AU: In which Kurt and Blaine are dating, Kurt's cheating on Blaine, Blaine's oblivious, and Carson is Kurt's twin who might have definitely doesn't have (maybe, kind of has) feelings for Blaine. Inspired by this set of gifs on tumblr: post/42843154381/blaineson Hope you like it! (Background info! So Burt is Kurt and Carson's biological father. Their mom, Sheryl Phillips, Carson's mom in SBL, died of an alcohol overdoes when Carson and Kurt were little. Burt still remarried Carole and Finn is lounging around somewhere, he just isn't in this chapter.)

Sometimes I feel like every fucking person on this planet is an idiot except for Blaine Anderson. And then I remember that he's a fucking idiot too because he is too naive to realize that my twin brother has been cheating on him for freaking months. Kurt and Blaine were literally the perfect couple. When they first got together I felt like every word other word that came out of Kurt's mouth was "Blaine" and all they ever did was go to stupid movies and stupid plays and fuck whenever Carol and Burt weren't home. It was annoying. But then Kurt left for college in New York, going off to fulfill his Broadway dreams and Blaine stayed here in Ohio to finish high school. They said they were going to maintain their long distance relationship, but it was all bullshit and I knew sooner or later Kurt was going to find a new bo to play with. I mean, he's going to theatre school in New York. That place is practically crawling with gays. Personally, I stayed in Ohio, attending the journalism program at OSU and living at home. Kurt was out of the house, but Blaine wasn't. He was just so accustom to coming to our house that even after Kurt left he didn't go away. Burt and Carole loved him, so they didn't have a problem with him being at our house almost 24/7. Seriously, does that boy even have parents? Personally I'm under the opinion that he was born in a laboratory test tube filled with equal parts hair gel and awesome. Blaine Anderson is awesome though. At first, I found his stupid bowties and seemingly consistent perky attitude horribly irritating, but the boy has grown on me. He has a certain boyish charm to him that's hard to resist. I can't like, like him or anything because he's my brother's boyfriend and that's weird but I am totally allowed to tolerate him and appreciate his stupid dapper behavior, right? Right.

It didn't take me long to discover Kurt's secret relationship with Adam, some senior at his school. All it took was a Skype chat that he forgot to turn off and I had seen way more than I ever wanted to see. I could have told Blaine right then, but I couldn't break his innocent little heart, could I? So I shut up about it, figuring that sooner or later even the ever oblivious Blaine Anderson would realize his "devoted" boyfriend was having very adult sleepovers with another man.

But he didn't. For months he continued watching television in our living room, doing homework at our kitchen table without the slightest clue that the boy who had once occupied the same space was now occupying some very different space, if you know what I mean. I didn't really want to start a fracas by bringing up the subject, so I let Blaine live on in his bizarre fantasy world where everything was puppies and rainbows and Kurt.

"Hey Carson!" Blaine exclaimed from the kitchen table when I walked into the house after my one o'clock Creative Writing class ended. "How was Creative Writing?" The boy knew my entire schedule. It was creepy, but endearing.

"Fine," I replied. "How's the land of happiness and unicorns?" This was our typical greeting because I'd said it one day and he giggled about it for literally an hour, so now I use it to tease him.

"Just swell," he answered.

"Grand," I replied mockingly, going to the fridge and getting out a pitcher of juice. Out of nowhere, Teenage Dream started blaring through the room. It was Blaine's phone, his special ringtone for Kurt.

"It's Kurt!" Blaine exclaimed like it wasn't already obvious.

"No shit, Sherlock." He glared at me and answered the phone.

"Kurt! Hi… I'm good, are you good?...haha, awesome, no that's so cool. Mmhmm. Aw, I'm sure you'll do great. Yeah…yeah, I wish. You know I don't. Uh-huh. Yep. Oh, okay, I love you. Okay, bye."

I felt that was the script for their typical phone call now. Kurt would get the opportunity to do something cool, he'd tell Blaine about it, Blaine would praise him, then Kurt would have to go and they'd be done within a matter of seconds. It was getting awfully bland, but the worst part was that Blaine didn't even notice.

"Kurt's going to sing at Mr. Shu's wedding," Blaine informed me after hanging up the phone.

"Great," I said, bored. Mr. Shuster, the president of the Glee club or whatever he was, was marrying the skittish guidance counselor at McKinley. All the Glee kids (Kurt, Blaine, ect.) we're all pumped, but I knew this was the guidance counselor's fourth attempt to go through with a wedding and everyone was shitting themselves if they thought this time was going to go differently. I would bet my entire life savings in a second that she was going to run out on this marriage too.

"Come on, Carson, this is exciting" Blaine enthused.

"Blaine, going to the dentist is exciting in your world," I stated, leaning against the counter and drinking. I thought heavily about mixing the apple juice with vodka, but decided against it. They say alcoholism is genetic, and my mother did die from an alcohol overdose.

"Well they're so nice to you and at the end you get a little toy from the treasure chest…"

"Those toys are for three year olds."

"They're still fun," Blaine said defensively and I snickered.

"You really are a child."

Blaine shrugged and made that super irritating "Blaine doesn't know" face, causing me to almost spit out my juice. "Do not do that!" I exclaimed, wiping the bit of juice that had escaped off my chin.

"It's going to be so nice to hear Kurt sing," Blaine said after I'd gotten over myself.

"You've heard him sing before," I stated.

"It gets better every time," he sighed

"Know that I just made that a dirty joke in my head," I informed him.

"Well, that's gets better, too…"

"Just stop," I commanded. "Out of all the things I don't want to hear about, you having sex with my twin wins the prize."

"So what you're telling me is that you don't want to hear about the car after senior prom when Kurt and I-"

"No!" I interjected. "I don't. I'm going up stairs. Feel free to loiter in my house for as long as you want."

"Okay, bye Carson," he said as I retreated from the kitchen. Poor sucker. Kurt was being such an ass to him and it went right over his head. I guess that's what being in love does to people, turns them into complete idiots. I felt kind of guilty for not telling Blaine about Adam, but I knew if I did I'd be even worse. I escaped to my room and pulled out my laptop. I was working on a piece for journalism about racism in our generation. Not to brag, but there was no way I was getting anything less than an A.

No sooner had I pulled up the essay then my phone started ringing. It was Kurt.

"What?" I said not too happily when I answered.

"Jesus, someone's touchy," Kurt said.

"Oh go sleep with your boyfriend," I retorted.

"Fuck off, Carson. I told you to say out of my business," Kurt said for probably the millionth time. Ever since I'd found out about Kurt's cheating problem and I'd confronted him for it we'd been less than pleasant to each other. "I was just calling to see if you remembered that you have to pick me up at the airport Thursday."

"Why can't Blaine get you?" I asked. Kurt was coming to town for the wedding this weekend, which meant he and Blaine would go back to being all lovey dovey. It made me sick to think about.

"I told you, he has class, Dad has work. I honestly would not call you unless you were my last resort. Thursday, 1:30, be there," and with that he hung up. What an asshole.