AN: So I'm jumping on the bandwagon presumably by writing this. You've probably guessed it's a one-shot based on the fact that Zoie Palmer (and her cat) are awesome, and the more I think about it, the more I realise that, yes, Hermione Granger is in fact the love child of Energizer Succubunny and Doctor Hotpants. Inspired by the most epic AfterEllen interview I have ever read, I give you this vague attempt at...something.

Platform nine and three quarters echoed with the sounds of hundreds of young wizards and their parents; the squawking, squeaking, croaking of a multitude of pets, the steam hissing from somewhere underneath the bright, gleaming Hogwarts Express.

Above the heads of the milling crowd, the clock ticked ever closer to eleven o'clock.

At exactly nine minutes to eleven, fifteen year old Hermione burst frantically through the barrier, bushy hair even messier than usual, pushing a neatly yet densely packed trolley ahead of her. Glancing up at the clock, she abruptly halted, and, after passing her trolley to a porter to put on the train, turned around, scanning the crowd for her parents.

Spotting them - a tall, gorgeous blonde woman with her arm around a slightly shorter, yet equally beautiful brunette - she frenziedly waved them over to her. "Over here!" she yelled.

The blonde saw her, grinning and slipping her hand into her wife's, tugging her towards their daughter. They reached her, simultaneously pulling her into a tight hug.

"I'm going to miss you kiddo." The brunette mumbled into Hermione's hair.

"I'll be back by Christmas, it's not that long. Besides, you've got to be used to it by now."

"I know, I know, but still." She straightened up, mussing her daughters' already tousled hair. "Be careful. No getting caught sneaking around after curfew, no late night parties in the common room - unless you can get away with them - and don't go into the forbidden forest."

She grinned, chucking Hermione under the chin. "And if you do go in, don't let the headmaster catch you again. I could barely keep your mother from sending a howler when she heard what you and your pals had been up to in there your first year."

Hermione shuddered. "Lucky Dyson and his centaur buddies were there, huh."

The woman shushed her daughter dramatically. "Hush, don't let your mum hear you speak that name!" She and Hermione laughed.

"Right, I almost forgot. 'No Dyson!'"

Mother and daughter laughed, the blonde even cracking a smile and patting her daughter on the head, glaring good-naturedly up at her wife and saying sarcastically "No sweetie, that rule only applies to your mother."

She glanced up as she heard a loud whistle. Herding her daughter towards one of the carriage doors, she helped her inside. "Come on, don't want to miss the train now, do you?" She pulled Hermione in for a tight hug, planting a kiss on her curly hair.

"Bye honey, see you at Christmas. Remember to study hard, and pass your OWL's. Hale's looking for another Light doctor. You can come be my apprentice."

The brunette nudged her wife gently aside. "Lauren, we really don't need another you." She winked playfully. "Maybe Hermione wants to be a badass private detective like me and Kenz, saving the world and kicking Fae butt."

Lauren harrumphed. "I've helped save the world too, Bo. Besides," she pouted "I can 'kick butt' as you so delightfully phrase it."

Bo laughed at her wife's adorable pout, throwing her arm back around her shoulders. "Kick butt with what? Your microscope? I'd love to see that. All over the front page of the Daily Prophet: "Doctor Lauren Lewis Kicks Ass With Her Trusty Microscope."

"Yeah, well just you wait and see. Maybe my work on the effects of under-Fae digestive enzymes on the repellent properties of Poisonous Turtle-Frog skin secretions will one day save your life, then we'll see who's laughing."

Bo squeezed her wife's shoulders. "I was only joking, Laur. I know your work is very important to the Fae, and your science-ing people to death has been very helpful over the past few years."

Lauren grinned. "I know it has. I really don't know what you Fae would do without me." She leaned down to gently kiss her wife, Bo automatically deepening the kiss, bringing her hand up to caress the blonde's cheek. They were startled apart by an impatient "ahem" from the carriage in front of them.

"I realise that this is all very lovey-dovey and cute, but I'm going off to study very hard for some very important exams very soon, and won't be back for four months."

Bo closed the carriage door, hugging her daughter through the open window, muttering. "Alright, alright, we get the hint." Kissing Hermione's head, she pulled back, saying "I'll miss you, kid. Be good. Say hi to Dyson for me."

The whistle sounded again, and the young witches and wizards who had been swarming all over the platform began climbing onto the train, yelling their goodbyes as they went. Lauren reached into the carriage for one last hug. As she pulled away, Hermione asked "Hey, do you two know of any places I can study in peace? The library always gets really busy around OWL's, and Harry and Ron and I could do with a little quiet. Those two get kind of stressed during exams."

"Yeah, I remember my OWL year." Bo grimaced. "The library was always packed, Kenzi always got bored and left to go hang out with Hale and Dyson, and Little Miss Brainiac here," she gestured to her wife "was nowhere to be found."

Lauren cut in. "I was doing some very important research! Besides," she smiled lovingly at Bo "you found me eventually." She turned to Hermione. "If you need somewhere quiet, go to the empty classrooms on the sixth floor. Peeves doesn't usually bother with them."

Hermione nodded. "Sixth floor. Got it."

The whistle sounded one last time, and the train started to slowly pull out of the station. Bo and Lauren waved frantically at their daughter as it picked up speed, Lauren calling out "Don't forget to write! Oh, and remember to eat a healthy selection of fruit and vegetables every day! And don't get into too much trouble this year!"

By now the train was almost out of the station, Hermione leaning out of the window waving furiously. "And one last thing!" Lauren yelled "Whatever you do, don't go into classroom number three on the sixth floor. There's an experiment that went just a little wrong during my fifth year. I'm not entirely sure I cleaned it all up properly."

Hermione grinned and nodded.

"Goodbye sweetie, we love you!"

"Love you too! See you at Christmas!"

She waved once more, before pulling her bushy head back inside the carriage, no doubt off to find her two best friends.

Bo and Lauren stood together amongst the crowds of parents and families, gazing at the train until it turned a corner and disappeared from sight. Bo placed her arm around her wife's shoulders as they turned to leave.

"Do you think she'll be alright?" Lauren asked nervously.

Bo squeezed her shoulder comfortingly as they walked through the barrier and back to their car. "Of course she will. With your brains and my obviously beauty-" Lauren playfully smacked her shoulder. "Hey! As I was saying, with my brains and your beauty, no, wait...that's not right..."

Lauren giggled, pulling the car keys out of her purse and opening the door, climbing in at the drivers side. Bo flopped into the passenger seat, pulling Lauren in for a chaste kiss. "What I meant to say was, Hermione is one brainy-ass kid, just like her brainy-ass, beautiful, amazing mother." She punctuated each pause with a quick kiss. "She'll be fine."

Lauren smiled happily, starting the engine. "Hearing you say that makes me feel so much better."

Checking the rear-view mirror, she backed out of her parking space. Bo waited until they were driving to ask "That experiment you did in classroom three. That would have been just around the time I was realising my...powers, wouldn't it?"

Lauren bit her bottom lip, keeping her eyes on the road. "Yep."

Bo nodded knowingly.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, until they reached the motorway.

"Lauren?"

"MmmHmm?"

"Did I ever apologise for knocking that flask of highly flammable, very rare Carnivorous Toadstool acid onto the bunsen burner, and accidentally setting fire to the curtains of classroom three?"

"No, Bo, you did not."

"Oh. Well, I'm sorry I almost killed us both."

Lauren took one hand off the wheel, reaching over to pat her wife's knee.

"Don't worry honey, you more than made up for it that evening."

AN: Has a Lost Girl Harry Potter crossover ever been done? If so, someone please point me in the direction of it. (If not, I shall happily take it upon myself to recount the adventures of Doccubus at Hogwarts ;).) Thanks for reading and let me know what you think.