Disclaimer: I do not own anything; Characters belong to Joss Whedon & Mutant Enemy. However this story is my own.

A/N: Hey guys so it's kind of been revealed why Spike was being a total idiot, hope you weren't disappointed. As always reviews are greatly appreciated - Loverswalk89 x

Dedicated to CailinRua, BellaNessieCullen, Jeremy Shane, emmaleewhittaker - thank you for your continued support on this fic

CHAPTER TWENTY

'The Good In Goodbye?'

Spike sat on the steps in the backyard of Slayer Central smoking his cigarette and thinking back on the choices he'd made this past week, all he knew is that he had to protect Buffy and bring the evil operation down from the inside. It was what the powers wanted, but it landed him in hot water with Buffy. She hadn't spoke a word to him since they brought back the injured girls a few hours ago.

He was broken from his reverie, Faith had also stepped out for a smoke. She went and sat beside him

"How is everyone?" He asked

"Nobody was seriously hurt..." She told him "But if you're asking how they feel about you, everybody is still pretty pissed. You might wanna stay out of Angel's way"

"Yeah... I guess he's got pretty good grounds to stake me" he sighed

"I think he's more into torturing you..."

"Ah I see"

"I still don't get it Blondie..." She frowned "I mean I know you were just tryina do the right thing, but kidnapping Dawn and Connor..." She trailed off

"I had to do something to get Ace to trust me... I messed up I know that but it was all for her"

"I know, she'll be grateful one day" Faith smiled

"I doubt it" he said flicking his cigarette end into the darkness

"Just give her some time to cool off"

XXXXX

"Are you sure?" Willow asked

"Yeah, I can't stay here it's time I went home. Now there's no threat to the girls" Buffy smiled putting her clothes into a duffle bag

"Are you okay?" She asked

"I guess so... I just don't understand." She shrugged "I thought I knew him, turns out I really don't"

"Buffy I know you're mad but he had good reason" Willow told her

"I guess so" she sighed "it's just the trust has gone now, how do I know what's an act and what's not anymore?"

"It's gunna take some time" Said Willow

XXXXX

Spike braced himself and knocked on the door, Dawn opened it "Oh it's you" she said disappointedly

"Can I come in?" He asked softly

"Sure" she said sauntering back to sit on her bed

Spike grabbed a chair and sat in front of her "I just want to let you know how sorry I am Dawn"

She knew he was serious when he called her by her Christian name "I know"

"I never would've hurt you, or Connor for that matter. I just had to prove myself, get Ace to trust me" he said sadly

"I know, I just never thought you'd be so secretive, you could have told me"

"I could... But I couldn't risk it. If Ace found out god knows what he would have done to you. And I wouldn't be able to live with myself if anything happened to you" he cried "you're like my kid sis"

Dawn began to cry "You're the brother I never had. I just have to learn how to trust you again"

"I know, and I'm willing to do all the grovelling" he smiled slightly "Ice cream, chick flicks you name it and I'll do it"

"Talk to Buffy" she said simply

"It's not that simple Nibblet..."

"It really is, she's been in pieces without you this past week. It's like you came back into her life and then were taken away from her so suddenly, you have to talk to her. You can't just disappear again, you'll only hurt her more" she told him

"I'll talk to her" he promised

XXXXX

Buffy had to take it all in, she sat on the couch of her apartment with a blanket over her knees. She felt like a stranger in her own home she'd been gone that long, but she'd get used to normal life again she was sure of it. She heard a knock at the door, she rose from the couch draping her blanket around her shoulders and padded through the apartment.

She opened the door to see Spike standing there looking rather uncomfortable.

"Hey... Can I come in?" He asked

"That depends is this all a facade?" She asked him

"Can I please just explain myself?" He pleaded

She left the door open and went back to her original position on the couch. He sat on the chair beside her.

"Buffy I never meant to hurt you... I know this wasn't the best plan ever but it worked" he reasoned

Buffy laughed bitterly "You're damn right it wasn't the best plan!"

"I didn't mean for it to go this far..." He tried the explain

"How far were you gunna go? Because I'd say you went far enough, you almost choked me to death! You kidnapped Dawn and Connor! Do you know how many Slayers we've lost too?!"

"And I'm sorry Buffy for all of it... But I was trying to protect you!" He snapped

"I don't need you to protect me! I am a grown woman! I don't need you to lie to me, I don't need you kidnap my sister and my friends so you can protect me!"She yelled

"I thought I was doing what was best, Love"

"Well it wasn't" she spat angrily

"Do you know how hard it was? Sitting there watching you hurt... You don't know how much I wanted to throw my arms around you and tell you everything was gunna be okay" he cried

Tears flooded Buffy's eyes "Not as much as me..."

"I'm sorry Buffy"

"I know, I know you're sorry and I know you had the best intentions..." She composed herself "But...How am I meant to trust you ever again?"

"I know it's a lot to ask Buffy, and I messed up. I know that! But if we work at this..."

Buffy interrupted him "Spike all we've ever done is work at this, the whole time whether it be just a sexual relationship or an emotional one. We work so hard to get nothing back but heartache... I can't do this anymore"

"Don't say that" he pleaded

"We won't work out... And I can't keep putting either of us through this it's not fair. We just have to face it we're not meant to be together..." She sobbed

Spike had tears rolling down his face "I love you"

"I love you too" she cried

"What am I gunna do without you?" He asked

"You managed for ten years, I think you'll be okay" she smiled

Spike stood "Goodbye Buffy"

She rose and hugged him tightly, tears staining both of their faces. She kissed him gently on the lips "Goodbye Spike"

XXXXX

Dawn let herself into Buffy's apartment, nobody had heard from her in a few days. Dawn was worried, she knew that Spike had tried and failed to make Buffy see sense, it was just a case of leaving her to cool down.

She stared in disgust at Buffy's kitchen which was filled with discarded chocolate wrappers, ice cream tubs and pots and pans scattered everywhere. She got to Buffy's bedroom door, when she heard her sister sniffling.

She opened the door to find Buffy snuggled up in her bed with various amounts of junk food surrounding her and an old black and white movie blasting out from her TV. The dark circles under Buffy's eyes and her untamed hair told Dawn she'd been there for a while.

"Buffy what the hell?"

"Shhh... This is the best part" Buffy silenced her younger sibling.

Dawn turned her attention to the tv screen and rolled her eyes, as the lead male character told his female companion that he loved her. Making Buffy cry like a baby, Dawn got agitated and turned the tv off.

"What are you doing?" Asked Buffy outraged

"How many times have you watched this movie this week?" Dawn asked

Buffy looked sheepish as she pulled the covers up to her face "ten" she said softly

"That's it!" Said Dawn picking up the various chocolate wrappers that surrounded her sisters body "You're gunna get up and you're gunna take a shower and then you're gunna go and talk to Spike because regardless of whether you trust him or not you love the bones of that vampire!" Dawn told her

"Dawn... I know what you're saying but it's not gunna work out" she said, now pulling the covers over her head "now please leave" she mumbled from under the duvet.

Dawn rolled her eyes and pulled the covers off her "So the going gets tough and you get going?... This isn't you Buffy you know he's worth the fight"

"Do I?" Buffy asked her voice barely above a whisper

"You know he is, otherwise you wouldn't be watching crappy romance movies surrounded by chocolate" Dawn raised an eyebrow

"I can't do it..." Buffy sounded defeated laying on her bed

"Look... Spike's leaving tonight, this could be your last chance Buffy. I know how much you regretted telling him your feelings at the last second in the hellmouth. Don't let him slip away again" said Dawn softly

"He's really leaving?" She asked

"Yeah..."

Without another word Buffy sat up and swing her legs around and got out of bed running into the bathroom.

"Love it when a plan comes together" Dawn smiled before cleaning up Buffy's mess.

XXXXX

Spike placed his small black duffle bag into the trunk of the car, Dawn and Connor were the only ones stood outside ready to say their goodbyes.

"Right then..." Said Spike putting his hands in the pockets of his duster.

"You stay safe Uncle Spike... Let us know where you end up" said Connor putting out his hand

Spike took his hand and shook it slowly. "What the hell" said Spike pulling Connor in for a brief hug.

"Hey Dead Boy Jr's going all soft in his old age" Xander teased stepping out onto the porch along with Willow, Giles and Andrew.

"We came to wish you luck Spike" Giles told him

"I appreciate it Watcher" Spike nodded his head toward him

Andrew almost knocked Spike off his feet when he came dashing his way for a hug "Promise you'll write this time" he pleaded

"Yeah yeah" he said tugging Andrew's arms from around his neck "I promise"

Willow stepped forward and hugged him gently "Good luck Spike, try not to get yourself into trouble" she smiled

"If I do I'll just give you a call Red" he smirked.

Dawn stepped forward, he could smell the tears before he even caught a glimpse of her icy blues. He held out his arms and she rushed into them, clinging to his shirt "Do you really have to go?" She asked him.

"Sorry Bit, time to go" he said with tears in his eyes "But you've got my number... And I'll call you when I get to wherever the hell it is I'm going"'he promised

"Are you sure you don't wanna stick around in case Buffy shows?" She asked

He sighed heavily "I've waited long enough for your sis" he chuckled

Dawn eventually let go of him, Connor put a protective arm around her.

"You look after her okay Connor" he told the brunette.

"I will" smiled Connor

Spike smiled at them all and got into the car. He started the engine and 'I Wanna Be Sedated' blared from the windows. He reversed the Viper, he's stolen from Angel and made sure he knocked down the 'Welcome' sign positioned in front of Slayer Central.

Just as he was about to speed off into the night, Buffy appeared in front of the car. Spike immediately slammed on the brakes, and the car stopped just inches away from Buffy.

She let out a squeak of relief as he climbed out of the car "Just what the bloody hell to you think you're doing Slayer?" He yelled "I could of hit you!"

"I'm sorry" she mumbled "But I couldn't let you go"

Spike's tensed shoulders sagged a little and his anger turned to disbelief "What are you saying?" He asked

She bit her lip to stop her tears "I can't let you go..." She said "... Without saying goodbye" she added

"Oh right... I thought we already did the goodbye bit" he told her

"Right..." She looked embarrassed.

"Well... Goodbye Buffy" he said getting back into the car.

"You're an idiot!" She shouted

"What?" He asked again stepping out of the car.

"That didn't come out right..." She cursed herself

"Slayer what in the hell are you talking about?" He slammed her car door and approached her.

The gang was still stood outside watching the exchange between the two blondes, they couldn't quite hear what was being said.

"Do you think they're gunna make up?" Asked Willow

Buffy slapped Spike round the face.

"I'm gunna go with no" said Xander.

"What the bloody hell was that for?" Asked Spike rubbing his face.

"Everything!" Said Buffy exasperated "For leaving me for ten years! For almost killing me! For kidnapping Dawn and Connor! And for almost getting yourself killed in the process!"

"Slayer... Buffy I'm sorry, you know I am"

"I know... And I'm sorry too, it just seems like we go round in circles so much and I'm really getting dizzy now. I need to know what you want here and now, because I'm going crazy with all the what ifs floating around in my head" she cried

He stood dumbfounded for a moment "Do you really need to ask me what I want? You should know... All I've ever wanted was you Buffy, I know we've been through so much and it is gunna be hard work but I want to be here with you" he said putting his arms around her waist

"There is nowhere else in the world that I'd rather be than here, I love you Buffy" he smiled

"I love you too" she placed her lips over his and kissed him passionately.

The gang further up the driveway were cheering and clapping the kiss.

"Looks like we've got an audience Pet" Spike smirked

"Better give them something to watch then" she smiled, kissing him again.

THE END.