A/N: Good day, one and all! It is I- the author of "To Kill Gohan! The Freakishly Unsubtle Villains!" I'm back with a vengeance but this time I plan on polishing my unpolished writing skills- i.e.: I'm going to attempt to put a small amount of sanity in this story, while still being hilariously cutting.

Hee hee.

I'll also try to make chapters longer (you'll have to remind me though!)

Onwards and Chocks Away! Tally Ho and Let's go!

Lalala

I don't own DBZ blah blah blah.

Ya Want Fries With That?

Chichi was humming to herself, while making breakfast for her two sons and husband (1) on a quiet Monday morning in the 439-mountain area. She had just spoken to Bulma and she was excited about the plan they had come up with. She smiled as she heard her oldest son lumber down the stairs of their small home in his usual fashion.

"Hey Mom," Gohan said happily. "Would it be okay if you were to give me $20? I'm going to the movies with some friends tonight."

"No Gohan, that's not okay," Chichi told the young saiyan.

"Huh? Why not?"

Chichi's grin grew. "Because."

"Uh, okay. I'll just go ask dad."

"No you won't."

"Alright, I'll ask-"

"Bulma wont be giving you any money either," the young mother said, almost gleefully.

Gohan nodded obediently. He stood in the doorway of the kitchen for a minute or two, and then finally said, "Who's going to give me money then?"

At this, Chichi fell over. He's beginning to act scarily like Goku. "I see your hair is cutting off the blood flow to your brain."

"Huh?"

"You're not getting any money!" Chichi cried impatiently.

"What? Why not?"

"Gohan, Bulma and I have talked it over. We've decided that it's time for you to GET A JOB!"

"Oh." Gohan's face fell.

"It's a great way to teach responsibility with money, make some friends and it'll look great on your college applications. (2)"

"…"

"Orange Star has a great guidance program that helps connect the students with some of the community's businesses. They'll be sure to find you a job!" Chichi exclaimed happily, sounding like she'd just rolled out of the school's brochure. "So! Eat your breakfast, don't forget your lunch, go out there and get a job… Or else!"

~

"So Gohan, are you still coming tonight?" Sharpener asked, as soon as Gohan sat down.

"Nope, sorry. I'm flat broke and my mom won't cough up a dime. She's demanded that I get a job immediately."

"Tough break," Eraza sympathized. (3)

"I know! And it doesn't help that I practically have two moms! I swear to Dende… Bulma had something to do with this." Gohan declared.

Sharpener and Eraza nodded along, but looked up when Satan Videl sat down in between them. "Hey." She grumbled, sounding angry.

"What's wrong with you?" Sharpener asked smoothly.

Ignoring his usual flirting, Videl explained, "That stupid Saiyaman showed up during a robbery this morning. It's bad enough that he's so strong but does he have to rub it in my face?"

Gohan's memory flashed back to the seemingly daily robbery. Videl, as usual, had not enjoyed his company. "What do you mean by, 'rub it in your face'?" Gohan questioned.

"Well, it's cool that he risks himself to help people and all, but… well… It's like he's mocking me. Saiyaman makes it look like my work is boring and almost too easy for him. He doesn't seem to appreciate the fact that I've put most of my life into becoming this strong!" The raven-haired girl ranted.

Guilt came over Gohan, but his pride soon pushed that emotion aside and he persisted. "Well, don't you appreciate his effort and strength? I mean his powers probably didn't pop up overnight!"

"Yeah but he's always laughing-"

"What's wrong with laughing? Santa laughs all the time and nobody hates him… Except for my friend Vegeta, but that's Vegeta…" Gohan was beginning to ramble, like he always did when he was holding back anger.

"Santa doesn't laugh, he uh, 'Ho's." The teenaged Saiyan raised an eyebrow. He was about to make a point, but Videl continued. "Why does it matter to you so much anyway? Why do you care about the Saiya-Geek?" Gohan was, as usual, acting suspicious.

He really would have replied, but the teacher told the class to shut up so he could start the "gosh dang lesson" and within five minutes, the class sank into its usual torpor.

~

At lunch, instead of heading to the cafeteria, Gohan trudged towards the office of his assigned guidance councilor. When he reached the door, the teenager knocked lightly. "Come in!" A female voice called. He opened the door and was greeted by the councilor. She looked to be about 45, with gray streaks in her hair. But sadly, like so many other adults, she was attempting to look "hip" and "groovy" by wearing clothes that were too small and made for girls far younger than herself. "Good afternoon!" She greeted, cheerfullyl enough.

"Hey." Gohan said, following her gesture to sit down. "I'm here to talk about-"

"Yes, I know. I spoke on the phone with your father this morning."

Dad? Why on Earth would he have called? I guess mom's really into this whole "job" deal. She must have forced dad to because she was too busy. Gohan nodded along.

"So, why do you think you want this?"

"Well, it was really all my mother's idea. And her friend's."

The woman wrote something on the notepad in front of her. "Yes… Your mother… I see… And what is her "friend" like?"

Gohan blinked, confused but he answered. "Well, she's kind of scary. She's talkative and bossy, but really smart. She's average height and has long- no wait. She cut it. Again. She has short blue hair and um, blue eyes. She's married to Vegeta and has a son, Trunks a.k.a. demon child number one and"

He was cut off again by the middle aged human. "You know, I think you need to go see a trained professional about this. A psychologist will probably be able to help you with your 'issues'. I think you really need to learn to accept that your pet won't be able to turn human no matter what. I'm pretty sure a psychologist can help you realize that your mother's not going to be able to come out of prison for a long time."

"What are you talking about? My mom's not in jail!" Gohan protested.

"Denial isn't healthy, Lloyd. You're really going to need some help."

"What the hell are you going on about now? I'm Gohan! Not 'Lloyd'! G-O-H-A-N!"

The adult blinked. "Oops. I'm sorry! I thought you were someone else! Tee hee." The Sayain groaned and slapped his hand over his eyes. The guidance councilor picked up a file on her desk and handed it to him. "You're looking for a job, aren't you?" Gohan nodded. "Well, your mother called me and I've set it all up! You're going to work for a local fast-food chain called McArby's King!"

Gohan's face lit up. "Food?"

Gohan listened for five more minutes as the woman explained where his job was, what he'd be doing and so on, so fourth. It didn't really matter though. All he cared about what his free food. When he walked out of the office, the secretary said to a freshman, "There you go Lloyd! Miss. Appletot will see you now!"

END CHAPTER ONE!! Short yes, but I'm tired! I promise I'll get a chapter up tomorrow. Well, If I'm motivated! Review please! And don't flame because you're really just wasting my time and yours.

(1) Goku's alive in this one. Please don't ask why. I don't know. I guess it's because it's all in the plot to make this funnier.

(2) That was a direct quote coming from my mother.

(3) I'm not making Sharpener and Eraza dumb blondes. They're not THAT bad and I'm really sick of all the blonde jokes! BARBIE POWER, YA HEAR? Well, I don't really like Barbie but still…

I wrote this entire chapter with the song "STOP" by the Spice Girls on repeat. It's my inspiration. All the time. How sad is that?