Author's Note:

Real life has been both consuming and demanding which curtailed my writing for many weeks. When I started up again, for my own sanity, I had to write something light-hearted and (hopefully) humorous. I hope you enjoy!

The List – Part 2

Lakota dove headlong toward the safety of the crates, rolling gracefully onto her feet, staying low and alert behind the wall of metal. "You've got to be kidding me, T'Soni!"

The asari, who was already in position behind the crates with her pistol drawn, glanced quickly at her lover. "I assure you, Commander, that I am quite serious." Then she popped above the crates rapidly firing three rounds before dropping once again behind their fortuitous cover.

"You seriously think it's the right time to have this conversation?" As if to emphasize the Spectre's point, four bullets ricocheted off of the crates making distinct ringing sounds like the tones from a metal wind chime.

Undeterred, Liara stated, "I have often heard you say there is no time like the present."

"Well, yeah. Sure. When bullets aren't flying over my head!"

"If that were true, then we would hardly ever talk."

Lakota's eyes narrowed perceptibly as she turned her head to scrutinize the asari. "You're still upset."

"I am not upset."

"Oh… You're upset. Your lips are pressed together, your nostrils are flaring and it looks like steam is coming out of your ears."

Lakota curled around the corner of the crate, firing her pistol, Menhit, at the enemy, then returned to cover. She named all of her personal weapons after goddesses from Earth folklore or myths, and her pistol was no exception. Menhit was an Egyptian goddess of war whose name meant "she who massacres." This never failed to put a smile on the Spectre's face when she explained it to those on the other side of the barrel. "Trust me. I know that look."

Liara quickly scanned the area past the crate, making a mental note of the enemy's position, then dropped down to safety. "And why would I be upset, Commander?" Although posed as a question, the tone of her voice made it crystal clear that they both already knew the answer.

Leaning back against the metal box, the Spectre shook her head and released an exhausted sigh. "It's because of that list, isn't it?" Gazing directly at the researcher, she said, "You know I was only teasing."

As though of their own volition, the Spectre's eyes wandered over the asari's body, taking note of how the blue and white armor accentuated every delicious curve and tantalizing plane. From the strong, shapely legs and enticingly curvaceous hips to the alluringly toned midriff, green eyes were thoroughly absorbed in their journey. That is, until they came to rest on the asari's bosom.

At that very moment, Liara rolled her eyes in annoyance. Then, she cleared her throat, which disrupted the human's hedonistic thoughts. "Just teasing, Shepard?" she said, knowing perfectly well that was not the case.

Her voyeuristic adventure having been spotted, Lakota grinned sheepishly as she recalled number five on the list she made for Liara. The one stating that the asari's breasts had grown over the years. "Okay. Mostly teasing."

"Again… why would I be upset?" Liara challenged. "What could possibly have caused me to harbor any feelings of resentment?" As soon as the words left her mouth she rose up, took aim at the enemy and fired three quick shots, then sank back down behind the crate.

"I don't know how EDI found out about it," Lakota said defensively. "And I'm sure she meant no harm when she asked Joker about its significance."

More gunfire echoed through the compound, but nothing pinged off the crates.

"And when she asked Garrus whether or not he thought of me as eye candy?" Liara demanded.

"Maybe she wanted to hear a turian's point of view."

"And when she informed Tali that my father would be a good source of alcohol?"

"You can't be sure EDI was to blame. Garrus could have told her."

"And Javik?"

"What about Javik?"

"His exact words were - 'Protheans should have focused more on evolving asari mating rituals'," the researcher quoted, sounding snarky. "I think he was especially impressed with the fact that our melding saves you from having to think for yourself."

Mortified, Lakota's face fell into her left palm as she shook her head. Not bothering to aim, she raised her right hand over the crate and shot in the general direction of the enemy. "Okay. I get it. You have every right to be angry. I don't know how the whole crew found out about it, but I swear I didn't tell anyone or show anyone that list."

"I do not blame you, Shepard. EDI is a blabbermouth."

"If you don't blame me, then why did I overhear Glyph ask for confirmation to proceed with the termination order on Commander Shepard?"

Looking chagrinned, Liara commented, "Oh yes… that."

"That!?" Lakota exclaimed. Too focused on the asari to look away, she once again fired blindly at the enemy. "That's it? That's all you have to say for yourself?"

"I was just thinking out loud," Liara said offhandedly.

"Just thinking out loud?!"

"You have nothing to worry about, Shepard."

The distinct and familiar sound of bullets whizzing over their heads made both of them crouch a little lower.

"I beg to differ, Doctor."

Whether the Spectre was referencing the firefight they were currently in or the fact that her list became the most popular reading material on the ship was uncertain.

Clearing her throat, Liara stated, "For your information, I, too, have a list of reasons why I was happy to see you on Mars."

"I'm almost afraid to ask," Lakota mumbled. "But I'm an idiot, so I will."

The researcher smiled as biotic energy flared along the length of her right arm. Then she peered over the crate and conjured a singularity in the general vicinity of the enemy. Immediately after, she crouched behind their protective covering. "Number ten. You are intimidating."

"That's a bonus?" the Spectre said incredulously. She glanced around the corner of the crate to fire four rounds before returning to cover.

"Fewer suitors to drive away."

"So I scare people off?"

"Or kill them."

Lakota rolled her eyes dramatically, took aim over the top of the crate, releasing several rounds in the direction of the singularity, immediately dropping behind the protective barrier afterward. "And yet you're still here."

Batting her eyes coyly, Liara replied, "Along with being intimidating, you are also very fortunate."

"And there's that asaritude that I love so much."

Lakota pointed toward a stack of crates above the enemy's position, made a pulling motion with her left hand, then stood up and laid down a continuous suppressing fire with her pistol—expending ammunition like it was candy.

With the blue-violet tendrils still snaking around her arm, Liara stepped out into the open just long enough to envelop the stack of crates her lover pointed toward in biotic energy. Then, she flexed her arm as though pulling back an invisible rope and the crates tumbled down on the enemy. The Spectre and researcher dropped behind their protective crate as the others fell.

Furrowing her brow as though having just realized something, Liara said, "It is too bad your ability to intimidate does not seem to affect Specialist Traynor or her attempts at flirting."

"Traynor?" the Spectre mumbled in confusion. "She's not flirting."

"For a Spectre, you can certainly be oblivious to your surroundings."

"All she ever talks about is using my shower!"

"Exactly my point."

Turning, the Spectre confronted the asari. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That it is difficult not to notice Traynor's constant desire to be wet when in your proximity."

Lakota coughed uncomfortably as an uncharacteristic reddish hue crept along her cheeks. "Fine," she said, unwilling to go further down that conversational road of landmines. "What's number nine?"

Although amused by her lover's embarrassment, Liara opted to follow the human's lead and drop the subject. "You are a Spectre, therefore you can hack any terminal without fear of reprisal."

"That's not limited to hacking, Doctor," Lakota grumbled, her eyes narrowing in indignation while recalling the events on Illium.

Smirking in delight, the asari parried, "Which is just an added bonus, Commander. In fact, that portion of nil reprisal on illegal activities was incorporated into number eight, as well."

"Of course it was." The Spectre peaked around the corner, but saw no movement so she returned to her position, leaning her back against the crate. "Then number seven must be…"

"Your assets," Liara said seductively, as her eyes deliberately inspected every inch of her lover from a distance. Although the crimson N7 armor muted the human's shapely figure, there was no mistaking the strength and athleticism beneath the surface.

"My assets?!" the Spectre choked out. "And just what do you have to say about… them?"

"Although significantly smaller than mine, they still provide some enjoyment."

"Some enjoyment?" Lakota repeated gruffly. "That's a new one. An asari objectifying a human."

"You taught me that turnabout is fair play."

"I didn't expect you to take me seriously."

"I am nothing if not open-minded."

"Great," the Spectre said sardonically. "A quick study with a vindictive streak."

The asari smirked before continuing. "Number six. You do look good in a dress."

"A dress?" Lakota scoffed. "This is because of number ten on my list for you, isn't it?"

"I assure you, Commander, this has nothing to do with that list, but I do acknowledge the similarity. Apparently, you can be classified as 'eye candy', too."

"Outstanding." Sighing in exasperation, the Spectre grumbled, "Maybe my good looks can be considered a weapon."

Nonplussed, Liara retorted, "That is not inconceivable. After all, I believe you once asked me if asari cleavage was considered a defensive weapon."

"Sometimes I swear you have an eidetic memory."

"You would not be the first."

Lakota eyes drilled into her lover as though trying to pin her to the wall. "That's the first half of your list… what's the second?"

"Number five, you have a luxury apartment on the Citadel."

"Wait a minute," the Spectre said, holding up her hand. "Anderson gave me the apartment after we rescued you on Mars."

"Rescued me?"

"Joined you," Lakota quickly corrected. "But that's not the point." Looking smug, she asked, "How could that be one of the reasons you were happy to see me if it happened after our meeting on Mars."

"I knew he was going to give it to you."

The Spectre shook her head in disbelief. "You did not! You couldn't have!"

Barely containing her expression of superiority, Liara said, "I could if the broker network intercepted a communiqué to Kahlee Sanders informing her of his decision."

"Does nothing escape that network of yours?"

"No," the asari said ominously. "Nothing."

"That is so unfair." With her back still against the crate and still in a slightly crouched position, Lakota slid towards the asari, stopping just before their shoulders touched.

"All is fair in love and war, Commander," Liara countered playfully.

"Let me guess, you're just repeating a phrase I said to you sometime, somewhere, during some event that I can't recall."

"Actually, no. It was something EDI said."

The Spectre shook her head. "The unshackled AI who started all of this strikes again."

"She is also reason number four."

Looking perplexed, Lakota asked, "How does that work? You were happy to see me because you got to bunk on a state of the art ship that's controlled by a dry witted AI with a sexy voice?"

"In a way," Liara replied. "I destroyed the broker base in a Cerberus attack, so I had no reliable base of operation."

"No comfortable bed, you mean."

"That is true, as well."

Lakota playfully bumped her shoulder into the asari's. "I'll make sure EDI knows she's the preferred mobile hacienda."

Feigning irritation, Liara gently slapped the Spectre on the thigh. "Number three. You are a source of unimaginable intel."

"Intel? Really?" Lakota dropped to her knees, then reached out grabbing the researcher's hand and pulled her to a kneeling position, so they were face to face. "That's one of the reasons you were happy to see me?"

"Without you how would I know all the details about recapturing Omega with Aria? Or where to find Leviathan? Or what really happened to the Rachni Queen? Or all that went into finding the Genophage cure?" Liara squared her shoulders and looked directly at the human, her blue eyes twinkling in delight. "Because of your connections with the Alliance military and Spectre network, and your odd ability to attract the most galaxy damning trouble, my intel is always of value."

"Great," the Spectre said as her brow furrowed in mock irritation. "Now I know why the media maws hound me."

"Oh, I think they just follow you around hoping you will punch one of them again."

"That only happened once."

"And the hits on that vid made extranet history."

"Moving on now," Lakota said brusquely, her green eyes flickering in affectionate amusement. "So what's number two?"

"Seeing you meant that you were no longer incarcerated."

"That was fairly self-evident, Doctor."

"But still significant, Commander."

Chuckling, the Spectre said, "Let me guess, you didn't like telling people that your bondmate was in the slammer with no parole in sight?"

"Shepard," Liara chastised, "what do you take me for? I had no issues telling people you were incarcerated… or letting them know the highly edited reasons for it, as well."

"Then you were just happy I was free?"

Hesitating slightly, Liara admitted, "That was part of it, of course."

"And the other part?"

"Sex."

"Excuse me?!"

A purplish shade slowly crept up the asari's neck and along her cheeks. "The lack of conjugal visits was… frustrating. When I saw you on Mars I knew that would no longer be an issue."

Smiling brightly, Lakota leaned close to the researcher and placed a quick kiss on her flushed cheek. "That explains a lot about those first few weeks."

Embarrassed by her bold admission, Liara cast her gaze towards the ground as the heat along her blue hued cheeks grew steadily. After a few moments, she admitted, "Yes, it does."

In an attempt to lessen her lover's uneasiness, Lakota asked, "So what's the number one reason you were happy to see me on Mars?"

Liara looked up, a gentle smile playing on her lips as she carefully scrutinized the Spectre. Then, she reached out with her left hand, brushing her fingers across Lakota's cheek—a tender, compassionate caress. "I missed you."

The Spectre leaned into her lover's touch, so instead of just fingertips, the palm of the hand cupped her cheek. "You missed me? That was the most notable reason you were happy to see me?"

"That was more than enough, Shepard," Liara whispered.

"I suppose," Lakota said with a shrug, "but that hardly seems comparable to being a source of unimaginable intel or great sex."

"I do not recall saying it was great."

"It was implied."

"Yes," Liara said, the start of a smile curling at the corner of her lip, "it was." Her left hand moved lower so her fingertips now lightly brushed along her lover's neck. With each stroke she noted both the heat radiating from the soft, supple skin and the strong and steady pulse beneath the surface. After holstering her pistol, she raised her right hand to the other side of Lakota's face, tilted it to a side and kissed her gently on the mouth. The moist, velvety feel of their joined lips was both comforting and mesmerizing.

Their lips held the delicate, gentle caress, basking in its tranquility until an unspoken signal passed between them and they slowly drifted apart.

"I missed you too, Shepard," Garrus said as he peered down at the both of them from the top of the crate, grinning. "And I'd have sex with you to prove it."

Startled, Lakota lowered her pistol—her quick reflexes had trained on the sound without conscious thought—then sat back on her legs, looking up at the turain. "GARRUS!?" she barked. "What the hell?!"

Stepping around the corner of the crate, Tali said, "After Liara dropped the crates on those mercenaries, there wasn't much for either of us to do except listen in on your conversation." She shifted her shotgun to her right hand. "And by the way, I missed you, too. I'm not going to have sex with you, though."

Wide-eyed and surprised, Liara repeated, "Listen in…"

"Oh yeah," Garrus said from his perch above everyone. "We heard your whole list."

Mortified, Liara leaned forward resting her forehead on the Spectre's shoulder effectively hiding her face in the process. "By the Goddess… how does this keep happening?"

Giving the asari a reassuring pat on the shoulder, Lakota said, "Don't worry, I'm sure no one else heard."

"That's not entirely correct, Shepard."

"EDI?!" the Spectre groaned. "You heard it, too?"

The soothing voice on the comm channel replied immediately. "Yes, Shepard. But after our discussion regarding privacy and the distinction between appropriate and inappropriate subject matter, I terminated all extraneous communications once the conversation became personal."

Liara lifted her head, a perplexed look on her face. "You did?"

"I didn't want to add to my reputation as a… blabbermouth."

The Spectre breathed out a sigh of relief. "Thanks, EDI. I owe you one."

"Then perhaps you can explain something for me, Shepard?"

"Sure."

"Is sex a customary act of affection between organics who have not seen each other for an extended period of time?"

Lakota's face fell into the palm of her hand. "Oh, for the love of all that's blue…"

"That was a joke."