"The only thing necessary for the triumph

Of evil is for good men to do nothing."

-Edmund Burke

Chapter 5: Awakening of Fear

~Harry~

It had been a few weeks since their big blow argument and things had finally got back to an uneasy peace. Xander studiously avoided asking Harry about the necklace and anything that might involve the necklace while Harry had dedicated himself to avoiding Xander's friends. It made for a very tense atmosphere since Xander was still very involved with his friends and Harry had yet to open up about the happenings of that night.

The real issue was that they were both so obviously keeping secrets from each other but they both refused to ask the other to open up about them. Since Xander was pretty much the only person Harry knew in Sunnydale it left Harry with a lot of free time on his hands. So he filled it by practicing with his guitar and writing song lyrics. It had been something he had picked up after his escape from the demented cellar and it had been his tribute to Raziel.

Harry had remembered how much Raziel had loved his singing, how much it had comforted the angel and Harry had been trying to get better at it. He thought it was a nice way to go about remembering the man who had given up everything to save Harry. He learned the guitar, started writing song lyrics and it had been a very therapeutic exercise. When Harry wasn't playing his guitar or writing lyrics he was meditating to try to sort out some of the knowledge Raziel had gifted him with.

This almost always left him with a migraine and a nosebleed. It certainly had its benefits and its drawbacks. The knowledge Harry gained was awe inspiring but at the same time it left him feeling very drained…filled with grief. Sometimes when he spent long stretches of time sorting through memories he would dream of Raziel. It took him a long time to figure out that his dreams were some of Raziel's memories and it left this aching hole in Harry's heart when he woke up in the morning.

Harry knew he cared for Xander, that he felt at peace when he was with Xander but at the same time Harry acknowledged he still loved Raziel very deeply. Every night he dreamed of Raziel he found out a bit more about the man who had sacrificed himself so Harry could live. Raziel had been a very good man…he genuinely wanted to help people. He had been created to fight evil but that wasn't why Raziel had done it. Raziel fought evil, helped people, cared for the innocent because it was what he wanted to do.

Raziel had been a keeper of knowledge…he had known all the horrible acts humans had done to each other and yet he still looked at humans as a people of kindness. Sometimes it was very hard for Harry to think about how Raziel had viewed the world since it was so far from how he saw it. Harry, try as he might, didn't look at people the way Raziel had.

To Harry people were inclined to do more bad than good, people were more prone to hurt than help, people were…very close to being inherently evil. Harry had suffered from the hands of people, from the ignorance, from the hate, and it was so hard for Harry to understand the love. It made him feel guilty and less than what Raziel had deserved. Sometimes Harry thought it would have been better for the world that Raziel would have survived as opposed to Harry escaping death again.

It didn't help that Harry had yet to open up to anyone about what his life had been like in its entirety so it was always there in the back of his mind. The taunts of 'freak', the small child that had been 'boy', the figure that had been the 'chosen one' as well as the 'deceiver', and it left Harry with very little real self worth. Harry knew some of his depression came from survivors guilt but he refused to really excuse himself from the pain.

Xander's friends dropped by the house on occasion to visit Xander and when they did Harry hid out in his room. Truthfully Harry had the thought of returning to the road more than once but then Xander would hold him…taking that deep pain away for a moment and he would lose his resolve. Harry knew something had to give soon otherwise he would go insane. He had to tell Xander the truth but that childish part of him that distrusts everyone wanted Xander to open up first. It was a good old fashioned standoff and neither side were pulling the trigger.

~Xander~

It felt weird carving pumpkins with his friends at his house when Harry was upstairs avoiding them. Willow was being good about keeping up the chatter but Xander saw Buffy's eyes dart to the staircase more than once. Buffy was sitting morosely on the couch playing with the guts of the pumpkins a big pout on her face. She had been depressed since the whole 'Parker incident' and had been wavering from depression over that to bitter anger towards the 'unknown element that was Harry'.

Xander had tried his best to dissuade the group from looking into Harry and the necklace he had given him but it wasn't working. Buffy seemed to be obsessing over it since it distracted her from her 'Parker Thoughts'. Xander felt a little bitter about it since she seemed set on making Harry out to be a big bad and he hadn't thought of a good reason to stop her yet. Her eyes kept wandering back to the staircase and then she would pout at the pumpkin guts in her hands.

After the fifth time Xander caught her eyes wandering there he sighed, "What? What is it Buffy?!" Xander asked exasperated.

"I'm thinking about the life of a pumpkin, there you are happily entwined with the other pumpkins in the sun then someone comes along cutting you from that and rips your guts out." She said petulantly.

"You might be thinking that but that doesn't explain why you keep eyeing the staircase like it's up to something." Xander groaned.

Willow rocked nervously on her perch on her chair, "Hey guys let's not fight." She said.

"No, if Xander wants to know I'll tell him." Buffy said huffing, "I don't trust Harry, what's he doing up there? Why can't we hear him moving around? Why won't he tell us about Xander's necklace? Why can't we find out anything about him? Willow ran a background check and there is nothing on him! In England or otherwise! All Giles could find was his name on the list of lords in England…where does he get his money? Why is he in Sunnydale? What are his intentions?" Buffy rattled off scowling arms crossed.

"You make it seem like Harry is the next big bad," Xander returned glaring.

"He might be!" Buffy said, then she saw the look Xander was giving her, "Oh, don't give me that look! You don't have the greatest track record when it comes to people Xander! Hyena dens, Mantis lady, Mummy girl, plus you took Anya to prom…I'm not even gonna talk about Faith…if you were dating Harry I'd be even more worried than I am now!" Buffy said scowling.

"Says the girl who dates vampires," Xander countered uncomfortably.

"As if Angel can be compared to your record!" Buffy said indignantly.

"You're right; none of my associated demons tortured Giles, tried to kill us, and went without getting the slayage in return! While Angel is walking around out there like a ticking time bomb!" Xander hissed.

Buffy looked like Xander had punched her (and it actually hurt), "Angel paid for his crimes…he knows he can't…" she said stumbling.

"Right, still doesn't change that fact that if he gets careless and has a happy moment he goes all Angelus on the world. Now that he has that gem…the one you insisted on giving him if he ever does go all evil again it will be damn near impossible to stop him! Thanks for that Buffy. If you can be irrational about the whole Angel deal then I have the right to tell you to stay the hell away from Harry!" Xander said furiously.

Buffy looked hurt, then she got that stubborn scowl of anger on her face, "Tell him what we found so far Will!" she said dragging Willow into it. Oz remained stoically on the ground at Willow's feet watching the fireworks.

"Ahh well," Willow began sheepishly at Xander's glare; "Giles and I did managed to find a reference for the symbol of the pendant on the necklace. It's a symbol from this children's story Giles got from a thrift shop in England, it's supposed to represent the 'Deathly Hallows.' Basically there were these three brothers' who managed to cheat death so death gave them a gift." Willow began nervously.

Xander rolled his eyes, "Right like taking a gift from a supernatural being ever turns out well." He scuffed.

"Right, well, it was a trap. One brother asked for a wand that would help him to do really great magic, one brother asked for a stone that could call back the dead and one asked for a cloak that would hide the wearer from anyone's sight. The first brother got killed for the wand, the second brother killed himself to be with his wife who had died since the stone didn't give the dead life only form, the third hid from death until he was old and then he gave his cloak to his son. He walked into death's arms unafraid." Willow said in running babble form.

"Ok, so what does this have to do with my pendent?" Xander said taking his necklace out from under his shirt.

"It's simple see," Willow began touching the necklace, "The triangle is the cloak, the circle is the stone, and the line is the wand. In the fairy tale the one who collects all three becomes the master of death." She said smiling.

"That's nice and all…but I would have noticed if Harry toted around a wand or a stone. Plus he hasn't gone invisible once," Xander said casually dismissing the entire thing.

"That's not the point, why did he choose that symbol as the focus on your protection amulet? Why a feather and a strand of juniper beads? I've been looking into it and I haven't found one book that has those three together to make an amulet. There was a bunch of stuff on juniper beads, the American Indians used to make necklaces out of them for their children to keep evil spirits away but I couldn't find one conclusive spell using them. Feather's aren't used for amulets normally…too whimsical. Plus I couldn't find out where that feather came from…or what has feathers like that I should say." Willow said all in a rush.

"See! Highly suspicious!" Buffy said crossly her arms.

"Whatever, Harry is one of the nicest people I have ever met! If you guys would stop researching him and just get to know him maybe you would see that he is a very good guy! I get your concern I really do but seriously guys…just trust me on this one Harry is not evil!" Xander said decisively.

"We're just worried about you Xander," Willow said softly, "This is the hellmouth…we've been through too much to not be cautious about strangers with questionable backgrounds. Has Harry even explained himself to you?" Willow asked kindly.

"No, but that is totally understandable. You guys saw his back! Whatever he went through was bad…really bad…and here you come in all accusations looking for someone bad. Is it any wonder he clammed up? What has he really done anyway? Given me a necklace that protected me from a vampire…oh my god he must want to make sure I'm safe as one of his only friends in Sunnydale. Commence with the slayage! He must be stopped!" Xander said sarcastically.

Buffy looked about ready to get into it again but Willow grabbed her hand shaking her head to shut her up. Willow had known Xander long enough to see he was two seconds away from exploding if this subject dragged on. "So what are you doing for Halloween Xander?" Oz asked getting a sweet smile of thanks from Willow for the subject change.

"Oh, you know scary movies, candy, popcorn, and all that," Xander said noncommittally, "You guys are welcome to come join if you want."

"I thought we were doing that fraternity house thing," Buffy said pouting.

"What thing?" Xander asked.

"This fraternity house does this haunted house thing, you got to get through the haunted house maze before you can get to the party. It's pretty cool and the party is usually worth going to," Oz said.

"You can come if you want Xander," Willow offered.

Xander shifted, "I don't know, Harry would kind of be alone if I did," he said.

"He could always come too," Willow offered lamely.

"No offense Will but he hasn't wanted to see you guys since that whole ambush incident…doubtful I'll get him out of the house for another one," Xander said.

"You could always have Giles come over to keep him company, he might not mind another brit hanging around," Oz suggested.

"I don't know, maybe," Xander said.

~Harry~

He was trying very hard to ignore the pain that was slowly blossoming on his back, it wasn't the first time this had happened and Harry preferred to ignore it when it did. He heard the door close downstairs and Harry put his Guitar back into his closet then picked up his lyric notebook. The knock at his door could only be Xander and Harry sighed…gritting his teeth to keep the pain from his face.

"Come in," Harry said.

The door opened and Xander smiled at him sheepishly, "Hey," he said awkwardly.

"Hey," Harry said.

"So I know it's kind of last minute but I was wondering if you wanted to come with me to this Halloween party tomorrow. My friends say this frat throw a really great haunted house party," Xander said rubbing his neck nervously.

Harry kept his face carefully blank, he had forgotten it was Halloween tomorrow, "You know I don't really celebrate Halloween, you go and have fun. I'll just hang out here." Harry said forcing a smile on his face.

Xander shifted, "I know you don't like my friends much, but if we going to have anything real between us you have to at least learn to tolerate them. They're really important to me," He said gently.

"It's not that Xander, I just really don't like Halloween too much," Harry said trying to not feel guilty as he fell back onto his bed.

Xander came into his room and sat next to him on the bed, "Why don't you like Halloween? I mean free candy! What could be bad about that!" he said smiling.

Harry debated on what to tell him and finally he decided to tell him something close to the truth. There would never be anything real between them if he didn't open up but it didn't make it any less frightening. Harry stared at the ceiling, not wanting to see the pity in Xander's eyes, "Truthfully?" he began, "I don't like Halloween at all since it is not a really good day for me." He hesitated.

"Why?" Xander asked taking Harry's hand into his own.

"My parents were in this organization that was tasked to fight terrorist but home. They went into hiding when they found out my mom was pregnant with me. I was a little over a year old when one of their friends betrayed them and brought the terrorist leader to their safe house." Harry said.

Xander squeezed his hand, "What happened?"

"I don't remember much since I was so young but my dad tried to distract him long enough for my mom and I to get out. The leader killed my dad and then he came for us. I remember hearing my mom beg for my life…he killed her in front of me. I somehow managed to survive the whole thing with just this scar." Harry said tracing the one on his forehead. "It all happened on Halloween…that was just the first of many bad October 31sts." He finished.

For a while Xander didn't say anything and Harry refused to look at him. "I'm so sorry Harry," he began, "I'll stay home with you tomorrow." He began.

Harry interrupted him, "No! Go to the party have fun, I don't want to bring you down with me on my doom and gloom day." He said with a shaky smile.

"I don't like the thought of leaving you alone," Xander said.

"Well I don't want to be the reason you can't enjoy a holiday you like," Harry said stubbornly.

Xander sighed, squeezed Harry's hand and said, "How about this, I know you don't like my friends much but Giles…your fellow Brit…is planning on just doing the whole handing out candy thing. I'll see if he wouldn't mind doing that here instead. That way I feel better that you have some company, you feel better that I went to the party, and you get a chance to get to know one of my friends a bit better. I was serious before, my friends are like my family and I want you guys to get along." Xander said.

Harry sighed, he saw no way around it, "Well if Giles doesn't mind then sure, he can come on over, he seemed the most reasonable of the bunch anyway." He said.

Xander smiled, "Great! It's settled then! I'll run by the store get you some candy to hand out and then I'll talk to Giles." He said giving Harry a quick peck on the mouth before he left.

"Take my car! I don't like you walking everywhere!" Harry called out after him.

"Yes dear!" Xander said laughingly in a high pitched voice.

Harry giggled despite himself. Then he hissed as his back cramped up in a wave of pain, Harry stuffed his face into his pillow and bit down on it to keep from screaming. It was damn inconvenient when these random pains came on, it had been happening intermittently since his escape from that dungeon and this time seemed worse than the last. It had been years, when would he finally b free of that nightmare?

~Xander~

Xander wondered how he got himself into these situations. He had run into Anya at the store when he was buying candy for Harry and she had just seemed so…pathetic…more so than usual. She wasn't a demon anymore, she didn't seem to have any friends and she wasn't good at the whole…being human thing. It had been a mix of pity, empathy and desperation to get away that Xander had invited her to the party. Now he had to worry about her actually coming and taking his invitation the wrong way.

At least Giles hadn't been too hard to convince to spend the night giving out candy with Harry. Xander thought it might have to do with Harry's extensive tea selection…Giles was always complaining about American tea. Personally Xander didn't get it, what was with the English and their obsession with tea?

Harry had gotten him a very nice suit for a costume when he had found out Xander had just been planning to rent one. His excuse had been every man needed a good formal suit…though Xander didn't know when he would ever wear it again. However, Xander was getting a bit more used to being spoiled like this…though it was still weird having someone so willing to gift him things. It wasn't a bad feeling. Giles and Harry had seemed to have gotten along well enough by the time he left and Xander hoped that was a good sign.

If Harry managed to get Giles approval than the rest of the group wouldn't be far behind and it might thaw Buffy some. Xander wanted them to at least get along with Harry before he worked up the courage to tell them about their…relationship…. Xander wondered if it was a good idea to come to these college parties at all because when he had dropped by earlier with Oz the other guys hadn't seemed too friendly to him. If he was honest, Xander would admit that most college people seemed to be almost downright hostile to 'civilians'.

Xander hadn't had the grades for any of the scholarships offered last year, his parents flat refused to help him with college cost, and so he had opted out of going. College hadn't seemed that much different than high school from his visits to Buffy and Willow. It seemed like if anything, the only difference was that people liked to lord going to college over other non-college goers and liked pretending they knew more than they really did. If Xander was honest…going to college wasn't that appealing to him but he only ever felt bad about not going when one of the snot nosed brats tried lording it over him.

It wasn't like he had anything to defend against that, he had yet to find a steady job and had a mounting list of odd jobs under his belt already. If Xander hadn't had Harry to talk to about the anger when one of those assholes decided to rag on him about not going to college Xander was sure he would have gone insane. It was bad enough that he felt so disconnected from his friends since he couldn't relate to their college woes. That was part of the reason he was trying so damn hard to keep their group together even when they seemed to forget all about him.

~Harry~

If Harry was surprised about how easily he had gotten along with Rupert Giles he didn't acknowledge it. Giles was an easy man to talk to and around an hour after Xander left to go to his party they were sitting in the living room discussing music. Giles had been a band in his youth was a surprisingly good singer and played the guitar with comfortable ease. Harry liked talking to him about music, since it was safe ground that they shared.

Giles had been a bit annoyed that no trick or treaters seemed to be stopping by the house since between them they had a variable mountain of candy to hand out. The pain on his back was still coming and going…thankfully Harry managed to keep it from Giles. He didn't know what was going on with his back but Harry had a feeling it wasn't the normal pains from before. It was Halloween after all and messed up took on a whole new level for him on this day.

"So what brought you to Sunnydale, it's not exactly well known," Giles said as he munched on some candy.

"I could say the same to you mate, posh champ like you coming to a little place like this," Harry teased expertly avoiding the question.

"Come now, you gotten me curious what brought you here Harry?" Giles said easily redirecting the conversation much to Harry's annoyance.

"Well, I came for Xander, anyroad, where do you get your tea? I've had to get mine flown in, bloody Yankees don't know good tea if it got up and punch them," Harry said smoothly.

"Quite right, I've been making do with what my champs send from across the pond I'm afraid I haven't managed to find any good tea here," Giles said regretfully.

Just as Harry was about to continue their conversation there was a frantic knocking at the door and Giles went to answer it hoping for an impatient tick or treater. It was a lucky thing because right then the pain reached a height making it impossible for Harry to keep in a groan. He heard Giles talking to someone, obviously not a child and Harry got up to make his excuses so he could hide out in his room to ride this wave of pain out.

The odd woman at the door was talking excitedly, Harry barely noted the bunny suit with some amusement, and "Looks like you need to catch up with your friend Giles. I'll just pop up to my room to give you champs some privacy shall I?" Harry said as he inched his way up the stairs. Had the pain not clouding his senses Harry would have paid more attention to the extraordinary things the woman was saying to Giles and would have a bit more suspicious.

As it was the pain was distracting him enough he barely noted Giles practically ignoring him and rushing out the door with the woman. Harry made it to his room with some difficulty and barely managed to activate his silencing wards before he gave into the pain screaming. He ripped off his shirt because the pressure of it against the skin of his back was almost unbearable. Harry curled up on the ground a weeping mess as something rippled under the skin of his back.

Had Harry been able to see his back he would have been horrified to watch as his back bulged and twisted under the scarred skin. Harry groaned, tried to keep from screaming as the pain mounted, and time stopped having meaning. He got onto his knees and grasped onto the comforter on his bed resting his forehead against his mattress.

Harry bit down on the corner of the mattress as he screamed as his back twisted and something burst from it. He felt the familiar sensation of warm blood sliding thickly down his back and listened to the all too familiar sound of blood hitting the walls/floor. The pain dimmed a bit but was still raw and with every beat of his heart Harry felt the thump of pain pulse through his back pushing more blood from torn flesh. For a long time Harry didn't move…because he didn't want to look at the new horror that was his back. Harry thought a bit hysterically that if he closed his eyes tightly he wouldn't have to acknowledge what was happening…that the pain would disappear as if it were a dream.

After a while Harry forced himself to crawl to his bathroom, the bleeding wasn't stopping and Harry certainly didn't want to die pathetically of blood loss. It was time to face whatever it was and he crawled slowly across his room. There was an odd added weight on his back but Harry forced himself to keep moving and ignore it. When he got to the door separating his room from the bathroom he felt a weak sense of accomplishment that he hadn't blacked out yet.

Harry used the doorway to help him to his feet and limped his way into the room from there. What he saw in the mirror froze him in disbelief and temporarily shut down his ability to think. In the mirror was a sight he hadn't seen since Raziel…that it was his own reflection didn't sink in at first. Wings. Black Wings drenched in his blood…he had wings sticking out of his back…all he could think was…fuck.

Somehow he managed to mechanically get undressed and get into his shower so he could rinse off the blood to see what he was dealing with as far as injury went. Harry watched the water run red for a good long while making him think of some cheesy horror movie. Once the water faded to pink Harry tried to feel around his back to get an idea of the damage…not his best idea. He waited until the water ran clear before he got out and used a creative combination of mirrors/ levitation spells to see his back.

It wasn't pretty; the wings had come out of the ragged ropey scars on his shoulder blades. If Harry had to guess, the wings must have done more damage than they would have if there hadn't been such a thick padding of scar tissue. He gulped down some emergency potions he kept in the medicine cabinet and watched the ragged torn skin around the wings heal. This was going to suck. Harry knew he should have just stayed in bed today…Halloween was never a good day for him. What was he going to tell Xander?

~Xander~

Xander wasn't sure what he hated more, the fact that his greatest fear was becoming completely beneath his friends' notice or that the demon they had been so afraid of had only been six inches tall. The idiotic frat boys had painted a real summoning symbol on the floor of the attic and it had caused all sorts of hell for them. Fears coming alive and manifesting into things that could actually kill them. Yeah so not fun. He wished he had just stayed home with Harry and just ignored his whining about not ruining the holiday for him.

After this debacle he was in the firm camp of Halloween dislike and wasn't planning on celebrating it again anytime soon. The others followed Xander back to the house because they all weren't too ready to be alone just yet. Xander didn't blame them spending a night facing your fears was not a good experience. Though he wished Giles hadn't just left Harry all alone Xander was glad he came to save the day. He sighed when he finally made it home slumping into his couch gratefully.

Willow, Buffy, Oz and Anya attacked the candy mountain. Xander wasn't sure how he felt about the whole Anya issue. If he hadn't invited her there would have been no one to tell Giles that something was wrong at the frat house. At the same time Xander was a bit upset that Buffy still stubbornly refused to let him tell Harry about the hellmouth freakiness that was their lives. Xander had the feeling Harry would have been able to help somehow…Harry just made everything better.

Speaking of, Xander trudged up the stairs determined to drag Harry out of his room. Once the gang actually spent time with Harry Xander was sure they would warm up. Then Buffy would let Xander tell Harry everything. That wouldn't happen if Xander let Harry hide away in his room every time his friends stopped by. He would drag him out of his room by force if he had to!

A.N.: done! Lol Episode four of season four of Buffy down! Lol hoped you liked it! Please review and let me know what you think! On a side note I am working on publishing a children's book if anyone is interested in seeing it! Lol I illustrated it and wrote the narrative all by my lonesome! Lol