A Merc and an Avatar Walk into a Bar
Legend of Korra and all related characters belong to Nickelodeon. Deadpool and all related characters belong to Marvel Comics.
Lin Beifong was not a patient woman when it came to idiocy. She didn't tolerate incompetence, foolishness, or anything of the like when it came to those who worked with her. She was also not having a good day. She was not even close to catching Amon and was at her wits end. So, Lin did the only thing she could in this situation. She would have to call in a bounty hunter.
"So do you believe you can bring him in?" Lin asked as she sat behind her desk, looking at the bounty hunter that had taken the job. The man stood in shadows, as he looked at an artists rendering of Amon. The man tossed the picture back onto Lin's desk as he stayed in the shadows.
"I have just one question. Are you single?" The man said in a serious tone, his voice sounding hoarse yet it seemed to cause him no pain.
"What does that have to do with this case?" Lin asked, taken aback by the question. The man simply laughed as he stepped into the light, revealing that he was wearing a red and black costume with two swords strapped to his back and two pistols on his hips. He also wore a solid red mask with two black ovals over his solid white eyes.
"I just want to make sure I can hit on you without having to kill your man for interfering with my wooing." The masked man said as Lin glared.
"You do realize that you're talking to the Chief of Police don't you?" The Chief of Police said. The man just shrugged and replied,
"Yeah, but you're also one hot lady! Say, do you have any firewraps?" The earthbender was even more shocked by the man's demeanor as he began to walk out of her office.
"Sorry, I just love Fire Nation food. I'll take the job and I swear you'll have Amon's head in five days, or my name isn't Stinky Talula. And thank heaven it's not!"
Lin collected herself just in time to say,
"You never told me your name." The man turned and said in a very dramatic tone,
"Who am I? Are you sure you wanna know? The story of my life is NOT for the sissy of heart."
"Just tell me your name!" Lin barked out, rapidly losing her patience with the man.
"Oh! You can call me Deadpool. See ya later Linny!" The door of the office was then slammed shut.
"Why do all the nuts come to Republic City?"
24 Hours Later
Chief Beifong rubbed her temples, trying to fight back the impending headache. Suddenly she heard the sounds of a couple of her officers talking from outside her door, from the sounds of they were trying to stop someone from entering. Suddenly her door was kicked in with a red clad man, wearing a red mask with large black circles around the eyes barging in with a large sack thrown over his shoulder.
"In this sack I have your man, now gimme my money!" The masked man said, toss the human sized bag on the desk in front of him.
"Perhaps you should take him out of the bag so I can see him for myself?" Lin said, clearly annoyed.
"Oh, right." The bounty hunter said as he took out a small knife and cut the bag open. Inside was a very skinny young man, wearing glasses, who was bound and gagged with several bruises on his face.
"WEASEL? What're you doing here? I told you to wait in the van!" The masked man said as he took the strip of cloth off the smaller man's mouth, as well as pulling what looked like a rather dirty sock out of his mouth.
"I TOLD YOU AMBUSHING RANDOM PEOPLE AT NIGHT WOULDN'T WORK DEADPOOL!" The spectacled man yelled in anger.
"It WAS dark! How was I supposed to know it was you!" Deadpool yelled right back as he placed his hands on his hips and leaned forward looking Weasel in the eye.
"What about when I was screaming 'It's me Weasel?" The smaller man asked through clenched teeth.
"Weasel's a common name, as far as I know, the guy could've been named Weasel." Weasel just stared at Deadpool and said,
"First of all, Weasel is a nickname and you know it! Second of all, what kind of fugitive shouts his own name?" The red lunatic stayed quiet for a moment, before he jammed the sock back in Weasel's mouth and fixed the cloth back on. The smaller man continued to rant, his voice extremely muffled.
"I'll be back! I'll leave no stone un-turned, no buckle un-swashed, no man alive, until I find Amuck or my name isn't Deadpool!" Deadpool said as he carried Weasel out of the room. At this point Lin had to but in and say,
"It's Amon and your name is what?" Deadpool simply turned around and replied,
"Deadpool. Please, don't ask me where that comes from because apparently a CERTAIN Captain hasn't thought up a proper backstory for me yet! Toodles!" And with that he slammed the door shut, causing the entire office to rattle. Lin opened a drawer in her desk and pulled out a bottle of whiskey, opened it, and took a huge swig of it.
"Some days I really hate my life." The Chief said as she then took another big swig of alcohol.
"Okay, so what now?" Deadpool asked himself as he wandered down the streets, having thrown Weasel in the back of his van a couple of hours ago.
"By the way, what's with the guns? I thought this show didn't have 'em."
'Because, you use guns. Besides given how advanced Legend of Korra is compared to Last Airbender in terms of technology, I think they'd at LEAST have flintlock guns.'
"Okay, but why flintlocks? Those things only get one shot each and then it takes FOREVER to reload!"
'Look just be glad I gave you guns at ALL! Besides, if I used anything else then I'd REALLY get flamed.'
"Fine. Wait, if Weasel is in the story, does that mean Bob will be in here too?"
'Sorry, no spoilers!'
"Aw come on! Who do you think you are? The Doctor?"
At this moment, Deadpool ran smack dab into none other than Avatar Korra herself. Both of them got up off the ground and dusted themselves off. Korra was about to make a snappy comeback, but was interrupted.
"WOW! I can't believe it! Face to mask with the Avatar herself!" Deadpool said as he danced around excitedly. He then pulled a notebook and pen from a pocket in his red jacket.
"Can I have your autograph?" The unstable bounty hunter asked. Korra, completely thrown, just grabbed the book and pen and said,
"Uh, sure." Korra then scribbled her name down, before noticing several odd names like Joe Kelly, Rob Liefeld, and Fabian Nicieza.
"Um..." Deadpool then quickly grabbed the book and shook Korra's hand vigorously.
"Well this has been great, but bad guys aren't gonna get decapitated by themselves so I gotta get going!" Deadpool said as he then ran off, leaving a very confused Korra.
Deadpool wandered around a supposed Equalist base, one of his swords drawn.
"I'll teach them to mess with benders! I mean who do they think they are? The Purifiers or something?" The manic bounty hunter exclaimed, as he rushed in through the backdoor. He spotted a lone Equalist mopping the floor and quickly grabbed him and pushed him up against the wall. Before Deadpool could slit his throat he took a look at his victim's attire. He wore a dark green outfit, with what looked like a cowl over his head just exposing his nose, mouth, and chin.
"Hmm, what's you're name?" Deadpool asked the man, causing him to stutter out,
"Bo-bo-bo..." Deadpool then cut him off and said,
"I'll just call ya Bob!" The masked swordsman then let the man go. Bob dropped to the ground, wetting himself in the process, as he asked,
"Who are you?" Deadpool smirked behind his mask and said,
"I'm just the greatest bounty hunter in all the world! 'Deadpool' Watari is the name and being a bad ass is my game!" At this moment 20 Equalists came walking in, casually unaware at first but then quickly spotted the merc's bright red attire. They aimed they're electric gloves at him, but Deadpool merely drew his swords as he said,
"Bob, I like you. So I'm gonna liberate you from this collection of nah-air-do-wells!" The red clad swordsman then leaped at the group, quickly dispatching all of them as an ocean of blood filled the area. He sheathed his swords and looked over at Bob, who sat in silence.
"Aw, don't tell me I ALREADY scarred you for life!" Deadpool said as he walked over to Bob. Suddenly Bob leaped up and yelled,
"THAT WAS TOTALLY BAD ASS!" Suddenly Bob was at Deadpool's feet, bowing as he said,
"Teach me your ways Mr. Watari!" Deadpool was shocked by this, but after a moment of thought replied,
"Meh, what the hell."
Okay Deadpool, I wrote you a story! Now can you PLEASE untie me now?!
Well this is a start, but I'm gonna need more. A LOT more! Alright, listen up you fanfic readers! If you don't review this story and follow it, our dear Captain Ash is gonna be in for the most unpleasant game of "Say Uncle" of his life! Well? GET TA REVIEWING!
PLEASE! HE MEANS IT!