Spock pressed Nyota's door chime for the third time before using his override code as commander to enter her quarters.

He and other members of the ship rarely ever saw her outside of the bridge and her quarters as she took her meals and time off duty away from everyone else.

He still felt a great affinity towards Nyota and found her more than aesthetically pleasing but he could not lie that he was still loved her. Vulcans could not lie.

He walked carefully through the darkness as he sought her out through their bond. When he found her laying curled on the bed, he felt his chest constrict. Her eyes found his and they stared at each other, waiting for something to happen. Nyota neither approved of his arrival in her bedroom or found it intrusive, she just laid their impassively.

The numbness rolling from her into their bond made his temples throb like a headache.

He looked down searching the cabin floor for a source of relief.

To regain his emotions after living without them for days was overwhelming enough but to be confronted with his mate's lament was to the point of being physically painful.

He walked towards the bed and sat down lightly beside her. She watched him with puffy red eyes but made no attempts to interact with him. He shifted to face her and studied her face carefully.

"Nyota,..you must know,...you should know that I am so very sorry." he declared almost timidly. " Though it is illogical to wish that events were different I find myself doing so on a regular basis. I...I wish that I had not performed Kolinahr, that I did not do so without discussing it with you first, that I had not kept myself from you before the ritual and then pushed myself onto you afterwards. Most of all I wish that I had not hurt you. I am ashamed."

Nyota looked at him blankly but he could feel the fog of her numbness fading. He continued, trying to free her from its hold.

" The guilt I feel towards you is unlike other that I have ever experienced. I forced you into a position of subjugation and mortal danger as you fought to rescue the person you once knew me to be. That I caused you so much pain in your efforts to preserve the essence of who I was keeps me up at night. Though your physical strength is no match compared to mine, your mental fortitude to carry on has rendered me speechless at times."

He reached out and held her hand, slowly feeling himself becoming submerged in her doleful mind. She allowed him entrance into her thoughts, letting him see that she had surrounded herself in recollections of them together like ancient terran photographs scattered on the floor of her mind.

She was mourning them. Memories of warm, loving moments stood out starkly against the dark blue of her dolorousness.

The memories stirred into motion spinning around the two of them. While they revolved around her like planets in orbit she clutched one in particular very tightly to her heart. He drew closer seeking to view it and she shifted the memory in her hold so that he may.

It was morning. Even with the overcast sky, blue pale light poured into the apartment through his windows. Nyota was laying there with him in bed, her hair cascading over his chest like bolts of blacken silk. He was stroking her cheek and admiring the way that her eyes looked when she had just awakened. He aligned his thumb and fingers along the side of her face as she turned to meet them and both of them sighed in pleasure.

They were so happy that the word itself was offensive in its efforts in trying to describe the feeling of it. It was so much more than a happiness one may get from being supremely content. Their level of comfort and familiarity was so high that nothing ( no feelings of doubt or self-consciousness) barred them from the other.

They were in love. Sweeter than the most thrilling of moments lived out during a crush and more intimate than the act of sex could ever be. The plane of their existence was within one another. No longer would a physical place be called their home. Now their life and soul would be housed in a person.

They laid there under the sheets, oblivious to the world and enraptured by their joy. They had desired the feeling and they found it, spilling in an overflowing abundance by the other.

He was her lover and she his beloved and they wanted for nothing outside of themselves. He opened his eyes to see her glowing up at him.

He knew that she knew his feelings but he desired to express them aloud for the first time.

" I love you."

She looked pained as her eyebrows crinkled upwards but he was met with her mental declaration of the same sentiment. The feeling reverberated between them, as they graciously received it and selflessly gave it back. They were one.

The bright light of the tender scene dimmed as Nyota drew it back tightly against her.

Spock opened his eyes and saw her weeping once more. Her anguish washed over him and before he knew what he was doing he gathered his mate against him. He kissed her and rubbed his face against hers, his stubble catching on the hairs that had slipped free of her sleep bonnet.

She whimpered softly as he cradled her face, choking on a sob as he caught her tears between his lips. He no longer wanted to be the cause for the water trickling from her eyes. He did not want to make her numb and lukewarm to life.

He wanted to build her up, make her radiant just like her namesake. He wanted to heal her. She had gone above and beyond, to hell and back for him. And it moved him to feel her heart resinate that she would do it all over again. That despite his inability to recapture his old feelings for her she did not regret reviving his emotions.

It was hard to breath and as he coughed he felt a hot, wetness crawling across his face. He stilled his body save his hand that was reaching up to meet the moisture. He drew it back and was surprised to see water.

He was crying.

He had not cried during Va'Pak. He had not even shed them at the moment he knew his mother to be dead or anytime there after. It was this lithe, African woman that had seized him so much as to perform a biological function he thought himself unable to do.

He gasped and rubbed at his eyes but they would not stop flowing. Nyota looked up and watched him in wonder.

Through the blur of his tears he beheld Nyota, the essence of half heart and soul and forced his quivering throat to still so that he could speak.

" Ni'droi'ik nar-tor (I ask forgiveness)!" he begged. He swallowed the nasal drip going down his throat but it did not alleviate the burn within it. He felt like he was going to choke on the very feeling of remorse.

It was a particularly odd sensation that coursed through him knowing that he had murdered what they once were in hopes of trying to save himself and she had almost killed herself in hopes of saving them. Even more strange was to not feel her offense of it. She was just beside herself with grief.

He did not deserve to cry, it was she that hurt more, that had paid the bigger price but he found himself unable to stop. Nyota wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. His hands hung in the air as if suspended on simple action of brushing her lips to his had stupefied him. She clung to him, pulling Spock closer still into a crushing embracing. She broke the kiss and settled her wet cheek against his own.

" Whether or not you deserve my love wasn't the point. When we shared ourselves the way we did, it wasn't about whether we had earned or deserved it, our love was about a mutual need and desire. We belong to one another, Spock."

Nyota stroke his free cheek and he leaned into the touch groaning. It was painful to feel, especially at this moment but he knew himself to be richer for it. Without the highs and the lows felt through out passage of time, what was there to really define his life's existence? Accomplishments? Discoveries? All of those things paled in comparison to the love that he saw that he once shared with his former k'diwa.

To be unconditionally loved by someone as beautiful and emotionally rich as Nyota was his greatest point in life.

" What was I to do after you purged yourself? Was I suppose to forget we ever happened and move on? Spock, I could not even fathom how to begin to do that! What we had, what we were, was more than enough reason to try and rid you of your Kolinahr but you have to understand that I wanted to save you! And I know from my memories of you that you would have done the very same thing to save me. Your only regret being that you could not bring the person you knew back..."

She stops speaking, too upset to continue but he knows what she would say. She was a fool to the world, a woman that couldn't see past her love enough to save herself from harm. Nyota struggled with the feelings of embarrassment and doubt. Her words lay bare within her mind for him to see and he embrace her soundly. She sunk against him limply, feeling worn and weary.

" We can not go back to the way things were." he said softly, regaining some of his composure. She did not stir so he continued.

" Perhaps,...we could try to move forward? While I can not guarantee you anything beyond my friendship, I would ask to remain bonded to you. Nyota, you are well within your rights to deny me and logic surely tells you to part from me but I truly desire to stay with you. Though the odds are not in our favor, I hope that one day I could love you once more, Nyota. Love you better than I once did. So strongly that not even Kolinahr could tear you from me."

Her mind and soul swam in a pool of unease but her heart slowly and timidly sought him out. He held the frail and mangled flower of her love for him and pressed Nyota to wait.

" Do not feel the need to rush. We have the rest of our lives and whatever your decision, I shall wait ." he murmured gently in his native tongue. She nodded feebly and he felt her relief. " You shall always be my only beloved, no one shall ever replace you. If you should not have me, then there would be no one to ever take that place."

Nyota surprised him again by shifting out of his arms and slowly shedding her bed clothes. When she pulled off her satin cap three long braids dancing around her shoulders. He looks at her as she begins to undo them and replaces her small hands with his own. She watches him unravel them, tenderly combing his fingers through her hair before moving on to the next one.

When he is done, he stands and strips himself bare as well. Her soft palms run across the familiar planes of his torso before drawing him back beside her on the bed.

Spock captured her mouth and lifted her onto his lap, groaning into their kiss as he felt her smooth skin brush against him. She was cool and soft and delightfully human. Spock felt a dizzy rush as she sucked and bit at his bottom lip.

They were slow in their exploration, as if they were new to one another and in a way they were. Spock's lusty affection made Nyota buzz with a giddy high while he found her deep rooted love to be heady and smooth.

She lead their dance by tilting her hips and hugging his waist with her legs. He stopped kissing her long enough to focus on lifting her by her hind side to align himself against her entrance. They drive one another mad by having him slide in gradually, inch by tantalizing inch. Once firmly planted within her they went back to caressing and kissing one another.

It wasn't about the sex itself but the intimacy that they both wanted. They were too tired to reasonable or rational about it. The time for logic and facts was put away in favor for passion. They wanted each other so they had each other.

He started rock against her and she rolled back onto him, both of them groaning into the cool, recycled air of the cabin.

They exchanged words of affection through the bond and did not hold back. Precious Spock would say and Nyota would reply with Darling. The endearments grew more heated as Nyota grew closer to completion. She bit her at her lip, trying to stave off her pleasure but it broke upon her in a breathtaking wave. She would typically let her body fall back and revel in the feelings but she grabbed Spock by the shoulders and bit his neck as hard as she could.

Something because a hiss and a purr escaped his mouth and he plunged into her deeply.

" T'nash-veh...t'nash-vah du ek'wak! ( Mine,...you are mine forever!)" she growled into his flesh.

He shuttered and groaned out in reply as he came within her. " Ha, T'du,...t'du ek'wak (Yes, yours...yours forever)!" he purred.

They stopped locked together until she pushed her weight against him leading him down to the bed. She lifted her hips and ground against his pelvis where she was still sensitive and she felt him grow harder as he fed off of her lust. He soon found his hands buried into skin of Nyota's waist, lifting and impaling her onto his lok. She clawed at him, marking him in anyway she found pleasing. His sides were lined with chartreuse welts and he had a series of her bite marks adorning his skin. She took him with her words as well both audible and in mind.

"Ashau nash-veh du. ( I love you)" she said as she jerked her hips and made him moan.

/ Mine...no one else's...I got your back and you shall never leave me again...precious lover...my most dear...my heart...my bitch.../

" Nyota!" he moaned in surprise. She had never been so...vocal before nor have she ever attempted to label him as a female dog. He was shocked but found it thrilling none the less. If he should ever be scandalized he would always want it to be by his bondmate. She loved him and would not demean him in such a belittling fashion outside of intercourse. This was merely his human female laying claiming to her Vulcan mate and he was thoroughly enjoying it.

As she felt her belly coil once more she offered her neck and her face for a meld. He happily accepted both. She came and he followed shortly after as he teeth broke her skin with a satisfying snap against his mouth. He released her and caught her mouth in a primal kiss, the blood mixing as their tongues curled against one another.

They were a mess but to say that they were beyond caring was an understatement. Spock crawled fully onto the bed and took Nyota with him. He was still recovering from the many vaccines the doctor had given him and found himself almost sleepy with fatigue. Nyota had no trouble curling up beside him, getting ready to doze herself.

He stroked her back and she smiled broadly, the sight startling with his blood staining her mouth green. But he wanted this. He wanted to be with her, just as much as she did as she fought for him. The fight was over and though their were causalities, life being linear continued on.

They had just began to sleep when Chekov's voice came over the comm issuing the Captain's orders everyone to report for a rescue mission of the planet Nibiru.

Both were tired and rose up with exhaustion stiffening their limbs. The made themselves presentable and made their way to the Captain's ready room. They looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes as the Captain briefed them of the mission's objective.

As the meeting was adjourned, Nyota motioned Kirk over.

He came with something resembling his usual swagger but he almost seemed as tired as she was. He stared at her with piercing eyes.

" Everything...okay now?" he asked sounding less like a male Captain and more like a mother.

She nodded and shifted from foot to foot. " Yes, as good as it can be. I just wanted to let you know...I just wanted to thank you for everything. You're a really great guy, Jim."

Kirk's face went from bashful to humbled as he took in her words. " I wouldn't have had it any other way, Uhura."

A smile was lightly painted across her lips and she looked the best Jim had seen her in a long time. And for that he was thankful.

She caught Spock before he went off to get dressed for the mission and pulled him over to the side with a hug. " I know you have to go but I wanted a kiss before you did."

She pushed her fingers against his and smiled as she spoke through the bond.

/ Apart but never parted, k'diwa./

His heart fluttered and he sent the feeling back, seeing her smile as it sunk in.

/ Yes, once apart but never parted./

A/N: Well we find ourselves at the end. What did you think? Please let me know and review please please please. I won't get any better if you don't LOL and I'll continue to write stronger if you do. Thanks SO VERY MUCH to everyone who has reviewed already. I know it's tempting to just jetty off to the next fic but you don't know how good it feel to see that someone actually took time to review you even if it was to berate me for being non-canon LOL. It puts me on cloud9 :D

Again as I said in earlier notes, this was a gift for Valyria and her awesomeness, got check out her fics, they are absolutely amazing.

PoorQueequeg has a gift coming up next that I think you all will enjoy that will feature more of the TOSAU cast while still having S/U being shipped. And I still have to flippin' finish Honi A'a which if I'm honest with myself was really only suppose to be a one shot that morphed into a monster that I either have to finish or delete.

Random Sidenote: I listened to a lot of music during my time of writing this and I'll list it here for you to browse at your leisure: Precious by Van Hunt, Black and Gold by Sam Sparro, Someone that I use to know by Goyte, What can I say( for Millicent) by Van Hunt, Fortunate by Maxwell, Final Distance remix by Utada feat. Mflo, Our day will come sung by Amy Winehouse, One by Metallica, and lastly Kaola's Lament by Lovage.