So the torture that was Second Chances is complete (sort of) and I was all set to bid farewell to the Instant Star universe. Only the thought of it broke my heart. There were mornings when I'd wake up, groan at the thought of another day then remember I posted a new chapter the previous night and that your comments would be waiting for me. That would be the inspiration that got me out of bed. I feel like I've grown so much as a writer thanks to this fan fiction community and all of your support.

So this is my last stupid attempt at holding on to this little world. As I've already mentioned Second Chances was torture for anyone who suffered through the prolonged writing period of that story. It was never a story I was passionate about or particularly wanted to write and then there was the craziness that is my life today, all combining to make what should have been a simple story take years to complete.

I can't promise this story will be any different. I actually started writing it shortly after Instant Star finished but told myself to stop, that I needed to focus on original stories, on that all elusive 'first novel'. So it got shelved after two chapters. When I started it the May 2013 mentioned in the first chapter seemed light years away, and now it's only months.

But I've always wondered how this ended. And the only way to find that out is to write it. So I'm going to try. I can't promise it will be completed. But if you want to bear with me on it I'd love for you to come along for the ride, for one last dose of your comments helping me get out of bed in the morning. Because believe me, I really need something to help me with that at the moment…

Part 1

Jude stepped off the make shift stage of the Black Jaguar club, amidst the lackluster clapping and chatter of the clubs patrons. Ignoring the SME boys bored expressions she bypassed the one or two fans moving toward her for her autograph and ducked into her dressing room.

The first time Tommy had suggested a clubs tour she'd been able to see the wisdom of it. She was young and green and a stadium tour was too much for her. But at the time it had been a possibility, at the time it had been an opportunity and now she feared that dream must have passed her by.

Her second album had feared poorly in the charts. The only tour she'd been able to win was a lame one month tour of the few clubs and bars that had been willing to take her on. It seemed lately the name Jude Harrison was classed in there with Ruben Studdard and Clay Aiken; so the buzz for five seconds and before you knew it featured on a 'Where are they now?' special on Vh1

And the worst thing about it? She knew it was her fault. Something was holding her back, preventing from putting her all into her music and it suffered as a result.

Did she really want her music to go down in history as half hearted pop/rock? Did she really want to be that girl?

There was a light tap on the door, a familiar tune she could never place and despite herself that school girl crush smile slid into place as she turned to see Tommy walk in.

"You did great girl," he said in a soft husky voice, arms extended to hug her.

"Thanks," she accepted the hug then pulled back early, turning to the mirror, "but I don't really think so. Something's missing." He didn't respond and after a few seconds she turned to glare at him. "This is the part where you're supposed to argue."

He winced slightly, "I would but the truth is, you're right."

Criticism is always so much worse when you're the one who started it. Perhaps because you walk into it with eyes wide open and knowing it's true. There are no protective blinkers.

"Well tell me what it is so I can fix it."

"I can't do that," he shrugged, "that's something you've gotta figure out for yourself."

He must have picked up on the change in atmosphere in the room because a few moments later he excused himself and left. Jude sat down in front of the mirror, leaning her elbows on the makeshift table that compromised as a dresser and propped her chin up on her hands. She gazed at the fear filled eyes in the mirror, searching their depths for the secrets of her own soul, for her identity. Finally, she let her head droop and drop to the tabletop.

"I wish I was past this," she murmured to herself with a groan, "I wish my music was good, I wish I was confident, I wish Tommy wanted me and I wish that I wasn't so damn scared all the time."

| | |

Jude frowned as she slowly lifted her head, sleep still making her eyes heavy as they struggled to fully open. There was a sharp pain in her neck from the angle she'd slept on and her leg had fallen asleep. She cringed at the thought of the crappy dressing room with it's stained white walls and flickering fluorescent lighting but when she finally looked up it wasn't the room she saw.

She was in a bedroom, in front of a gorgeous oak dressing table. To her left was a double canopy bed and beyond that was a window seat looking out to a green garden. The room was painted a soothing lime green and a bedside lamp cast a warm glow in the late afternoon light.

"Jude, honey are you ready yet?" she spun around to see the door open and Tommy's head appear. His face fell, "You're not even dressed yet. We've got to be there in half an hour."

She frowned, lifting a hand to her head then frowning at the corkscrew curls she found there. "Be where?" she asked, tongue still partially paralyzed from sleep.

"The party at G-Major, the one they're throwing to celebrate the launch of your new world tour tomorrow, remember?" He rolled his eyes and stepped into the room. With quick steps he marched over to the closet she hadn't noticed behind the door and threw it open. After rifling through the clothes for a few moments he pulled out a green satin dress. "Here, wear this, it goes great with your eyes. I'm going to go call and tell them we'll be a little late," and with that he was gone.

Jude eyed the dress on the bed then once again her eyes circled the room. She turned back to the dresser in front of her. A laptop was perched on the edge, the screen open but idle from inactivity, just peering out from behind it was a framed picture she hadn't noticed before. She leaned forward and picked it up to look at it closer, then practically held it to her eyeball to make sure she wasn't seeing things. Perhaps it was photo shopped? The picture was of her and Tommy standing by a willow tree. He was in a suit and she was wearing… a wedding dress?

Wait, hold the train? What the…

The frame slipped from her hand and crashed to the white carpet floor. Her eyes lifted to the mirror in front of her, for the first time actually looking into it and seeing her reflection. A woman stared back at her. Not a thin eighteen year old girl but an elegant full bodied woman in her twenties. Her hair was a soft auburn with highlights and beautifully curled into elegant ringlets. Her face was fuller, wiser and older. She lifted her left hand to run it along her cheek and up to her hair as she gazed at herself in wonder. Something on her hand sparkled and she twisted it around and held it in front of her face only to stare blankly at the large diamond ring sitting boldly on her ring finger.

"Oh my," she stood up, backing away from the mirror quickly which caused her chair to crash to the ground.

What was happening? Where was she?

She spun around, searching out the door then rushed into the hallway. She needed a calendar, a computer, a Wizard of Oz or something really strong that could pinch her and wake up her up from all of this. She turned into the first closed door on her left. The room was dominated by an empty white babies cot, the walls where a soft pink and decorated with cartoon balloons. Soft toys were scattered everywhere and every surface was covered with thick layers of dust.

"Oh my God," she turned and rushed out of the room, closing the door behind her quickly. Something about it made her blood run cold. It's atmosphere was suffocating and empty.

She continued to run down the hallway, bypassing a bathroom on her right and then ducking into the next door, what appeared to be an office. She spotted a calendar on the wall by the light switch and moved closer to read the date.

May 2013

"Jude, where are you?" Tommy's frustrated voice called down the corridor.

Jude clutched her hand to her mouth as she continued to gaze at the calendar. Something freaky was going on and she didn't like it one bit. She backed away until she crashed into a bookshelf, sending books toppling to the floor with a thunderous crash. She sunk to the ground as quick footsteps approached.

"Jude?" Tommy rushed over to her, crouching on the floor in front of her as a put a hand on her shoulder, "are you okay?"

Tears were welling in her eyes, "I think I'm going crazy."

"Come on, lets get you to a chair," he pulled her to her feet, taking most of her weight as she hung limply from his shoulder and they walked back to the bedroom. He lowered her onto the bed, propping the pillows up behind her as she lay there, blinking. "Now what's going on?" he asked as he sat down beside her.

She shook her head. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"We've been through a lot together. Try me?"

She opened her mouth to speak as her eyes drifted to the framed photograph on the floor. The girl in the picture looked so happy, her eyes sparkling and her skin glowing as if she possessed all the secrets of the Universe and had found that it was all in fact wonderful. Jude knew if she spoke she would shatter that girl's world, this world, her world and that seemed wrong somehow. It seemed wrong to distance herself from it before she'd even explored it. Hadn't she wished she could escape her life? Hadn't that wish been granted?

She turned back to Tommy and forced a smile, "it's nothing. I, uh, I just had a really bad dream and I hadn't fully woken up. I thought it was real still. It was stupid."

She slid her feet off the bed and onto the soft carpet beneath her. "We should really get to that party."

Tommy sighed, his head dropping and his fingers digging into the blanket before he stood up quickly. "Fine, freeze me out like you always do. What do I care?" He stormed from the room and Jude was left frowning at the reaction.

The satin green dress behind her seemed to shine in the afternoon light and she reached for it, simultaneously reaching for the hope it offered, the glamour, the prestige, the escape.

Teasers for Part 2

"Okay, well I'm asking now. Can we drop the attitude?" Jude raised her free hand, palm up into the air and fingers curled, partially a plea and partially a simple 'whatever'.

"That's just so…" Tommy tapped his hand against the armrest of a nearby chair, "ironic coming from you but fine, work is fine. My boss hates me, it's unfulfilling and I miss the person I used to be, that being a musician or a producer used to make me but hey, TV Journalism, some would kill for the job and sometimes I feel like I have."

…

"Ha," the guy snorted, "Gee Tom, is Jude this funny when it's just the two of you?"

"I don't know Matt, what about when it's just the two of you?" The two glared at each other, inching a few feet closer as the tension grew.

"Whoa, whoa!" Jude threw her hands up and pushed in between them, "time out!" She put a hand on Tommy's shoulder and smiled at him sweetly, "you okay?" He shoved her hand away, not once looking at her then turned and walked away.