In the Beginning 1/3 – The beginning

Disclaimer:- Don't own them just borrowing!

Episode:- Left field

Pairing:- Sandra/Gerry

Rating:- M

Achieve:- . /group/new_tricksff/

Summary:- Whatever Fred Blackledge night like to think I know how perfect tonight will be and the fact that he'd been part of the reason its happening would make him furious! I may just have to make a point of thanking him someday.

Author's Note:- Prequel to Changes as requested by Beth, you don't need to have read changes to enjoy this little three chapter piece but if you are reading it too this will fill in com blanks from before it started.

"I wonder if she'll ever find him." We've just arrived back at my place form the pub trying not to talk about missing boys, paedophiles and insane men but I can't get it out of my head. We've both had a bit too much to drink but not enough to make conversation impossible yet he's not answering me. I know what this is about his new "philosophy" on life, the world according to that insane man I was just talking about. "You don't still think Blackledge was somehow talking sense do you? I know you read that god awful book Jack told me so what was that this afternoon when we confronted him was it all an act do you really think Anne Galton got what was coming to her?"

"I don't think she got what she had coming to her you know I don't but that doesn't mean I couldn't identify with some of the things he said. I mean you can't look sideways at a woman these days or suggest they might be wrong without being accused of being sexist or un-pc. It's getting ridiculous." He's a joke I swear I really thought he'd changed over the last few years I thought his attitudes were a little more enlightened how wrong could I be?

"Jesus Gerry men like you are why feminism started in the first place! You just can't see past a woman's looks to see that she is as worthy of respect and as capable as any man. You are only interested in twenty something girls with legs up to their armpits, tits that could put someone's eye out and an IQ in single digits! You wouldn't know a woman worthy of your time because she was your equal if she was right in front of you!"

"Oh and you make great decisions when it comes to men the guys you choose to shag make Blackledge look like Julian fucking Clary! Not only that but you let them treat you like shit until they really hurt you then you become a fucking hermit crab again until the next tosser flashes you a smile and off we go again!"

Oh god he has seriously crossed the line this time; who the hell does he think he is? A couple of meetings and one book by Fred Blackledge and suddenly he's qualified to talk about my taste in men when he can't even hold down a relationship for more than 5 minutes!

"Well at least I try to make things work you never stay with anyone long enough to find out their second name let alone form a relationship. You're still living in the 1970's shag and go that should be your nickname."

"Yeah well the tossers you end up with could teach me a thing or two so you may talk a good fight about feminism and the glass ceiling but ultimately all you want is a cave man to treat you like crap just like Anne Galton."

"Well what am I supposed to do spend my life sitting around waiting for you to notice that I'd fallen in love with you? Yeah like that's ever going to happen so forgive me if I'm not going to sit around pining over…" Shit, shit, shit! Where the hell did that come from? Why did I say that? He's still pacing and grumbling so maybe he didn't hear me.

"And maybe I can't stay with anyone for more than five minutes because none of them are you? I mean shit Sandra I…."

We're staring at each other now both in as much shock as each other and I can't believe what just happened. Did he actually say that? Did I? Suddenly I feel much more sober.

"Hold on what did you say Sandra?" Oh no he doesn't get me to repeat myself first.

"What did you say?"

"You said yours first tell me again."

"Exactly so you tell me what you said."

Stalemate! We're staring again Jesus if this wasn't so serious it would be laughable. I've waited years to tell him how I feel and hear him say it back and now we're staring at each other this is pointless I'm just going to…

"Ok I said I can't settle with anyone because I'm always comparing them to you and none of those women ever match up. Happy now?" Well that wasn't the romantic confession I've always imagined but it was an admission even if it was a grudging one so it's only fair I return the favour.

"I said did you expect me to just wait around for you to notice I was in love with you or even fall in love with me."

"Well I hope you realise now you didn't have to wait for me to fall in love with you I've been in love with you for years."

Now my head is spinning again and it has nothing to do with the forgotten wine on the table. What have we been doing all this time? How could neither of us have seen what was actually going on are we actually that stupid?

"So all of this, the argument, all the arguments, all the times we've had a go at each other for our choices of partners over the years, it's all been because neither of us were prepared to admit what we were really feeling?" He's laughing now and I know why this doesn't happen in real life it's like a scene from a soap opera!

"It would appear that way. Do you mean it? I mean you're not just winding me up for getting too caught up in Blackledge's ideas and…"

"Of course I meant it." God what does he take me for? "I don't go around making random declarations of love just to make a point I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it. Did you?"

"Yes I did." He's pulled me into his arms and is kissing me and all left over doubts are gone. No one could kiss me like that if they didn't love me as much as I love them.

"That was worth waiting for." I can barely breathe god that was amazing. "Now if it wasn't for the fact your new guru informed me that it's not a biological imperative for me to have sex and even if it was I wouldn't enjoy it I'd only think I did because society tell me to I'd say let's take this somewhere more comfortable." So shoot me for still wanting to tease him a little.

"Blackledge is full of crap trust me you'll enjoy it by the time I'm finished with you there'll be no need for you to think about taking in lodgers that's for sure." How can I refuse him when he's kissing me like that again. Whatever Fred Blackledge night like to think I know how perfect tonight will be and the fact that he'd been part of the reason its happening would make him furious! I may just have to make a point of thanking him someday.