New York is captivating. It still takes Kurt's breath away that he gets to wake up in this city every morning.

But Ohio is where Kurt learned about love.

Ohio is where Kurt's dad, unwavering and absolutely certain, forced himself into Kurt's gaze and promised his son that he would fight to the death for Kurt's right to love whoever he wanted.

Ohio is where Rachel, with her gold star diva personality stuffed into all five feet of her defiant eyes and pitchy voice, had yelled at the jock sneering at Kurt.

Ohio is where Kurt gained a brother in Finn—a brother who learns to be brave enough to get up on a stage and sing and dance right alongside Kurt, and who can even occasionally be bribed with promises of food to go shopping with Kurt.

Ohio is where, the night before leaving for New York, Kurt empties himself inside out and tells Mercedes all about who he is and who he wants to be and all the things that scare him. And he finally finally finally tells Mercedes about Karofsky's kiss. It's where she holds him close and they cry and cry an cry and she tells him that they might be cities apart but he will always be her boo and to never stop being brave.

And Ohio is where a boy falls in love with Kurt for the very first time. It's where a boy with slicked back hair holds his hand and texts him 'courage' and falls in love with him slowly and quietly through hours spent at the Lima Bean and cheesy songs and soft glances that fill the space between moments.

Rachel is pouting at Kurt from the couch as Kurt bustles around the stove because after five years, Rachel is still remarkably disastrous in the kitchen.

"I wish I could come back to Ohio with you. I mean, I know you're going back for Vogue stuff, but I would've liked to visit my dads and everyone."

"Rachel, you love New York as much as I do and God knows you've been yapping nonstop about this audition for weeks.

"True," she rolls onto her side on the couch, tucking her cheek against the pillow and then, softly: "Sometimes I think we spent so much time trying to escape Ohio, that we didn't think about all of the good things we'd be leaving behind. "

Every thing about Ohio used to be suffocating with its constancy, but Kurt notices all the little changes every time he comes back.

Blaine still styles his hair with what looks like an entire bottle of gel, still grins with squinty eyes and puffy cheeks and teeth that look like they are trying to escape his face.

Burt had sent a text to Kurt, explaining there was an emergency at the shop and that both himself and Finn had to stay and hey, Blaine had a flight out of Ohio that same day, so he would drive Kurt's car up to the airport and Kurt could just grab the car keys from him.

"Kurt, hi!"

Even after all this time, Kurt still feels the fresh hurt and devastation, as if he'd just found out about Blaine cheating on him. For a second he can't breathe and wants to cry and grasp at Blaine and shake him again and again until neither of them remembers the touch of another boy on Blaine's skin.

"Hi Blaine!" they hug, quick and friendly and Kurt can't breathe, "Happy to see me?"

"Of course, Kurt." Blaine's eyes soften and he smiles dopily at Kurt, as if they were still in love.

Always, Blaine doesn't say, because it isn't his place anymore.

Kurt hears it anyway.

Kurt catches Blaine up on the latest Rachel drama as the shorter man digs Kurt's car keys out of his bag. "But hey, Kurt! My flight isn't for a couple of hours, and you shouldn't drive home without waking up a bit! Come grab a coffee with me? My treat."

"Grande nonfat mocha and a medium drip, please." (And if the moment feels entirely too familiar, Kurt doesn't say a thing.)

"You look good, Blaine."

And he does. Blaine isn't the teenage boy Kurt had loved any more. He's grown taller and filled out, although his waist is still delectably trim, Kurt notices. He's a grown up version of the dapper private school boy Kurt had fallen in love with, tucked into a dark grey suit (Armani, his vogue knowledge supplies) and he's foregone his bowties for a patterned skinny tie. But his pant leg has risen up and Kurt can see that Blaine hasn't given up his penchant for bright ridiculous socks.

(Kurt's favourite thing about New York is its constant change, but all he wants right now is to cling to the tidbits of Blaine that are familiar and never let them go.)

Blaine shrugs, smiling and tilting his head the way that Kurt could never resist five years ago.

"Can't just let myself go, you never know if today's the day my first love will come around and take me back, you know?"

The words freeze and hang and dissolve in the air. Kurt can see his own name on the on the tip of Blaine's tongue, and blinks slowly before looking away.

They sit in silence for minutes before Kurt turns back to the same hazel eyes that he'd looked into the very first time he'd made love. (And it isn't as if Kurt has changed. He can count the number of men he's loved on one hand and if he's honest with himself, the one he loved the most is sitting right in front of him. But Kurt isn't the same boy who didn't know how to refuse those beautiful hazel eyes anything at all.)

Kurt is tired. Tired of not knowing how to love someone that isn't Blaine.

He doesn't bother pretending that it isn't an accusation: "You were the only good thing about this place."

You broke us, you wrecked it, he doesn't say.

You were the only thing I ever wanted to keep, he doesn't say.

I loved you so much and you took it all away, he doesn't say.

Blaine hears him anyway.

"God, I used to think you were the only good thing about this place." He doesn't know where to look; Blaine looks as devastated as Kurt felt. Still feels. "There are so many good things about Ohio, I would have been just fine without you and you nearly killed me with what you did."

Kurt walks Blaine to his departure gate. Blaine has his hands shoved deep in his pockets, and Kurt reaches out to straighten Blaine's tie.

"I come back to Ohio and you fly to New York for the week." He smiles half-heartedly, and it is too bitter to convince either of them anyway, "It's like we just keep missing each other."

Kurt refuses to cry for something that died five years ago. Blaine cries anyway and looks at Kurt and he doesn't say that he is so sorry and that no one else can love you like I do.

Kurt almost turns away. He did it five years ago and the hurt hasn't gone away even a little.

"You were the very best thing about this place." he says, slow and quiet, just like falling in love with Blaine five years ago. "You still are. Please don't let me go again."