Plushie Envy

SUMMARY: William knows he has hit rock bottom if he's jealous of Grell's Sebastian dolly.

GENRE: Humor/Romance
RATED: PG-13 / T
NOTABLE CONTENT: Sexual Humor/Themes (aka. your typical Grellness)
PAIRING(S): (Slight) Grell/William & Grell/Sebastian

COPYRIGHT NOTE: I don't own Kuroshitsuji / Black Butler
STORY TAKES PLACE IN: Shortly after the Jack the Ripper arc

Plushie Envy
Aiselne P.N.

This certainly was not the first time that Grell Sutcliff harbored a crush on some man. There was always "some man" for whom Grell was pining, William being no exception ever since their academy days. Grell claimed a fickle heart was proof of him being a woman; William just considered it proof of him being a whore.

London's Grim Reaper Dispatch had long since learned to take Grell's infatuations (along with the rest of Grell's shenanigans) with a grain of salt. In any other business, Grell would have been fired, or at least the perfect candidate for "office idiot" – and the only reason that never happened was because the red reaper was a force to be reckoned with in the field. Nobody was stupid enough to mock a shinigami who carried a deadly chainsaw and a deadlier personality.

Still, William knew what his subordinates thought: Another day, another unfortunate guy for Sutcliff to unsuccessfully seduce. Even Ronald Knox sometimes took bets on who might be his lovesick senpai's target for next week (not that Ron was one to talk, considering the tomcat's reputation with Dispatch's ladies). It became a joke; a joke that bounced off Grell and subsequently reflected poorly on William's management.

But this latest "joke" was anything but funny to William T. Spears. Under his professionally stoic appearance, William was still seething after bailing out Grell from his Jack the Ripper fiasco. It was a miracle that neither of them lost their jobs: Grell for committing the murders and William for not keeping a tighter leash on his underling in the first place. As boss, William was considered equally responsible. Grell's suspension prevented the redhead from knowing the full extent of his manager's own punishment and humiliation for the Ripper crimes. And Spears was the type of person to hold prejudices and grudges.

However, something even worse emerged from the Jack the Ripper case. Trust Grell to find another heartthrob amidst his bloody crime spree. Another day, another man.

Except…Sebastian Michaelis was not just another "man." Honestly, a grim reaper falling for an abhorrent demon?! What in hell was that redhead thinking?! Then again, it was obvious to William that Grell was not thinking…not thinking with his brain, that is. But if history proved anything, William could take solace in expecting Grell's demon-crush to be as short-lived as his other stud muffins. Another day, another man, right?

William T. Spears did not take kindly to being proven wrong…by a demon, no less.

"Grell Sutcliff," monotonously began William, arching one pin-perfect eyebrow. "What is that?"

Pruning scythe in hand, the Dispatch manager towered before Grell's neat desk. True, William preferred his employees to maintain organized workspaces. However, the tidiness of Grell's desk was credited less to professionalism and more to there being a lack of work getting done. The redhead's morning allotment of paperwork was nowhere to be found. Instead, Grell's desk was vacant enough for William to see his upside-down reflection in the polished cherrywood surface.

Grell noticed his superior's unpleased reflection, too, momentarily relishing Will's superimposed, gorgeous face. Oh, how he would love to have William on his desk everyday! Alas, the red-haired reaper's fantasies vanished when William's reflection glared icy-cold daggers. Even when turned upside down Will's frown still could not be classified as a smile. The shivers that traversed Grell's spine were not entirely pleasure-filled, either.

Peering upward into his boss' actual face (so much more handsome in person), Grell smiled alongside a not-so-innocent wink. "What's what, Will? If you 'need' something, I would be happy to oblige, darling~"

"All I 'need' is for you to do your job, Sutcliff," William replied, wishing Grell collected as many souls as he did making passes. But today, Grell's flirting was not the number-one issue that William sought to address. A glare of overhead lighting shot off Spears' glasses the moment he adjusted them with his scythe. "Now answer the question: what is that thing in your arms?"

Red-framed green eyes blinked before Grell glanced down at said arms. Cuddled to his brown vest was a bulbous head of black yarn attached to a burlap humanlike body. The stitching appeared to be unfinished, as some seams blossomed small puffs of white stuffing from within. That, or Grell had snuggled with the ragdoll too much for the darning to handle.

Proving the latter theory via squeezing the toy in another death-hug, Grell giggled jubilantly. "This? Why, can't you tell, William?" Spinning around the doll for William to meet it face to face, the redhead gushed, "This is my beloved Sebas-chan~!"

William was the one to blink this time, staring at the oversized head of the devil doll. Now that he got a closer look, the dark-haired reaper could see the resemblance. The plushie's black hair framed his face reminiscently, and his button eyes were a dark, vile red colour. The mouth was cross-stitched closed in a perpetual ghost of a smirk that only a demon could wear.

"What a revolting toy," William murmured.

"How rude!" Grell shrieked, as though William had directed the insult to Grell himself. No surprise, the redhead immediately slammed the doll back against his protective chest. "There's no need to be nasty, William! Whatever did my Bassy babydoll do to deserve such unnecessary verbal abuse?"

Will did not know, nor want to know, if Grell was referring to his doll or to the actual Sebastian. Either way, the redhead proceeded to stroke the plushie's hair lovingly, coddling whilst whispering coos of comfort into the doll's nonexistent ear, "Don't listen to mean old William, sweetie."

Discreetly rolling his eyes, William stood indifferently. "Michaelis is vermin, and anything in his likeness is of even less value." The boss was unbothered by Grell's vicious glare. "Furthermore, you have a job to do, Sutcliff. Sitting in your office and sewing dolls is not considered legitimate work." Granted, this Sebastian plush was not the worst thing that William had caught Grell playing with, but…

"Who says I'm not working?" countered Grell, much to William's concealed surprise. Cradling his dolly in one arm, the girlish shinigami used his free hand to wrap one finger around a lock of long carmine hair. "The day is young, Will. My paperwork's deadline is 5:00 P.M., which means I've got pleeenty of time to finish."

Grell was correct but William abhorred dawdling. There was no crime in finishing paperwork on time, but there was no crime in finishing it early, either. "Then there's no excuse for you not to finish. If those files are even one minute late—"

"Easy, big boy~ You'll get your precious paperwork." Once the redhead left his seat, the curl of red hair bounced out of Grell's finger as it reached across the desk to silence Will's mouth. As he savored the digit's touch of William's soft lips, Grell puckered his own. "I'll even seal its envelope with a kiss~"

Using his death scythe to swat Grell's hand much like he would shoo a fly, William retorted, "Just get to work, Sutcliff. If you're having trouble filling your schedule, there are plenty other jobs around this office that need to be done."

"My, my, you are the impatient one, aren't you?" smirked the ginger, slyly cocking his head. "Dear William, why not stop and smell the red roses once in a while? Restlessness is horrid for the complexion. I cannot have you running your handsome self ragged, now can I?" Anyone else might have appreciated Grell's concern, but not William, especially after the flamboyant reaper added, "Not that I mind edgy men~"

Is there any kind of man you do mind? But William knew better than to verbally ask that question. "Don't make me repeat myself, Sutcliff."

"Have it your way," Grell shrugged before plopping down in his desk's chair. "Heavens knows I've got more time than I know what to do with right now. Unless…if you'd be a lamb and drop this silly suspension so I could go back out in the field~?" The red shinigami prayerfully clasped his hands under his chin, emerald eyes glistening hopefully in a fruitless plea to charm his manager. "I swear I'll burst if I have to go one more night without my death scythe's delightful vibrations!"

Spears did not want to overanalyze those last words, opting to smack the pervert's red head with his extendable scythe. He hoped Grell's chainsaw had been cleaned – thoroughly – since its confiscation. The boss also reminded himself to eventually burn his gloves for having used them to carry Grell's scythe upon the redhead's arrest. Will had half a mind to extend Grell's suspension just for grossly misusing company equipment.

"Consider yourself fortunate that a suspension is all you have," reminded William, though he knew Grell was aware of the circumstances. If there was one lesson Grell learned from his Jack the Ripper trial, it was that he was damn lucky to still be breathing, never mind still be a death god. "Might I add that your 'spare time' is intended to be used constructively, not for taking your sweet time and playing with toys?"

"'Playing,' you say?" the redhead asked rhetorically, once again caressing the round face of his Sebastian plushie. "I'll have you know that sewing is an imperative skill for a woman to master. If I can't stitch a simple doll, then however will I be able to sew my husband's clothes or our daughter's dresses? Do you want me to be a deplorable housewife, Will?"

William dared not answer a question that was wrong (in countless ways) from the outset. Although Grell did explain "why" he harbored such a fetish for dolls in the first place. Unsurprisingly, today was not the first time that Grell was spotted with a homemade plushie. Considering the redhead's overblown womanliness, it would have seemed odd if Grell was not interested in dolls. However, effeminacy was only part of the reason for the shinigami's ragdoll collection.

Grell sewed dolls with certain people in mind. Shortly after graduation did William first unearth Grell's disturbing hobby (one of many). It happened on a seemingly normal day at Dispatch. Lunchtime arrived without incident…until that Goddamned redhead paraded around the canteen claiming the tiny doll in his arms was his and Will's newborn~! Mark his words; William made sure that never, ever happened again, though why he did not kill Grell outright was beyond the superior's wisdom. It was not as though William was in short supply of reasons to skewer that idiot.

Nowadays, Grell designed dollies in the likeness of his fantasized boyfriends. Another day, another man, another doll. Shockingly, Spears was anything but flattered to know that Grell had a "wee-Willy" plushie in his stash. Few plushies lasted long, though, because Grell's heart was outrageously fickle. No sooner would Grell sew a new doll and then lose interest in the impersonated guy. Then the toy would be turned into a voodoo doll; poked, prodded, and ultimately massacred before Grell found a new man to swoon. This cycle repeated itself several times over the course of the shinigami's immortal life; Grell's endless, self-titled search for love.

Surely this new Sebastian doll would fare no differently from the others. In fact, William almost enjoyed the thought of Grell inevitably falling out of love with the demon and torturing his respective plushie. Even better, whilst Grell stabbed the fake Sebastian, William would not mind stabbing the real Sebastian to death. One less demon to defile the world.

"Aren't you the sweeeetest little thing, Sebas-chan? I swear I could just eat you up! Unless you'd prefer to eat me~"

Clearing his throat, William's mind returned to the matter at hand, his green eyes graced with the sight of Grell playing coochie-coo with mini Sebastian. Come to think of it, the demon dolly did not sport a scrap of clothing. Thank God that Grell's sewing skills were not good enough to make anatomically correct figures. Otherwise… No, on second thought, William did not want to think what might happen otherwise. His stomach was already threatening to return his breakfast whence it came.

"Back to work, Grell Sutcliff," Spears ordered for (hopefully) the final time, his harsh voice warning Grell that there would be repercussions if William had to repeat himself. "Since your schedule is so open, I want that paperwork in by noon. No later. Upon returning to your office, there will be a new box of files waiting for you and those will be due by 5:00 P.M.!"

The wide-eyed redhead's jaw practically dropped to his desktop. "B-but Will! That's so unreasonable! When am I supposed to eat lunch? I already have an appointment with my hairstylist at noon! And what about—"

William's glare was sharper than his scythe, promptly shutting Grell's mouth. "One more word and you'll be scrubbing toilets from 5:00 on."

Grell nearly screamed bloody murder. "That is no job for a lady!"

"'One more word,' Sutcliff!" The threat effortlessly shrunk Grell into his seat. Thereafter, the lesser shinigami seemed to get the message (finally!), and immediately yanked open a drawer to retrieve his first load of paperwork. In the blink of an eye the red desk became the epitome of hard work: piles of papers everywhere, with its centerpiece being an employee frivolously working to meet his deadline. That was how William's offices were supposed to look.

Silently satisfied with Grell's change of attitude, William began to about-face and leave. The manager of London's Dispatch had ample work to do himself, and Grell was a ridiculous time-waster. But there was one more issue that William wanted to address before leaving Grell to his own devices.

"And dispose of that disgusting ragdoll as well," added William, not bothering to turn around and see the hurt expression on his subordinate's face. "Honestly. No reaper of mine will be seen lugging a toy that even remotely resembles a heinous demon. Find another way to learn sewing, one that does not involve a grown man fiddling with dolls."

Grell always took personal offence to being referred to as anything less than female. There was no need for William to be that cruel! If only Grell had his chainsaw, then he would teach Will a lesson… and, masochistically, maybe get a little something on the side. I punish you and you punish me~

However, the crimson shinigami was not dense enough to ignore the rest of his boss' words. The fact that William possessively considered Grell to be a "reaper of mine" was a dream come true for the redhead. It was no secret that William T. Spears bore a deep, seemingly unjustified prejudice against demons like Sebastian. Yet, Will's behavior and tone of voice was not entirely resentful. If Grell did not know better, he would define William's demeanor as…

Jealous?!

Oh, to be coveted by his wonderful William! But what to do about sexy Sebas-chan? However could a girl possibly choose between such fine specimens? Decisions, decisions! Then again, must Grell choose? Could he not have the best of both worlds~?! Ooooooh!

"I expect those documents to be completed and clean, Sutcliff." On William's order, the threesome-fantasizing Grell slapped one palm against his nose and mouth to prevent further drool and nose-bleeding from making more a mess of his paperwork.

Recomposing himself, the flushed redhead giggled naughtily. Was that another teeny-tiny twinge of envy in Will's voice? How cute~! Grell was thoroughly enjoying this side of his superior's phlegmatic personality. And true to Grell's nature, he intended to milk Will for everything he had.

Pretending to ignore his sourpuss boss, Grell sat the Sebastian plushie atop his desk as though the doll was his personal assistant. It irked William, Grell noticed, but the raven-haired reaper characteristically remained nonchalant. That is, until Grell pushed the right buttons~

"Can you believe this, Sebas-chan?" pouted Grell, telling his latest tale of woe to an inanimate object. "Imagine! Putting a devastatingly beautiful woman to work like this? It's almost sinful, wouldn't you agree?" Naturally, the only way Sebas-chan could agree was when Grell's fingers nudged the doll's head into an unwilling nod.

William was just about to leave through the doorway, hoping to exit Grell's office in the event that stupidity was contagious.

"Whenever am I supposed to get my hair done?" Grell's performance continued, melodramatically as always. "And my nails! And oh, I've just been dying~ to take a long relaxing soak. Would you care to join me, Sebas-chan?" The poor dolly was forced into another nod, earning a squeal from his maker. "Ooh! Such a gentleman you are, knowing just how to treat a lady~!"

William was closing the door to Grell's office, a departure that could not come sooner for the Dispatch manager.

"Shall we forgive and let William join us, too? Aaaw~! A bath with my wee-Willy and baby-Bassy! Quite the ménage à trois!"

Grell was shrieking for an entirely different reason when William's scythe launched like a missile through Sebas-chan's chest. Stuffing bled from the toy's nonexistent heart. As if demons had hearts in the first place. Devils stole hearts instead, and William be damned if he allowed that to happen to—

"You're so cruel, William!" Grell wailed, wrapping his arms around his asinine toy, inadvertently squeezing out more fluff from Sebas-chan's wound. "And to think we were nice enough to invite you into our bath, too!"

"I would never except an invitation that included a demon, doll or otherwise." Retracting the sheers to readjust his spectacles once more, William added, "Now shut up and finish your work, Sutcliff. Only after you've done as you're told – and eliminate that revolting toy – would I reconsider your invitation."

The End

A/N: I apologize for not including plushie-incarnates of other Kuro characters, such as Claude or Alois' dollies from Kuroshitsuji II's opening credits. Having based this one-shot shortly after the Jack the Ripper arc, chronologically, it didn't make sense to include the Trancys yet. Honestly, I would've loved to include an Undertaker dolly in this fic, but I didn't want to steer too widely from the story's intended focus of Grelliam with Grell/Sebby.

Thus concludes my second Kuroshitsuji fanfic. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please take a second to drop a review on your way out. ;)