Of Mischief and Men
Pairing: Garrus/Shepard
Rating: M, for sexual situations and language
Genre: Humor/Romance, a splash of angst in there too for balance

Summary: When the female crew members of the Normandy decide it's would be a good idea to mettle in Shepard's private life, she decides to play along. With Garrus's assistance of course.

Author's Note: This idea just will not let me go until I give it life. This takes place somewhere in the realm of ME2.

0200 hours. It was far too early, or perhaps far too late, for anyone to be awake. Yet, Shepard couldn't sleep. Like a butterfly caught in the May breezes of a late North American spring on Earth, sleep seemed to be just out of her grasp as it flitted around her. With a heavy sigh she gathered herself up and left the overly comfortable bed in her private cabin.

If I can't sleep, I might as well get something accomplished, she mused. But first, coffee. I just hope I don't wake Garrus this time.

After she pulled on her casuals, Shepard trudged into the elevator with her personal coffee mug in her hand. It was chipped and cracked from its reassembly, but it was her favorite. It had been a gift from Garrus from the SR-1. He had managed to find out her birthday even though she had gone through the extra effort of having it removed from her personnel records with the Alliance. Still to this day he refused to tell her how he did it. She smiled at the memory.

Shepard walked into her cabin. She let a sigh escape her lips; Kaiden just didn't understand that he was not what she wanted. She needed something - someone - far stronger than him to be her lover. Someone she could feel secure with, that wouldn't follow orders when they were alone. Someone who she trusted with her life and trusted her with theirs.

Someone with piercing blue eyes and a flanging voice full of trust and strength.

Kaiden was a good soldier but hell if he wasn't thick in the head. He irritated her to no end with his puppy dog eyes following her everywhere she went.

"What part of 'hell no' doesn't that kid get?" she murmured to herself.

As she began to divest herself of her clothes and get ready for a long hot shower, she realized something seemed off. She stopped and glanced around the room, giving it the once over. That was when she noticed it.

The oversized blue coffee mug sitting smack in the middle of her desk.

"Where did this come from?" she asked aloud, as if she hoped the walls could give her an answer.

She crossed the short distance and picked it up. When she did a piece of paper fluttered to the floor. She leaned down and picked it up, recognizing the handwriting in an instant.

'Jane,

I figured it was safe to call you that. You keep telling me to in private, so I thought I'd give it a try.

As your so-called best friend, it would have been a shame if I had forgotten your birthday. I hope you enjoy the coffee mug. I know how you practically live on the stuff. Now you have your own.

Happy Birthday,

Garrus

P.S. - No, I will not tell you how I found out. I'll take it to my grave. And no, I didn't tell anyone else.'

She couldn't help but laugh. Leave it to him to figure out something she tried so desperately to hide. He was too good at his job sometimes. She looked back at the mug and couldn't help but notice is was the same beautiful blue as his eyes.

Shepard stepped out of the elevator and into the mess only to freeze in her place. She heard voices. Who in the blue blazes would be up at this hour? She hid around the corner as she tried to spy on whomever it was sitting in the mess.

"Seriously, most deviant sexual fantasy?" came Kelly's chirping voice.

"Isn't any sexual fantasy deviant Kelly?" Tali asked. "Especially any of yours?"

"Oh shut up!"

Shepard could tell from the resulting laughter there were several of the female crew involved in the discussion. Kelly, Tali, and Katsumi were all easy enough to pick out. She dared to peek around the corner and saw Miranda as well as Samara, Jack, and even Gabby sitting with them. Shepard couldn't help but think this gathering would not bode well for her. She decided to hastily make her way back to her own cabin when she heard someone say her name.

"So, anyone think Shepard and Garrus have hooked up yet?" Gabby asked with a giggle. Shepard nearly choked on her own breath.

"I can tell you, will all certainty, they have not," Tali began. "I doubt they even realize they want each other, let alone that they're in love."

Jack made a hideous gagging noise at the word love, which served to do nothing more than make Samara chuckle and the other women in the room dissolve into brief laughter once more. Tali swatted at Jack as she told her off for not believing in love. The two of them began to argue over it, taking no care to keep their voices down.

Shepard had never been so embarrassed in her life. She had been so careful to not let anyone see how much she wanted Garrus, despite the fact that she knew Tali would figure it out. She had been caught on numerous occasions by the Quarian flirting with Garrus as he repaired the Mako. How had he not figured out that she continued to wreck it only so she could spend time with him as he repaired it for her? She could vaguely hear the conversation carrying on but could not bring herself to focus on it. The blood pounding in her ears from her mild panic made it hard to hear anything.

"Perhaps we could ask one of the many males aboard the ship to aid us," Samara mentioned coolly "It would not be hard for any of them to act interested in our commander."

"That... is actually quite brilliant Samara," Miranda commented. Shepard almost hissed. Even her damn XO was in on this! "Jealousy is an easy thing to exploit in any man."

"Turians are incredibly over-protective of their mates," Kelly said quickly. "She may not be his yet, but if we push him too far, his natural instincts will kick in and, um, well..."

Everyone went quiet for a moment. Shepard knew what she meant. Garrus could seriously injure or even kill someone, if the girls were to be believed about his feelings for her. She had done her research on Turians and their interpersonal relationships. Not to mention, Fornax had a few really great articles on Human-Turian escapades. She just had to thank the stars that Jacob never noticed she borrowed them, or if he had he had never mentioned it to anyone.

"Tali, you know them better than anyone. Who do you think would be the best to ask for help?" Katsumi asked. "Who would be the most believable but could still stand up to Garrus if it came down to it?"

"Honestly, I think Thane would be the best choice. He would never mention any of this to either of them," Tali started slowly, as though the thoughts were just starting to reach the surface. "He is handsome enough, powerful, and he does care a great deal for Shepard as his commander and as a friend. I see no reason for him to say no. Just let me go on the record saying I don't think this is a good idea."

"Fuck that shit, it's an awesome idea!" Jack yelled. "We've got to work this at both angles though. Piss off Shepard too. One of you should hit on Garrus."

"You are insane Jack, the only one that might be convincing would be Tali," Katsumi said quickly as she hopped down from her seat on the mess table.

"Never said I was sane - but you know that shit is fucking golden," Jack replied with a shrug. "Bet she'd get off her ass and just fuck him if she thought one of you were trying to snag him."

"Why does it have to be us?" Miranda asked. She sounded offended that she should have to lower herself to flirting with an alien. "It was your idea Jack."

"Shut it cheerleader, you all know no one would believe that shit if I did it. He doesn't seem the type for a hot hate-filled fuck. He's too lovey-dovey and shit."

"Kelly should do it," Tali all but shouted. "Everyone knows you have a case of xenophilia."

Shepard had decided that enough was enough. She moved back to the elevator slowly and looked down at her coffee mug. She sighed before she closed her eyes and dropped it. She couldn't bare to look at it as it shattered across the floor. The scattered blue pieces, chipped and faded, would have simply made her think more about Garrus.

"Fuck! Goddamn it that was my favorite coffee mug!" She yelled with a frown. "I doubt I'll be able to save it this time."

She could have heard a pin drop as silent as the mess had become. It was like no one was there. She couldn't help the grin that split across her face when she heard the doors to the main battery open and the click of talons on the metal floor.

"Everything okay Ja-" Garrus stopped and took in the sight of most of the women aboard the Normandy sitting in a circle. "Er, Shepard?"

"Yeah, I just dropped my favorite mug."

"The one I got you for your birthday a few years ago?" He looked straight at Tali with a small smile as he spoke.

"I knew you knew when her birthday was! Liar!" Tali shouted. Everyone glared at her while Garrus chuckled.

"Of course I do. She's my best friend," He commented lightly as he walked toward the elevator. "And, no, I'll never tell."

"Good morning ladies. If you are all up so early, I guess that means you're ready to get to work?" Shepard called as she took a seat on the floor. She had a sad look on her face as she picked up the bigger pieces of the now destroyed mug. She heard everyone pick up their things and scatter for a moment before they realized they would have to hide in Miranda's office.

Garrus came around the corner and nearly laughed. He had never seen Shepard look so forlorn over a possession. He knelt down and began to help her pick up the pieces. He heard her give a faint "thanks" as they worked but she wouldn't look at him.

"Sorry that I woke you up," She said softly. She knew the others would be trying to listen. "Again. I guess I just can't have a cup of coffee without you anymore."

"It's okay. I'd rather be up talking to you than pretending to sleep in the battery," He replied as he took the pieces from her. "How long were you standing there listening to them?"

"More than long enough to hear their plans," Shepard muttered when she felt his talons graze her skin as he took the pieces of mug from her. She felt her face go flush. "Goddamn it I loved that mug."

"I'll get you a new one when we go on shore leave next," He said gently as he stood and walked away to throw away all the pieces they had gathered. "Which is soon I hope."

"I was planning on telling Joker to head to the Citadel after getting my coffee. Seems I don't get coffee today," She replied with a bit of a snort.

"There are other mugs you know."

"I haven't had coffee in anything but the one you bought me since I got it. Why should I start now?" She said as she stepped around the corner. "Will you come up to my room with me after I speak to Joker? I need to talk to you about... things."

Garrus looked back at her. He had never seen her so uncomfortable. She refused to look him in the eyes for some reason and he could hear her heartbeat from across the room. It had to be about the girls' conversation. Was she offended by their accusations? He could feel himself starting to panic and bile rising to the back of his throat. He had never hoped that she could care for him beyond their unique friendship, but he did worry that what the women had said would make her reevaluate it and distance herself from him.

He needed her too much to let something as unimportant as his fantasies drive them apart.

"Of course Shepard. I'll meet you there in ten," He said softly, a small smile on his face. "I'll have coffee for you. You don't function well without it."

Shepard gave him a small smile and, for a brief moment, met his eyes. That same feeling he had, the panic and sick feeling, was reflected in her eyes. Maybe she was just as worried about this as he was. There was something else there, just a small shimmer of emotion, but Garrus couldn't quite put a talon on it.

"Thanks Garrus," Shepard said sweetly before getting into the elevator. "This is why you're my best friend. The little things like that."

As soon as she was on the elevator, Garrus let go of the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. His panic was on the rise. The last thing he ever wanted was Shepard to be uncomfortable around him. She was his best friend and, despite his logic and extreme denial of the fact, the only woman that ever made him want to settle down someday. Even internally he was scared to say he loved her, afraid that once he acknowledged it something would change and ruin his friendship with her. He couldn't stand to see something else in his life go wrong.

He quickly made a pot of coffee, the kind he knew Shepard loved, before making his way up to her cabin. He put in the passcode to the door and took up what Shepard had told him was his spot on her couch. He was there often enough since his return to the Normandy that it was no wonder that people had began to think that he and Shepard were in item. He spent enough time in her room that he had taken to showering there and even had a bottle of his brandy sitting on the shelf next to her bottle of sherry.

Garrus was never one to be bold when it came to romancing a woman. The few little gifts he'd given Shepard over the years were his quiet attempts to show he cared. He never realized how much she loved the simple coffee mug he had gotten her for her birthday nearly 4 years before. He knew her birthday was coming up soon. Maybe he could take her for dinner while they were on shore leave as an early birthday gift.

I hope she gives us long enough on the Cidadel to give me a chance to take her on a da- to take her to dinner, he thought. Just dinner and drinks. Some time to relax. As friends. Because she's my best friend. That's all.

He let a sigh escape him. I'm a damn fool.

Garrus was so lost in this thoughts he almost missed the 'whoosh' of the door opening.

"We're Citadel bound. ETA, 16 hours. I'm giving everyone four full days of shore leave," Shepard stated as she walked in. She walked around the couch and lean over the back to take the mug of coffee from Garrus's hand before hopping over the back of it to sit next to him.

"Good to hear it," He said, a light chuckle in his voice. "Just long enough to celebrate your birthday."

"Don't you dare tell any of them it's my birthday soon. Let alone how old I'll be."

"Are you counting the two years you were gone?" Garrus asked teasingly. "It still won't make you younger than me."

"Shut up," She punched him in the arm with her free hand. "It makes me one year older than you rather than three. I'll take it."

The two of them sat there, arms pressed gently against each other, and simply enjoyed the silence. A wave of longing, smooth and unrushed, began to grow between them. It was undeniable and almost tangible. Shepard took a few deep breaths as she tried to prepare herself for the conversation she was about to embark upon. It would forever change their friendship no matter which way it took. Before she could speak, Garrus looked down at her.

"What did you want to talk to me about Jane?"

Shepard stayed quiet as she sipped her coffee. A smile crept upon her lips at the taste. It was her coffee, the good kind she hid in the back of the spice cabinet down in the mess. Garrus knew her almost too well. It was a comfort rather than becoming a point of concern. He was her six, her security, and her best friend.

"What do we want to do about the girls and their meddling?" She gave him a sideways glance as she took another sip of coffee.

"What do you mean?" He asked honestly.

"Do we tell them we overheard, or play along with their game?" She tried to sound a nonchalant as possible but it was easy to hear the mischief in her voice if one knew what to listen for.

Garrus was good at listening. Especially if it was to the nuances of Shepard's voice.

"I think," He started carefully. A question like this coming from any woman, Shepard or not, was double-edged. "we should play along. It would be fun."

"Well," Shepard looked up at him with a grin that he had seen Wrex break a sweat over. "it would seem, as usual, we're on the same page."

Chapter 2 will be up sometime in the next week or so. Depends solely on what free time I manage to find under my textbooks and work files.