Chapter 1- Meet the Band

"John Egbert is dating a high schooler," John proudly announced, flopping on the couch and grabbing a slice of pizza.

"Fuck me sideways, everyone stop what you're doing," Karkat exclaimed, holding his hands up dramatically. "John's super interesting love life with his totally-real girlfriend is now the topic on the table."

"What table," dead-panned Rose, grabbing a slice of pizza herself. Their dinner- the barbecue chicken pizza- was currently balancing, the box on a beanbag that had been squished down and thrown in the middle of the room, as Gamzee didn't own a table, coffee or otherwise.

"She is real!" John insisted. "I met her on the bus last week." He grinned good-naturedly as he thought about it, his buck teeth showing.

"I always want to punch you when you make that goofy expression, " muttered Karkat, grabbing his own slice before their meal was gone. "Anyway, I was in the middle of talking about something slightly more important. The battle of the bands? Next week? Ring any bells, or do I need to write it down on my cock and slam my crotch into your face until you get the message?" John continued to space out, having missed all of that delightful exchange.

"I think you're coming on too strong, personally," quipped Rose with a snide look through her dark eyelashes. "But don't worry, we'll play." The grouchy teen looked around, giving up. Sometimes there was no getting through that thick numbskull of Johns.

"Gamzee, get your stoned ass out here, before the pizzas all gone!" A honking noise answered him from down the hall, but no one came out to eat. God damn juggalo.

"So John," Rose turned to the dark-haired boy, "How old are you now? Twenty-seven? Does it violate your code of ethics in any way to be dating someone 13 years younger than yourself?"

"Huh? Rose, cut that out, you know I'm twenty-three. Besides, she's seventeen."

"Is that so?" The blonde said nothing more on the subject, but John could feel her eyes judging him silently. Karkat stomped back into the room, having delivered his friends meal to his room for him.

"Why do you have to do that, anyway? Can't Gamzee just eat out here with us?"

"Not when he's in one of his moods." Karkat rolled his eyes. "The fuckass'll starve if someone doesn't hand it to him."

"I think it's sweet, the care you show for him." Rose smiled that little smile of hers as she drank her tea.

"Fuck you, fuck that sentiment, and fuck your tea," replied the short boy. "Anyway, I could use a laugh. John when do we get to meet this mystery jailbait you've been defiling?"

"I haven't defiled anything! We hugged once though. And soon! I invited her to come watch us practice tomorrow night."

"Good, we'll actually play something tomorrow then." Karkat nodded approvingly. "Stop me if we make any real progress or improve as a band, okay, I think the shock would blow our brains all over the wall."

"You didn't argue the 'jailbait' part," Rose pointed out, a smirk beginning to show on the edges of her lips. John slumped back on the couch. His friends really were the worst, they were having way too much fun with this. Not that he hadn't expected that.

"Her name is Kanaya and she is not jailbait, okay? Please be cool when she comes over, I don't want you guys scaring her with your fake meanness and jokey-jokerson ways."

"Did some motherfucker say jail?" a panicked voice cried out from the hallway, followed quickly by the shattering of glass and running footsteps.

"Did he just jump through his own window and escape the house?"

"... it would seem so." Karkat smacked his face into the palms of his hands, muttering obscenities under his breath. He knew who'd have to clean that up later. Well, as long as they were stuck watching Gamzee's home while he was out, they might as well try and get some practice in, right? Karkat turned to face his band members, one with a blank expression, reading some kind of shitty wizard fanfiction on her phone, the other gazing off into the distance like an airhead. Yeah, good luck with that. Something big needed to happen to get them serious about playing, he thought.

Little did he know, that something serious was headed their way all too soon.

Massive thanks to my friend Capo for the awesome cover art! This site is a butt to pictures but the original art is fantastic, trust me there.

Disclaimer: Homestuck and all of its characters belongs to Andrew Hussie, and for good measure Scott Pilgrim and that whole concept belongs to Bryan Lee O'Malley. This isn't strictly a cross over though, I'll be deviating from SP's plot occasionally to do things more in character for John and Karkat and the others. I will make a boat load of references though. Hope you guys like it, please let me know what you think, or if you have any requests/constructive criticisms!