Author's Note: I regret nothing. Do you hear me?! Nothing!

Regardless, enjoy the tomfoolery.

With the trees bearing leaves of bright lively green, the fields alighting with blooming flowers, many a species waking from winter hibernation or greeting their new young, the remnants of snow melting as the temperature rises, its certain proof that Spring is here. While Jack Frost would probably be grumbling and protesting over the loss of Winter, and Bunnymund would probably be gleeful and bouncy over the loss of Winter, North is simply content to be overseeing the Yetis as the slow preparations for this year's Christmas begin.

He's gone over the Nice and Naughty lists at least a hundred times (each!), determining which child should get which gift (or lump of coal) in the most intense sessions of mathematics and distribution, and finally, he and his toymakers are ready to begin making. Some might say he's starting too early, but when you've got six continents each loaded with millions of children, it helps to have more time on your hands.

Plus, he's the Guardian of Wonder! And the preparation for Christmas is one of the most wonderful experiences of his life, so the earlier he starts, the better! All the work into forging the next batch of toys and sweets and clothes and chocolates and the other presents he's been asked for, the anticipation of delivering them across the globe and the incomparable joy of knowing millions of Nice children will awake to a gift from Santa Claus. It brings a huge smile to his face, and a clap of the hands and a joyful laugh, he heads off the office to sculpt out some new models.

And to think, all he needs bring that amazing sensation to children all over the world in one night is just his team of reindeer, a sleigh, teleporting snowglobes and the biggest sack of toys and treats in history! Truly, he has the greatest position amongst the Guardians, most certainly emphasized by humanity's adoration for Christmas.

Bunny would disagree profusely, claiming his silly claims of Easter being the superior holiday, and the other three Guardians would grumble how they have to work near constantly, but North knows that deep down, they all understand the true greatness of Christmas.

Ah yes, North is a man of wonder, the very protector and champion of the childhood blessing, and he has seen and done many, many wonderful things in his long life.

The sight that greets him when he opens the door to his office is not one of them.

Jack Frost and the Tooth Fairy strewn atop his desk, the latter lying on top of the former, staring at him with the looks of utmost shock and horror on their faces. Given the fact both of them are flushed, her hands are gripping his shoulders, one arm curled around her back just under the wings and his other hand clenching a fistful of tail feathers, it is insanely clear that North had interrupted a rather heated frisking session.

On his desk. In his office. Right in front of him, right now.

Were this the first time he had encountered the other two Guardians in such a position in his own office, he probably would have slowly closed the door, gone to the kitchen, drank some egg nog, came back and opened the door to see his office empty and free of disturbing sights, before sighing in relief and putting it down as a weird daydream.

But this is not the first time. This is, disturbingly enough, the fifth time he has discovered them messing around in his quarters, and as such, he adopts a frightening expression that promises the most gruesome carnage and declares: "ARGH! Always in my office with the snogging and the fondling! No more! I've had enough! Out, out, out!"

Tooth does not even bother to try and protest or negotiate; the second he moves towards them, her wings flip into motion and she attempts to get out of there as fast as she can, but North is quicker than his size would suggest, and with a dart of his hand, snags her right leg by the ankle, holding her firmly as she squeaks and struggles against his unbreakable grip.

Too slow to try such a manoeuvre, Jack holds his hands up defensively, yelping: "North, c'mon, it wasn't what it looked like!"

Of course, they were in fact simply testing the stability of the desk, I think not. North is obviously not so easily fooled; holding the fluttering Tooth's leg in one hand like the oddest balloon, he reaches out, snags Jack by the back of the hoodie and bodily drags him and Tooth out of the office, the unfortunate pair protesting vehemently;

"North, ow, I hate being dragged! Ow! Give me a break!"

"North, you're overreacting! We weren't doing anything bad-"

"You are Guardians of Childhood!" He snaps with supreme annoyance, yetis and elves stopping and staring at the odd sight of their leader dragging a winter spirit by the hood and a fairy by the leg. "Not Guardians of using-my-office-as-love-nest! I have had enough of it! Time for the window!"

"No, no, I hate the window! Anything but the window!"

"Yes, the window! Out you go!"

Upon hearing the words, a yeti darted over to a large circular window that led outside to the bitter cold of the icy lands of the North Pole and heaved it open. A frigid wind rolls in, and, ignoring Jack's begging and whining, North casually tosses him through the window, the winter spirit screaming like a little girl all the way through and all the way down.

Tooth asked: "Why do you even throw us out the window? We can fly, you know."

He considered this, his annoyance switching to contemplation, before suddenly bursting into a cheerful reply: "Because it's fun!"

With that, he pulls her down into his arms, heaves her to and fro as if she were a rugby ball, and tosses her out the window, which the yeti promptly shut. The elves snickered, the yetis guffawed and North sighed and tromped back to his office, rubbing the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

Yet again, another encounter with fellow Guardians too amorous for their own good and far too inconsiderate of other people's personal space. He'd thought Tooth would be more mature than this, but alas, it seemed Jack had more potent a mischievous aura than he'd imagined. And why in the Moon's name did they keep acting surprised when he walked in on them in his own freaking office?!

But enough musing! Something had to be done about those two lovebirds and their bad habits. And soon!

Sandy didn't always ride on the Sand Ship, not when his typical platforms generally got the job done, but sometimes he liked to reunite with his mighty vessel and sail the skies, scattering dreams across the night as he weaved among the clouds. Any who saw such a sight, the gleaming golden ship scattering streams of dreams down to the Earth below, would be truly awestruck by the sheer majesty of the Sandman's creation.

He gave a silent sigh of contentment, closing his eyes briefly as the cool wind tickled at his face. There were few things in life better than sailing through the cool dark sky, granting dreams to children all across the globe, with nothing but the bright moon above for company. He idly wondered what dreams the children were experiencing, whether of valiant knights atop noble steeds or the sun gleaming upon a sandy beach, or even a mighty dinosaur strolling through a town in search of the supermarket!

He grinned to himself at that last one. His dreams could take on a rather random quality now and then, depending on the imagination of the receiver. It was an interesting concept, and one he found unendingly amusing. Silently chuckling, he steered the ship to the left, avoiding a particularly large cloud, and the Sandman grinned at his steering skills, pretending he were driving a racing car around obstacles in the track-

He heard something, a light sound resonating nearby that made him freeze in surprise, before perking up slightly to better catch it if it sounded again, or where the original had come from. For a few seconds, he hears nothing, but then, there it is again! A sort of giggling, sounding from somewhere close by.

He glances around him, but the sky is empty save for clouds and the moon above. There is nothing on the ship either, when he looks behind him; the golden construct has nothing capable of the sound anywhere on it. Just as he's feeling a tad unnerved, he hears it a third time and he finally pinpoints where the giggling is coming from; the crow's nest atop the mast. Narrowing his eyes in apprehension, the Sandman dissolves the steering wheel, effectively placing the Sand Ship on autopilot, and slowly floats up towards the top of the golden mast to uncover this mystery.

At first, he hesitates, unsure if what he'll find and whether or not it's friendly, but then, he is the Sandman, and he's not going to let some odd giggles disrupt his peaceful night! So, forming a bright golden hammer in one hand, he gathers his nerves and floats up to see what's inside.

His jaw drops. Not again.

Tooth stares at Sandy with wide amethyst eyes, appropriately horrified at being caught in the other Guardian's ship, and most certainly horrified at being caught with a currently unaware Jack Frost mischievously drawing his fingers up and down the sides of her torso, nuzzling her neck with all the affection of a puppy. But upon noting her sudden silence, he turns his head around, and expresses almost exactly the same horrified expression upon seeing Sandy staring at them.

For a moment, there is silence, both parties gazing uncomfortably at each other, before Tooth hopefully offers: "It's not what it looks like?"

Sandy doesn't bother to answer, not even with his usual images. He closes his mouth, frowns at them, and with a flick of the wrist, the mast bends over, and the other two Guardians end up falling out of the nest over the side of the ship. Sandy watches them catch themselves and fly off, Tooth shouting back an apology, before he floats back down and reforms the steering wheel, shaking his head to clear his rather disturbed mind.

Okay, sure, everyone and their dog knew that Jack and Tooth were officially a pairing right now, sweet young (young as in metaphorically, of course) love abound. The two were such an adorable coupling, all giggles and tender touches and soft murmurs of affection, and Sandy heartily gave their relationship a thumbs up. Plus, Jack was a lot less likely to pull pranks on the other Guardians with Tooth keeping him in check, so all the better!

But this? Moon above, he'd just discovered the two getting frisky in his own Sand Ship! Again! Never mind North's complaints about those times he'd walked in on them in his office, or Bunny complaining of the duo kissing behind the Warren's bushes, using the Sand Ship as a personal love cruise was truly uncalled for! With a silent huff of annoyance, he steered the ship northwards, deciding that it was time to discuss with the other Guardians about this problem.

Something needed to be done about those two, and soon.

Pitch honestly has nothing to do. He is currently lounging on a chair formed of pure darkness in front of his Globe, glaring at the gleaming lights that signals yet another rotten child who thinks so highly of Santa Claus and eggs and nickels and snowballs and dreams and all that other rotten stuff. It's so immensely frustrating knowing that those damnable Guardians continue to thrive on belief, even that ignored snowman, and he's still stuck in the bowels of the Earth, lamenting his isolation.

Ever since he lost the War of Belief, he'd been stuck down here in his lair, licking his wounds, cursing the betrayal of the Nightmares and plotting revenge. Sure, it was bad enough that idiot Frost had preserved enough believers to allow the Guardians to retaliate, bad enough that the Sandman himself had returned and certainly bad enough that his own Nightmares turned on him, but now he was totally and utterly bored.

He'd probably thought up a hundred different plans of vengeance, but in his weakened state, none of them had a hope of working. He could barely muster enough strength to hide under beds and scared a few kids, let alone try again to overcome the Guardians and cement the world with fear. And it was really, really boring, just sitting here, willing himself to suddenly have the strength to make his desires a reality.

It wasn't fair, not fair at all. Jack Frost, also ignored, had turned his back on his generous offer and helped his enemies overcome his army, and now he rolling around as a new lackey of the Man in the Moon, while Pitch was again brushed under the rug. How come some stupid snowman got belief while the Nightmare King remained nothing more than a weakened shadow of the glory days?

He sighed and scratched his head in annoyance. Old Man Moony was probably laughing it up in his jolly satellite, laughing at the Boogeyman's misfortunate. Total and utter jerk, that's what he was-

Someone giggled.

He sat up in an instant, briefly dreading a rouge Nightmare or something, listening intently, but when all remained quiet, he relaxed and sagged back down. Probably his imagination. Or maybe he was going insane. The latter concept made him shudder; such a sophisticated and intelligent mind as he did not deserve insanity's cruel grip.

And then he heard something again, not a giggle, but what sounded like a weird wet noise. He was perplexed, and just a tad unnerved, before he stood up, formed a scythe out of darkness and slowly moved to track down the sound. He did not like weird noises in his own domain, unless he was the one making them.

Stalking down the numerous paths of his lair, he tracked that weird squeaky sloppy noise across the dark confines, his scythe ready in case it was some kind of blob monster. Not that he'd ever encountered one, but hey, anything was possible. Finally, he traced the noise, the disgusting and odd wet noise, to one of the old tunnels that served as exits from his lair and, gripping his scythe tightly and ready to swing it on a second's notice, he peered in to see what it was.

What he saw was arguably more terrifying and mind-wrecking than even a horde of the most savage Nightmares.

Jack Frost and the Tooth Fairy, the former pressing the latter against the wall, arms wrapped tightly around each other, and kissing each other with such immense passion that Cupid would explode if he could see this.

Pitch bluntly asked: "What the utter fu-"

He recoiled in pain when Tooth caught sight of him and gave out a horribly high-pitched squeal so loud it almost burst his ear-drums! Jack, on the other sound, did not seem at all perturbed by the interruption, backing away from Tooth as he adopted a confident swaggering pose. Aggravatingly, he seemed quite amused at Pitch's shock, and thus cheerfully announced: "Hey, Pitch! Would have let you know we were visiting but, you know, distractions."

Tooth shot a lethal glare at Jack, who saw it and quickly shut up, before she said: "Listen, Pitch, it wasn't what it looked like-"

"Why would you say that?! What are you even doing here?!" He hollered, incoherent with disbelief, rage and shock. "This is my lair! The lair of the Boogeyman, and you two are waltzing in and making out like it's a love nest! Why would you do this to me?! Why?! This is why we can't have nice things, you damn Guardians!"

Jack was laughing now, clutching his ever present staff for support, while the fairy sighed softly and asked: "Do you want us to leave?"

"No, I want you to redecorate the place. OF COURSE I WANT YOU TO LEAVE!"

"Okay, we're going!" The Guardian of Fun snickered. "Nice atmosphere you got here, Pitch. Very dark, quiet, good for a nice kissing session-"

"Jackson Overland Frost, don't be awkward." Tooth stated severely, cutting off both his taunt and what would have been a shrieking retort from the Boogeyman, and with that, she fluttered off, leading the snickering winter spirit away.

When they were gone, Pitch gave a shriek of frustration. Outrageous! Abominable! Cruel! As if it wasn't bad enough, all the sins they had committed against him, now they had to use his own lair as a make-out spot! The utter nerve! He bet that Jack Frost had formulated this plan, all just to mock him!

Honest to darkness, what an inconceivable jerk!

Taking a few moments to release his aggravation via childish stomping, angered rants and scratching his scalp, the Boogeyman finally calmed down enough to begin formulating some sort of retaliation. Those two were going to pay for such an atrocity, no matter what! But then, they would probably be expecting that, and he was is in no state to pick a fight with two Guardians.

So, Pitch decided that the road less taken would be the better path. Fading into the shadows, he slipped into the world of darkness, with one destination in mind.

If anyone was going to do something about those jerks, then it may as well be their very own comrades.

It wasn't long after an incoherent and furious Bunnymund had chased them out of the Warren that the Guardians of Fun and Memories founds themselves sitting on one of the edges of the Empire State Building, Jack admiring the glorious view of the shining city, the gleaming brightness contrasting with the night sky above, while Tooth was apparently deep in thought, cupping her face in her hands as she mused on something or other.

Finally, as Jack was chattering about a show he saw on a TV where weird pepper pot robots were hiding in the very building they were sat upon, the Fairy Queen sighed, turned to the other Guardians and stated: "I think we have a problem."

Stopping mid-speech, he turned his head towards her with a surprised expression, and she took the hint to elaborate: "As in, we seem incapable of doing more… passionate couple stuff without intruding in someone else's space first. It seems just a tad psychologically unsound, which sounds weird, I know, coming from me, the ever-lasting tooth collector, but still, you get my point."

Jack blinked once, twice, before he snickered, causing her to frown in slight annoyance at his lack of seriousness, the feathers on her head flicking up slightly in emphasis. Eventually, he stopped snickering to deliver his proper answer:

"That's hardly a problem, Tooth! It's just a bit of fun, they'll get over it."

"Yes, but-"

"Besides-" He insisted, leaning in and grinning naughtily at her, an expression that never failed to make her heart flutter. "-You love the thrill of it."

She couldn't deny that; impractical as it may seem with all the possibility of interruption, but her and Jack, heated and physical and tender, in such a daring location, gave her such a thrill of excitement beyond most anything she had encountered in all her centuries of life! It was a bad habit, one of the worst, but it was one that paid off with the sheer adrenaline rush.

Grinning at her flushed face and inability to retort, Jack sidled next to her, wrapping an arm around her as she abandoned the discussion and rested her head on his shoulder, murmuring: "Besides, it's not like they're all together discussing some fool-proof method to ward us off, right?"

Aware of the omnipresent threat of a jinx, Tooth promptly decided that pretty soon, Jack would learn just how much of a petty thing hindsight can be.

North paced to and fro before the fireplace, one hand stroking his beard in thought, the other arm around his back, an expression of deepest contemplation upon his face. Sandy, somewhat uncomfortably, hovered nearby, twiddling his fingers as he waited for the other Guardian to finally talk or something other than this pacing. Fortunately, he did not have to wait long, when North jerked to a stop and declared:

"I have it! I have great plan to stop Jack and Tooth intruding on our space for lovey-dovey naughty things!"

Sandy rolled his eyes. North's great plans were not always as great as he claimed, mostly for the overblown items required, the overzealous method desired and the inevitable exaggerated lamentation when the great plan ended up flopping. But at this point, he was willing to hear the other Guardian out.

But before North could relay this great plan to the Sandman, two things happened.

One, the Easter Bunny hopped into the room, visibly fuming, fur ruffled in agitation, and he reared to his full height and hollered: "You won't believe this! You will NOT believe this! I caught that darn Frostbite and freaking Tooth making out in the Warren behind my favourite bush! AGAIN! No matter how times I chase them out, no matter how many times I tell them to stop it, they just don't listen!"

And he leaned in close to Sandy and whispered: "Do you know what they were doing with some of my eggs?"

And two, Pitch suddenly materialised out of a shadow and asked: "Excuse me, is this is the place where I can relay complaints about love-struck Guardians using my own lair as a make-out spot? Because I would really like to relay complaints."

To his credit, North remained on topic and hardly perturbed by both Bunny's distress and the Boogeyman appearing right in front of him. While Sandy looked rather shocked, he simply declared: "Ah, Bunny, Pitch, latter I find highly annoying, just in time! I was about to tell great plan to stop Jack and Tooth disturbing innocent minds!"

"Is it as, quote unquote, great as the time you thought a giant frost dragon would solve global warming?"

"I thought we were agreeing NEVER to speak of that again!"

"Wait, what frost dragon?"

"Never mind, Pitch! This is greater plan by far, and will surely succeed in stopping Jack and Tooth misusing property! Come closer, valued comrades and ugly shadow guy, and I will tell!"

Thus, the other three moved closer to form a huddle around jolly old Saint Nick, and thus, the great plan was relayed, and soon to be put in action.

Retribution would be theirs!

Right after they had some cookies and egg nog.

Author's Notes: I doubt any great plan can stop the naughty shenanigans of a winter spirit and a hummingbird-hybrid, but hey, kudos to North for trying anyway, A for effort.