A/N: Written for "McBreezy's LTM Fic Challenge". Prompt: Gillian/Eli/coffee. After pondering on what to do with this prompt, I decided to go for a kind of ambiguous story. Since I am a hardcore Callian shipper, it was difficult for me to write something else, and for all the world, I couldn't bring myself to write a fluffy Gillian/Eli friendship story. Yeah, that's me. Everything has to be complicated. So, I went for a scenario that hopefully will please those who ship Gillian/Eli as well as those who ship Gillian/Cal and meet the requirements of the challenge at the same time. I'm not sure as yet if I will add another chapter, but I will label the story as incomplete for now.

It is a rather long chapter, but I didn't want to disturb the reading flow by splitting it into several chapters. Liked it better this way. Hope you enjoy it, too.

Disclaimer: I own the flu and a fever right now but regarding LTM – no, nothing, zip. This is just for funsies.

She closes the door to her office and for a brief moment complete darkness surrounds her. Then her eyes adjust to the dim light. The logo of The Lightman Group is the only light source and even if it is huge, it is not sufficient to illuminate the whole floor. There are shadows and dark corners everywhere. Yet, she is not afraid in the least. These are her familiar surroundings after all. Let alone that she is positive he is waiting for her. Somewhere. In the dark. Well, maybe she is a little afraid. No, afraid is not the right word. Excited. Yes, that is more suitable.

Monday

Gillian arrives at work early, the cup of coffee in her hand revealing that she gave in to temptation another time. The coffee machine in their common room is good, but nothing can compete with the sweet seduction the coffee shop around the corner offers. She can't wait to take off the lid and spoon the milk froth.

When passing by said common room, she spots Loker sitting at one of the tables. He stares into nothingness and she stops in the door frame.

"Good morning."

It takes him a few seconds too long to look up and mumble a Good Morning in return to file it away as simple tiredness or normal distraction. His eyes are bloodshot as if he didn't sleep.

"Loker? Everything okay?"

She wouldn't have asked this a couple of months ago, but things changed after Claire's death. Gillian knows that she is not to blame for it. Still, she considers it a lesson life taught her to be even more alert regarding others than she had been before.

Eli doesn't respond. He doesn't live his concept of brutal honesty as consistently as he did in the past. Nevertheless, his non-answer is as good as a confirmation that no, everything is not okay. Actually, his facial expression is so devastated that Gillian enters the room and sits down next to him.

Her action catches him off-guard. He looks at her surprised and confused. Gillian puts down her cup of coffee on the table and raises her hand in a defensive gesture.

"I don't mean to intrude, Eli, but you look as if something happened. Something bad. And I just want to make sure that you're okay."

She reaches out to touch his arm, and for the split of a second, she thinks he will burst into tears. Then he swallows and looks away. It takes him another few seconds until he is able to speak.

"A good friend of mine died in a car accident. I met him for the last time a couple of years ago. Sometimes we didn't even call or mail for months, but we were... friends. I thought we had...," his voice trails off and he swallows again. "...more time."

To be honest, Gillian doesn't know a lot about Eli Loker. She knows what's in his personnel file and what he told her in between, but all in all that is not much. However, to see him like this, his face distorted by pure agony, makes her sick at heart.

"Oh, Eli, I'm so sorry," she says sympathetically.

His reaction is immediate and comes as no surprise. He shuts down, composes himself and is about to stand up.

"Thank you, but I think I can handle it myself," he answers dismissively.

Being a psychologist, Gillian is aware that this is a common reaction. When Loker told her what happened, it became real and he doesn't want it to be real. She can't allow him to seek refuge in denial though. Based on what she knows about him, he is strong enough to handle the truth even if he doesn't want to. Therefore, it is at least worth a try. She doesn't let go of his arm and holds him back softly so that he remains seated.

"Don't do this, Eli," she almost whispers. "I know how hard it is. I was desperate after Claire's death. You have to talk about it. It doesn't have to be me, but talk to someone."

She feels his muscles relax under her touch due to her admission and kind words. This is good. He has to give up his resistance in order to start the healing process.

Loker takes a deep breath. There are not many someones he could talk to. He is not exactly in close contact with his family (fallout of his brutal honesty), has not many close friends and neither of them lives in town. Ria left The Lightman Group several weeks ago. She left on amicable terms, decided to work for another company at least temporarily to gather more experience and intends to come back in a few years. Yet, she is no longer here within reach although they are still in touch. They are not so close, however, that he can imagine picking up the phone and calling her to tell her about the death of his friend, expecting her to comfort him.

"Maybe you can call Ria and talk to her," Gillian kind of reads his mind even if this guess is not a long shot, but Loker shakes his head.

"No, we're not... we're not," he leaves it at that, and in a way, it explains enough. At least she understands. Sometimes things are complicated.

Gillian wonders about other friends or family but since Eli doesn't offer any explanations, she doesn't want to push him. Instead, she slides her coffee in his direction.

"Here. Take it."

"You offer me your treasure?" despite his condition, he tries to make a joke, the smile not reaching his eyes but even so.

"Yes, I do," Gillian genuinely smiles at him, and this time, the smile he gives her in return reaches his eyes.

Loker reaches out for the cup, looking at her.

"Don't think I won't take it," he says, waiting for the reassurance in her eyes before he takes the first sip.

And then he tells her. About the phone call the night before. About the devastating news a voice told him he never heard before. About a friendship that lasted almost a whole lifetime and was supposed to last longer than last night. And Gillian listens. A lost friend. A missed chance. She doesn't need to pretend. She knows how it feels.

As far as she can tell, the floor is empty as is the whole office. There is no sound save for her breathing and the clicking of her heels when she walks down the corridor. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe he isn't waiting for her. Then she sees the dark shadow lurking in one of the corners. Her heart takes a leap, and for a moment, being excited threatens to turn into being afraid. But she relaxes again when she recognizes the familiar figure. She wasn't wrong. He is here. They both are and no one else is. Let the games begin.

Tuesday

On the following day, Gillian brings along two cups of coffee. Sympathy is a good cause, but she doesn't want to deny herself the desired coffee another time and if she is not mistaken, he will be there again. They talked a lot yesterday, early in the morning and in between whenever they found the time. However, and even if she hopes that their talk the day before helped Loker, things won't suddenly have taken a turn for the better overnight. His friend is still dead and he still mourns the loss.

She is right. Eli is sitting at the same table, looking into nothingness. Today, though, he looks better as if he got at least some sleep.

"Good morning," he greets her when she joins him at the table, handing him the coffee.

"You brought me coffee," Loker states although not actually surprised. After their talk yesterday, he knew that Gillian would look out for him some more.

"I brought you coffee," she confirms smiling. "Don't get used to it."

"I won't," he responds seriously. "But I'll enjoy it as long as it lasts."

The hint of a smile flits across Eli's face, but Gillian almost doesn't see it because she sees something else in his eyes, something she can't quite determine.

"Can we not talk today?" he asks while she is busy sorting her thoughts, already staring into nothingness again, sipping at his coffee occasionally.

At first, she thinks this is an odd request since there has to be much more he needs to talk about. Then she reminds herself that the patient presets the pace. Even if Eli is not her patient, it's his decision to talk or to keep quiet. She considers leaving him alone and drinking her coffee in her office. Then she remembers how he phrased his request. Can we not talk today? He wants her to be here with him and this touches her. After a while, she starts to enjoy just sitting there in silence, sipping at the coffee and dwelling on her thoughts.

"Perfect," she mumbles, sensing him smile next to her.

He doesn't move until she is standing right in front of him, their bodies almost touching. For a brief moment, they are just standing there. Then his hand reaches out to touch her neck and softly pull her toward him. There is no hesitation in his movement and she wonders whether only her pulse threatens to go through the roof. But when their lips touch, she forgets what she wondered at. All she can think of is why they have been waiting until now to do this.

Wednesday

It's been a while since it started. During the first two weeks, they met each morning, shared their coffee, shared their thoughts. Then upcoming cases forced them to interrupt what had become a beloved daily routine. They still meet whenever possible though. Eli deals much better with the loss of his friend by now even if it is a wound that will certainly hurt a while longer, maybe forever.

It would be wrong to say that they are friends, but they share personal information. Sometimes Gillian wonders when she will have to stop this because he is a subordinate and it is simply not appropriate to let him know too many personal things about her. For now, though, they haven't reached that point, and so, it goes on.

When one of the new female researchers walks by the common room, Gillian chuckles over Eli's obvious interest in her long legs and curly hair.

"Maybe I should drop Ria a hint that there is fresh competition."

Loker also chuckles. "Yes, maybe you should," he smirks.

"So, Ria and you," Gillian starts.

Eli turns to look at her, raising an eyebrow. This is the opening to a most likely rather bold question even considering that they are closer now and she realizes it the moment she notices his reaction.

"Never mind. Forget it," she backs off immediately.

He continues to look at her and Gillian can literally see him pondering on whether to open this door for her and let her in.

"We never... there never was... anything. Well, we kissed once, but aside from that nothing happened. Not that I didn't want it," Loker admits slightly embarrassed.

She nods and tries not to show her surprise. Gillian always believed that she was the only one at The Lightman Group not acting on her impulses. Somehow, it is comforting to know that there are other people who are as screwed up as she is. In the best possible way that is, of course.

"What about you and Lightman?" Eli asks, shrugging when he sees her shocked face.

"You asked first," he defends his question.

Gillian looks at him, stares at him actually, but unlike her he doesn't offer to back off. Go to hell, she thinks although she would never say it. Why not? They are the favorite subject of the office gossip either way.

"Well, we also never... whatever," she states rather clumsily, regretting it already.

"But you wanted to?" Loker persists. "Come on, Gillian," he gives her his best smile, trying to charm her. "I showed you mine; now show me yours."

Despite her efforts to be serious, she can't bite back a smirk and shakes her head.

"I don't think it's appropriate to talk about this, Eli. Actually, I feel rather uncomfortable. So, let's leave it at that, okay?"

Before they became coffee mates, or whatever they are these days, he would have never let her get away with it. As it is, he simply nods and drops the subject.

They sit together in what begins to feel like an awkward silence when Eli eventually asks her, "Did you see it? I mean... Ria and what I wanted to do?"

"Sometimes," she admits. "But you were pretty good at hiding it."

He smiles briefly at the compliment but then continues to look at her in a way that is beginning to make her uncomfortable.

"Was I good at hiding the rest or did you see anything else?" Loker asks next.

"Anything else?" She has no idea what he is talking about.

His gaze is so intense that it makes her skin crawl. Gillian stops short of standing up and getting out because the situation is getting increasingly weird and he is her subordinate after all. Yet, she has no idea what is going on and her curiosity makes her stay. Her curiosity and maybe something else that is starting to tingle at the back of her mind.

"Did you see anything regarding who else I might have fancied or still fancy as Lightman would phrase it," he explains.

Gillian could hit herself for being so stupid to bring it up in the first place. The conversation is way beyond appropriate. And this is exactly what she should tell him.

"No," she answers instead and much too fast while she is replaying several occasions in her head, trying to figure out whether Eli means what she thinks he means.

I don't go for married women. It was the truth when he said it back then, but that doesn't mean that he didn't... And she is not married anymore.

Loker's facial expression is defiant. Come on, ask me. She backed off before during their discussion and even if Gillian knows it is probably better to back off another time, she doesn't. However, she can't bring herself to ask him either and chooses a compromise.

"So?"

It is not even a thorough question, but she is highly aware that he is trying to manipulate her, is even successful to some extent, and she is not willing to give him more than this. Eli wants to tell her something and she plays along because she wants to hear what it is although she most likely should better dread his answer. There is no need to make it easy for him though.

She didn't pose a thorough question and he doesn't phrase a thorough answer, sticks to the one word solution she chose. The way Loker's eyes bore into hers, Gillian understands the meaning of his answer, anyway, even knows what his answer will be before he says it.

"You."

Nothing is enough. Not kissing. Not touching. There are too many layers of clothes between desire and release. It's not a dance and not a fight but something in between. They are too eager to take it slow and have been waiting too long to let it be over soon, to let it end here in a dark hallway. At some point, she dropped her bag and her coat and his jacket joined it on the ground. Neither of them said a word since they started this, but they know that they have to make a decision. Stay or leave? Stop or continue?

Thursday

There is no coffee ritual anymore. Gillian more or less ran out of the room after Eli's confession and avoided him ever since the best she could, simply not knowing what she should tell him. Well, aside from back off, but he already got that from her body language. One reason why she doesn't talk to him is that she shouldn't be thrilled about his admission, but she is. Eli Loker is an intelligent, attractive man with an interesting personality. Under different circumstances... Don't go there, she reminds herself whenever her thoughts digress. Because those different circumstances not only would have to include Eli not being her subordinate. They would also have to include herself not being the partner of... someone else. And by partner she means... Well, she has no idea what she means, or rather, she has, but it's another don't go there in her life. Sometimes it makes her wonder where she will end up when she will never go there, what will be left as a here. Anyway, she avoids Eli and he is smart enough to accept it.

Things change when she realizes that she is subject of the office gossip once again. She and Eli to be exact. First, they met for coffee almost every day, and now, they avoid each other. The conclusion is easy, obvious and wrong but inappropriate nonetheless. Therefore, Gillian decides to discuss it with Eli. There is no way around it.

"Coffee," he states surprised when he arrives in the morning and sees her sitting in the common room, waiting for him.

No coffee for him though. She brought just one cup for herself.

"Still punishing me, Gillian?" he asks, entering the room but not sitting down next to her when he notices that she imperceptibly flinches from his use of her first name.

"I'm not punishing you. I'm just trying to handle the situation appropriately," she states matter-of-factly.

"Appropriately. You mean like avoiding my first name?" he points out, referring to her statement. "You do know that the rest of the staff thinks that we slept with each other and then broke up because we barely talk anymore? Guess your avoidance strategy somehow backfired."

They had their fair share of arguments in the past. The fact that Loker dares to provoke her always has been impressing Gillian even if she never told him. Somehow, she believes he knows it, anyway. Maybe this is, at least partly, the reason why he seems to be pleased with himself right now. Everyone thinks he slept with the boss although he didn't. He'd like to see anyone else do that. Gillian feels her anger threatening to boil over. She wanted to help him, that's how this whole coffee thing started, and he drove her into a corner.

"You could have done something about it," she accuses him with barely restrained rage.

"Like what?" he hisses. "Like correcting their assumption? I did that actually. But the more I corrected it, the more they believed the rumor. So, I stopped."

This leaves her speechless; she didn't know that. So, he tried to right a wrong. Well, in the strict sense, he didn't do anything wrong. Admitting an attraction to someone is not a crime. Unless you are working for The Lightman Group that is. Too many possible complications.

Gillian's facial expression softens and Eli takes it as an invitation to sit down.

"Look, I'm sorry if I overstepped the mark," he says. "I didn't mean to offend you. Since we are closer these days, or at least were before this happened, I thought it would be okay to tell you. I was wrong, but I can't take it back. And actually I don't want to. It shouldn't be so difficult for you to handle that there is a man working with you who has the hots for you. After all, I'm not the only one."

She could pretend that he talks about another employee or a client, but she knows that he refers to Cal.

"Actually, I'm surprised that he didn't already kill me."

Another reference to Cal.

Then again, it kind of surprises her, too. There are cameras everywhere and Cal is a control freak. He most likely saw the video feed of their coffee sessions. And for sure, he heard the rumors about her and Eli. So, why didn't he approach her, say something? This bothers her on top of everything else.

Eli watches her closely.

"Maybe you don't want the rumors to stop. Maybe you want him to hear them over and over to see how he will react?"

She is about to deny it because this is what their talk is about, isn't it? Finding a way to stop the office gossip. Then she thinks about it another time. Perhaps he is right. The situation between her and Cal has been complicated for so long that she has no idea how to un-complicate it. Perhaps her subconsciousness was waiting for Cal to rise to the bait when he heard the rumors about her and Eli and act. What he didn't do. So, perhaps Cal made a choice between the two don't go theres for her and she should simply stop bothering about something that will never be.

Gillian takes a deep breath and opens her mouth to respond just when her phone rings. It's Cal. They have a new, urgent case.

She leaves the common room to meet up with him and only realizes later during the day that her phone never rang before when she met Eli for coffee. In fact, the new case wasn't so urgent that Cal had to call her immediately and she can't help wondering whether he observed them and called her on purpose to prevent her answer.

They change positions. Now, it's him pushing her against the wall and they come a dangerous step closer to not stopping this but also not taking it somewhere else. She isn't sure whether the knowledge that one of their cameras will for sure tape what just happens is a turn on or whether she should worry about it. When his hands find the clasp of her bra, though, such thoughts are deferred and she reaches for his belt. He pauses to look at her even if there is not much to recognize in the dark. For a moment, there is no sound except for their breathing.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

"Don't talk," she all but hisses, pulling him closer for another kiss.

Friday

The next morning Gillian meets Eli again. She actually texted him to make sure he would meet her because she wants to solve this before the weekend. This time, she brings no coffee at all, but he surprises her with two cups.

"Peace offer." He sits down next to her. "You know, maybe we can still be friends even if it didn't work out and we broke up."

His smile is irresistible. Only Eli can pull off something like that and still look innocent and charming.

"Peace offer accepted." She sips at the coffee he brought her and is surprised another time. "My favorite flavor."

"Yep. Wanted to make sure that you know what you're missing out on."

She has to concentrate very hard to not let her gaze drop to his lips because he is irresistible when he is like this and he knows it. Gillian didn't want to meet him to continue their banter though.

"I didn't know that you tried to stop the rumors and I want to apologize," she says. "I was taken aback by your admission and didn't know how to handle it. Or rather, I thought I knew how to handle it, by keeping the distance, but obviously I was wrong and that was the reason why the office gossip started in the first place."

"The road to hell and the good intentions," he mumbles thoughtfully. "So, you didn't keep the distance because you were tempted?" Eli then adds after a brief pause, smirking.

Gillian smiles and shakes her head. Really? After they just soothed the waters, he goes for it again? She should leave it at that, get up and get out. They are on good terms; she achieved her aim. But she has barely sipped at her cup of coffee; he went through the trouble of bringing her favorite flavor and the other man who has the hots for her, to quote Eli Loker, obviously gives a shit. So, why not sit here a little longer and enjoy their friendly banter?

"Flattered but not tempted," she clarifies and he raises an eyebrow, surprised that she even admits as much.

"Not a bit?" he won't give up.

"Maybe a bit." Why not give him something? It's the truth, anyway.

Only when his gaze focuses on her lips, Gillian realizes that it probably was a bad idea. The first step to turn the office gossip into more than just a rumor. But there is a distant tingle in her stomach, reminding her of the feeling how it is to have butterflies there, and she wants to feel like that again. Soon. Is it right to wait and wait and wait for something that most likely will never happen?

"Are you doing this on purpose to irritate me?" she breathes.

Eli's eyes snap back to hers and he blushes. No, he didn't do it on purpose. His attraction is real. The objections are still the same. He is her subordinate. She is his boss. Let alone the third person whose name is written in huge letters over the entrance. Yet, it feels good to be in this moment, to be here and not somewhere where she might never go. In fact, it feels so good that Gillian wonders why she tried to avoid it and how she can manage to have more of these moments and not overstep the mark.

He leans forward, putting his arm over the back of her chair. Their faces are so close that from a certain angle, to be specific from the angle of the camera, it could look as if...

"What are you doing?" she asks, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I don't know," Eli responds, also whispering so that whoever may or may not watch this via the video feed won't be able to make out their words. "I could be kissing you or you could tell me to back off."

This time, her gaze drops to his lips. Very kissable lips, she decides, before she looks at him again only to see him blush another time. She could get used to this.

"And for the record," he deflects. "I could never irritate you as much as you irritate me every day when you show up in those tight dresses just to rub my nose in what I will never be allowed to have."

They are about to overstep the mark. Right now. His hand reaches out to play with a strand of her hair and even if he barely touches her, it sends shivers down her spine. She is aware that this is more about physical attraction than anything else. Yet, she seems to be unable to tell him to stop.

"So, which one is it?" Eli asks quietly. "Do you want me to kiss you or do you want me to back off?"

It's not fair, she knows so much, but it is the only answer that makes sense in a situation she never even thought to be remotely possible until now.

"If my phone doesn't ring within the next few seconds, I want you to kiss me," Gillian says.

It feels surreal, like a dream, albeit a wonderful dream. She almost doesn't want to allow herself to believe that it is not. That this is real. The way his hands worship her body. The way his body reacts to her touch. She would like to experience this moment in slow-motion because the inherent feature of first moments is that you can't repeat them, only relive them to a certain extent. But as much as she wants to slow down, she is aware that it won't happen. Not after the built-up of tension beforehand. She needs something to make this real, though, if only to say his name. But when he senses that she is about to speak, he stops her.

"No talking, remember?" he reminds her. "Your parameter, not mine. Actually, I think I appreciate it because I'm about to make you not talk vocally."

It is a rather smug statement and she considers a witty reply, but he sticks with the plan and who is she to complain?

I was surprised how much I liked to write Gillian/Eli (with a hint of Cal, of course) and I hope you enjoyed to read it.

Although I love the ambiguity of the ending, I consider posting a second chapter with an epilogue that reveals who it is in the hallway. Yes? No?

Anyway, I'm really curious what you think of the ambiguity of the story/ending. Every review is very appreciated.