"Santana, what is wrong with you? Stand up, now!" Rosa Lopez demanded as she walked onto the porch of their house in Lima.

Santana didn't raise her head to the sound of her mother; all she did was curl further into herself as her sobs wracked against her body causing her to hiccup loudly. Rosa watched on, tapping her foot waiting for her daughter to pull herself together, before long she became impatient and fearful that the neighbors would be watching another of Santana's "outbursts" as Mr. Lopez called them.

So she went to grab Santana's arm to pull her up, Santana whimpered at the contact and pushed her away, just then Mr. Lopez came looking for them and took in the scene, finding eye contact with his wife whom shrugged her shoulders, he uttered three words which would change Santana's life forever. "This. Ends. Now" and with that he picked up the phone.

4 hours earlier

I looked at myself in the mirror, as I posed in my dress, I looked smoking. The light purple dress clung to the upper half of my body, it drew attention to my boobs and my small waist before stopping mid thigh, I knew the boys at school would love it and it would be sure to bring me lots of attention tonight at the party at Pucks. The problem was, I really didn't care.

The walls I had built up around me were becoming heavy and claustrophobic, I was tired of carrying round the real me and the fake me, I could only ever be the real me in private, on my own when I was locked away from people and I would write and write, losing myself to the freedom of words and another setting.

I sighed as I applied my lipstick and smacked my lips together; I picked up my clutch and started packing it with the essentials, as I reached for my phone it vibrated.

Hurry up & get here, time for a quickie before people arrive! Puck

My stomach turned at the thought of pretending yet again, zoning out of my body and mind whilst I let Puck have his way, grunting above me, all to keep up pretenses at school and at home. I had been dating Puck for 8 months, it was easier with him to make excuses and put him off than to continue to sleep my way around the football team, still my patience was wearing thin but with no end in sight.

I sent a quick text back with some excuse saying I was waiting for Quinn, but in actual fact, I was the one picking her up. I slowed my movements and downed one last vodka before putting my shoes on and heading downstairs.

I could hear the TV playing in the lounge as I passed, my Mami and Papi were in there and I quietened my steps to go unnoticed, but it didn't work, it was like they were trained to my movements, My Papi summoned me in and he caught the eye roll I gave my Mami as I stomped in.

"What?" I asked, trying to sound as bored as I could.

"Don't give me that attitude Santana, I wanted to remind you, no drinking tonight, we all have an early flight tomorrow, don't you dare screw this up for us," he paused as he took in my appearance, he shook his head at my outfit but changed the subject, "have you packed what you need?"

Again rolling my eyes I nodded and walked out the door, slamming it for effect.

They both knew I didn't want to spend the summer following my Papi's campaign schedule, a different city everyday, smiling for the cameras, pretending to be the perfect daughter when we all knew I wasn't. With one last sigh I climbed in my car and headed to pick Quinn up.

I pulled up outside her house and sent her a one word text "here" because I was too lazy to get out and ring the bell, as I waited I took in the warm evening, it seemed calm sitting in the car, sounds of young children playing in front yards. The door slamming pulled me out of my calm as I saw Quinn approaching, she was on the phone arguing with someone, rolling my eyes I turned the radio up in the car to drown out her voice.

Quinn is my best friend, I would do anything for her and I guess she would do the same for me, she is the only person in the world who knows my secret, I didn't tell her, she found out when she came round to my house, I went to the kitchen to grab us some lemonades and she opened my latest journal which I had been previously writing in that day, she read two pages worth before I came stumbling in the door freezing at the sight, she began to read out loud…..

The sickness I feel in my stomach when Puck's mouth is on my body follows me through every day and night, how can I get rid of it? The darkness is ever apparent, why can I not be normal, why am I not attracted to boys? If anyone knew I think I would die, I can imagine the look in my parent's eyes as they looked at me, or worse disowned me. All I know is that at 16 years of age, I don't know how much longer I can continue like this, are there other people that feel like me? That, feel this anger and confusion? Should I run away? Where would I go?

She stops reading and turns to me, I'm still frozen in my stance but I can feel my face heating up, my eyes watering at the corners and my breathing turns to staggered breaths. Quinn is talking but I drown it out, I don't want to hear what she has to say, I don't want to see the repulsion on her face.

Quinn rubbing my back and pushing my hair out of my face pulls me out of my state.

"shh" she calms, "hey, hey, its alright" she sooths as she tries to make eye contact, I find myself rocking slowly in her arms as I try to get my breathing back to normal.

"Santana" she tries but I am still not ready to talk, I can't get my thoughts straight at the idea that Quinn knows my secret, oh my god, my legs give way and I imagine the look on Quinn's face as she reels back from me, but instead she flattens her legs and pulls my head on her lap and strokes my hair until I'm ready to talk, it takes a long while until I sit up, the sun has moved across my window in this time, my eyes feel red and puffy an yet tears still fall, admittedly slower but they are still there. I puff out a breath and Quinn must sense that I am ready to talk, but instead she quietens me.

"You don't have to say anything, I won't tell anybody as long as you let me try and help you," she whispers.

I don't say anything for a long time, but when I do, I utter a small "thanks" and squeeze her arm. We sit together all evening, with our backs up against my wardrobe, she asks questions and I answer honestly and freely because in a way I feel relief, someone knows that I love girls the way I'm supposed to feel about boys and they haven't been disgusted by it or horrible, however, I am not naïve enough to think everyone will react this way.

When Quinn asks "what now?" I shrug as I don't have any answers, I'm drained emotionally from the build up to someone finding out, but more so from the expected reaction, which I didn't get.

"Promise me you won't run away, that's not the answer S, please just know that I will always be your friend and that the people closest to you, who really love you, this won't make a difference to them." She stops when I let out a loud breath, I think she expects me to comment but I don't, I've said more to her in the last 2 hours than I have to anyone in my whole life.

That was three weeks ago, everyday she's asked me why I am still dating Puck, and everyday I tell her the same "why not?" I think she is trying to be understanding but at the same time she is losing patience with me turning up at her house as an emotional wreck after an encounter with Puck. I haven't got the answers yet, I haven't got the understanding or the acceptance in myself, I keep telling myself I will find it, one day.

Quinn gets in the car and pulls the door shut, she leans over and turns the radio off while she listens to the other person on my phone, I turn it back on immediately letting her know I don't care about her conversation, she turns and narrows her eyes at me and then continues her conversation which turns out to be to someone called Rachel who she met at church, this annoys the crap out of me and I begin to drive to Puck's even though I am in no hurry to get there.

I zone out of her conversation and think about ways of getting home tonight if I drink too much, which is kind of a certainty because it's what I do, it's what I am known for. Quinn ends her call and throws her phone in her bag and turns to me.

"Short dress S"

"You mean smoking dress" I retort.

Rolling her eyes she replies, "that for Puck because you really don't need to make the effort, this is ridiculous" she continues, "this is going to turn into one of those nights where you get completely wasted, you think that you can have sex with Puck and not feel disgusted with yourself, then you're going to sober up, start crying, break down and find yourself at my house whilst I dry your tears and watch you fall asleep in a heap."

And she's right, in part, except I don't make it to Quinn's house, I find myself curled up in a ball on my front porch with my Mami and Papi as observers.

I hear my Papi speak into his phone.

"Yes Ben, It's Franco Lopez, I want to book a place for my daughter at your camp," there is a pause whilst Ben I presume answers, I try to listen but my Papi begins pacing and turns into the house, all I hear as a parting shot is "great, yes for 5 weeks, she'll be there tomorrow."