Chapter 16- Just Go Home

Previously, on A New Connection:

"She'll never forgive me."

"Time heals all wounds, but you need to prove that you deserve her forgiveness."

"I don't even know where to start," he chuckled as his eyes began to glisten.

"Start where you always start, dear," he looked up at his mother to see her eyes watery again, but piercing, "at the beginning."

He pulled away from her with a smile and felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Fishing it out, he bypassed his lock screen to read the text from his wife:

At the precinct . . . be home late

Well, time to start from the beginning. And it was almost poetic that it should begin at the precinct.

It was early, extremely early, and Kate really wasn't supposed to be back to work until the following Monday. Three weeks of pacing around the loft, forcing herself to at least take her anti-viral meds and then the fight with Castle—she just needed a normal desk-ridden day. There were papers everywhere and she let out a light huff before she grabbed the first case file and flipped it open. It was easy to lose herself in the small black font as she filled out page after page of incident and case reports. It was a welcomed mundane action to the nothingness that she had been feeling. She finally felt herself falling back into her Detective Beckett persona, and it was exactly what she needed.

"Yo, Beckett," Kate's head startled up as Esposito sauntered over to his desk; brow furrowed as he gave her a slight glare. "I thought you weren't back until Monday." Kate sat back in her chair and hoped the look on her face was more convincing than the tremble that seemed to be shaking her diaphragm.

"Decided you and Ryan needed a hand; I know how much Gates complains about having to decipher your chicken scratch." She left a smirk on her lips as Espo continued to over-think her reappearance in the precinct until he finally grunted and plopped into his seat. It was a little less than an hour later when Ryan showed up, and since he didn't berate her with questions, it was obvious that Espo had texted ahead. It was nice and normal- exactly what she needed.

The precinct was abuzz with morning activity when her phone vibrated with a text from Castle. Pulling it out of her pocket, Kate read the message: Missed you this morning. She let out a sigh and tapped out a quick response, At the precinct. . .be home late, before placing her phone screen down, on her desk next to her papers; she couldn't focus on him right now. Their fight, and subsequent sexual amalgamation, still irked her even as she dressed this morning without waking her slumbering partner. They were off, broken even, and she needed to find the right words to get back to him.

"Detective Beckett."

Kate startled so badly that her pen ripped into the paper underneath its point. Her head shot up and she was met with the stern face of her captain. Victoria "Iron" Gates was not someone to be taken lightly, and by the arched eyebrow, the pursed lips, and the curled finger beaconing her to come into her office. Gates turned away from her opened her office door, leaving Beckett to follow, and Kate let out a long huff of air as she stalked towards her boss's door.

"Take a seat, Detective." Gates's voice was stern but held a ring of respect. Kate sat directly across from Gates and held her back straight until she involuntarily flinched when her stitches pulled. Gates played ignorant and waited for her to get settled before speaking, casually opening up a file and skimming through it before beginning.

"Your original medical leave request was for three weeks and yet I find you in my precinct four days before you're supposed to be back with a doctor's referral. Care to explain yourself?" Gates's eyebrow is arched, ready to handle any sass or lies that Beckett might throw at her. Instead, Kate tries honesty.

"I needed to come back." There. Not a lie and enough of the truth that maybe Gates won't pry too much farther.

"Mhm," Gates gave her a quick once over before flicking her eyes back to the report. "Look, Detective, I require that all of my officers be fit for active duty and this façade you're wearing is a bit too thin." Kate felt her jaw flex as she ground the back of her teeth together; any snappy remarks would only start to piss Gates off and then she wouldn't even have a chance to talk her way back in.

"Sir, I feel much better since—since three weeks ago, and I feel like my time could be better spent here assisting in any cases Detectives Esposito and Ryan have accumulated in my absence." Her voice was as non-confrontational as she could make it and it felt like every word was beseeching Gates to compromise.

"I'm sorry, Beckett," Gates took off her glasses and closed Kate's file, letting out a huff of air, "but my answer is still no. You are on medical leave for a very important, life-altering reason," Kate felt a squeeze of anxiety press against her chest, "and I won't let you step foot on-duty until you've been given a clean bill of health from your doctor." Gate's voice was stern and final as she stared Kate down, daring to be defied.

There was a long awkward pause as Kate continues to stare at Gates, nostrils flaring and jaw clamped tight, until Gates looks up from her files before her and raises an eyebrow; the What are you waiting for message loudly received. Beckett stood slowly, some small part of her praying that her boss would recant, and made for the door without a word. She made quick work of grabbing her bag and other effects from her desk, not bothering to be gentle with her own possessions. One final sweep of the office brought the absence of her partners to her attention, and she felt a growing sense of jealousy that wherever they were was far away from the banal, frustrating plight her life had turned into.

Taking the elevator down, and making quick work of getting into her car, she placed her forehead on her steering wheel as she held the phone up to her ear; eyes closed as she tried to curb her irritation.

"This is the office of Dr. Najjar and associates, how can I assist you?" The receptionist's voice was preppy and overly enthusiastic, seeming to only grate on Kate's nerves more.

"Yes, hi, I'd like to schedule an appointment to see one of the doctors for a follow up screening. My name is Kate Beckett." She squeezed her eyes shut as she tried to focus on the clicking of the keyboard instead of the receptionist's voice.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Beckett I don't see your name in our computer. Could your records be under a different name?"

Beckett rubbed at the bridge of her nose. "I'm sorry. It's probably under Katherine Castle." She was met with another bought of key clicks and a final hum as the receptionist found her file.

"Ah! Here you are. I actually have an opening for later this afternoon at three if that works for you?"

"Yes, thank you, that's perfect." Kate hung up and threw her phone onto the passenger side seat, not caring that it bounced off the cushion and disappeared onto the floor. She cupped her hands over her face and smothered a scream into her palms. She just needed normal. No more doctors telling her she couldn't get pregnant, no more Castle sending infuriating drunk signals, and no more bosses barring her from her place of employment. She just needed it all to go away, and she had four hours to burn before her appointment.

Time to run it off.

"Castle? What are you doin' here, bro?" Esposito shot his friend a questioning glare from his desk and let his eyes linger on the extra coffee in his hand and the confused look on his face. Before answering, Castle craned his neck around, obviously looking for Beckett, before setting her coffee cup on her desk.

"I thought Beckett was here. Thought I'd bring her coffee. . .try to, I don't know, start over." He let his fingers twiddle over the rim of her cup, flattening his lips in agitation. "She said she was here all day."

"Nah, bro, she left quite a while ago. Gates kicked her out until she's gotten the all-clear from her doc." Espo let his eyes linger on his friend until he flicked them back to the file he was working on.

"Did she—did she say where she was going?" His voice was incredibly soft.

Esposito flicked his eyes back to Castle with a popped eyebrow. "I didn't see her leave, her stuff was just gone when Ryan and I came back." Castle let out a huff and pulled out his phone, either looking for a message or sending one.

"I'm gonna—I'm gonna go see if I can find her." Castle threw him a small wave and left Esposito behind. Esposito watched him leave and hoped that his two friends were getting their shit together, his eyes finding no solace in the coffee cup Castle left behind.

It was late by the time Kate made her way back to the loft and she was still gripping her final test results in her hand. She slipped her feet out of her heels, dropped her gym bag at the door, and waded into darkness of the loft. She had stayed out as late as she could after her appointment; wandering the streets of New York letting her mind fester around the information the doctor had given her.

"Castle?" She cleared her throat and rubbed at her eyes again trying to rid herself of her exhaustion and her growing anxiety. She couldn't hide her medical problems from her husband anymore, especially since she couldn't hide them from herself any longer.

"Castle?" No response. She closed her eyes as she dragged herself through his office, dropping her paperwork onto the side of the desk on her way to the bedroom. She slid her pants off and discarded her blouse and slid into bed. She was too tired to wonder where her husband was. She'd figure it out in the morning.

Kate felt him crawl into bed sometime later, she didn't have enough in her to check the time. She wriggled toward him and tried to squeeze herself closer to him, his body heat drawing her near. She hummed against his skin and sleep took her once again as he wrapped her in his arms. They still had to talk, and there were many hurdles left to them, but for this moment, she was back to her normal and it was all she ever wanted.

A/N: Thank you for sticking with me through my mega-pause. It's harder to write fiction when your reality claims it as real.