Zuko is the Fandom Bicycle: Everybody Gets a Ride

Chapter 1: Crack that Whip

He hated the way his uncle had leered at the bounty hunter. Old people shouldn't do that. It was undignified and it made the young Fire Nation prince uncomfortable. Besides that, Zuko wondered if they were even able to function in that way. He shuddered and tucked the disturbing image that accompanied that thought away for a later time, or never.

June, that was her name, took everything in her stride. It was all about the money, after all. She had no allegiance to nation or king or person. And she made certain that Zuko and Iroh were well aware of that fact. June did not defer to the Fire Nation nobility. She mocked them. While her insults angered Zuko, a part of him was impressed with her brashness. And she was not unattractive. But that didn't matter. He was on a mission to find the Avatar, not indulge himself.

"I can go myself, Uncle. I don't need you tagging along." Zuko brushed aside Iroh's hand.

"Um, nephew, on occasion you can be a bit, hmm….." The portly man stroked his bearded chin and contemplated the kindest way to phrase miserable and nasty. "Undiplomatic, yes, that's it."

"Her beast wrecked my ship, Uncle. She owes us now."

"Somehow, I don't think June will see it that way."

"I don't care how she sees things." Zuko hissed the words and steam emerged from between perfectly shaped lips.

"I see that you're steaming mad now." Iroh broke into hearty laughter. His belly shook and amber eyes shone.

Zuko jutted his chin out and crossed arms over his a chest. He shook his head and stared at Iroh with something akin to pity. Turning on his heel with all the abruptness a pissed of royal could muster, Zuko headed toward the tavern that June liked to spend time in. It was outside the grimy little port town, off by itself in the woods.

Probably some disgusting hole that's better off hiding amongst the trees.

He shouldn't have worried about finding it. The noise from the tavern traveled quite a distance. Laughter and shouts, crashes and bangs, crude words and cries of triumph all drifted toward the firebenders like wreckage tugged along by the ocean's currents.

The tavern blazed brightly. Lanterns hung from everywhere; from posts, trees, hooks outside windows. It was a patch of warm yellow amongst the cool green of the forest. If he blotted out the noise, Zuko decided the place was almost inviting. But when a drunk stumbled out of the front door and wretched into some long grass, he curled his lip and huffed in disgust.

He did not enter with discretion but instead barged his way inside, weaving with grace around the low brow gamblers and drinkers and those who knew how to have a good time. Queue swishing about like a tail, he ordered imperiously, "Step aside, filth!"*

Iroh apologized to anyone listening. The old man gazed about at the games and the bar and the women. If he were alone, he would sit his behind on a chair and stay for a good, long while. The tavern might be a bit sordid, but he'd seen worse. And sometimes a man just wanted to let go of responsibility, let it sink, hidden from sight, to some recess in his mind, and have fun.

Zuko, not always the most intuitive of people, must have sensed Iroh's desires anyway. "This isn't music night, Uncle. We have a job to do."

Heaving a disappointed sigh, Iroh forged ahead, following his taller nephew. The boy could suck the enjoyment out of just about everything.

Zuko strode forward, eyes now focused on one table, honing in, a wildcat with a rabbit within its grasp. Except June was no rabbit. She was in the middle of an arm wrestling match with a thick-set unshaven man, and had yet to break a sweat. Swigging back drinks with her free hand, she eyed Zuko up and down, a glint in her grey orbs.

"Well, if it isn't my new friends, Angry Boy and Uncle Lazy."* Zuko flushed under her intense scrutiny. He found himself staring at her bare arms, intriguing tattoos, well-defined muscle and all. For all her strength and power, her shape was womanly and gold eyes were drawn to her chest next. "Getting a nice eyeful, boy? Like what you see?" June smirked and finished her opponent off. He flew across the bar and into a handful of rowdy patrons. A fight broke out and the noise set Zuko on edge.

"I'm, I, well, you owe me!"

"I do?" June tipped another glass and drank its contents. "What is it you have in mind? Maybe you should send the old guy away." She flipped straight black hair.

"No, no, I'm quite happy here," Iroh protested.

His face redder than a fresh sun ripened strawberry, Zuko made his wishes known. "You damaged my ship. I want payment."

"That was Nyla. She gets carried away sometimes." Pulling her earnings toward her, June winked and stated brazenly, "Besides, I've got no money." She turned to the bartender. "Drinks on me."

Fists clenched, Zuko leaned in close to June. Her scent was heady, a combination of liquor, soap and woman. He licked his lips, and stuttered, struggling to hang on to his fleeing thoughts. "I need you to find someone. I've got the scent." Without realizing it, Zuko breathed in deep and shuddered.

Iroh, amused by the scene, chuckled softly to himself and muttered something about it being time Zuko found himself flustered by a female.

"Well, that I can do, for a price."

Hands shaking, Zuko pulled out the waterbender's necklace. "No money; I'll consider us even."

"Sorry, Pouty." June pushed her chair back from the table and stood up. She was slightly taller than Zuko and stared down at him. Her painted eyes and painted lips were sultry and seductive and the young man swallowed hard, overwhelmed by her closeness. "I don't work for nothing, prince or no prince." She reached for her whip, tucking it inside her belt.

"There must be something, besides money, I mean, that you want." He couldn't believe the words falling off his tongue. All dignity and composure had fled.

"I might be able to think of something. Come outside with me. Old man, you stay here."

"Be careful, Zuko; she's a feisty one." Iroh gave his nephew a knowing look.

Once out in the fresh air, the fire in Zuko's cheeks subsided a bit. His normal eye widened when June pulled out her whip and gave it a snap. The sound was sharp and crisp and Nyla, her shirshu, shuffled over from some nearby tree.

"Give me the necklace." Her words were a command. "Is this some girlfriend you're looking for, someone who dumped you? I imagine many girls fall for your charm." Those words were steeped in sarcasm and they bit, hard.

"It's the bald monk she's traveling with that I'm interested in."

"Oh, so you like boys?" She flashed Zuko a sly smile.

"No, no, it's just, oh…just, are you going to help me or not?"

She held the necklace in front of Nyla's snout. The huge animal began to snuffle and snort and paw at the ground.

"Here," June said, blue ribbon dangling from her fingers.

When Zuko reached for the necklace, the woman caught his wrist between her fingers and drew him close. He tried to break free but June was strong. She kissed him then, a short, hard kiss that left the prince breathless.

"Wha?" he managed to say when she pulled away.

"Now you can say that you've been kissed by a real woman. And I can say that I've kissed a prince." She grabbed his queue and gave it a tug. "Go get your uncle now. Nyla's anxious."

Completely befuddled and more than a bit dazed, Zuko headed back into the tavern. He touched his fingers to his lips, a delicate gesture.

"Uncle, we're ready."

"What happened to you?"

"N, nothing, nothing at all."

But that wasn't quite true. And when Zuko sat behind Jun, and Nyla sped off, he wrapped his arms about her waist and held on extra tight.

*line taken from actual episode transcript

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A/N: This piece and any future ones I write for this series are not to be taken too seriously. I'm just having a bit of much needed fun here.

Zuko has been paired with pretty much everyone in the Avatar world. I figured I could use that to my advantage.