Gone, in under 10 minutes everything was gone. Memories swirled around Alec's mind like a group of moths, brushing their wings against him teasingly, never fully, just enough to leave him shivering.

Call me.

He gasped, remembering those words -the first words he'd every said to him- felt like a blow to the chest far more painful than any wound he has ever gotten fighting demons. Staggering into a wall, he slides down into a sitting position, knees tucked to his chest. He keeps repeating in his mind that he needs to get it together, right now. But how can he? His heart is breaking. How does one deal with heartbreak when you have never dealt with heartbreak such as this one before?

Now he understands why Izzy never let anyone close enough to break through her metaphorical emotional walls. His whole being seems to ache right down to feet. Guilt rushes over him, he has never felt this guilty before. Ever. Distantly he recognizes the rattling of pipes above him, the scurry of rats, the smell of grime and dirt. He's still in the abandoned subway station. Maureen is gone.

He breathes in shakily, running a hair through his hair. The smell of sandalwood assults his senses. His shirt clings to his top, damp with sweat dispite the coolness of the tiles pressed against him from below and behind.

He aches.

Sandalwood was always their smell. When he inhales the scent of sandalwood he thinks of Magnus.

Magnus.

Just the name makes his eyes water, two syllables and he can feel himself crumbling like an old building on fire. He breathes deeply in and out.

He regrets.

How could he have done that? How could he even considered taking away his love's immortality just for someone as simple as him? Self-hatred smothers him, he has ruined his first real relationship. He let himself get sucked in to Camille's manipulating ways. He should have known better. Should have turned down her offer and killed her when he got the chance, when she she was chained to a pole and had no means of escaping.

And now Magnus, his first kiss, his first everything, has walked away from him. Has told him to go back to their- his apartment, get his things and leave his key behind.

He picks himself up off of the cold wall. He didn't realise it until then but he can feel tears running down his face, making their way down his cheeks before dripping onto the green tiles. He sniffles and wishes he could be a better person. He has let so many people down.

And he hates himself for it.

He remembers.

Alec stands and stares at the apartment door, willing himself to go in but not having the strength to. He has gone through that door numerous times, but there has always been someone on the other side of it to greet him with kisses and terms of endearment. And, this may be the last time he ever goes in that apartment, the last time he ever gets to look at this door again.

So he stares.

After another 10 minutes of staring mindlessly at the door, he grasps the handle and turns it. The door swings open and he steps inside.

The first thing that hits him is the smell, sandalwood and some kind of fruity colonge. Always the same two smells but he never had appreciated it until now.

He takes it all in, after all this is the last time he'll ever be here. Magnus didn't want to see him ever again. His heart clenches.

He walks around the apartment aimlessly for about an hour. He's starting to feel numb and wonders if that is a good thing or a bad thing. He's glad he isn't crying, he has always hated crying. Shadowhunters aren't meant to cry.

He vaguely gets all of his things, his sweaters, ridden with holes, out of the closet. Magnus always complained about him needing new clothes. He sees one of his more nicer shirts near the corner of the room, looking like it was thrown over there carelessly and walks over to it, picking it up and running his hands over the fabric, remembering how it got to be where it was.

"Magnus.. I need to go." Alec gasped, as Magnus licked a line from his collarbone to his earlobe, before tugging on it lightly with his teeth. Alec whimpered quietly.

"Do you really, Alexander?" Magnus breathed in reply, his breath hot against Alec's ear.

Magnus and himself had just gotten back from a date, and Alec had opted to wear one of his nicest shirts. His boyfriend being the man he was, had told him all night how delicious he looked and that he couldn't wait to get back to their apartment. Alec had just blushed, secretly wishing the same thing.

But just as they were on their way up the stairs, he got a call from Isabelle, telling him there was a demon spotted in an alley near Central Park. Sighing a little at not getting to spend time with the warlock he loved, he told her he would be there in 10 minutes, tops.

The thing was Magnus didn't want the night to end on that note. As soon as they were in the apartment he had pushed Alec up against the door and promptly started kissing his neck, leaving Alec with a little problem, well two 'little' problems.

"Yeah.. I..Uh..Need to go.." Alec stuttered, as Magnus's hands ran up and around his torso, rucking up his shirt before his hands wandered up, touching his skin lightly.

"But the night is still young, why leave?" The warlock stated, while pushing himself closer to Alec. He had stopped kissing his neck but now he had Alec pinned with his eyes. His pupils dilated as he saw Alec bite his lip and arch into his hands that were roaming his abdomen lightly.

"Because.." Alec managed to struggle out. "There's a demon and Izzy can't go alone."

Magnus tilted his head to the side. "She has Jace."

Alec whined softly as he felt Magnus's hips slide teasingly agaisnt his. His boyfriend just smirked.

"But.. but.." Alec tried to think of a comeback but what Magnus had said was true. Jace was there. Why call Alec when they were both perfectly capable?

The warlock leaned in, pressing their foreheads together. Breathing against his lips, "I promise you'll like it."

Alec shivered. Oh he knew he would.

His eyes slid shut languidly, before he heaved out a sigh of defeat. "Quickly."

Alec felt Magnus grin and suppressed the urge to grin back.

"Whatever you want, darling."

Alec smiled softly as he felt Magnus's hand cup his cheek gently, his thumb caressing his lips lightly.

His boyfriend abrupty stepped back, making Alec's eyes open, albeit sluggishly, he was still caught up in a tide of love, lust and comfort. Cat like green-gold eyes met blue and Magnus winked before walking gracefully to the bedroom.

Alec practically skipped after him.

Coming back to himself, he stares mindlessly at the top in his hands, thrown in the corner when passion had consumed them both. They hadn't cared about clothes in that particular moment.

Detached he throws it back in the corner he doesn't want that top anymore.

He swiftly gathers everything that was his but stops at the blue scarf they had once quarreled about. It seemed like such a stupid thing to fight about now, insignificant.

But he had cared at the time. Sick of feeling left out of the loop that was Magnus' past. Sick of feeling as if he was just another love, something that could easily be forgotten about given 200 more years. Sick of feeling trivial. No matter what Magnus said, he could've said that he wasn't trivial 1000 times it still wouldn't have changed the fact that Magnus had been with 200 people and poor old Alec had only been with one.

He looks at the scarf, still numb. Technically it wasnt his, so how could he take it. He couldn't so he didn't.

He has everything in that belongs to him in his arms. Well, except his shirt but he doesn't want that anymore.

Stopping at the kitchen, he digs around in his pockets for the key. The key he was given by his boyfriend, so that he could stay at his house whenever he wanted. He feels cold all over. He feels hot all over. He feels like a mess.

He finds it and grips it tightly. This is it.

He slides it onto the counter, his hands are shaking. This is it.

He doesn't know what else to do so he gets a piece of paper and a pen and writes the first thing that comes to mind. This is it.

I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. I'm sorry I hurt you.

-Alec

Then he leaves. Tears sliding down his cheeks, sobs escaping his mouth. But inside he still doesn't feel anything. Numb.

This is it.

A/N: Wow I feel sad now. Anyway, I may make a sequel to this where Alec drunk dials Magnus but it really depends on if I feel motivated. Ugh anyway feedback means alot so review away Malec shippers!