Chapter 14

Deep Breaths

For a city that was infested to the core with walkers, the streets of Savannah were eerily quiet, with only the distant wailing of small pockets of the creatures heard far off in the distance. Carley's heart was still uneasy as she sat alone at the kitchen table, her right hand resting over her glock while her left held up a glass of red wine she continued to sip, hoping to dull and calm her nerves. Several hours had passed since Nate's departure, and she was still pondering whether it was worth the gamble to trust him.

A thick puff of clouds concealed the light of the waxing moon, and Carley pondered the group's next move. She bit down softly on her lower lip, cursing the shitty fact that they had no choice but to follow along with the plan of Nate, a man whom she instinctively distrusted and hated the very sight of. But then again, what choice did they have? With the train at a dead end with no alternative route, and no chance in hell that they'd make it in Savannah like Rebecca and Molly, there was nothing else for it.

It was a choice between the boats or death. Nothing else.

Whether it was out of drunkenness, fatigue or desperation, Carley's right hand went dull and drooped down beside the table. Clenching her eyes shut, she let out a forceful sigh before resting her head down on the table, so tired was she that she could've fell asleep then and there. She found herself utterly overwhelmed by it all, and realized just how much she and the others had leaned on Lee for support, and were dependent on him to hold them together. As much as she knew and appreciated the fact that Rebecca would be a pillar of strength by her side as she always was even prior to the apocalypse, she missed Lee dearly, angry over the fact that he had been robbed from her just when they were beginning to explore their relationship further.

"I hope you're not intending to drink up the house's entire wine cellar while you're at it," Bec chuckled softly as she approached from behind, stirring Carley from her drowsy episode.

"Not at all," Carley smiled. "I just didn't think I'd be able to sleep easy tonight, so I decided that a glass might help out."

"You don't trust Nate at all, do you?" Bec asked, sitting next to her.

"The key and boat part, definitely. Even an asshole like him wouldn't screw around and risk heading into a walker-infested hellhole just to trick us. As for everything else, I'm not gonna leave it to chance. Whether he gets us through that padlock or not, I'm keeping an eye on him."

Sullen by the fact that they were forced to take a chance with him, Bec sighed and nodded. "That's the best thing to do, I reckon. Even with Molly with us, he might try something that'll leave the rest of us out to dry."

Sighing lightly, Carley took another sip of her wine. "So how's everyone else doing?"

"Just about preparing to get some shuteye. Gotta say, you've got yourself a really nice kid. Hardly troublesome, and that's saying a lot for someone her age. Although…," she trailed off, her face darkening with sadness, "she's having a tough time hanging in there, her family gone and all."

"I honestly don't know how long she'll take to properly deal with it. Things like that…they stay with you. For a long time."

Bec at once acknowledged the fact that Carley knew all too well from past experiences. Not wanting the thought to linger in Carley's head, she patted her on the shoulder. "Well, don't stay up for too long, okay? Tomorrow's gonna be one hell of a day – best be ready for it. For all of our sakes."

"Alright, that sounds good," Carley said, fighting down the urge to yawn. "Sleep well, Bec."

"Oh, I'm not sleeping yet. I'll be on first watch until 2am, and then Molly will take over."

"You're kidding, right? After what you went through in saving us today?"

"Don't worry – Molly and I are used to it. We take turns on the night watch all the time. Those walkers may be dumb, but they can still wander dangerously close at times."

Although she was inclined to protest out of concern that her old friend may be fatigued herself, Carley stayed silent and quietly accepted Bec's offer. Her eyes were red and sore and her muscles felt like they were in shambles, desperately in need of sleep. Dozing off every now and then on the RV and train during the journey simply didn't suffice.

'Shit, what about Kenny?' she thought. Compared to him, everyone had it easy. Having driven the RV all night and morning until they reached the train, and then taking control of the train's controls, Kenny probably didn't have a chance to get a single bit of shuteye for well over 24 hours.

"Thanks, sis," Carley said with a smile. "Let's head upstairs, then – I've gotta check on the others. See how they're doing."

"I'll leave you to it," Rebecca relied back and accompanied her up the stairs. After reaching the top they parted ways, Rebecca heading to a seat situated at the window at the front of the house while Carley ventured to the bedroom wing down west.

Yawning, Carley glanced at her watch. Seventeen past nine, and yet she was dead-tired. She thought back to the days when she would be skimming through a torrent of articles and sources at the same point during the night in preparation for her radio news story the next day for WABC Atlanta. Three mugs of coffee were a necessity for getting through a day shift at her work, but all too often would lead to her feeling hyperactive at night and in need of activities to burn out the caffeine. A smile would form on her face while she worked when she heard the familiar voice of Bec during the airtime of Channel 6 Action News via satellite, and she couldn't help but giggle on the rare occasion when she noticed Bec wearing her old white blouse, as if she was having a subtle wink at her.

Her smile was broken when she heard footsteps approaching her. Looking up, she saw that it was Molly, a rather uneasy expression on her face. "What's the matter, Molly? Is something wrong?"

"Well, yeah," she groaned and shrugged. "It's your friend Ben. He's curled up in the attic. Won't give any answer that stretches on for more than five words no matter what I ask him."

Carley couldn't help but feel sympathy for him. Stupid and unreliable as he was, he was just a kid, never mind the fact that he was as timid as a cat approaching water.

"I think I know what's going on with him. Don't worry – just leave him to me. He's in deep shit and he knows it," Carley smiled.

Sensing a joke deep down, Molly chuckled. "I know that feeling. Had to scold my little sister often when we were young." Her smile visibly faded quickly, and so she moved on. "But hey, it's great to meet you. Bec and I talked awhile about you while you were downstairs, and you can rest assured you're in my good books already – not many people can say that," she grumbled, obviously referring to Nate.

"Thanks," Carley nodded. "Well, I'm sure we can get to know each other properly in the morning. For now, we all really need to get some rest."

"Sounds good to me. Try to get some decent shuteye, ok? Tomorrow's gonna be tough," Molly sighed and walked past her. Her expression was visibly darker, almost as if she feared for the worst for them.

Resisting the urge to shudder, Carley ventured down the corridor until she came to a lowered stepladder. Not a single sound could be heard from above, and given that it was Ben, that clearly wasn't a good sign for his emotional state. As she thought, once she climbed up the ladder, she saw him curled up into a ball against the wall at the far-end, his face buried into his knees.

"Ben," she said softly as she approached. "Ben, are you alright?"

He didn't reply. All he did was briefly look up at her face with a pained look on his face before hanging his head in shame again.

She sighed deeply before sitting down in front of him and laying a gentle hand on the top of his knee. "I'm sorry. I've been too harsh on you – I realize that now."

"…Why?" he mumbled almost inaudibly.

"What?" Carley asked, leaning forward.

"Why…did he do that?"

"What are you talking about?" she placed her hands on his shoulders firmly, growing somewhat impatient with his cryptic answer.

"Chuck," he explained, raising his head a little. "Why did he have to do that for me?"

"He's a good guy, that Chuck. We've known him only for a short time, but I think that he's someone who'd never leave others behind."

"It's not Chuck. It's me," he groaned. "Ever since I joined up with you guys, I've made fuckup after fuckup. I'm the reason we lost the motor inn. I'm the reason why Duck's dead and you became separated with Lee. And yet…I'm still around, when I don't even deserve to. Why?"

"It's…hard to explain," Carley muttered. "Despite all the times you screwed up and put us in danger, neither Lee or I could bear to just abandon you. For me, I guess…I guess it'd be stupid for me to have kicked you out after what you had done, when considering Lee's past conviction and the fact that I was confident we could keep him around. I think the lesson I've learned from that is that…people can change, y'know? I found it hard to trust Lee at first, but he pulled through for us when we really needed it. I think you can do that too, Ben. Eventually."

"You…you really think so?" Ben raised his head, a small glimmer of hope in his eyes.

"Definitely," Carley smiled confidently, although her heart was truly on the fence on the matter. "After all, life is about learning from and correcting your own mistakes, isn't it? Now come on – stop skulking alone up here like a loner and come back downstairs." She held him hand firmly and helped him up to his feet. True to form, he stumbled a little, half due to his recent injury and half due to his own clumsy nature.

"Thanks. I owe you one – I'll remember that," he said, an uncharacteristic air of confidence suddenly present in his tone.

No shit you owe me one, Carley thought as they descended the stepladder and Ben further headed downstairs. She stared at him with mixed emotions while he left her view. She wanted to trust him, but there was always a feeling of dread deep within her that refused to dissipate. She would have to watch him closely.

She turned to head towards Kenny and Katjaa's room. Out of all of them, those two had endured the worst over the past few days, and it was only likely to get worse – much worse – if her suspicions regarding Ben's ability to keep himself together were correct.

Opening the door slowly, she saw Kenny sitting on the side of the bed with his face in his hands, and Katjaa beside him, consoling him with gentle pats on the back. "Kenny, Katjaa…how are you holding up?"

"What does it look like?" Kenny grumbled, shaking his head. "Our boy's dead, we've gotten ourselves into this walker-infested mousetrap of a city, we have to fight our way into a complex that's crawling with even more walkers, and God knows what next. What's to look forward to?"

"It's difficult, Carley," Katjaa sighed. "It feels so empty without him here. Around this time of night, he'd always complain about being hungry, or starting going on and on about food cravings for things he used to be able to eat. I…I miss him very much."

"I know the feeling, Katjaa. Too well," Carley nodded somberly. She still remembered how after Tray died, part of her loathed the mere sight of small children, since it reminded her of the possibility that had been lost along with Tray after his death. The house they had planned to move into had an extra bedroom to accommodate their plans to have at least one child together, but all plans were cancelled once she received the terrible news from Afghanistan.

"You've been drinking, huh?" Kenny chuckled, noticing the scent of red wine emanating from Carley's lips as she spoke.

"Yeah. I have. Kinda needed it, to be honest," she admitted with a shrug. "Just enough to help me sleep, though – definitely no enough to screw up anything tomorrow."

"Heheh…can't blame ya," he scoffed. "Y'know, to tell you the truth, I kinda envy him a bit."

"Who?" Carley asked.

"Duck. Just think about it. He's at peace now, and doesn't have to deal with any more of this bullcrap. No running, no hunger, no living in fear every day with blood pumping in your veins and your head pounding with a migraine…Just…peace and quiet…y'know?"

Every time such thoughts came across Carley's mind, she remembered the girl they found locked up at the motor inn before they came to occupy it. The sheer hopelessness and despair that drove her to grab Carley's gun and end her own life…She had lost everything – her family, her lover and all things she had to look forward to. But Carley was different. She had exactly the same thoughts, but one thing kept her going, and she wasn't about to let Kenny drift towards giving up either.

"Don't think like that, Kenny. Ever," she said firmly.

"Huh?" he looked up, surprised at how forcefully she delivered that message.

"Too many people are depending on you. Don't think for one second about giving up on us. We need you."

"Carley's right, Ken," Katjaa agreed, putting a comforting hand on her husband's shoulder. "As much as I hate putting up with all of this, we must. For each other."

"What do you think I've been doing ever since we came out of those damned woods?" Kenny groaned. "Look, Kat…Carley. Don't worry about me. I've got it. You just keep an eye out for Clem, ok? And might as well keep an eye out for Ben while you're at it – he's more of a worry than Clem at this point, sad to say."

"You're sure, Kenny? You're not gonna—"

"I said I've got it, okay?" he growled, causing her to tense up a little.

After exchanging worried glances with Katjaa, Carley decided to call it a night. "Okay, Ken, if you insist. I'll see you both in the morning. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Carley," Katjaa replied somberly.

"Night…," Kenny hoarsely said.

Carley sighed after she shut the door behind her. Kenny's stubbornness went both ways: he was a stalwart rock when you needed him to step up during times of crisis, but at the same time he was almost impossible to reason with if you had a differing opinion on how to approach a problem. Carley couldn't help but have the slightest sense of sympathy towards Lilly and what she had to put up with while they were still at the motor inn. Furthermore, she realized just how easy she had it compared to Lilly, Ken and Lee: whereas they played an active role in the management of supplies and overseeing the security of the compound, Carley's role usually revolved around mostly going about her business while tending to Clementine with Lee.

Always, Clementine was on the back of her mind. As much as she wanted to tend to the young girl as soon as possible, there were still other things to be taken care of. She walked towards the room occupied by Omid and Christa, and heard through the door the muffled voice of Omid.

"It's something we have to think about, Chuck," he said. "We can't avoid it – it's coming sooner or later, and I don't know if Christa's gonna be safe when the time comes."

"Which is why you need to be ready, son," Chuck replied matter-of-factly, almost so much that he made getting through a life or death situation seem like a trivial everyday task. "Don't cling onto any hope of finding a safe place where you can just put your feet up and wait it out – such places don't exist anymore."

Acting on the slight pause in conversation, Carley gently knocked the door three times. Christa spoke up. "Yes? Come in, it's alright."

"Hey guys," she replied upon entering. "How are you all doing?"

"We're okay, I guess," Omid scratched his head. "Couple of bruises here and there for me, but I shouldn't be whining about it either." He looked up at Chuck, who was standing close by. God knows what he had to put up with, dragging Ben through a sewer. He still smelled of the stuff, but Carley wasn't about to complain about it one bit.

"I never got a chance to thank you properly, Chuck," she said, walking up to him. "Thank you. Really. Ben's a little bit of a dickhead but still, you put yourself through some deep shit just to save him."

Chuck smiled back; whether it was out of appreciation of Carley's acknowledgement of his trials or the literal truth behind her words in regards to him trudging through the sewer, he couldn't quite tell. "No need to thank me for that. Don't give up on him either. He's not the brightest, but he's got room to develop." Looking towards the door, he spoke. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll head downstairs and take the couch. It's been a long day."

"Agreed. You deserve rest more than anyone else here, Chuck. Thanks once again," Carley replied and smiled as Chuck walked past her. After he departed, she spoke to Omid and Christa. "And thanks to you guys, too. I can't imagine the last time we ran into a group of people we could actually trust."

"We can say exactly the same about you guys," Christa said. "We've been wandering from place to place, us two, until we found Chuck a few days ago."

"It doesn't look like the wandering is gonna stop any soon, either," Omid sighed. "Who knows how long we can even stay in this city?"

"Not long at all," Carley shook her head. "Hell, I don't even know if getting our hands on a boat will even help. We don't know where we're going, and we don't know if there's even gonna be any supplies where we end up."

"I don't get it," Christa observed. "If you're so stumped about what you're gonna do after you find the boat, why were you guys so adamant about finding a boat to begin with?"

Carley sighed. "It's Kenny. He's a stubborn fuck. If he wants to do something, no-one – and I mean no-one – can talk him out of it. It's worse than his way or the highway. More like his way or go to hell."

"Why didn't you step up and say it right to his face, then? Tell him it's a bad idea," Omid suggested.

"I…I don't think I have what it takes to lead this group on my own," Carley shook her head. "I don't have the strength to. I'm not like Kenny."

Disappointed by Carley's response, Christa exhaled and stared at the floor with a distressed look on her face. Carley kept her silence, fighting the urge to enquire about why Christa and Omid were so adamant about find a safe place to settle.

"So how's Clem? Is she alright? Must be tough thinking about her parents," Omid said.

"Omid…," Carley sighed heavily. "I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you. That kind of pain…it never goes away. You can only will yourself to temporarily put it at the back of your mind most of the time, but…it always comes back. All she can do is learn how to live with it. I can teach her that, and so can Kenny and Katjaa."

"I know what you mean," Christa replied. "Omid and I lost so many friends along the way as well, and that doesn't count the friends whose fates in San Fran we're still not aware of."

"Seriously, though, don't hesitate to ask us any favors from here on out," Omid said. "Rebecca and Molly will be a huge help while we're here. Hell, both of them could kick my ass in a fight and have me lying on the ground within three seconds. Christa and I are mere passengers compared to them when considering what we can do, but really, we can help out in any way you need. Clem's still young and needs protecting; we can help you with that."

Carley smiled warmly. "Thanks. I really appreciate it."

-o-

"They should be just inside here, sweetheart," Carley said, putting on a positive vibe despite the chills that ran up and down Clementine's back. "Everything will be alright."

How Carley could even say such things, Clementine couldn't know. She struggled to even keep a hold of Carley's hand, so drenched was her own with sweat that she found it impossible to think of anything beside her own nervousness.

As Carley took a deep breath and put her hand on the doorknob, Clementine clenched her eyes shut, half of her outright refusing to even step through the door. As much as she wanted to see what – or, rather, who – was inside, she shied away. What point was there? What could she possible hope to gain?

The door creaked open, revealing a hotel room that was run down, with dried blood marks splattered across the floor. Pale moonlight seeped through the holes of the ragged and torn curtains, and the room contained nothing but broken furniture and silence.

Carley sighed deeply and looked down at the floor, dejected. "We tried, Clem. We tried. Now let's get back and—" She was cut off by a vicious hand that dragged her back by the mouth, throwing her off balance and sending her crashing onto the floor on her back. A large male walker's ravenous growls could be heard, its figure illuminated by a jolt of lightning as it hounded down upon Carley. Hunks of skin were missing from its neckline and arms, and saliva dripped from its gaping mouth onto Carley's face as she fought for her life, her pistol knocked out of her grasp.

Suddenly, without warning, a female walker that was similarly lurking in the shadows joined in to make things all the more difficult for Carley. Fighting back the male walker with everything she had while it overpowered her, Carley could only hold back the female walker with flailing kicks of her legs.

"Clem…gun…shoot…," Carley groaned, looking sideways at her with pleading eyes.

She couldn't move. Fear overtook her and her limbs felt like they were freezing over on the spot. Then, as Carley kicked the female walker once more, this time in the face, its head turned away…until it gazed straight at Clementine.

Small, dazed and vulnerable… this was an opportunity too good to miss.

It bounded towards Clementine, who was reduced to staring at the gun that lay barely a few feet away from her. Step by step it closed the distance between them, until it was finally impossible for Clem to reach the pistol in time. Paralyzed by her fear, Clem could only cover her eyes and brace for the inevitable end as the walker drew near, its starving growls echoing in her ears.

Its hisses and grunts hovered directly over her head, until they were interrupted by the sound of metal tearing against flesh and bone. Barely a few seconds later a second sickening crunching noise could be heard, then all went silent.

Clementine moved her hands away from her eyes and slowly opened her eyelids. What she saw brought her slight joy, quickly followed by bottomless sorrow.

Kneeling before her with his back turned to her was Lee, weeping over the bloodied and ravaged body of Carley, still barely alive and breathing.

"L…Lee?" Carley gasped, not believing her eyes.

"Carley…! I'm so sorry…I was…too late," he wept, grasping her right hand in both of his.

"It's alright, Lee…Clementine's safe..."

"But you…you're—"

"Don't…worry about me," she grinned, fading away fast as blood continued to seep from the side of her mouth.

"No…I was too late…couldn't save you…"

Carley smiled, closed her eyes and weakly shook her head. She peered at Clementine, beckoning her to come close with an outstretched hand. "Come here, honey."

Her face awash with tears, Clementine did as she was asked. She knelt beside Carley, who gathered her hands along with those of Lee, to feel their warmth for the last time.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart…it's time for me to go."

"No," Clementine sobbed. "No, Carley, please…"

"You'll be alright. Lee's here. He'll take care of you. Much better than I ever could," Carley assured her.

"But I need you," Clementine begged, refusing to let go of Carley's hand which she squeezed ever so desperately. "Please…don't go…"

Carley smiled. Her eyelids grew heavy as she spoke under her breath. "Lee…Clem…I love you…I…lo—" One final sigh, and she was gone. Her elbows drooped, plummeting along with Clementine's heart. Now completely broken, Clementine covered her face with her hands and began to cry uncontrollably while embraced Carley's husk of a body in his arms, whispering final words of goodbye. It was not until the crack of Lee's pistol sounded that Clementine finally came back to her senses.

Carley was now at peace. She would not be coming back.

Refusing to let his tears show for Clem's sake, Lee holstered his pistol into his back pocket and picked his fallen love in his arms, resolving her carry her out and give her a proper burial. "Come on, Clem. Let's get out of here."

Clementine found herself still unable to move. Despite all of Carley's faith in her, she had failed. Totally and utterly. Carley was dead because of her. Because of her—

"Clem," Lee said firmly, almost growling at her. Compelled to move, Clementine followed after Lee, wiping away tears as she saw blood still seeping from the bullet wound in the side of Carley's head.

She stared at the remains of the two walkers who took her world away from her. Whereas she always felt fear towards walkers before, now she suddenly felt a tinge of hatred. She glared at the two dead monstrosities that now lay motionless on the floor, hoping to get a good look so that she could remember them.

And remember them she would forever – as lightning cracked in the sky, she could see in plain view their faces which became lit up and left bare.

A man and a woman. Both of whom she recognized.

"It…it can't be…!"

She couldn't take it anymore. She broke out of her dream thrashing about in the bed and tried to scream, only to be silenced by a tender hand. As always, it was her guardian.

"Ssh, Clem, it's alright. I've got you…"

A/N: Sorry for the huge wait for an update. Work's been very demanding these past few months, and it's also been a struggle to get through this chapter because it feels like I'm writing something that regurgitates the game's exact same plot except with a few minor differences. Hopefully I'll pick it up once I get through the Savannah arc of the story.

Don't worry, folks – this story's far from dead. I'm still juggling this one along with two other major fics, but updates will come in due time.

See you all in the next update!