Dear Diary,
Today I freaked the fudge out of everyone. You wanna know how? Here,I'll tell you.
I walked outside, wearing that ugly sweater Millie made me. Everyone was doing their one thang.
Hazeltail and Cloudtail were doing Paffendorf, Ashfur was stalking Squirrelflight, Jayfeather was making-out with his stick.
You know, the usual.
Anyway, I walked out and stood on my hind legs. When I had everyone's attention, I tore off the sweater. "INSTANT NAKED!" I yelled.
I saw Leafpool's nose gush out blood and laughed. "What's going on out here?" Firestar said, walking out of his den.
The moment he saw me, he burst into flames. "The legend is true! If Firestar sees someone naked, he turns into a pheonix!" soeone shouted.
We all watched as Firestar turned into a gorgeous bird and flew away shouting, "Peace, losers!"
"Who will be leader now? Ashfur just killed Brambleclaw and Firestar is now FireBIRD!" Dovewing said. I turned and spanked her face, "You're not supposed to exsist yet! It's still Long Shadows!"
Dovewing frowned and blew up.
"I'll be leader!" shouted Dustpelt, "That way Sandstorm will love me!" Ferncloud started to cry, and because of that so did her thousands of kits.
"Fine," Shandstorm said, "But I'm not having two-million babies."
I slowly lost interest in the situation and cried out, "BERRYNOSE IS A SNOODY BUTT-FACE!"
At that, everyone stopped and gaped. "GRAYSTRIPE IS A MAMA'S BOY!" Berrynose shouted. So now it was a war of insults.
"BERRYNOSE ATE A RAG!"
"GRAYSTRIPE KISSED A SQUIRREL AND HE LIKED IT!"
"BERRYNOSE ROLLS IN MOUSE-BILE!"
"GRAYSTRIPE STILL WEARS DIAPERS!"
"BERRYNOSE LOOKS LIKE BLACKSTAR'S BUTT!"
Berrynose burst into tears and ran away. "Yeah, you better run!" I shouted after him. Everyone was looking at me again. I moved my forepaws down my body, "Don't want none of this."
And that, Diary, is how I became president of the United States.
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Author's Note: This sucked. I honestly don't like parodies, but still made this. Oh, and the "Kissed a squirrel" came from a YouTube video. Me no own it.