Author's Notes: First off, I'm sorry for the incredibly long update. The FBI was hot on my tail from my infamous skyjacking and I had to lay low for a while. Ha-ha! No seriously, I really wasn't sure what to do with this story because of what happened in the beginning of season four, i.e. Beth and Carl didn't really get together and Beth kissed another guy (Zach). Other than that, this chapter takes place in the episode Welcome to the Tombs. Lastly (but not least) I have decided to add some more chapters to it.

The Girl I Love

By

D.B. Cooper

Chapter Twenty-One

My First Kill

Part One

The Governor was coming and so was his army. War was soon to be upon us. We all knew it. As if the walkers weren't bad enough to deal with.

I packed up my things and looked at my picture of mom. I ended it for you and now there are so many things left undone and unsaid. How I wish you were still alive. I miss you so much. Whatever happened between you and that a****** Shane was nothing. You didn't have to die, it happened because I f***** up.

Then I picked up my dad's sheriff badge and turned it over thoughtfully. I have the picture to remember mom and I have this to remember dad. He could very easily die today. We all could. Especially Beth. I love her g********; I'm not going to let that happen! Then I reached up, took my hat off the top bunk, and walked outside.

I passed Hershel putting down something on the table in the common room. "What are you leaving?" I asked instantly curious as always. From looking at it, I knew it was a Bible. Not the one Beth gave me, but Hershel's. "You're leaving that?" I asked, "I thought you read it all the time."

Hershel looked at me and smiled coldly. I know you fairly well and I've seen you when you're happy and when you're sad. You got angry with Beth and me already, but I've never ever seen you look like that. "Something for the Governor, I want him to see it." May I? I asked with a shake of my head. Hershel handed it to me and I read, And Shall come forth those that have done good, unto the resurrection of life, and those that have done evil onto the resurrection of damnation. Not bad. That's what's going to happen to the Governor. I'm sure of it.

"What do you think is going to happen today?" I asked Hershel plaintively. "How many of us are going to die?"

"I don't know Carl but I've prayed about it," he replied. "I know that you don't believe the way I do. We just have to do the best that we can that's all, but I won't lie to you I'm afraid. I wouldn't be human if I wasn't"

I stood there looking at him, wondering if I should tell him about what the deer told me. That Beth was going to die when the Governor came again and that I would have to kill somebody to save her. "May I please talk to you about something?" Hershel nodded and I began, "when mom died I did something bad. I left my berretta on the stairs in the common room, because of that she died. You and Beth could have died too. It was my fault. I made a mistake."

He looked at me for a time and said, "son, I've made a good many mistakes in my time. You will also in your life. The only thing you can do is not to repeat them." I nodded and we went outside.

"Carl," said dad as I helped Beth load the last of our goods in the car. I just blew him off. You won't let me stand and fight. I have to sit on the sideline like a little kid. I'm not anymore! I've been with a women and I've earned the right to be here.

From behind me, Glenn said, "I've never seen him this mad. Even with Lori. He just shut down."

I heard dad say to Glenn, "he's still a kid, it's easy to forget." I'm not a kid anymore! I've done as much as anyone else here and more than some! But right now I'm scared, I'm scared because of what the deer told me. I'm scared I might make another mistake.

We drove into the woods and I helped Beth and Hershel camouflage the car. From there we had a good view of the prison. I even climbed a tree to see if you could see us. A ray of sunlight reflected off the windshield of the car so I put more branches on it. Time seemed to crawl by. I checked and double-checked my Beretta to make sure it was fully loaded with a round in the chamber. This is the hardest part, the calm before the storm.

We didn't have long to wait. The governor's army announced its arrival by blowing up one of the guard towers. What is that? A bazooka? Two army trucks, an SUV, and a pickup truck roared into the compound. A large black man in one of the trucks shot up another guard tower with a machine gun as his comrades killed all of the walkers in the yard. Another guard tower blew up with a mighty boom as the army car with the machine gun in it hit the spikes. That'll knock it out of commission. One of the men was giving the others orders. That must be the Governor; Michonne said she took out one of his eyes.

The rest of them grouped up behind the SUV as it rammed through the gates. Soon they'll get ambushed. From where we were I couldn't see them once they went into the complex. Within a few minutes they were running out of the jail with Glenn and Maggie shooting at them the entire time. Ha-ha! You just got you're a**** kicked! One of the governor's soldiers jumped up on the army truck and tried to shoot the machine gun. He couldn't get it to fire. It was either jammed or our of ammunition. Is that Allen? How did he get there?

"I should be there." I whispered to myself. I shouldn't just be there; I need to be there.

I sensed movement coming toward us, before I heard it. Is it a walker? No, it's moving too fast. Get ready! This could be it! My heart was hammering a mile a minute, my pulse pounding in my ears.

A man stepped into our clearing and I had my silenced Beretta pointed directly at him before he even knew we were there. From a mile away I heard Hershel say, "Hand it over son." Everything seemed to slow down. My heart was thudding in my chest. Boom . . . Boom . . . Boom . . . The other guy said something and then he started coming toward me.

He's going to fire! He's going to kill Beth! Do it! For Beth, for Hershel, for Judith, for all of us; and I pulled the trigger. Phhhhhtttt! Take that you g****** son of a b**** m*****f*****! The bullet him in the left eye, blood and brains flew out the back of his head and he fell to the ground dead. So that's what it's like to kill a person. It doesn't bother me, it's a nothing thing.

From far overhead I heard a bird chirp. He's as dead as shoe leather! As I stood there looking down at him, I realized that he wasn't a man. He was just a kid, a few years older than I was. Hershel and Beth just stood there staring at me. "What did you do Carl?" Beth whispered, pain in her voice.

I turned around and said, "I did what I had to." Then I walked over and picked up his shotgun. Mine. Later on I sawed it off and kept it underneath my cot.

We waited a little while before we drove back in. I was on guard while Beth and Hershel sat in the car. I could feel their eyes on my back the whole time. I'll explain this to dad, he'll understand. We're at war with these people!