A/N: This is for the amazing and ever-lovely Sam, for her February I gift fic of the Gift-Giving Extravaganza 2013. Sam: I hope you love this as much as I loved writing it.

Allie

"Potter, shut up." The defiant gaze only made James Potter back up a couple steps.

"I don't need help from a Mudblood!"

Lily turned around, shocked. "What?"

"I, Lily, I didn't mean that, it just-"

"What? Slipped out? It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."

The blow of a friendship ended is a sharp pang for most, but for Lily, it was even worse. She had wasted five years of her life on that boy, hoping he would become someone different. It was easy to see now that he wouldn't. As she ran back to the comforting sight of Gryffindor tower, she heard whispers from those watching her.

"Is that Lily Evans?"

"Is she crying?"

She whirled around to see the second-year Ravenclaw who had asked the last question. "Shut. Up!" The girl cowered in fear, but Lily didn't care. She was always the nice girl. Always the kind one. Looking out for people. But not anymore. She saw where that got her. Absolutely nowhere.

Instead of going to her room as she originally intended, she found solace in sitting underneath the bleachers in the Quidditch Pitch until it was after lunchtime. She wasn't hungry. How could she be hungry? It was only when an annoying seventh year couple began to snog a few yards away from her that she got up and left for the common room.

It was the middle of the afternoon, so soon everyone was outside on such a nice autumn day—everyone, that is, except for James Potter and his friends, who had gone back inside after the incident that morning. As usual, they were making trouble. When Lily hastily spit out the password and climbed through the portrait hole, she found the boys sitting in a circle on the floor around a piece of parchment, charming it and laughing. "Let's add one for Snape!" James suggested. "That dirty traitor."

The laughs from Remus, Sirius, and Peter didn't come. James looked up at them, his back to a silently wide-eyed Lily.

"What, guys? I thought it was funny. What if we did a thing where we get him to open the map, and it says 'Severus Snape—no greasy wizards allowed. Wash your-'" He looked to where Sirius was furtively pointing his eyes.

Lily stood there, unable to even stick up for Severus this time.

"Lily, I," James faltered.

"No, you're right." she whispered. "You were right the whole time." She walked slowly and with purpose to her dormitory. running her fingers over the banister.

Lily Evans, bravest and smartest witch of her age, was fighting a battle she could not win. Not alone. The nightmares, the thoughts, the darkness—they didn't stop. And now with no one to hold her up, maybe she could succumb.

She stayed on her bed for the remainder of the day, and when she was sure that the boys had left for dinner, she crept back down to the common room with a letter she had received the day before.

Dear Lily,

I told you that Snape boy wasn't any good. If he treats you like that, you should come back home. It sounds like he's not the kind of crowd you want to get in with, anyway. I have sent you some money from Mum and Dad, they give all their love.

The letter went on to give boring news about daily Muggle life. Who was dating who, what the girl down the street had done, and an excited note telling Lily that the Evans family had gotten a cat. It ended simply:

Talk to you soon.

Tunie

Lily folded the letter back up and began to tear it. She tore it in half, then in half again, scattering the pieces into the now dying fire. As she shredded it into bits, the sun set and she realized that the entire house would be returning soon. She stood up, brushed a few bits of paper from her robes into the fire, and retreated back upstairs.

Severus Snape was just a bad memory.

The months flew for most people, but for Lily they dragged along. Her nightmares had just gotten worse when she realized that she no longer had anyone to really turn to, and often she would wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to sleep for hours. It seemed like June would never roll around, but when it did, she was much relieved.

One night, after everyone had fallen asleep, Lily found solace in her old spot by the fire in the common room. It was the one place that would never desert her, or leave her, or betray her. In the comfort of that place, she began to cry. She just cried, for Snape, who would never be the same. For Petunia, who would never love her. For the nightmares, in hopes that they would just leave her alone.

James Potter, who had not been sleeping at all, was surprisingly distressed to hear quiet sobbing from downstairs. He was most surprised, though, to find the familiar red haired girl to be the source.

"Lily?" he whispered.

She looked around and spotted him a few feet away. "Oi, what do you want, Potter?" she shot, before realizing that he had used her first name.

"Sorry, er, are you alright?" He began to back up.

"No. I'm not."

"Do you want to talk about it?" James smiled hopefully.

"No." She paused. "Yes. No. I mean." Lily buried her head in her hands and sank into the couch.

James sat with her tentatively, but when she didn't retaliate or call him bullying scum, he became more comfortable. She cried in his presence, one of the only times he would ever see her do so. "It's…it's the nightmares." She confessed, not sure why she was doing it.

"What nightmares?"

"They come every night. It's always Petunia dying, or me dying, or my parents dying, or my friends dying. Or Severus dying."

"Oh, forget about him. You're better than him, Evans." James pulled a tissue off of a nearby table and handed it to her. She blew hard and sniffed.

"I thought he was something different."

"He's in with Voldemort's crowd, and that's a dangerous place to be. He's stupid, and ignorant, and just plain insane for going," James stopped when he saw that Lily was glaring at him. "Sorry, sorry. I just meant that he doesn't deserve you."

Lily sighed. "You're still an arrogant toerag, even when you're trying to be nice."

James shrugged. "Come on, go back to sleep. Exams are coming up soon, you don't want to be half asleep for those."

"I'll be up in a bit," she said absentmindedly, staring at the fire. It was June, why did they have a fire? It reminded her of the letter. Petunia had warned her. She knew, and Lily should have listened. Severus was nothing but a low-down Death Eater, and Lily should have known.

"Lily? Lily."

She looked up, broken out of her thoughts. "What?"

"You, you were crying. Sobbing, actually."

Lily swiped a hand across her cheek. Indeed, it was wet with new tears. "Oh."

He simply hugged her. It wasn't a hug to make her fall in love with him, or even one to make himself feel better about the situation. It was actually a hug, just to make her happy. James Potter didn't know he could feel that way. Chuckling, he asked "Will you go out with me?"

She pulled away and swatted him. "No! Goodnight!" She immediately got up and went back to her room, muttering the whole way. James was laughing.

Before they left for break, James pulled Lily aside. "Evans." he said, staring her straight in the eyes. "Will you go out with me?"

This time, for the first time, she laughed and he was serious. "No, Potter."

"Will you write me this summer?"

"No."

"What if I write you?"

"Have a lovely time doing it."

"Okay."

"Alright, then. Greta, wait up!" She hurried away after a friend, trunk banging and clanging behind her. James sighed. One day.

James kept his promise. He wrote Lily once a week, each time ending his letters: "Sincerely yours, James. P.S.—My owl knows where to find me if you want to send anything back." Lily never sent anything back, but she had to admit that it was fun to get letters.

Petunia teased her about it, but Lily could tell that she was a little bit jealous. One day, she wrote Petunia a letter from a 'secret admirer' and stuck it in their mailbox. She had never seen her happier.

Her parents were proud when Lily got back her OWL reports that summer, and she decided to write James one letter. One letter, and one only.

Dear Potter,

I got my OWLs back yesterday. How did you do?

Lily Evans

Of course, that letter was enough to make James nearly fall off of his chair. So he wrote a very lengthy three page letter back about how he did, asking Lily a lot of questions about her summer and about her OWLs. It had the usual ending, too, but this time, there was no PS.

Lily smiled at the letter, but she didn't want to write him back. There were still traces of his arrogance, even in his letters, and she really didn't want to get involved with someone like that. Rather, she decided to enjoy her last few weeks with Petunia and her mum and dad.

As sixth year started, Lily began to realize that she shouldn't have responded to that letter. She couldn't get James off her back. He was constantly popping up outside her classrooms, asking her to go on a date with him.

Each time, she told him the same thing. "Maybe when you grow up."

James still bullied Severus, and that year, it got worse. He began to use some nasty curses against him—ones that Severus had invented, no less. Lily hadn't the heart to stick up for Severus, but wasn't exactly fond of James, either.

After a particularly bad day, Lily caught James and his friends in the corridors, mocking Severus and preparing to hex him.

"Stop it!" She yelled, frustrated. "James Potter, put that wand down right now. And you, Severus Snape. I would think twice about using that hex if I was you."

"Evans, how can you stand up for him?" James gestured at Severus. "Look, he's got a Dark Mark now!"

This made her do a double take. "Severus…" She shook her head. "You're just as bad as him, walking around and doing bad things that I'm sure your mum would be ashamed of. Cut it out. Now." She turned on her heels and promptly resumed her walk back to the tower.

"Evans! Don't walk away! He's a traitor! Just because you're a prefect doesn't mean you can fix everyone or take care of everyone. Just look at him."

Lily felt the tears stinging her cheeks as she quickened her pace, wanting nothing more than to be eleven years old again, sitting in her backyard with a boy full of magic and secrets, who hadn't yet betrayed her.

As Lily packed her trunk for the second to last time, she thought about how much had changed that year.

For one thing, Severus had completely given himself to the Dark Arts. She shuddered and tried not to dwell on him. Sirius, one of James's friends and fellow troublemakers, had made an agreement to live with James and his family from then on because of his parents. There was a difference in James, one Lily was just starting to see, ever since Sirius started to be somewhat of an actual brother. It was almost like he was growing up, maybe even maturing, if she was lucky.

Lily practically snorted. James Potter? Grow up? Never. Besides, that would mean she'd have to go on a date with him, if he was nice and respectable.

She heaved her heavier-every-year trunk down the stairs and contemplated how she was going to get it through the portrait hole, but she was interrupted by loud laughing.

"Yes!" James said, fist pumping the air. "This is going to be so cool." The four boys, never separated, stopped when they were barricaded by Lily's adventure down the few steps. "Hey, Evans, need some help with that?"

"Er." Lily stumbled over her words, unsure how to respond to James Potter being—nice.

"Here." He picked up her trunk with relative ease and carried it across the room, lifting it gently through the portrait hole and setting it on the other side. "There you are. Have a nice holiday. I'll write you?" She was surprised, but secretly a little pleased.

Lily smirked. "Have a fun time doing that. Happy holidays, boys."

"See you, Evans." James waved. "Hey," he started.

"When you grow up." She said, foreseeing his question. "Bye." She left the common room with a smile.

James Potter had never wanted to grow up so badly.

That summer, the nightmares returned. Lily constantly felt like she was living on the edge of a jagged rock: almost falling off, but not quite. Petunia was now constantly ignoring her, and the weekly owls from James were more of an annoyance than a pleasure. Most of the time she just felt empty without Hogwarts. Without a place to belong.

Not to mention the very irritating fact that now most of Lily's nightmares about Severus had been replaced by nightmares about James. That made her mad.

Her mother's declining health made it hard for Lily to focus on much that summer other than staying afloat, until one morning, an owl arrived from James. It wasn't so much that she wasn't expecting an owl from him, it was just that she'd only gotten one from him a few days ago.

She sat down and opened the letter, quite curious.

Lily,

We've been made Head Boy and Girl! Congrats! I'm really looking forward to it. Sorry to bombard you with the extra owl, write me back whenever you get the chance.

James

Lily stared at the letter. A civil, non-self-centered, regular, amazing letter from James Potter. Okay, so maybe it wasn't that big of a deal, but he was changing a little bit. Though, she hardly believed the Head Girl bit, he probably made that up for an excuse to talk to her. Later that morning, another owl arrived. Please let it not be James, she thought. It wasn't. It was a letter from Hogwarts, informing Lily that she (and none other than James Potter) was to be the Head Girl for the coming school year.

"Mum! Dad! You'll never believe this!"

Going back to school that year was exciting for Lily. She got to wear her new Head Girl badge and keep everyone in line. "Hello, are you a first year?" she asked a little girl that looked lost.

"Yes." The girl looked at her feet. "I don't have anyone to sit with. I don't know anyone." she whispered, almost ashamed.

"Well, I'm Lily. You can sit with me. What's your name?"

"Martha."

"Hello, Martha. Is that an owl you have there?"

The little girl perked up. "Yeah, my mum got her for me as a present. She was proud that I got accepted. Hogwarts is where my mum and my dad went."

"Really?" The train gave a whistle. "Come on, Martha, let's get on the train. You can tell me all about your owl and your mum on the way. Do you want to say goodbye?"

Martha nodded, set her owl and her trunk down, and ran over to a man and a woman. The mother was crying, and Martha was, too. The train whistled again and Martha's father shooed her over to the train, waving the entire way. "Goodbye! Be good! We're so proud of you!" they shouted.

Lily hoisted her things onto the train and then helped Martha with hers. They found a compartment near the front of the train and sat down. "So, tell me about your owl here."

"Well, her name is Peaches, because she's tan." Martha waved out the window as they left King's Cross Station behind. "She's really funny. Sometimes, at night, she'll start hooting,"

James slid open the compartment door. "Lily!" he said. Then he saw Martha. "Oh, hello there. Didn't see you through the window."

"Martha, this is James Potter. Potter, what are you doing here?"

"Well, I thought the Head Boy and the Head Girl should sit together, didn't you? Hello, Martha," he said, smiling. "I'm James. It's nice to meet you. Are you just starting this year?" He held out his hand and Martha glanced at Lily—who nodded—before shaking it.

"Yeah."

"Really? What house do you hope to be in?"

"Gryffindor!" she said, practically bursting with excitement. "That's where my mum and dad were. It's the best house!"

Lily and James laughed together. "We're in Gryffindor, too." James said.

Martha looked at them in awe. "How do you get chosen?"

"Trust me, Martha, you'll be where you need to be." Lily said as way of an explanation. "We won't spoil the fun for you. But there's a Great Hall, and tonight it will be all lit up. The ceiling is magically transformed every year, so it could be the stars in the night sky or a smattering of candles, all floating in the air." Lily painted a picture with her voice for the young girl, totally immersed. "And the food…"

James leaned back in the seat next to Martha as Lily told her stories. He smiled and watched her face as she was totally enraptured. She had a kind heart, that was for sure. Good with kids. Pretty, no less. As Martha left the compartment to change into her robes at Lily's suggestion, they had some time to talk.

"That was nice of you," James commented.

"I wasn't going to let her sit alone," Lily said, rolling her eyes.

"How was your summer?"

"Could have been better. Yours?"

"Fantastic. Sirius and I had the best time. How's your sister? Petunia, right?"

She was taken aback that he remembered her name. "Er, yeah. She's ok."

"Not good?"

"Not good." Lily sighed. "Not good at all."

"Hey, Lily."

"What, Potter?"

"James."

"James what?"

"James Potter. My name is James. Yours is Lily."

She laughed. "Oh, okay. We're on a first-name basis now. Yes, Potter?"

"Will you go on a date with me?"

"In a million years."

James hardly had time to look crestfallen before Martha came back into the compartment.

"Are you excited, Martha?" Lily asked. Martha nodded. "Now, we don't get to stick together, but I'll be at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, cheering you on. And if you need some support, just look up at the sky, okay?"

"Okay."

They all got off the train, and Lily welcomed the familiar sight.

"First years, over here!" Martha bid them a reluctant farewell, and with a little prodding from Lily, joined the other first years on the trip across the lake. Lily and James watched her make a couple of friends to take the boat ride with.

"How lovely." she sighed wistfully. "To be eleven again."

James took her hand out of nowhere, and Lily jumped. "Come on, let's go to the carriages." he said.

"Why are you holding my hand?" She laughed. "Is this a date?"

"It is if you're going with me."

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, James."

It was a victory for James Potter, however small of a victory it may have been. She called him James.

By Christmas break, Lily was ready to give in. She, James, Sirius, and Remus, and Peter were all staying at Hogwarts for the break, and James hadn't stopped teasing her about it. What he had notably stopped, however, was his hexing.

No more pointless torturing, no more making fun of people just because he was bored. Lily hated to admit it, she really did, but maybe he actually had matured. Even though he hadn't previously been a Prefect, he was taking to the Head Boy job like a fish took to water.

The school was quiet on Christmas Eve, and Lily had dinner with the Marauders. "What do you want for Christmas, Lily?" James asked, as they were going around the table.

She took a bite of chicken and thought. "I want one of every flavor of Bernie Bott's."

Everyone laughed, except for James. He looked thoughtful.

"Prongs." Sirius said, giving him a look. "Don't."

"Don't what?" Lily asked.

"Nothing," the other three boys answered in unison, as if they were trying to cover something up. James was still quiet.

Dinner vanished and dessert appeared in its place. "Aww, I wasn't done with my steak." Remus pouted. Everyone chuckled and the tone returned to normal.

That night, they all returned to the common room, and James brought out a jug of eggnog. "Surprise!" he said. "Who wants some?"

The boys all raised their hands and started eagerly clambering, but Lily gave James the look.

"What?" he asked.

"James Potter, Head Boy. I'm ashamed."

He rolled his eyes at her. "It's not alcoholic, Lil. I'm not stupid."

"Oh. Okay, sure." She smiled at him and took her glass. They all raised them.

"To us." James said, and Lily wasn't sure whether he was referring to their group of friends or to James and Lily.

"To us," everyone echoed, and she secretly hoped it was the second. After all, he wasn't that bad looking. He'd changed, that was for certain. Besides, the Head Boy and the Head girl…wasn't that supposed to happen, anyway?

They all clinked glasses and drank. "Good night," Lily said.

"Turning in so early?"

"It's midnight, James. Santa won't come if you're not asleep." She laughed.

"Good night. Dream well."

Lily paused before going upstairs, wondering if he knew the significance of those words. "I will."

She didn't have any nightmares, but when she woke up on Christmas morning, she could have sworn she was living one.

"What in Merlin's name…" she whispered. Her room was dotted with little boxes. She picked one up that was on her nightstand.

To: Lily

Flavour: Earwax

She opened the box, and there was an orange-grey bean inside. If the label was true, then this was an Earwax Bernie Botts Every Flavour Bean. She closed it and put it back. Getting up, she checked all around the room.

To: Lily

Flavour: Bacon

To: Lily

Flavour: Bagel

To: Lily

Flavour: Raspberry

She counted one by one, and she came up with every flavor when she was finished. She shook her head and walked out to the stairs landing in her nightgown, where she found the four boys. Putting her hands on her hips, she shouted "James Potter!"

He whirled around. "Yes? Oh, Lily." He might have blushed, but he certainly wasn't going to admit it. "Er, Happy Chirstmas!"

"Do you know what I found in my room this morning?"

"Some presents? Did you get anything nice from your mum and dad?"

"I didn't open them yet. But do you know what else I found?" She started going down the stairs, and he gulped.

"No."

"Every flavor," She reached the bottom. "Of Bernie Botts," She strode over to him. "Every Flavour Beans." And then she kissed him.

James was surprised, to say the least, but after he recovered from the initial shock, he kissed her back. It was a kiss for the record books, full of seven years' passion and pent-up attraction.

Sirius hooted, Remus laughed, and Peter looked embarrassed. When they pulled away, James looked dazed. "Does this mean you'll go on a date with me?"

"No."

James looked heartbroken, and Sirius glared at her with the 'how-dare-you-break-his-heart' best friend look.

"Of course, you twat!" She swatted him and kissed him again. When they pulled away, she put her forehead on his. "Happy Christmas, James."

"Happy Christmas, Lil."

The next summer, Lily and James were moving in together. They'd been dating for six months, but they were absolutely enamoured with each other. "Hey Lil," James called from the bedroom, "Why don't you go home for the night? I'll finish up this last coat here. It's getting late, and we have to be up late tomorrow for Sirius's party."

"Okay, love." Lily walked into the bedroom and gave him a kiss. "See you tomorrow."

"Bright and cheery!"

She laughed. "More like bright and grumpy."

James stayed behind for three hours that night, hanging up a giant splatter cloth on the main wall and painting over it. He ended up falling asleep on the couch in the living room, the only piece of furniture they owned, and that's where Lily found him the next morning.

"James? You stayed here all night?" She laughed and he woke up.

"Hmm?"

"You fell asleep on the couch."

"Oh, yeah, that was intentional."

"Come on, get up, I brought breakfast."

"Actually, I need to go check on something outside. Why don't you take a walk through the house and check out the paint, then we'll eat together?"

"Okay," Lily agreed, a little confused.

"Thanks." He pecked her on the cheek and hurried out the door.

She took a quick tour of all the rooms: the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom, the empty room—Lily wouldn't tell James so, but one day she wanted it to be their baby's room. Godric's Hollow, she thought, was a nice place to raise a child. She ended with the master bedroom in the back—but almost tripped in her surprise.

"James, you went outside," She stopped when she saw the backdrop behind him. On the giant splatter cloth, in red and gold, he had written:

MARRY ME?

He got down on his knee and opened a small box. "Lily Evans, I love you. Will you marry me?"

"Of course!" She crossed the room and he picked her up and swung her around before setting her down and putting the ring on her finger.

"Good, because Sirius would've been bloody mad. The party tonight is for us."

"James Potter, you pretentious thing. You assumed I'd say yes."

"Would you have said no?"

"No. But how did you get in?"

"Climbed through the window."

She laughed. "Stupid."

"But not a toerag."

"No," She said, leaning into his embrace. "I think you've grown out of that, James. Maybe a little arrogant, but not a toerag."

"Hey!"

"Sorry." She kissed him. "Better?"

"Definitely." He grinned.

"Harry James Potter," Lily whispered, as she lowered the week-old baby into his crib in the once-empty bedroom. "I love you."

"Hey," James said, wrapping his arms around Lily from behind. "I thought you loved me."

"You're second best now," she said, laughing. "Sorry, Potter."

They returned to the living room, where the Marauders sat in awe. "He's so tiny." Remus said.

"I'm a godfather." Sirius was smiling so big it must have hurt.

"He's really small." Remus repeated, shaking his head.

Peter was quiet, but smiling nonetheless.

Lily and James sat down, surrounded by friends, in the home they loved. "Now, no breaking the baby." Lily said. "He is not to be thrown around if he poops because he smells, and absolutely none of you are allowed to get him on a broomstick until he's at least one."

"You can bet he'll be on a broomstick the day he turns one," Sirius promised. "Can't have the son of a chaser not on the Quidditch team, eh? Bets on Gryffindor?"

James smiled. "We can only hope, but we'll love him no matter what."

"Unless he's in Slytherin," Sirius said. "Then we'll have to disown him."

"Sirius!" Lily admonished.

"You know it's true."

"No, it's not." James said loudly, then in a fake whisper to Sirius "Yes. It is."

The group chatted long into the night, until James and Lily shooed them out for fear of waking Harry. As they walked back to the bedroom together, holding hands, Lily was still laughing.

"What's so funny?" James asked.

"You know, I never expected I'd be married to James Potter."

"Oi!"

"But I'm glad I am."

"Much better."

"I love you, James."

"I love you too, Lil."

When she called him James, he knew she was serious.

"James! James!" She was screaming now. She called him James when she was serious.

"Step aside."

"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead-" She couldn't let him take away every part of her life. Not now. Not in the home she and James had rebuilt their lives in, where he had taken away the nightmares, where she was finally happy. Harry had to live.

"This is my last warning-" Her worst nightmare stood before her, and Lily knew she couldn't let anything happen to Harry.

"Not Harry! Please...have mercy. Not Harry! Please — I'll do anything!"

"Avada Kedavra!"

It didn't hurt. Dying didn't hurt at all. The only thing that hurt was leaving her son behind—but she protected him to her last breath. She knew he would be safe.

James opened his arms to her, and she ran towards him. Now they were together. Forever.