Disclaimer: If you think so, one word from me: idiot. (Sorry, I don't sugarcoat.)

Summary: For it was the fear inside of loneliness – that only what others have is real. The tears wouldn't come. KaiShin, Two-Shot

.:::.

In Waiting

"It's just a tour with the troop – "

"But I saw – "

A perfect, faked look of innocence. "Why, I don't know what you're – "

Protests, coming without permission, just begging him to stay – "Really, don't try and lie to me – "

The smile was just too pleasant, too fake – "It's just a troop, it's not like it hasn't happened before – "

"But – "

A finger pressed to his lips, a mouth covering his for that split moment –

Tongues in an endless fight for dominance, before his finally was subdued –

He was gone.

The first day after his had gone had been filled with a blank numbness, both in mind and body. He had wandered around his house numbly, as if it would give him answers.

To put it short, it didn't.

He started running on coffee almost immediately by the time the second day rolled around.

It was almost ten months later right now.

.:::.

Another day, another night.

Cases poured in, work was non-stop. He buried himself within them, oblivious and not wanting to know of the world around him. He couldn't care anymore about them. Didn't want to.

Sunrise, sunset.

His sides burned and his breath came in short gasps and pants from chasing the runaway suspect from the murder scene that had been three miles away.

Rise, up, do, and repeat.

Running on coffee could not be good for one's health, much like he was doing right now. Neither was the only piece of toast he had every week or so.

School, cases, homework. Repeat.

Bags shadowed his eyes, making him look as though he were a ghost – he had never been more grateful of the times his mother had decided to force her disguise expertise on him.

Coffee, water, and coffee again.

His best friend , who hadn't talked to him over the course of the last two months, slowly came back to him – partly only because out of her uncontained worry about his situation and mood.

Over and over.

The other hadn't always left his plans around. He believes that he had only been off to get a bite to eat in his haste for research –

Again and again.

For a week he had been banned from taking part in cases, a week which he had been ordered to sleep away – instead, he chose to perfect his art of disguise during said week. The bags under his eye could no longer be spotted even by the keenest of eyes –

Worry, worry, worry.

He wishes that he hadn't accidently run across the other's files on what he had planned to do – with his plans and backup plans and plans A and B and C and D…. –, wished that he could believe that it was just a simple, year-long tour with the magician troupe and they hopped countries –

But it wasn't.

His heart clenched.

Because it had been because of he himself that the other had left. As much as the other had tried to hide it upon his leave, he knew. He always knew.

He wished he didn't have to always know.

He would always know that he just wasn't enough.

Not enough to keep him there, beside him, alone –

And that hurt.

.:::.

Ring, ring, ring.

He would pick up the phone, not sparing a glance at the caller ID, absentmindedly, caught up in the middle of a particularly interesting case. It was all too tiring –

"…Hello?"

"Hey."

He snapped the phone shut with a snap.

His excuse would probably be that he wanted to hear his voice.

Don't, don't, don't….

.:::.

Day after day, night after night.

He wasn't the type to wait, it wasn't in his personality.

He didn't want to do anymore waiting.

It hadn't only been Ran who had been waiting during his time as Conan; those painful years that he hadn't meant to put her through, something he had been set on that was done to protect her, to keep her safe – and she had only wanted to know when to duck when the time came to it. It was something he hadn't helped her with, hadn't told her of. He had waited two years, two whole years, for the cure that been promised him some time before – waited for two years for the perfect moment to tell her, reveal to her, his identity.

In short, he had done a lot of waiting as well.

And those who knew had thought him cruel for making her hurt, for making her wait so long.

He had gone to visit her just a few weeks back – partly to finish mending up patches of their lost relationship, partly because he wanted to test how well his disguise would hold up.

The disguise held up well. He didn't.

The visit hadn't been planned, yes, but he had hardly expected to find himself walking into the midst of a proposal.

Just as he might have done –

He had blushed bright red, blood rushing to his cheeks as he stammered excuses or business to attend to, his apologies, and then fled, ignoring Ran's calls behind him, though they were not that of anger.

He wished it was what they could have become, the two of them –

But he obviously didn't want something like that if all he did was lie to him, and disappear off on some 'tour' the magician troupe was taking –

He would watch the others around him, their happiness, how their emotions were true – something he hadn't had and done since several months ago, when things were all right, all true. He would curl himself up on his bed, still and empty, a perfect imitation of the empty shell he felt as though he was – and it was in times like those that he would finally identify the emotion, the empty feeling that has resided in him as loneliness, something inside it –

For it was the fear inside of loneliness – that only what others have is real.

The tears wouldn't come.

.:::.

A/N: I'll see about finishing this next week. Mending will be up in….a few weeks or so…..I wish you a "happy" Valentine's Day! :D /shot