A/N: Sorry to everyone that was in the middle of reading this a few hours again, I wanted to change a word around to the right one. Thanks O66. S/U on the rocks, shaken not stir. Again no Beta :/

It was cold in his bed. He hadn't come back to rest beside her and when she rolled over to snuggle into his warmth only the frigid dip of his side of the bed had been there to greet her. Nyota sighed as she grabbed his pillow and held it to her nose, sniffing. She did not fight the burn of tears that threatened to spill. She had to to put on a professional facade of calm on duty but here inside this cabin she could let herself go. She missed him so much.

How was it that in everything that Spock set out to do he would go above and beyond to see its completion but for their relationship he neglected it to the point of where it felt like bondage that neither could escape. As it stood, the long range sensor array saw more of her sa-kugalsu (fiance) than she did and was certainly lavished with more attention.

Yes, he was Vulcan and she knew he had feelings for her but she had no clue about where they stood now. He was so far from her.

At first she thought it was Spock trying to keep a sense of propriety in front of the crew but behind doors he remained just as distant and...cold. And then there was Va'Pak ( The Immeasurable Loss), the destruction of Vulcan, which he never spoke to her about. He just buried it and acted as if he was one in a few hundred thousand Vulcans left after his home world had it's very being ripped from the universe by way of his Prime timeline's technology. She could sense that he doggedly held himself responsible for the deaths of so many, as if he were Nero. With their last meld she heard him secretly wish to have never existed.

Nyota had long since stopped trying to instigate an intervention of his emotional backsliding, seeing that it only resulted in his deafening silence and icy glares while they ate their replicated meals inside of his cabin. He no longer took any of his meals in the galley.

The bond that he had formed while he was still her Instructor lay mute and still, like a wounded animal reckoning itself onto death. It made her feel numb to reach out to him. Did he even want her? Love her?

She looked at her comm to find the time. Spock had no need to keep one. 1135, good she thought to herself. Nyota slipped back into her gym clothes and exited Spock's suite. He clearly wasn't making an effort to see her before she had to go back on duty so why bother dressing there when most of her things were in her room? Just the opposite had been true two months earlier. Spock had pressed her for more time alone and with that she ended up taking a good deal of her belongings there with her.

She was almost ready for her shift on the beta schedule when she sensed his approach towards her door. She ignored the chime, reaching down to fasten her boots and check the line of her eye kohl. She shouted for his entrance as she was pushing her earrings through, applying postings to the backs. They had a tendency to wiggle free.

His dour mood of gloom and suppressed anger entered before he did, his eyes piercing Nyota with a heated stare of accusation. She waited for him to speak first. Spock wouldn't have come to her otherwise; he never did anymore.

" I have received orders this morning from Doctor McCoy to begin counseling for exhibiting anti-social behavior and signs of depression as observed by my shipmates. Would you have anything to do with my being summoned to the medical bay?" he asked, not even masking the spite in his voice. It hurt to see him this way, even more to realize he could not see something was wrong with him.

She bit the inside of her cheek to stop the snarky response that had immediately come to mind knowing Spock would be ready with an equally cutting rebuttal. They had danced that dance too many times and she grew wary of following the same steps.

" I did not recommend your evaluation, no." she said quickly, going towards the door to report to the bridge.

He blocked her path and closed the door. His warm, bergamot scent filled her nose and she felt a hollow space inside her ache. She wanted to be in his presence so much but it pained her that he rationed himself out, giving her just enough to not starve.

The last three times they had made love wasn't anywhere near the turn of phrase. His motions had been mad and frantic, like he was trying escape some invisible hold upon him. It was rough, awkward and unsatisfying. Nyota would be no where near completion when Spock would roll off of her and out of the bed to return to his shift or his quarters. They were broken and he did not care to fix it. Maybe it wasn't that exactly...perhaps he couldn't because he wasn't even able to mend himself.

He had the irritating habit of trying to do things on his own when it came to his welfare, ultimately seeing others as a distraction or too sophomoric to be of any help. He wanted to be the one manage his affairs. Nyota's presence in that regard was highly unwelcome.

" Do not evade my question, did you or did you not speak to Doctor McCoy about my emotional well being?" he questioned adamantly. She met his eyes and studied him. His hair was still growing in from being shaven bald after the Romulan space mission but the horrid facial tattoos were almost completely faded. His cheeks looked worn, the skin under his eyelids shaded a light chartreuse. The face was the familiar but she did not know this man standing before her now.

" He asked after you and I told him that you were having trouble sleeping and didn't want to take shore leave." Nyota replied crisply. He blinked and looked away from her as if he was confirming something in his head. When he looked back his face was gravely still.

" In the future I would request that you not concoct some fallacy about my person to anyone in passing. If you do so again I will report your subterfuge as slander to the Captain. I am Vulcan, my sleeping habits and social interactions should not be compared to those of a humans. I have duties to attend to during the day and I do not see how wallowing in bed or talking about trivial nothings will help me accomplish them. It's a wonder that anything gets done on this ship." he quipped.

Nyota stared at him in disbelief before pushing past him. He grabbed her arm and stopped her retreat. " Have I made myself clear, Lieutenant Uhura?"

Oh, they were back on professional terms, were they? Fine.

" Get your hand off of my arm, sir." she said slowly, her anger thinly veiled within her tone.

He narrowed his eyes at her voice's challenge but released her limb begrudgingly. Nyota drew her arm against her side wanting to rub it to relieve the pain but she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her as a 'weak human'. " I understand perfectly, Commander. Permission to take my leave to report for duty, sir?"

He nodded curtly. " Permission granted. Report straight to the bridge, Lieutenant."

Nyota clenched her jaw but said nothing as she made her way towards the turbolift feeling his eyes boring into the back of her head the whole time until the doors cycled close. Nero did a lot more than mass genocide by way of a black hole, he had succeeded in making Spock hollow.