He'd want her to come back, but Abby didn't think she could stand to see Ryan again. She felt weak and upset and knew by running away she'd given the doctor a glimpse of her insecurities, the last thing Abby wanted to do was give her even more ammunition to use against her.

A lone tear streamed down her cheek and Abby cursed out loud at herself for allowing her emotions to be overcome so quickly. If she really trusted Gibbs she had nothing to be worried about...so why did she feel like her heart was being ripped out?

Knowing it wasn't safe to continue driving around in her current state she drove towards Tony's place, hoping he could calm her down and let her regain her bearings. The team had known about her relationship with Gibbs for only a week, and while Tony took every opportunity to make fun of her, Abby knew underneath all the jokes he cared about both her and Gibbs.

A short while later Abby arrived at Tony's apartment building, relieved that she'd made it there safely. For several moments she just sat there, trying to compose herself in the hopes that Tony wouldn't see how upset she was. She stared out the window, the memory of Ryan's confident grin burnt into her mind forever.

Abby jumped when her phone started to ring again and she rustled around in her bag until she found it, the picture of Gibbs that covered the screen confirming it was him calling. She nervously chewed on her bottom lip as she looked at the photo. It was one she'd taken of him a couple of nights ago while they'd been making dinner together. Moments before the picture had been taken he'd kissed her breathless, and she'd captured the flush in his cheeks, the lop-sided smile she loved so much making her yearn to hold him even now.

She let out a dejected sigh, her shoulders sagging when the phone stopped ringing. Abby knew Gibbs would track her down eventually, she just needed time to get some perspective and try and get a hold on her emotions. She felt guilty about not answering but she didn't want to say something she'd regret later, once she'd had time to think things through she would call him back.

Getting out of the car she took her time in walking up to Tony's apartment, stalling at the door before she knocked.

"It's about time McDelivery boy I'm gettin' hungry..." Tony trailed off as he opened the door. "Oh, Abby, sorry I thought you were McGee."

Abby looked behind her to make sure McGee wasn't lurking or making his way up the hallway. "Tim's coming over? Maybe I should go then."

She was okay with talking to Tony about her problems but the situation with McGee was a bit trickier. Abby loved Tim as a friend, but nothing more, and she felt a bit awkward at the prospect of sharing what was happening with Gibbs with him.

"We're just gonna watch a movie, some geek film he keeps trying to tell me is one of the classics." Tony stepped in front of her, finally drawing her gaze and noticing the redness around her eyes. "Abby, what's wrong?"

Abby shrugged and quickly forced a smile to her lips. "Nothing, I just wanted to come and visit you."

Tony reached out and took hold of her arm, gently urging her inside before he closed the door behind her.

His eyes focused on her face, trying to read her expression. "Don't believe you, Abbs, you're obviously upset." He came to a standstill next to her, Abby's movements stopping and allowing Tony to block her path. "Why aren't you with Gibbs if something's wrong?"

Abby felt her body tense at the mention of his name and she turned away from Tony, trying to hide her reaction, but it was too late, he'd already seen it.

"Abby, why aren't you with him?" Tony persisted.

She moved out of his grasp, walking across the room to sit on the couch. "I just...needed some time away from him, on my own."

"But you're not on your own, you're here with me. Did he do something to upset you?"

"No..."

It was at that moment that Tony's phone started to ring. He glanced at it where it sat on the kitchen counter before looking back at Abby. She watched him walk over and pick it up, checking the caller I.D. as he turned to her.

"It's Gibbs...should I answer it?"

Abby nodded, she didn't want Tony getting in trouble from Gibbs for ignoring the call. She'd dragged him into the situation as it was and Gibbs could make life miserable for Tony if he found out he'd deliberately not answered.

"Hey boss," Tony greeted him, sounding a little too cheery.

Abby kept her eyes on Tony as he stood next to her. Although she couldn't hear what Gibbs was saying she had some idea from Tony's responses.

"Yeah she's here, is everything alright?"

For as long as she'd known him, Tony had always been someone Abby could rely on. He was like an older brother and she knew that protective instinct he had in wanting to look after her would kick in even if it was Gibbs he had to stand up to. She started to wonder if coming here was a mistake because the last thing she wanted was for Tony to confront Gibbs and for things to get out of hand.

"Okay, we'll be here." Tony told Gibbs, his voice serious.

He closed the phone and threw it down on the couch. "He'll be here soon...you wanna tell me what's going on before he gets here?"

She wasn't sure how much she was willing to share with Tony, but she knew she owed him something purely for turning up on his doorstep in the state she was in. Abby also trusted Tony to keep anything she did tell him to himself, she could always count on him with the things that were important to her.

Tony was a good friend to both her and Gibbs and he wouldn't sugar coat something if he thought Abby needed to hear it...he wouldn't tell her what he thought she wanted to hear, and Abby appreciated that honesty, even if it was sometimes difficult to listen to.

"I'm probably over-reacting," Abby finally said softly, looking down at the floor when Tony took a seat beside her. "I just couldn't stay there while she was there..."

"Who?" Tony took a hold of her hand, the gesture giving Abby comfort as she tried to draw strength from him.

"Dr Ryan," she answered sadly and lifted her eyes to meet his. "She was there when I got to Gibbs' place, I saw them through the window."

"What were they doing?" Tony asked hesitantly.

Abby could see him holding his breath and she couldn't help but wonder if maybe Tony had thought this day would eventually come too.

"Just sitting there...talking."

Tony exhaled and raised his eyebrow at her. "Just sitting there talking," he repeated.

Abby felt panic overcome her at the questioning tone in DiNozzo's voice. Her excuse sounded pathetic even to her, but it hadn't been at the time and she still felt the anxiety as strongly now as when she'd driven off from Gibbs' place. Before she could tell herself to stop she was blurting out everything, wanting to make Tony understand how scared she was of losing Gibbs.

"They were sitting very close...and she was drinking his beer...and when she saw me watching from outside she smiled at me...not a friendly it's nice to see you smile, no, it was more of an I'm gonna take Gibbs away from you smile...what will I do if I lose him Tony?"

Tony shifted closer to her, putting his arm around her shoulder. "Gibbs isn't stupid Abbs, we all know how long you've waited to be together, you really think he'd jeopardize that?"

"No," Abby sighed, leaning into Tony's side. "But I don't trust Ryan."

Before Tony could answer McGee noisily opened the door and kicked it open with his foot. He struggled not to drop the pizzas that rested on one arm, his other hand holding onto a plastic bag.

"Abby!" He jumped when he lifted his eyes to notice both Abby and Tony sitting on the couch watching his every move. "What are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too, Timmy."

"I didn't mean it like that," he stuttered. "I just didn't know you were going to be here."

"Either did I, but it's okay cos I'm going anyway."

She stood up and looked down at Tony, offering her thanks to him for trying to help with only her eyes. If he'd been here by himself she would've stayed but she didn't want things to get awkward if McGee became adamant about finding out what was going on.

"Abby," Tony warned. "Gibbs won't be happy if he gets here and you're gone."

"No, he won't."

Gibbs' stern voice from the doorway startled them all, Abby's heart skipping a beat when she turned to see him step out from behind McGee.

TBC...