Disclaimer: I still don't own NCIS.

A/N: A very cracky AU scene for 10x14: "Canary." Definitely not meant to be taken seriously.

Somewhere in the air on the way to "Cuba"…

"You need a hand there, Tony?" Ziva called from her spot on the airplane floor, where she lounged casually.

"I've smelled a lot of puke in my day, Ziva," Tony replied with grim cheer. "Believe me. Are you done?"

This last question was addressed to the puking man he was hunched over with a sick-bag.

"Let me guess, you became, um, a vomit connoisseur in college," Ziva said, tone dryly amused.

"Baltimore narcotics," Tony informed her, chest puffed up. "Compared to a smack addict who's just binged on Beltway burgers, this is nothing."

Ziva's gaze was fond as she watched him fold the sick-bag and carefully secrete it in the trash.

"Natural ingredients break down faster; I only eat organic. Oh, and if I wanted to watch flirting, I'd turn on HBO or the CW," Khan snarked, spirit unbroken despite the vomit dripping down his chin. "Oh well, at least your little agency is kind enough to provide me with in-flight entertainment."

Ziva turned to Tony, mischief bright and wicked in her eyes. The slightest of head tilts assured her that he was on board.

With that, she turned back to Khan and scoffed, "You think that was flirting?"

Tony shook his head pityingly at the man tied down in the center of the aircraft.

"Now Ziva, be nice," he said. "The guy's a computer geek. I bet he doesn't get out much."

"Please," Khan said, tone bored. "Do you really think that's going to work? But by all means, taunt me about how much of a loner I am."

Ignoring him, Ziva murmured to Tony, "Mmm. It has been a while since we went out, yes?"

"Good point," Tony said in obviously false surprise. "And now here we are, all alone on an airplane. And considering we've never gotten around to joining the mile high club…"

Ziva licked her lips and smirked.

"Hey, if you want to get naked, feel free," Khan said. "You'll just be providing me with free porn."

Ziva simply looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"You are very securely strapped in," she commented softly. "No way to, uh, relieve yourself."

Khan rolled his eyes and sneered, "So what, you're going to try to break me by giving me blue balls?"

But, locked in a heated gaze, neither Tony nor Ziva were paying him any attention.

"You brought the heels, right?" Tony asked.

Ziva smiled.

-–- -–- -–- -–- -–-

Three hours later…

"There are some things a guy just shouldn't have to see, OK?" Khan babbled to the burly, armed guard. "I'll tell you anything you want to know, just never put me in the same room with those two again!"

Tony and Ziva exchanged supremely satisfied looks.

Smack.

Both agents winced as Gibbs slapped them around the back of their heads.

"Good job," Gibbs said gruffly. "But never do that on my time again."